Home dating/courtship No Fault Divorce: A Failed Experiment

No Fault Divorce: A Failed Experiment

by Kelly Crawford

Another social experiment failing us miserably: no fault divorce.

“But they will say, ‘It’s hopeless! For we are going to follow our own plans, and each of us will act according to the stubbornness of his evil heart.” Jeremiah 18:12

A leading advocate for no-fault divorce laws was a feminist law professor named Herma Hill Kay. Because couples were lying in court to try to obtain a divorce in the former system (which required proof of wrong-doing), and lawyers and judges felt this activity “threatened the integrity of the American justice system”, the no fault divorce law was passed in 1970, after Governor Ronald Regan signed The Family Law Act in the state of CA in 1969.

Obvious consequences have followed that have broken the family:

“Members of the fathers’ rights movement state that laws establishing no-fault divorce can be seen as one of the boldest social experiments in modern history that have effectively ended marriage as a legal contract. They also state that it is not possible to form a binding agreement to create a family, adding that government officials can, at the request of one spouse, end a marriage over the objection of the other. They add that no-fault divorce has left fathers with no protection against what they describe as the confiscation of their children.”

I hardly attend a marriage these days without secretly feeling a bit sick at my stomach, wondering if the vows being spoken are being revered as holy, unchangeable and immutable, as a covenant before God. I wonder as we (meaning, as a society) allow our sons and daughters to be so flippant in their dating life, to become intimate with who knows who, if it doesn’t have something to do with the flippancy now associated with marriage and divorce.

And I wonder, what does God think of it all? How do we pick up the broken pieces of the mess we’ve made and continue to make? And those messes now being passed down to the next generation grow messier as they accumulate.

Can we reclaim the sacredness of marriage? Can we convince a new generation that marriage is for life? And therefore not to be entered without the most careful prayer, counsel and preparation?

“The idea that marriage is a covenant larger than the two people who make it has been lost. Marriage vows and the promise made to each other during those vows have lost their value. This is evident in the high divorce rate in the United States.”

“Family Court Judge Randall Hekman said, “It is easier to divorce my wife of 26 years than to fire someone I hired one week ago. The person I hire has more legal clout than my wife of 26 years. That’s wrong.”

And an on-line ad I found:

~~~~~~”We offer Do It Yourself Divorce, Divorce Forms, Divorce Papers and Divorce Kits. We know from our experience and research that many couples can handle their own, no-fault divorce without the assistance of an attorney, saving thousands of dollars in attorney’s fees and maintaining control over their divorce action. We have helped thousands of couples do their own divorce. Our products and services are designed for simple, no-fault (uncontested) divorce cases.”~~~~~~~

And another look at the reality of what divorce does to children:

Instead of looking at marital breakup in terms of an ethic of obligation to others, Americans began to see it in terms of an ethic of obligation to the self. In other words, no longer were the parents’ interests presumed to be subordinate to their children’s; instead, individual happiness became the new standard by which a marriage was judged.”

“Even though 80 percent of men and 50 percent of women felt their lives were better after divorce, the effects on children were disastrous. By almost every measure, children in divorced families fared worse: emotional problems, early sexual experimenting, dropping out of school, delinquency, teen pregnancy, and drug use. Remarriage was no solution; children in stepfamilies were two to three times more likely than their counterparts to suffer emotional and behavioral problems and twice as likely to have learning problems.”

“But the case is not so clear in marriages marked by marital dissatisfaction, emotional estrangement, boredom, or another romantic interest. In these instances, adults, who are more resilient than children, can be expected to sacrifice some of their own interests in order to preserve the stable and caring home necessary for their offspring to flourish. Traditionally, spouses were obligated not merely to stay in a troubled marriage for the sake of the children but to improve it.”

These last quotes from The American Myth of Divorce

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9 comments

Civilla January 2, 2009 - 8:59 pm

The Bible says that “…in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without NATURAL affection, TRUCEBREAKERS, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, TRAITORS, heady, highminded, lovers or pleasures more than lovers of God:” (Timothy 3:1-3.)

Reply
Heather January 3, 2009 - 10:09 am

Great post!

P.S. FYI, and I know that you have no control over this, but all of the Google ads next to this post are for divorce lawyers.

Reply
Word Warrior January 3, 2009 - 10:45 am

Heather,

Ooh, thanks! I took it off temporarily.

Reply
Catherine R. January 3, 2009 - 12:46 pm

Kelly, of course I agree but I just wonder what would have happened to me if I wasn’t allowed to divorce my first husband.

He was a very bad man, it was before I was a believer and it was a horrible decision by someone who was very misguided (me). We didn’t have any kids. He did everything he could to prevent me from completing the divorce and if it was legal he would have had me trapped with him for life. He liked to drag me around our apartment and lock me outside as well as being chronically unemployed and making fun of me when I said I might like to try church.

I don’t know. Just thinking aloud. There are other women out there with husbands like this. I guess some might say they reap what they sow and just have to live with the unfortunate circumstances.

I hate the “worst case scenario” comment ; ) but I’m just sayin’.

Reply
Word Warrior January 3, 2009 - 1:41 pm

Catherine R.,

I think your situation doesn’t fall under “no fault” divorce. There was obviously “fault” in your case, so that’s something different.

What no-fault divorce allows, basically, is for one or both parties to dissolve a marriage for no real reason other than “I’m not happy anymore”. And if one party feels this way and the other feels strongly about sticking to the covenant made, there is little that one can do. He or she is “forced” to get a divorce.

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Mrs. Lady Sofia January 3, 2009 - 3:47 pm

I concur with Civilia’s comment based on the scripture of 1 Timothy 3:1-3.

Also, this post reminds me of the book I am reading called, “Forced Labor,” by Brian Robertson, which talks about how government legislation is giving more “benefits” to individuals that discard traditional family values – and that those who hold to traditional family values are suffering as the result. A very eye-opening book, and should be read by all.

Reply
Civilla January 3, 2009 - 5:55 pm

No, Catherine R., even back in “the olden days”, a divorce would have been granted in your case by the courts because of physical and mental cruelty.

Reply
Bethany Hudson January 3, 2009 - 9:20 pm

After 27 years of marriage, my father left my mother (for a younger woman *rolls eyes*). My MOTHER had no rights–she was trying to save their marriage alone for three years while he lived out of state with his mistress. HE, however, had the right to divorce HER, even though she had done nothing wrong! I cannot tell you how much no-fault divorce makes my blood boil. I only hope and pray I can give my children a better legacy than the one given to me by my parents’ me-centric generation.
~Bethany

Reply
Catherine R. January 3, 2009 - 9:27 pm

Maybe I wasn’t paying enough attention in reading your post but thank you for explaining anyway.

I do learn a lot from coming here : )

Reply

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