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OK, I’m going to step out on a limb here. I’m sure I’ll be accused of stretching Scripture, even though that’s not my intent. I just want to challenge you to think about something…
I’ve enjoyed your recent comments on the last post. I mentioned in that post that I would discuss the “offense” we are doing to children by not being bold enough to say that Mom has a serious obligation to her home. Bear with me as I flesh out another tragic and urgent situation as a result of mother’s forsaking the care of family and home…
You are all familiar with the frightening passage of Scripture in Matthew 18:
“Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. But whoever
shall offend one of these little ones who believe in Me, it would be better for
him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of
the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe
to that man by whom the offense comes!”
I don’t know about you, but I’ve always thought of such heinous things as child-molesters and such when I think of this passage. But as I thought more about it, I wondered if offending children can happen in much more subtle, non-intentional ways. So I looked up both the Greek meaning of the word “offend”, and the meaning in the dictionary. This is what I found:
According to the Greek word, “offend” simply means to “trip up or cause to
stumble”.According to the dictionary, “offend” means “to cause difficulty,
discomfort or injury. Offend need not imply an intentional hurting, but it
may indicate merely a violation of the victim’s sense of what is proper or
fitting.
Isn’t that interesting? Have you ever seen a baby ripped out of its mother’s arms by a “stranger” who will be caring for it the rest of the day? Talk about a “violation of a victim’s sense of what is proper”!
Without saying it emphatically, I am wondering what your thoughts are on the possibility that women who choose to leave their children with someone else while they pursue a career might be offending their little ones?
How could leaving a child in the care of someone else cause offense? What if that someone else is a grandmother or a sweet, caring daycare worker?
Without opening every scenario possible (i.e. “if it weren’t for my grandmother, I would have not been taken care of, etc.), let’s suffice it to say that a basic principle we have overlooked (and women are being convinced to supress) is that when a child is born, there is an innate need within him to be with his mom–a lot. He needs to be nursed from her breast, fed from her hand, cuddled in her arms, sung to by her voice–he needs her to care for his basic needs and this creates a sense of security that is otherwise diminished.
And when the child is just a few months old, that child can be actively trained…trained to be quiet, to be still, to control his crying, etc. These early training sessions are CRUCIAL. They pave the way for more character training that is so missing among most children today.
(And as a personal note…I left my first-born son for two years while I taught school. When I quit my job and came home, this two-year old had so much anger, I believe, because of the mere insecurity of constantly-changing expectations. It was a nightmare, and I still grieve over the damage done to him.)
This training is tedious, and time-consuming. Very few caretakers (even most grandparents) are going to take the time and energy to engage in this difficult work. And even if they do, it is still starkly different than that of a parent’s training. Because if this child isn’t learning, early on, what is expected from him by his mother, there is an absence of honor that will prevail. And that absence of honor, dear friend, is an offense indeed!
To fail in this area, in my opinion, is to cause tremendous stumbling in the character and life of a child. If he misses these early lessons in discipline, self-control, and even just missing the security of home and a mother’s love, he ventures on into life impaired. Just observe children who are entering the adult phase of life, who have missed this training. They make lousy employees, lousy students, and lousy citizens. They are an offense!
Now I’m aware I’m making some blanket statements, as I must when addressing “issues” as opposed to individual circumstances. We all know children who didn’t have parental involvement growing up, who grew up to be fine individuals. Grace often overcomes the direst of circumstances. (And I would hate to ignore the mother who feels trapped in her circumstances, with no option but leaving a child with someone else.) Again, we are addressing the cultural trend that says Mom should be free to leave home and pursue a career if she wants, and the abiding notion that she is not doing any harm in the process. The overall effects to our society of children whose training is being abandoned cannot be denied.
Are we offending them? Are they growing up to stumble because of their lack of self-control, lack of honor for authority, lack of discipline in the behaviors of life, and an overall insecurity that impairs their entire outlook on life?
Having a millstone hung around the neck before being thrown into the depths of the sea is no small matter…should we reconsider this issue more deeply?
14 comments
I too do not think this is a blanket statement issue, BUT…it is an issue that is ignored, glossed over, minimized and distorted. Children clearly ARE being negatively impacted by the disintegration of the traditional family unit (one man married to one woman, where traditional roles and responsibilities fit perfectly together to the benefit of every individual in the home).
