It inevitably comes up, whenever there is a discussion of birth control, the question of the rare cases…the cases where the mother is sick, or has been told if she gets pregnant her child will be born with a birth defect, or some similar hardship.
Please understand, that I want to be sensitive to those who have gone through, or are going through such circumstances. At the same time, I feel it worthy of discussion, because, like so many other areas, our thinking can so easily get tainted by the world’s message, or just from our own sin nature.
This whole birth control issue really comes down to trusting in God’s sovereignty. If we are not careful, we can totally lose the real focus of children, life, and the sacredness of God’s hand. Children are not for the purpose of making us happy, or comfortable, or any other selfish gain, although God is gracious to allow us to partake of many personal gains and joys of our children. Understanding that dramatically changes our whole view of the womb. Children, like any other area of God-breathed institutions (marriage, etc.) are to make us holy…they are for the purpose of glorifying the Creator…and only He can decide just how that is to be accomplished. That’s the beauty of giving Him charge over the womb…we can be fully confident that whatever He brings is His perfect plan.
Whether it’s the possibility of a birth defect, financial hardship, persecution from family members, etc., our limited human wisdom just cannot possibly ascertain the future; we don’t have enough information, regarding the present, future or eternal purposes of God to make decisions about what lives should be allowed to live and what lives should be prevented.
It’s a multi-pronged thinking process:
- Are my reasons for “exercising wisdom” in preventing a child rooted in selfishness? (i.e. “this will be hard”…”this will cost money”…”this will make people talk about us”…”this will prevent me from pursuing something I want”…”this will cost me emotionally”…)
- God delights in demonstrating His power through weakness (“for when I am weak, He is strong”.) If we go around trying to prevent hardships in our lives, going to the degree of surgically dismantling our bodies because we think we know better about conception, I submit that we could be guilty of thwarting the very plans of God in our lives…robbing ourselves of blessing…dwarfing the spiritual growth that could have been ours. Perhaps the hardest thing for us to swallow as believers is, God cares more about our souls than He does our physical comfort. I don’t mean that He desires us to be miserable, physically; I simply mean that often the path He chooses for us may not be the one we would have chosen for ourselves…but we can be sure, that if we are being obedient, whatever path He chooses is His perfect will, and will ultimately fulfill His perfect purposes in our lives. (“Straight is the way, and difficult is the path that leads to life; and few there be that find it.”)
- We must guard our thinking concerning birth defects, illness, etc. It is the Margaret Sanger camp, Planned Parenthood, and the euthanasia mindset that insist the world be rid of “the weaker ones”. And that frightening mentality is gaining popularity, already causing millions of deaths of aged citizens with illness, abortions of children detected to have birth defects, and other horrendous atrocities. You may not believe it, but I have read stories of mothers who aborted their babies who were discovered by ultrasound to have an extra finger! If we begin preventing children just to avoid possible abnormalities, we fall dangerously close to the school of thought just described.
- And again, do we really believe in the sovereignty of God? Moses’ mother did; if ever there was a time in history where a couple could have been justified for making a “wise” decision to prevent pregnancy, surely it was during Moses’ time. The people were poor, oppressed, and now Pharaoh had given the order to kill all the males under two years of age. What was she thinking getting pregnant at such a time??? And yet, consider the marvelous miracle of Moses’ life, and nothing more needs to be said. If God is truly sovereign, He knows all about me, what I “can handle”, what the future holds, and everything in between. Can I not rest in that?
Sometimes I think we forget who “causes children”. Maybe if we could just wrap our brain around that one concept…”I do not choose to have a baby; I can only choose not to have one.” It is God that allows life to spring forth from the womb.
We would do well, too, to consider more recent examples of God’s sovereignty. Beethoven, many of you know, was the fifth child born to a mother with Tuberculosis. ALL of her prior 4 children had severe birth defects. Surely, four handicapped children born in a row would have been reason to practice “wisdom” and restrain from having more! But what the world would have missed (and no doubt those parents!) The world is full of such examples…we simply do not know what the Lord is going to do with the next life!
This post is for the purpose of causing you to think…really think. I guess you know by now, my favorite phrase is “slippery slope”. How easily our thinking can lead us in the wrong direction! We must keep a close check. That’s why I write on this blog…not to anger people, or to judge motives, or to make people feel guilty. I simply desire to kindle a burning passion for finding the truth, regardless of our cultural persuasions.
