What To Do While Other Kids are Dating…

One of the biggest differences in the world’s model of dating and what many are embracing as “courtship”, is not in the process at all, but in the way we treat the “teen” years so differently. We don’t view this time as merely a passing of the day from one recreation to the next, but as a crucial time for growing, preparing and maturing.

We certainly enjoy the day we’re in, but always with a mind for tomorrow.

(And please be advised…this is not a “we’ve figured it out so let me tell you how it works” kind of post 😉 We are working through these things, with many struggles, just like any other family, including my own constant sinfulness.)

Somewhere in recent years, a teen culture has emerged with its “rights” and privileges that ultimately keeps children from growing up. I am amazed at how this wasted-years-syndrome has been so largely embraced by most people!

It may not seem obvious that this would have much to do with dating practices, but if you understand the distraction of the dating life, it begins to make a lot of sense.

There are several areas that really encompass all of life that I think require deliberate attention:

Spiritual. We aim to spend these years helping our children to pursue their relationship to the Lord, most importantly. It’s a time for focusing on Him and learning how to trust Him for life-answers. Down to the disciplines of Bible study and prayer, we hope to see our children grow in their own walk with the Lord.

Emotional. We also work on character traits, trying to imagine what will be most helpful as they grow into adulthood and anticipate running their own homes. Selfishness, pride and lack of self-control are natural traits that are perfect for working out in families, among siblings and parents. Just imagine how much better prepared for marriage we would have been had we had focused attention on these areas?!

Physical. There are so many opportunities for growing if one is not distracted from the next date or meaningless “hang out”. We try to encourage growth in areas of each child’s giftedness–music, art, mechanics, etc. Then there are all the practical life lessons that so many enter marriage having never learned. Understanding finances and how to budget, preparing nutritious meals, being resourceful and crafty, how to do basic maintenance and repairs–I could keep going. There is so much more to life than just getting married!

And besides these, their education has time to flourish. In addition to regular subjects there is time for growth in computer skills, developing writing skills or oratorical skills. When I remember how distracted I was in my dating years, it’s no wonder I hardly remember anything I learned in school! I was usually writing a note to be handed off between classes!

We should hold a high regard for marriage. It’s a shame our culture has failed to. And should we expect any less than the mediocre marriages (at best) we’re seeing all around us, considering how little time we’ve invested in preparing our children for them?

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”