large families

As Christians, Paul says we should “be ready always to give an answer to every man that asks you a reason of the hope that is in you…” I Peter 3:15

I love this. First, it assumes people are going to be asking us something. Which implies that we are different than them. Different is not bad, people. It is not “culturally irrelevant” to be different. The Bible says it is expected!

What “hope”? How do they see hope which prompts them to question? Of course there are many circumstances, but it is amazing how many times I’ve had opportunity to answer about my hope in Christ as it relates to our children….simply because we are, well, different. Let’s face it: if you have more than three children, you are going to be questioned! Can I get a witness?

“How do you handle them all? How do you homeschool them all? How do you…”

My hope is in Christ! My strength, my comfort, my energy–only in Him!

This past weekend I had such an opportunity at my uncle’s funeral. Since most everyone there had already heard about “the lady with seven children”, questions were plentiful.

But how should we answer? This is crucial.

With love, grace and a smile. Never with pride, never terse or reactive. This is our opportunity to “let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father…”

I love thinking of answers before I’m asked them. Because let’s face it, it’s easy to be caught off guard. These are some answers I’ve either given, or thought of recently:

• In responding to questions about having lots of children, I have found that most people just really are curious. Deep down, they want to know why you have had so many. I used to be one of those people. Sometimes I just go ahead and pull down their suspicions by saying we don’t use birth control.

“You know, about ____ years ago, the Lord just changed our hearts about children and we just started saying ‘yes’ “.

“It just made sense to us that if children are a heritage from the Lord, we didn’t want to refuse any.”

Or, the reply I gave to a distant relative last Christmas, after she insisted time and again how much trouble a house full of children must be.

Leaning toward her, with the deepest sincereity and biggest smile I could find, I said,

“You know, it is the hardest work I’ve ever done. But I can’t think of anything else I’d rather pour my life into than raising children for the glory of God.”

• In responding to homeschool questions, remember that most people don’t know much about how it works, and they honestly can’t understand how it could be a good thing to go against the norm so much.

I know I want to remember that God is in control of this whole thing, and His glory is the ultimate reason for all our existence–and that should be evident in our responses.

If a question is related to academics or our credentials, I think a good response is something like:

“You know, we have found the most incredible thing to be true…when we make it our priority to teach our children about the Lord (the fear of the Lord, etc.)–the only thing He even asks of us, the academic part flourishes.”

Whatever your answers, I encourage you to seek the Lord, you and your husband, about being prepared to give a humble one. If an answer is given sincerely, warmly, and with love, I think we have no idea the power behind it.

One of the things I love about our large family is thinking about what the future will be like. Imagining Christmas, with all my grown children, anticipating that they will all be very close to one another, and their children as well, conjures up the sweetest anticipation! I imagine that life can only get sweeter and sweeter as the years go by. And sometimes, when the days are rough, and three little people are all crying at the same time, and there are Cheerios crushed all over the floor, and the house is so messy I want to run away, I just close my eyes and remember that sometimes the gardening is hard…but the fruit of faithful labor is delightfully wonderful! And then I sit down among the crushed Cheerios and tickle my children, and try to enjoy even the gardening…knowing that every season is a gift, and there are so many more to come!

One of my favorite benefits of having a large family is the opportunity it provides to speak to others about the value and joy of children. If you have a large family, you know without a doubt, that going out in public is sure to produce interesting results, at best. But what a blessing to respond to others’ comments or questions with a joyful, sincere answer about the value of children. What a joy to be able, by a word or comment, to plant a seed, or shed some tiny light that may shatter the darkened thinking of someone.

I would LOVE for as many of you as wish, to comment about your favorite response to people about having a large family. What do you say when someone asks, “Are they all yours?” Or, “Are you gonna have anymore?” Some of my favorite responses are: “Yes, I am a rich woman!”…”I hope so!” (to the “anymore” question) What do you say when someone says, “Boy, you’ve got your hands full!” My sinful nature often tempts me to say something less than loving, but we must remember we’re combating a long-standing thinking pattern about children. Some people have never thought about children any differently, and perhaps we can be the first to send their thinking in a different direction.

I challenge myself, and you, to give loving, joyful responses. Let our children see the love of Christ in us as we respond to others about these incredible little gifts!

Socialization.

Another benefit of having children in our series, is that you don’t have to send them to school to socialize them! (Sorry to disappoint the anti-homeschooling people…) but, having a large family creates the natural opportunity to handle and learn all kinds of social issues.

After all, what is socialization? To me, it is the process by which a person learns to “get along with others”, share their things, their thoughts, and their interests, function in a communal way where people help each other, and basically learn to communicate at all different levels. Well, there you go! It’s all in the family!

My children haven’t developed a common social deviance where they suddenly become mute when a person out of their peer group speaks to them. That’s not normal. Of course, since they don’t have to go to school to be “socialized” (I hope by now you realize I’m not convinced that school is the proper place to be socialized), they fortunately get to by-pass all the other junk that’s there .