And I close with this incredible story, sent by a reader, Daja, a few weeks ago, as an example of how puny, and untrustworthy our “wisdom” can be. Click the link to read this heart-warming miracle…
14 comments
Again, you’ve done a wonderful job of causing each reader to think more deeply about these tough matters. I cannot tell you how many stories I’ve read just like the ones you mention in the post. It’s very sad and burdensome. I appreciate the time you take to lay all of these issues out and your humbleness in doing so.
Sonya,
I SO appreciate those kind words! I always pray that I would be able to speak what’s on my heart without offending, or hurting others…it’s a hard thing to accomplish when subjects as touchy as these are being discussed. I appreciate your encouragement!
I found an article a couple of months ago which just broke my heart. If I can find it, I’ll send it to you. Basically, it was a medical study that found that 90% of pregnancies in which the child was found to have Down Syndrome were aborted. There is now a campaign of current parents of Down babies who are worried that their children will not find mates. The idea is that all these Down children are “silently disappearing.”
What a horrific tragedy!!
I’ve heard it said that the Civil War was a reckoning for this nation’s toleration of slavery. I wonder what sort of reckoning will come for our nation’s toleration of abortion?
I recently wrote a post on this topic as I have been thinking a lot about it lately. When I first trusted my fertility to God, I pretty much allowed His blessings of children to become an idol to me and did not fully realize that He may have purposes for me that may not be a large family or many children here on earth. It was not until I had a miscarriage, followed our daughter’s premature birth, that this really really hit home to me. We said goodbye to our third baby two weeks ago after I again had an early miscarriage, so yet again the reality of God’s authorship of my life, not my own plans, comes painfully front and center in my life again. Trusting God can be a difficult and tea filled journey at times, but no matter what my mind might think, trusting Him is the only way to live out my life in all areas.
Worries about finances and seeing God’s Hand take care of us is something that I have had a lot of experience with and have been just amazed at what our Shepherd will do for His children during their times of need. I went through a time when I only had a package or two to eat every day, had an eviction notice on my door, was facing the possibility of my utilities being turned off in the winter cold and was less than $20 away from homelessness, all while working four jobs between two people. God not only did not let me lose my shelter or go hungry, but He also made me realize that I was defeated without Him, thus marking my journey back to Him and out of the openly sinful lifestyle I was leading. Even now we are not “well off”, but we have enough not just for us, but to help others too. We have seen God’s Hand in many gifts and items we have received over the past few years from people who do not even know us, but know my parents or grandparents. We have hardly bought an item for our home or baby items thanks to so much generosity and I credit this all to God watching over us and knowing what we exactly what we need. He really does take care of His children and is always faithful to us, though we may not always be faithful to Him!
Thank you for sharing all of your thought-provoking posts, Word Warrior. Reading your blog is always such a “mental workout” for me. :o) Many blessings!
Along the lines of Elizabeth’s comment…doctors are now required to offer every pregnant woman a test that checks for birth defects. The biggest problem with that is, according to my own doctor who loathes the test, it is not even 50% accurate. My dr. looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “women are aborting perfectly healthy babies all the time, because of the inaccuracy of that test”.
And even the test itself presumes that a couple would not want their baby if it were not “normal”.
I don’t think I’m being sarcastic when I say that we’re not too far from the horrors of genetic selection (we already practice genetic engineering), when a parent may decide he doesn’t want a conceived child because the IQ isn’t high enough, or whatever ridiculous standard isn’t met.
Remember the slippery slope? We don’t just arrive at these absurd practices overnight…it starts with a much more subtle, “harmless” chain of thought like preventing a child because of possible defects. THINK!
And thank you so much, Mrs. Brigham, for sharing your experience…we too have had the blessing of watching our Heavenly Father provide for our daily needs…what some would call a burden that needs to be prevented (i.e. not have any more children if you can’t “afford” them), has turned out to be one of the biggest blessings as we and our children have had our faith strengthend by being forced to trust Him completely.
That was great, Kelly you are truly gifted with words! I’m new to reading your blog and really enjoy it.
