“The parent’s part is to train them for life, to send them out of the home ready for whatever duty or mission God may have ready for them….What we want to do with our children is not merely to control them and keep them in order, but to implant true principles deep in their hearts which shall rule their whole lives; to shape their character from within into Christlike beauty, and to make of them noble men and women, strong for battle and for duty. They are to be trained rather than governed. Growth of character, not merely good behavior, is the object of all home governing and teaching. Therefore the home influence is far more important than the home laws, and the parents’ lives are of more moment than their teachings.”-JR Miller

It is easy to forget our purpose as parents. Too often children can be seen ruling over parents as the parents strive, the best they can, to maintain some control, but really feeling helpless to the manipulation, dreading certain circumstances where the lack of control is made obvious.

I bumped into acquaintances recently at the grocery store. A mom, dad and their two-year-old. With barely our hellos exchanged, Mom said, “We’re just trying to get through this with her. She’s the child you hear screaming through the store. We’ve tried bribing her, we’ve tried threatening her, nothing works.” I know the girl enough to know that nothing is wrong with her. She’s a normal little toddler exerting her will. I’ve also observed the “problem.” A new set of parents, enamored with her antics, allowing her to rule the home. A misunderstanding of the privilege of growing her to maturity, helping her discover the safety of authority and the necessity of self control.

From our distorted sense of “why” we are given children (they are actually not for us, but for Him) to a society driven by self-indulgence, this generation seems largely unprepared to bring up responsible, mature children who will become responsible, mature adults. And that’s just the beginning for believers who are also instructed to bring up children who will live fully for Him, reflecting His character in all they do.

I just want to encourage you with a few practical words if you are a struggling parent:

• Do not get confused about what authority is and isn’t. So much new-age parenting (even in Christian teaching) forsakes the wisdom of Scripture and teaches that a parent doesn’t have a “right” to claim authority or to require obedience. That is simply a lie and will destroy a child.

• Authority is established EARLY. I have said, “the battle is won or lost in the high chair.” My eight month old is beginning to test the boundaries around him. It seems like a little thing, but when he squeals in anger because I don’t get the spoon to his mouth fast enough, it’s an opportunity for me to help him begin to understand self-control. I can pause, tell him “no” with a calm but serious tone (he gets it) or, I can do the easy thing and give him what he wants as quickly as possible, laughing at his “cuteness.” But that cuteness will turn ugly fast and soon I’ll find myself in a grocery store line blushing because he’s using the same tactic to get what he wants there, only louder. Yes, from the time they are born, we move them forward; it’s our job to “grow them up” in a thousand ways.

• Don’t flippantly tell a little one to do something that you aren’t prepared to see accomplished. If you don’t really care if they pick up the toy, don’t ask them to. If you do care, make sure they obey when they are told.

• If you are getting angry at your child it’s most likely because you are not requiring obedience. Tell them clearly, get them to answer you so there’s no question whether they heard you, then follow through with discipline if there is outright disobedience.

• Understand that your diligence or lack thereof has huge implications for the “success” of your children. The degree to which you help them develop self-control and self-governance and respect for authority, will enable them to be better husbands and wives, friends, employers, employees, and children of God. Yours is a grave responsibility if you have been given children.

“Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives.” Proverbs 19:18

“Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.”-Zig Ziglar

This philosophy is universal, but it sure does resonate with this mother. My main new year’s resolution is to simply be more sturdy and resilient.

“I want them to witness a serenity of character…a steadfastness of spirit, regardless of externals. I want them to see a calm captain at the helm of this ship….and rest in knowing they are safe in this harbor.”

I’m very optimistic by nature, but I’m still prone to get bent out of shape fairly easily.

We’ve been reading some books about “bygone days” and something that strikes me is how hardy those women were. I find it terribly ironic that in our day of “empowerment”, most women can’t hold a candle to the kind of pluck those pioneer women had!

What would you do if you didn’t have any food in the pantry? I would cry.

One woman we read of during a hard year pulled up her skirts, marched out into the woods and found weeds–yes I said “weeds” that were edible, canned them, and served her family using the most creative combination of spices she had.

Now that’s pluck, my sisters. She didn’t complain to her husband about his lack of provision, and by all appearances, she hardly missed a beat, determined to press on with her job to provide meals for her family.

Few of us are forced to face such dire circumstances. And I don’t know about you, but I still find it very easy to complain or get discouraged.

But I want my children to learn something different. I want them to witness a serenity of character. A steadfastness of spirit, regardless of externals. I want them to see a calm captain at the helm of this ship and rest in knowing they are safe in this harbor. 

Admittedly, calmness is not my best trait. Chock it up to personality, life experiences or other unknown factors, I have quite a passionate personality which has its downfall in the sporadic notions of emotions out of control.

So this year I resolve to be a woman wearing the “ornament of a meek and quiet spirit”…notice “spirit.” Most women read that verse and picture a physically quiet, mousy girl with her head bowed low.

That’s not the picture. It’s the woman in control of herself–strong through and through, resolved to face trials and joy, whatever may come, like a placid river with its depths reaching deeply and drinking from the Source of all peace.

Let it be so…

The parent’s part is to train them for life, to send them out of the home ready for whatever duty or mission God may have ready for them….What we want to do with our children is not merely to control them and keep them in order, but to implant true principles deep in their hearts which shall rule their whole lives; to shape their character from within into Christlike beauty, and to make of them noble men and women, strong for battle and for duty. They are to be trained rather than governed. Growth of character, not merely good behavior, is the object of all home governing and teaching. Therefore the home influence is far more important than the home laws, and the parents’ lives are of more moment than their teachings.

-J.R. Miller, Homemaking

Today’s post is over at Raising Homemakers!

“In a nutshell, home once was, and I believe should still be, a center of productivity. In essence, we should be making stuff–all kinds of stuff! One of the greatest fulfillments belonging to a person, particularly a woman, is that of creation. For when we create, we reflect the image of our Creator, and that reflection points the world to Him….

So, what does a productive home look like? I can only offer a glimpse, because your gifts and talents will vary from another’s, and there is too vast array of activities to mention. But depending on your strengths and interests, it could include (though not limited to) a number of the things below:”

Finish reading “Why Would I Want to be a Homemaker: Part 2”