I learned this lesson not by choice (I thought I HAD to keep working; I convinced myself of that fact). Rather, circumstances forced me to quit my job (thank you, Lord) and I was thus forced to view my personal choices from the other side of the fence, from home. HOW MANY LIES I believed about women and what we SHOULD be doing and what we’re entitled to, etc. I am so very, very grateful that God made it impossible for me to keep working. The transition to home took several years (and it was difficult for me to find peace and purpose initially). Looking back, I was so deceived. I am soooo glad to be a SAHM/SAHW. There is GREAT purpose in my role and much significant, rewarding, purposeful work to be done (and not enough hours in the day to do it, lol).
Blessings,
~Toni~
That is interesting, W.W. I always thought of that passage as referring to new Christians, distracting them from the truth and deterring them from the Christian walk, but I guess it also can be speaking of children and offence in the ways you suggested.
I think the decision comes once again to priorities and vision. Our priority should be to honour our heavenly Father before seeking our own. (I suspect we aren’t even supposed to be seeking our own.) Because He has made us female, He has given us a place in the world which we should respectfully fill. It is dishonouring to Him if we act like men and compete with men, when He has another purpose for us. It is rebellion and disobedience, trying to deny or change what God has already done.
The other aspect to this is that women who work in the place of men do not share the heavenly vision. If women could see that honouring God first will ultimately give them their greatest glory, they would see that choosing to forego a career for staying home will bring more blessing than the career could, in many ways. His ways are higher than ours, and He is the omnipotent One, the One with the plan that cannot fail. Why should we choose to do otherwise? It is always best to follow His lead. Since He has cut the pattern already, that is, made us female, then we should follow what His desire is for us. We are to be help-meets for our husbands, teachers and nurturers for our children, and keepers of our homes. If we do not do that full time, some one else has to.
-B.
Word Warrior, I think it is a little interesting that you would call yourself such and them admittedly “step out on a limb” with Scripture. I think that we need to be very careful about knowingly taking Scripture out of context, especially when it is to beat up others about an area that you may feel you are superior to others in.
Goodbye “Word Warrior”, I will spend my time reading those who don’t take Scripture so lightly.
I HATED daycare!!! I am so put off by people who cannot “afford” to stay home with their children because of what luxuries they would not have. I have a friend that is such minded. If my husband and I did it on $23,000 year and with a $900+ house payment almost anyone can. It is just a matter of priorities.
My brother allows his wife to put their children in daycare even though she was not working. I certainly did not agree with that, but my other snl said perhaps she is better there than with what little attention she would get at home.
Not sure about the disattached parent, esp. a mom.
Anon,
I would encourage you to carefully re-read my post, and consider your accusation of my “stretching the Scriptures”. I do not “admit” to a stretchng of Scriptures; I admit to the fact that I’m writing about something that will inevitably cause me accusation of such.
My object is to challenge you, and myself, to always seek to divide the word of truth, probing the Scritures, trying to understand the application for our lives.
I make no apologies for pointing out that the acceptance of mothers choosing to abandon the natural design of training and nurturing their children, leaving them in the care of someone else in order to pursue their own interests, is a clear “offense”, on many levels. Scripture says, “do not offend the children”…i.e. do not hurt or violate them.
One cannot deny the hurt–the offense, occuring in our young people because of the basic neglect of a mother’s tender and constant care.
I cannot see that as a stretching of the Scriptures; I see it as a fact.
Sorry to offend. And, by the way, I do not “beat up people”. I do not aim my convictions and thoughts toward anyone personally, nor do I feel superior, by any means. I strive to address issues I believe are detrimental to the family, precisely because I care about people. That is my only motive.
Thank you for your words of wisdom. Like many of your other readers, I am coming to an understanding of this concept at a later date than I’d prefer. We-dh and I-are working to understand what the scriptures tell us in this area right now. I don’t believe it is a “coincidence” that I found your entry today.
Thank you, again.
Tracy in NC
Kelly, I’m sorry you feel the need to apologize so much for stating something so true and natural: children need their Moms. Period. When Mom works all day long, children don’t actually have their Moms. I hardly think much spiritual pondering and research is needed to see this simple and aggravating truth. Don’t be afraid to ruffle someone’s feathers.
Anna S.,
Your encouragement is VERY much appreciated (and needed!)
Word Warrior,
I found a link to your blog from Mrs. Brigham’s blog, and I am so glad that I found this!
