There is a cultural epidemic killing us (in the name of making us healthy). It’s the notion that you shouldn’t feel bad, no matter what. Feeling bad is the ultimate terrible thing, and we must eradicate all its roots. This ideology is also what causes such hostility to Christianity, but I digress.
We have pain sensors in our limbs and they cause us to hurt when we are injured. And though the pain isn’t pleasant, it is absolutely necessary for the health of the body. If we could alleviate the pain so that we could do whatever we want without feeling the consequences, it might sound nice, but it would have devastating results for the body. So it is with our lives; there is a time when “feeling bad” about something is the catalyst that brings healthy change.
One example is a recent pro-choice agenda to “Shout Your Abortion,” an attempt to normalize the murder of the unborn. Forget tearfully deciding to kill your unborn child because you feel desperate, even though you know it’s wrong. That’s so last decade. You shouldn’t feel bad at all. And once it is normalized completely, efforts to stop the genocide will die as well. That is an extreme example, but the same principles apply everywhere.
Some things just are better than others, and even if you have to partake in the lesser, it behooves us to be honest about that. Breast feeding IS healthier than formula. It’s OK if you have to use formula. Your baby will be fine. But it’s not honest to deny the benefits of breast milk over formula.
As a working mother when my children were young, I was fully aware that leaving my babies was not ideal. I never pretended it was. Most of us don’t try to convince ourselves that fries are just as healthy as carrots; they’re not. We are a society who hates to feel like we are making a wrong or even lesser choice, so we justify, sometimes even to the point of insanity (#shoutyourabortion) .
I’ve been thinking about this since I read a comment on a friend’s facebook page. The commenter was defending her choice of daycare with this:
“I grew up poor and I’d much rather give my kids the things they need than have them grow up poor, home with mom like I did.”
Two things:
I would be willing to bet, this gal in America, did not grow up poor. I don’t doubt maybe her parents weren’t able to buy everything she wanted, but I’d put my money on the fact that she was fed, housed and clothed. Very few Americans grow up truly poor, and here’s the cool thing about kids: they mostly don’t even know. Not when they are young. By American standards, I grew up poor. I feel I had one of the richest childhoods imaginable, full of incredible memories and experiences. I never thought for a second we were poor. But my parents couldn’t even buy us insurance until I was 17. (We were in ministry.)
On paper, we have been “poor” most of our married lives. My children have exceedingly above all their needs met with plenty of extra to boot. They are happy and well-adjusted and if anything, far better off for our not buying them everything they ever wanted.
It makes us feel better to say we are “giving our kids more” but really, that’s not what makes healthy kids.
Secondly, research has consistently been clear that actually it is better for small children to have mom be their primary care giver if possible.
Sometimes daycare is necessary. I’m not denying that. Sometimes financial situations absolutely require it to live. No argument there. I’m certainly not saying a mother should feel like a bad mother if she absolutely has to put her child in daycare. But we can still be honest about the fact that it isn’t the BEST scenario. When we deny reality to convince ourselves that what we are doing is just as good when it’s not, it causes us to fail to strive for the better thing. To self-preserve.
If I’m convinced fries are just as healthy as carrots, I have stopped even the possibility of a journey of health and have given in to a junk food diet, convinced I’m going to be just as well off. Do you see? If I convince myself that debt is just as good as paying cash, will I ever strive toward financial health?
Let’s be strong enough and smart enough to admit when something is less than ideal, in order to work toward what is better.