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Another title I thought about for this post…”Tender Gardening Despite the Weeds”.
I’ve been in a slump for the past week or two. In every way. Physically, emotionally, spiritually and even mentally. I’ve had a hard time even coming up with topics to post about (which, if you knew how rare that was for me, you’d know something hasn’t been right!) I have difficulty keeing my thyroid regulated during pregnancy and it can really be a thorn in my flesh until it’s back on track. And then again, I suppose I can’t blame it all on that…I am a sinful woman “prone to wander, Lord I feel it.”
The chores in my house feel overwhelming, and it seems I just can’t pull it all together. Can anyone relate?
We all go through this, I imagine, sometimes. A desert.
And mothering is so difficult when you are there. Being tender with my children has felt all but impossible. And then the guilt of “blowing it” so many times in a day compounds the defeated feelings already present.
It is these times when I must steal away and be with my Father. Even if it’s just sitting quietly, trying to listen. I must “bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ”, because these are the moments Satan loves to show up.
I must refuse to let a messy house, or sibling bickering, or a lack or organization paralyze me.
It will come again. And for the time, this is still my garden. There are weeds that grow here, because it is a living garden.
I could violently rip them up in frustration, or I can walk carefully, pull gently, and nod at the tender plants I see growing underneath them all.
That’s what I’ll do. I’ll pull gently. I must. The little shoots are counting on me.
19 comments
Yes, and amen dear sister and friend.
I am praying for you here in the boondocks of Virginia. ((hug))
Do you remember the poem that Elisabeth Elliot would quote….”Do the Next Thing?”
One stanza said, “Looking to Jesus, ever serener, (Working or suffering) be thy demeanor, In His dear presence, the rest of His calm, The light of His countenance be thy psalm, Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing, Then, as He beckons thee, ‘DO THE NEXT THING.'”
In friendship~
Leslie,
Interesting you should mention that from EE…I have said “just do the next thing” out loud so many times this week! Thank you for that poetic reminder.
I too have been feeling this way…unfortunately off and on since my son was born almost two years ago. I’ve just seemed to have trouble getting it all together!
I am do in April with my fourth and I am trying to get things under control…the clutter, mess, chores(me and kids..more consistent) and my own way of handling my children in the midst of stress. Thank goodness for the Lord and His mercy:-)
Praying you feel God’s peace and steadying hand.
Lots of love,
Sommer
Dear Kelly:
Thank you for all your encouragement over the last year that I have been following your blog. I wanted to share with you a link to a post on my blog about how food (in your case more so because of your pregnancy) affects our attitude. This may sound unrealistic or like an excuse for sin…and the solutiion may or may not be for you…but if you are interested here is the link. I pray good health for you and your new baby.
http://santostimes.blogspot.com/2008/11/our-reasonable-service.html
You are in my prayers. 🙂
In this season of life, quiet times with your Father are always precious. Keep resting in Him.
Hugs,
Ruth
Mrs. Santos,
GREAT article, and I agree with you so much. (Boy we love our comfort foods, don’t we? ESPECIALLY when I’m pregnant!)
We used to take Body Balance, and now I take Supermom, but have been out of them for several weeks.
Perhaps a new look at our diet is in order 😉
Oh, Kelly. I am praying for you.
To be quite honest, if you truly have thyroid issues (particularly hypothyroidism), you probably can blame most of it rightfully on your thyroid. The exhaustion, the sore muscles, the irritability, the “brain fog,” the feelings of worthlessness and depression and functional paralysis…they all have strong roots in thyroid conditions.
Of course, going to the Lord about them helps no matter what the cause, but it is better in this situation to go to the Lord as someone with a health issue rather than someone guilty of some kind of sin. We do not, after all, ask the quadriplegic to repent for not walking, but only that he should pray for strength to bear his affliction with grace, or that God should heal him. Be kind to yourself, Kelly.
I also strongly encourage you to work closely with your doctor and advocate tirelessly for flawless thyroid numbers. It’s important for you, the baby you’re growing, and your other children. Pregnancy-related progesterone itself can mimic a lot of thyroid symptoms, causing especially tiredness and irritability…but I really do encourage you to bring thyroid-things under control as much as possible for a safe and healthy pregnancy, baby, and postpartum period.
Again, I’m praying. 🙂
Love in Christ,
Lori
Group Hug!
Lori,
Thank you. I do have hypothyroidism, (have had it for 19years), and the last test revealed my TSH (thyroid-stimulating hormone) at 13 where it should be below 4. This is the worst it’s ever been off.
They have increased meds and will continue until it’s right.
Now I’m dealing with fear/guilt over what I read about damage done to the baby in the early weeks of pregnancy when thyroid levels aren’t normal. You would think with the 8th pregnancy I’d be a bit more knowledgeable about these dangers…I knew it was important to keep a check, but my doctors have never mentioned the adverse effects on the baby…
But as my sweet husband reminded me, God is sovereign–over everything, even my lack of knowledge 😉
And yes, Hashimoto’s disease affects everything, so I think even the fears are heightened with the hormone imbalance.
Pressing on! Y’all are so sweet to pass along such tender words!
Kelly,
We very often never quite know what makes us feel yucky, and sometimes searching for the “answer” and trying things that don’t work just makes us feel bleaker.
When I go through the times when I feel like crawling under a rock, I am often reminded that Jesus comes there with me–that He was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
The times when I am most incapacitated is when He carries me. In my weakness, He is made strong.
Sherry
Oh Kelly,
I have been praying for you today!
I can so relate! It seems the Lord has had me in a similar place, only for a long time.(4 years) Various health issues, difficult pregnancy, nine blessings, sometimes over-achieving mama, all the work it takes to run this place. There has been some release the last six months, but, seriously, it has been hard!