When I found myself unexpectedly pregnant at age 42 in late 2005, my OB offered me all kinds of tests. Blood tests, quad screenings, ultrasounds, level 2 ultrasounds, amniocentesis. She asked my husband and I over and over, “Are you SURE you don’t want the tests?” (We chose only to have a routine ultrasound.) “Are you SURE you don’t want an amnio? Are you ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE you wouldn’t abort if your child has Down syndrome?” She wanted me to know I had a 1 in 50 chance of having a child with a chromosomal abnormality. By the way, what most people don’t realize is that I stil had a 98% chance of a healthy baby!! Anyway, we were very adamant that no, we would not abort and were trusting in God and His will.
I was also warned that some of the blood tests would come back abnormal just because of my age.
On researching this, it’s true that women are aborting at 12 or 14 weeks because of an “abnormal” test (which is NOT accurate) and a “chance” their baby MAY have a chromosomal abnormality. It truly is tragic.
Also, on researching pregnancy over 40, many women my age when faced with an unexpected pregnancy immediately go off to have an abortion! One woman stated “Well, I don’t want to have to deal with a teenager at age 60!” That made me CRY.
I had a beautiful, healthy daughter on 06/28/2006. She’s a handful — having a girl after two boys (ages 9 and 17) is definitely lots of fun! She is a true blessing.
Oh — and in case anyone is wondering — we did not plan to space out our kids all these years apart. That was definitely God’s doing too!
Lisa–your story is so inspiring!!! Thanks for sharing…and I do think women need to hear about these inaccuracte tests and unfounded pressure to stop having children after a certain age, etc.
I make the point again…God created the reproductive system. To say you shouldn’t have a baby over a certain age because of health risks is like saying that God is not a perfect Creator, doesn’t know what He’s doing, and made a horrible mistake by allowing older women to conceive.
It grieves me that the medical community is so anti-child in their leading women to be so fearful of child-bearing.
I love hearing about all you women around the country who are embracing the sovereignty of God over the womb!
How inspiring, Kelly! As I’m not married yet, our decision not to use any form of birth control is usually not taken seriously. ‘Oh, you’ll change your mind after your first child!’ – but we are wholeheartedly set on letting God control the size of our future family. Which goes both ways. I’d LOVE to have many, many children – but if He doesn’t give us any, so be it. By the way, I’d love to hear more of your thoughts on this topic. Usually, when we talk about God being in control, we immediately imagine ourselves with a dozen. But it isn’t about having *many*. It’s about having as many as He gives!
I have been trying for over a year to have another child, and it hasn’t happened yet. It is hard for me to read these posts about not preventing children when I can’t even get pregnant. I would love to be able to just decide that I was not going to use birth control because I wanted to have another child and not have to do tests, take medicine, and worry so much about it! I know that when God gets ready for me to conceive, it will happen, but that is so hard for me to deal with!! I have prayed and prayed for it to happen, and I am trying to turn it over to Him, but it is just so hard!!!
Anon….
I am so sorry and feel deeply for you and women who are in your situation. As inadequate as it is, that’s what today’s post is about.
This is such a beautiful post and is so well written. Your heart really comes through and has encouraged this mother of 4 (soon to be 5) little ones! Keep on speaking the truth!!
I know this is an older post, but I just came across it and it is exactly what I am struggling with now. We have a 4.5 month old special needs child that has turned our lives upside down….and we are blessed for it. She is our 3rd child (all girls, 3 and under). We are now struggling with the future of our family. I won’t go into the whole story, but there are numerous risks w/ having another (which include similar problems). That does of course weigh on my mind when considering future children, but what weighs on my mind most right now is 24/7 care and attention that she requires and the fact that another pregnancy and baby would take me away from her. I don’t worry so much out of selfishness (I’d really like to have more children), but out of concern for her and my other children. We have decided not to make any permanent decisions at this time since we don’t know where God may lead in the future, but we are using means of prevention for the time being (NO hormonal bc!!). My post here http://www.notconsumed.com/2012/09/06/walking-a-friend-through-a-childs-major-illness/ discusses some of the same things previous comments referred to. Most of her/our story is on my blog. It’s what I write about most often these days – our amazing little miracle.
[…] Birth Control and the Hard Stuff…. […]
Can’t wait till your next post!