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I loved the following post about wearing skirts that a fellow-blogger wrote. It has nothing to do with dress codes, or what is right or wrong about wearing pants….it’s just a practical observation she made that I think we would all do well to ponder. In a feminist-controlled society, we, as women of God, should desire to celebrate our femininity…to exercise the “power of the skirt”.
Most of us do not even give it a second thought; some of us actually rebel against “feminine dress” because it’s what we’ve always done. But we can’t deny the power, a nuance, if you will, about a woman who humbly, but confidently embraces her femininity. She is treated differently…more respectfully. Below is an excerpt…be sure to click on the link below to read the whole post!
“There is something about wearing a skirt that makes me feel powerful in my
femininity. Call me crazy, but I act more like a lady in a skirt. And I think,
although it may be my imagination, that I am treated better when wearing a skirt
or dress. And let me tell you, going out with the five kids, I could use all the
extra courtesy I can get!” -Gombojav Tribe
P.S. I don’t think it is your imagination that you are treated better! I challenge my readers to experiment with the “skirt phenomenon”…(I’m sure many of you already dress femininely, and can already attest to it!) Purpose to dress more feminine, and let me know if you sense a difference in the reactions of other people (your husband included!) And be sure to include how you feel as a result!
Read the rest….
http://gombojav.blogspot.com/2007/07/behold-power-of-skirt.html
I would love your comments on this fun topic!
Focus on the Family aired a two-part series last week entitled “Hope in the Midst of Unexpected Pregnancies”. With all due respect (I generally like Dr. Dobson, even despite some of his liberal stands ;-), I’m sure they aired the show for the purpose of encouraging women. No doubt many women in our day experience “unplanned pregnancies”. (According to FOF stats, 3 million women in the US every year.)
But listening to the show (I heard most of it, though not all), it was almost shocking to hear the women discuss the “tragedies” of these unplanned pregnancies. Briefly, they were all Christians, and they were career women (there may have been one who was a stay-at-home mom–I need to double check), who claimed to have “made their sacrifices…raised their family, and now could focus on their careers”. Several of the women admitted to having contemplated abortion! (They all had several older children when they learned of their unplanned pregnancies.)
One of the women even lamented, even though her “surprise child” was more than a year old, she still wonders what life would have been like had he not been born.
Of course as they’re speaking, Dr. Dobson and his host are woefully sighing with them, sharing in their understandable plights.
And I’m just listening, thinking, “these are Christians, discussing God’s most precious gift on earth like it was cancer!”
The discussion strongly supports my long-standing theory that birth control is, indeed, a slippery slope. These women would have never dreamed of having an abortion, unless they had already been accustomed to the means of preventing children. If the first line of defense doesn’t work, you are forced to acknowledge that there is a second option. (I realize not all women who find themselves in that situation consider abortion, I’m simply stating that there are some Christians who do–and that should be absolutely shocking. FOF stated that out of the 3 million unexpected pregnancies, half end in abortion.)
The very term “unplanned pregnancy” bothers me. Think about it…you can’t really believe in the sovereignty of God over the womb and also believe in such a thing as an “unplanned pregnancy”. I wonder if a pregnancy was ever considered unexpected, unplanned, or worse, a mistake, before birth control was a popular practice.
It is only once we’ve allowed those terms to be suitable for describing a life, that we are even able to entertain the possibility of eradicating it. I have no qualms about saying that I firmly believe birth control is a stepping stone to abortion. (To clarify, no I’m not saying everyone who uses birth control will even consider an abortion. I’m saying that birth control paved the path of the thinking process for those who do.)
Because of the general acceptance of being able to prevent children, these women felt cheated, angry and hostile toward God and their very own child! (They admitted to those feelings–one even up until birth.) They were basically mad because they thought they had been in control, and then “slipped up”. There was a time when the greatest joy a man and woman could imagine was the news of life in the womb. It was celebrated, and the sacredness and miracle of it was awed. Who would dare shake a fist in the face of God and demand, “why did you allow this to happen”? How his heart must break!
And I have to pose the question…do you think they would have been so upset if they had not had their lives so wrapped up in their careers? This unplanned child threw a kink into THEIR plans, THEIR hopes, THEIR lives.