He has been so faithful to meet my every need. I have come to see all of these things as strange but precious ‘hedges’ from my heavenly Father. He is so loving and knows just what I need, what I can handle, what my heart “really” wants ect. He knows far better than I!!!
I know you know the answer, as you said at the end of your post that you were needing to turn to Him. Know that many are praying for and understand, and that it is OKAY to rest in His hands!
I wrote about these hedges in my life here. (http://shelookethwell.blogspot.com/2008/12/strange-hedges-indeed.html)
You are a dear sister, hang in there. Like Leslie said, do the next thing…which might be resting on the couch…not letting the mess call to you;)
I think we’ve all been there!
Time to scale back on all the “extras” and just spend some time resting–physically, spiritually, in the homeschooling, etc.
I’m with Civilla…GROUP HUG!!!!
Hashi’s is definitely a pain. I was diagnosed four years ago with a TSH of 32.71! My doctor was a real tool. When I complained of gaining 50 pounds in a year (!), she said everyone gains weight after marriage. When I told her my hair was falling out, she said everyone loses hair. When I told her I was exhausted, she told me all overworked college students are exhausted. I’d done my internet research and calmly asked for a thyroid panel. She refused. So I angrily asked for a thyroid panel. I’ve never made a better decision in my life. Meds made me a new person. 🙂
13 is definitely a little high, especially in pregnancy. Here’s the deal on the medical worry stuff: It’s technically true that elevated maternal TSH increases the risk of second trimester loss and could potentially produce a modest IQ decrease of between 0 points (i.e. the baby is not affected) and 15 points, depending on the severity of your condition. There is nothing you can do at this point to change any IQ effects, because the damage would have been done during the early brain development stages in the mid first trimester. Your baby has his/her own thyroid gland now, so your hormones aren’t needed by him/her anymore. The good news? The basic consensus is that increasing the dosage of T4(levothyroxine, Synthroid, Levoxyl, or the like) until TSH is normal is somewhat protective against the increases risk of second trimester loss.
But I commend you for still trying to cultivate an attitude of peace. You have the Lord on your side, AND I’ve heard of plenty of women carrying perfectly and having happy, healthy babies with much higher TSH values than yours. I think that you have little to be worried of, so don’t let Satan rob you of the joy of expecting a new baby. It’s perfectly normal to have anxieties/emotions about these things…just try not to let it consume you.
A lot of the sites on the internet are very negative, most of the time unnecessarily so. Now that you have gleaned what you can from their “information” (and I really do commend you for doing your research), I would simply suggest that you turn your mind to whatever is good and whatever is praiseworthy and think on these things. I know that can be hard, because there is a universe of knowledge out there and being hypo can send anxious feelings through the roof, but take your meds, trust the Lord, and try to cut yourself some slack.
With regard to house work concerns, other people may get more done than you, but most other people don’t have to deal with 7 kids, a husband, a serious autoimmune condition, and pregnancy on a daily basis.
God knows your struggles, Kelly, and He’s a good, loving Lord. He would never ask more of you than you are capable of doing…so you just have to do your best and leave the rest in His capable hands.
Oh, and for the next pregnancy, I might humbly suggest that you have your TSH monitored from a very early time period. Most women need a dosage increase around week 4-8 LMP of between 30 and 50% to keep TSH levels stable. The American Academy of Clinical Endocrinologists recommends that no woman of childbearing age should be allowed to maintain a TSH above 2.5 miU/mL, and that the normal range for TSH should be changed to be 0.3-3.0 miU/mL instead of 0.45-4.5 miU/mL. Your doctor should have told you this a long time ago, but doctors are pressed for time and don’t always do their job adequately, which is sad to me.
I’m definitely still praying, because I believe God honors those who honor Him. God bless you!
Lori,
Yep, that’s exactly the info I found. Apalling that OB doctors aren’t more aware and more talkative to women they know who have Thyroid conditions.
Thank you for the words of encouragement–I really do appreciate them!
Praying for you Kelly! I wish I could convey how much I am empathizing with you. My adrenal issues have knocked me flat for the past two years and I know what it is like to feel like your body is failing you right down to your attitude!
The Lord most certainly does use these things for our good though. I would have to write a book to chronicle all the lessons He has been good to teach me during this hard time! 🙂
Here is a little poem that has often comforted me and I hope will encourage you as well:
Sometimes on the Rock I tremble,
Faint of heart and weak of knee,
But the Steadfast Rock of Ages
Never trembles under me.
~ Author Unknown
I’ll be praying:-)
Jennifer
http://www.noblewomanhood.com
How are you today Kelly? ((hug))
I just wanted to reach out, hold your hand just a minute and pray with you this morning on this LORD’s Day….
Heavenly Father,
We all are praying for our dear friend as she battles physically, emotionally and spiritually. Thank you that we can claim promises from YOUR Word that remind us that YOU are constant and that YOU never change even when we feel like we are swimming up stream with no energy left.
LORD, help Kelly to rest in YOU when fears overtake her thoughts. YOU will NEVER leave her nor forsake her…..ah, what a comfort LORD! As this new day begins, I humbly ask YOU to comfort Kelly and her precious baby with YOUR EVERLASTING ARMS~arms that never get tired or weak.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen
Still praying Kelly….
In friendship,
Your Virginia Friend
Leslie,
Thankful tears…
I totally relate to your comment about “blowing it.” I think I totally “blow it” everyday. It seems like every night, I spend my time in prayer repenting of my entire day and praying that tomorrow, I’ll get it right. It hasn’t happened yet, though.
A little late… but praying for you!