OK, I’m going to step out on a limb here. I’m sure I’ll be accused of stretching Scripture, even though that’s not my intent. I just want to challenge you to think about something…
I’ve enjoyed your recent comments on the last post. I mentioned in that post that I would discuss the “offense” we are doing to children by not being bold enough to say that Mom has a serious obligation to her home. Bear with me as I flesh out another tragic and urgent situation as a result of mother’s forsaking the care of family and home…
You are all familiar with the frightening passage of Scripture in Matthew 18:
“Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. But whoever
shall offend one of these little ones who believe in Me, it would be better for
him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of
the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe
to that man by whom the offense comes!”
I don’t know about you, but I’ve always thought of such heinous things as child-molesters and such when I think of this passage. But as I thought more about it, I wondered if offending children can happen in much more subtle, non-intentional ways. So I looked up both the Greek meaning of the word “offend”, and the meaning in the dictionary. This is what I found:
According to the Greek word, “offend” simply means to “trip up or cause to
stumble”.According to the dictionary, “offend” means “to cause difficulty,
discomfort or injury. Offend need not imply an intentional hurting, but it
may indicate merely a violation of the victim’s sense of what is proper or
fitting.
Isn’t that interesting? Have you ever seen a baby ripped out of its mother’s arms by a “stranger” who will be caring for it the rest of the day? Talk about a “violation of a victim’s sense of what is proper”!
Without saying it emphatically, I am wondering what your thoughts are on the possibility that women who choose to leave their children with someone else while they pursue a career might be offending their little ones?
How could leaving a child in the care of someone else cause offense? What if that someone else is a grandmother or a sweet, caring daycare worker?
Without opening every scenario possible (i.e. “if it weren’t for my grandmother, I would have not been taken care of, etc.), let’s suffice it to say that a basic principle we have overlooked (and women are being convinced to supress) is that when a child is born, there is an innate need within him to be with his mom–a lot. He needs to be nursed from her breast, fed from her hand, cuddled in her arms, sung to by her voice–he needs her to care for his basic needs and this creates a sense of security that is otherwise diminished.
And when the child is just a few months old, that child can be actively trained…trained to be quiet, to be still, to control his crying, etc. These early training sessions are CRUCIAL. They pave the way for more character training that is so missing among most children today.
(And as a personal note…I left my first-born son for two years while I taught school. When I quit my job and came home, this two-year old had so much anger, I believe, because of the mere insecurity of constantly-changing expectations. It was a nightmare, and I still grieve over the damage done to him.)
This training is tedious, and time-consuming. Very few caretakers (even most grandparents) are going to take the time and energy to engage in this difficult work. And even if they do, it is still starkly different than that of a parent’s training. Because if this child isn’t learning, early on, what is expected from him by his mother, there is an absence of honor that will prevail. And that absence of honor, dear friend, is an offense indeed!
To fail in this area, in my opinion, is to cause tremendous stumbling in the character and life of a child. If he misses these early lessons in discipline, self-control, and even just missing the security of home and a mother’s love, he ventures on into life impaired. Just observe children who are entering the adult phase of life, who have missed this training. They make lousy employees, lousy students, and lousy citizens. They are an offense!
Now I’m aware I’m making some blanket statements, as I must when addressing “issues” as opposed to individual circumstances. We all know children who didn’t have parental involvement growing up, who grew up to be fine individuals. Grace often overcomes the direst of circumstances. (And I would hate to ignore the mother who feels trapped in her circumstances, with no option but leaving a child with someone else.) Again, we are addressing the cultural trend that says Mom should be free to leave home and pursue a career if she wants, and the abiding notion that she is not doing any harm in the process. The overall effects to our society of children whose training is being abandoned cannot be denied.
Are we offending them? Are they growing up to stumble because of their lack of self-control, lack of honor for authority, lack of discipline in the behaviors of life, and an overall insecurity that impairs their entire outlook on life?
Having a millstone hung around the neck before being thrown into the depths of the sea is no small matter…should we reconsider this issue more deeply?
