Reflections, a Half Year Later, On My First Born Being Married, to Encourage A Mother in This Season

It doesn’t occur to you, until your first child gets married, that the years of mother work–nursing, staying up with fevers, changing diapers, teaching letters, adoring those chubby little cheeks–both ends, knowing that your heart could not love more, the years that seem to last forever and fly by at the same time, the hoping, praying, parenting in the thousand different ways a child requires–you don’t realize until they get married, that all of that is to prepare them to leave.

And that is a hard reality. But reality, nonetheless, and it helps us to understand that, even when we hold them as newborns in our arms.

Bria made parenting so easy, and continues to, even in this changed season of our lives. But the sweeter your relationship is when they’re home, the more bitter-sweet it is when they leave.

We could not have written a script more smoothly for the Lord’s orchestrating her meeting Kyle, and their journey to marriage, and their adjustment as a couple, even though none of us really knew what we were doing. And even now, as our relationship has taken on a different face, it is more precious than ever and I encourage those who are approaching the marriage years with their children, there is much to look forward to, much to enjoy.

(Not to mention the new friendship/family ties we feel with Kyle’s family.)

Admittedly, the transition has brought pain for both us, even in the midst of as much joy as can be felt by two people sharing a new life together. (She simply loves being married, and misses home too, all at once.) I’ve had to adjust to my “sounding board” not being there, my encourager being 30 miles away and so not always sensing my need for a pick-me-up chat. Bria and I shared a special kind of friendship, and while it has grown in some ways, it functions differently now. She has a new, wonderful, beautiful sphere and that’s a part of her leaving that I simply have to accept. There is loss, for sure, and walking through it is a normal part of life.

She has had the harder task of adjusting in multiple ways. Leaving the wide-open, beautiful country for an apartment; leaving a bustling, busy house for a quiet one, often empty. And an added hardship we didn’t see until after the fact: leaving behind very young siblings. That’s been super hard for her and she misses them til it hurts.

But in all the struggle to re-acclimate, I’ve been so proud of her and especially thankful for her husband’s tender, patient love, as he understands her difficulty lies much in the reality that she was simply close to a family she loved very much, and that is exactly how it should be.

They are so sweet, so fun, so in love and it brings me more joy than I can describe to watch this young couple seek the Lord so earnestly and walk in such wisdom at such a young age.

Early on, she received criticism that would not be satisfied, a thing very hurtful and frustrating to her. Some taunted that she finally married the first person she met so she could get out of the house and away from having to work so hard. (Assumptions about a large family from people whose different experience has made them ignorant of ours.) Not at all true, on either account. There were guys before Kyle, (great choices) that she didn’t believe were God’s choice for her.

And leaving home, even to the looked-forward-to state of wedded bliss she currently enjoys, she admits, was the hardest thing she’s ever done. (She misses the work too. A lot.) She still cries, occasionally, when she leaves here after visiting. It’s a natural, normal part of losing and gaining, adjusting to a new life, but challenging all the same. And Kyle has been such a gentle encourager to her. He is so perfectly what she needs.

They are leaving and cleaving, the two love birds, and she stays busy working part time as well as volunteering several days a week. She’s got a couple of flexible jobs to help with the finances, while she works hard to establish a home business because that’s where she longs to be. She’s the Proverbs 31 woman she studied and admired all her life. She still studies too, always with a thirst for learning and growing.

Kyle continues steadfastly as a pre-med student and working, and they are patiently waiting for the Lord to add to their family. There is rumor of their moving right down the road from us and I have my fingers crossed!

I’m so proud of both of them, so delighted in the way the Lord has orchestrated it all, and now we enjoy an even sweeter fellowship than ever, seeing them often, playing mad games of Scattergories, and watching them grow as a beautiful family in the Lord. This is good and right and the tears and joy are a welcomed part of a beautiful change.