large families

“Doesn’t God give us the wisdom to decide how many children we should have? I mean, after all, we have to consider whether we can afford them, or how our emotional stress level is, etc. ” This is a common theory among Christians, and used to be my own theory regarding birth control. It is a multi-faceted debate, with many things to consider. But I’m going to try to keep it simple.

Scripture makes it clear that God gives wisdom “liberally to those who ask.”  Let’s start there–how many couples TRULY come before the Lord in the issue of child-bearing asking God for wisdom to discern His will? Most often, we simply follow the wisdom of the world, which is no wisdom at all, and contrary to godly wisdom. Proverbs urges us to “seek wisdom like a treasure”, and “sell all that you have in exchange for wisdom.”  There again, the indications are that we are not simply born with wisdom; we are given it from God when we seek it diligently.

Next point: how can we possibly make decisions based on our current circumstances when we have no idea how those circumstances are going to change? For example, a couple decides that they cannot “afford” more children (we’ll discuss what that really means in a sec). They can no more foresee what they can’t afford than what they can. Flip it around…they decide they CAN “afford” children. Three years later, hubby gets injured and is no longer able to work. Finances have just drastically changed. Now, they can’t afford children, because they have based their assumptions of affordability on the security of a job, instead of the faithfulness of their Heavenly Father. We cannot know what lies just ahead. God does. That’s why He’s so good at making life-changing decisions!

Another point on affordability: A Christian cannot believe that God gives life, and then desserts it. If He gives children, He promises to take care of them–of us. Remember his light scolding: “How much more valuable are you than the sparrows?” He is saying, “Look, I created the heavens and the earth, parted the Red Sea, raised people from the dead, I suspend the stars and clouds in the sky—I think I can handle a few bills.” We ought to be ashamed in our lack of exercise in faith!

Yet another point on “affording” children: What does that mean anyway? Most people mean to say rather, “If I had more than one or two, I couldn’t eat out every other night, I couldn’t outfit them all in Calvin Klein, or cell phones, or cars,…gee, I might have to reduce my standard of living a little bit–nah, I’ll just take one or two, thank you.” Thousands of mighty men and women grew up completely destitute of worldly goods. Having things, and even doing things STILL does not make one a better or happier person. And despite the evidence that it actually tends to have the opposite effect, we carry on with our selfish, lucrative lifestyles, keeping up with the Joneses. I think it was Tom Brokaw who wrote a book about “the most responsible generation.” And do you know which generation it was? The children who grew up during the Depression. Why do we think that spoiling our children is good for them? Satan is very clever indeed!

“I know me, and I don’t have the patience for more than one.” That may be true. And it may be true because you have not allowed the Lord to shape your character through the process of motherhood. Avoiding things that cause us discomfort is not the way we become saints of God. Obedience to Him, and then letting his grace be sufficient as he molds our spirits is the way.

Does God give us wisdom to decide how many children we should have? I say no. We have to seek it.

“I was an accident.” Have you ever heard someone say that? Oh, it just sends pains through my stomach to hear it. Of course the speaker is referring to the fact that his parents didn’t “plan” for his birth, or didn’t expect it, for whatever reason. And worse than hearing someone say it of themselves, I’ve even heard parents say it referring to their own child!

Life is no accident. Never. In the worst of circumstances–rape, incest, adultery, fornication–the life itself, even born out of every possible evil, is never an accident. We are so smug to think that WE create life. Isn’t that really the underlying problem? If we think we create children, then it is OK to prevent them. Either way, it’s our decision.

But, we do NOT create life, and therefore to purposely prevent it is like, well, did you ever see the movie “Back to the Future” where the characters were able to manipulate circumstances in order to change the future? That’s what I think of when I think of preventing children. If you could lunge into the future, and look at things if we let God control life, it would be so vastly different than it is now.

Or, pick up an old photograph–let’s say one of all the men who were at the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Then imagine taking birth control and its accompanying philosophy of children back to that era. Now take your eraser and begin rubbing out all the men who would be gone. Scary. Leave the big stuff up to God.

The following are a few of the Scripture references we base our conviction about children on:

“It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves.” Psalm 100:3

“Children are an heritage of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is His reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that has his quiver full of them…” Psalm 127:3-5

“…yet she is thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not He make you one?…And why one? That He may seek a godly seed.” Malachi 2:14,15

“Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house; thy children like olive plants round about thy table….” Psalm 128:3

“Be fruitful and multiply…” various places in Scripture

As believers, we desire to have the heart of God; to love what he loves, and hate what he hates. His heart is clearly stated in Scripture regarding children…desire them, receive them, and rejoice in them. It’s the opposite message of our culture. Birth control certainly does not embrace God’s philosophy of children. It certainly does not speak of “olive plants around the table” and fruitfulness and multiplying. Are we friends of God or friends of the world? Our worldviews will be reflected in the life choices we make.

Birth control is as common a term now as “housefly.” But it hasn’t always been so. Margaret Sanger had her work cut out for her when she first launched the campaign to make it a common household term. Birth control serves one purpose: to prevent children.

Many will argue that birth control itself is a neutral entity, with neither good or evil intentions. But I challenge you to think about something. The only thing anyone ever wants to prevent is something unpleasant. We have preventative medicine to ward off illness. We try to prevent heart disease with excercise and diet. We do all that we can to prevent catastrophes, tragedies, financial loss, etc. I submit to you that birth control could have never come to be an acceptable practice until someone convinced us that children were in some way “negative” and in need of preventing.

For the Christian, it should startle us to think this over in light of what the Lord says about children (blessing, gift, heritage, happy is the man that has a bunch of them, etc.) If we believed the Bible, and thus believed that children were a real-live gift from God, would we have a shred of audacity to try to prevent them???

What must it do to our Father’s heart every time one of his treasures it turned away from the very people that call themselves children of God?