You know, I believe that this is not a blanket statement either. I believe that telling our yong children, showing them, and living out a life that is obviously opposing what God clearly states in His Word to be His design for families.. this is CERTAINLY leading them astray.
I find it so confusing at times that people do not recognize the significance of a mother at home. The family unit is the bedrock of a nation, whether for better or worse. Sadly, our nation at it’s current state is on a “bedrock” of slippery sand, wasting away at each passing wave of evil satan throws upon us.
It is good to know that the Lord gives us strength, we can be bold and stand in the face of those that oppose His Word (sadly, even Christians, when it comes to family structure), and He will be victorious!
I have used this Scripture, as well, to point to why smoking cigerettes is a sin (among other reasons), as it is proven in studies that children with one or more parent that smokes is FAR more likely to smoke than a child from a non-smoking home.
But that is a slightly different matter!
Thank you so much. I will certainly be coming back here for more refreshment, encouragement, and challenge. God’s blessings to you!
-Mrs. Gunning
Hi Kelly,
This is a great post, and very thought provoking!
I know several women who would be able financially to stay home and be a SAHM, but “choose” to work. When I was still working out of the home (I HAD to at the time as DH’s business was losing money, long story), and sitting at my desk in tears because I missed my kids, she made the comment that “Oh, my hubby told me I could stay home if I wanted to, since most of my check just goes for daycare. But then we’d have to sell the nice van and get a cheaper car, and I’d have no social outlet. I’d go nuts!”
Another coworker’s husband told her after their baby was born that she could stay home, but they would have to downsize their home a bit and cut back on things like vacations and expensive clothes, etc. Her comment? “I’m going back to work!”
This makes me so SAD. I am now able to work at home and be here with my daughter, who is 14 months and never been to daycare. I remember my oldest was 9 when I was able to stay home. He used to run home from school and hug me every day! My middle who is 9 now, doesn’t remember daycare.
I am NOT saying (and I know you aren’t either) anything negative to women who HAVE to work in order to pay the bills. I know many women who would love to quit their jobs but absolutely cannot, for various reasons.
Well, I sure blabbed on and on! Not much adult companionship this week, just the baby and the dog to talk to most of the time. I sure enjoy your blog — Lisa
Kelly, You know what I agree with you on your interpretation of the Bible verse you quoted. I always knew that “offend” meant to cause to stumble.
This issue here is are moms, especially those who could be home and choose to work outside the home, causing their little ones to stumble? I think they are. I know so many women who can be at home but won’t be at home with their children.
I personally don’t understand this. Children who have a mom at home do so much better in all areas of life. And not just children but kids and teens still need a mom at home to be there and watch out for them.
With the blessing of having children comes the responsibility of caring for them. That we think God would not hold us accountable is crazy.
Kelly
Well said, Kelly.
That’s really the crux…insted of splitting hairs over exactly who this verse mentions (because it is not specific as to what offense or offender), I think we can, with a clear-conscience say “The Bible says do not offend the little ones”…and contend that to neglect their basic training, purposely, is to offend!
Women don’t want to hear it, but that doesn’t change the truth.
OK, I’m reading this about moms leaving their kids in day care, etc. and do you know what I’m thinking? It isn’t even about the Bible verse, but…
If you take a job, that is your JOB and while you are on the JOB you should not be pre-occupied with your children – please do your JOB!
This is why I HATED having younger married ladies teaching my sons when they were in elementary school. Inevitably they would either have young kids or get pregnant and take six weeks off in the middle of the school year.
OK, I’m harsh. Either stay with the job and be a real working woman or DON’T. Please don’t do a job halfway and then expect people to take feminism seriously. Please.
Mind you, I’m pregnant and will be taking some time off homeschooling the younger boys in the middle of the school year LOL! I know I can make up for lost time in the summer, or do extra hours now to prepare… *BUT* no-one can say that I am not completely committed to “this job.” I might not do it as well as a lot of other people, but I DO do my best and I’m glad that my husband has made staying at home possible for me. And I thank God for my husband’s job too. :]
Mrs. C.
Dear Kelly,
I know that you have tonnes to do as a Mom but I was wondering if you could give me some advice.
I have a 5 month old who cries a lot if he doesn’t have my attention. In this article, you say that a child of only a few months can be trained in basic character.
I was wondering if you could pass on to me any tips you have in this area. He is my first and so I don’t have much experience in this area, and I feel pretty helpless!
With love,
Sarah
London
UK
saharamads@hotmail.com