So I ask you again…can we simultaneously accept both views, without admitting that one inevitably affects the other?
A delightful read about one woman’s journey to becoming a keeper at home…thought it might be encouraging!
http://ccostello.blogspot.com/2007/06/yes-i-want-to-be-housewife.html
I’ve enjoyed your thoughts on the subject of working women, and I appreciate all of you taking the time to think and respond on the subject. The debate is still open, so whenever you feel like it, feel free to share more.
Again, my main intent is to provoke us to push through the culture’s habit of “stupor”, and challenge our minds and hearts to discern the will of God. I was reading the following verses this morning, and it was a great reminder about this very thing:
“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light….finding out what is acceptable to the Lord.
See then, that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord
is.” Ephesians 5:8,10, 15-17
I think in summary, we can certainly recognize extreme cases where it may be necessary for a wife/mother to work outside her home temporarily. It is still my opinion that every other option should be exhausted first. That may mean calling on help from friends, family or church, finding ways to make income from home, etc.
The danger lies in the comfortable acceptance of women forsaking the duty of homemaking to pursue fulfillment, escape, or a higher standard of living. One might note that it is general knowledge that the respect and honor associated with role of homemaking has taken a nose dive since the acceptance of women working outside the home. Not everyone feels this way, but there is a general trend that has devalued her role over the last 70 years or so.
(We have become terrified of saying outloud, “God gave men and women different roles for a well-balanced family. Men are providers and protectors, and women are nurturers and keepers of the home. This thing is good and pleasing in His sight”.)
Based on that observation, we must recognize the danger. When two things are mutually exclusive, they both can’t be right. When we embrace the open mindedness of the world, we open ourselves up to a lot of confusion and wrong thinking. And I think it’s fair to say many of our social atrocities can be blamed, partly, on the droves of women who have forsaken the careful attention of their families.
These observations are why I’m so hesitant to say (even if we can’t Scripturally conclude that working outside the home is sin), “sure, it’s fine for wives and mothers to work…it’s all just a matter of preference”. Saying that releases all women from their biblical duty, and removes our responsibility to keep our homes the way we should.
Just my closing thoughts….more later on practical solutions for women who find themselves needing to earn extra income (like me!)
And in the mean time, you may enjoy reading the ebook I wrote last year called Finding Financial Freedom, with lots of practical budget-cutting tips.
I had already started a post about selfishness before all your great comments about it. I looked back and saw where I’ve actually posted, from one angle or another, about selfishness several times before. IT IS THE ROOT OF EVERYTHING WRONG. Hatushili made a great point: selfishness and sin could perhaps, be interchangeable. (For those who are new to the blog, you can see the last post for the topic that led us here.)
We know the answer to all our problems: failure to “love the Lord with all your heart, soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself”. Really. That would pretty much solve everything. Note that it’s not as simple as Christian vs. non-Christian. This selfishness runs just as rampant among the community of believers as it does among the pagans….scary. Which, in my opinion, is why we’re making so little impact as evangelists.
Regeneration must happen first. But there is something beyond even that that we’re missing; otherwise, we would be seeing a dramatically different lifestyle among believers than the world. I guess that’s why I’m a little skeptical of the trend among churches to see how many people they can get to pray the “sinner’s prayer”, but beyond that, there is little growth or discipleship. Some of you may accuse me of blasphemy here, but praying the sinner’s prayer alone does not guarantee salvation. Only the true work of the Spirit and the true repentance (i.e. turning away from sin) of a person brings salvation. AND, salvation is only the beginning! The process of growth and sanctification are a natural result of a true believer.
So, what can we do to turn the tide? I’m not sure we can convince the millions of living adults who are steeped in themselves to change their ways. Just like a lot of other social ills, I believe our greatest hope lies in the generation we are now raising–our very own children. We have to break the sin of selfishness, and refuse to pass it on to them.
Perhaps as we seek to train them in the ways of the Lord, we would do well to remember the MOST IMPORTANT COMMANDMENT, and work to that end. Service, selflessness, putting others first, humility–these are the traits that will have life-changing implications in their lives as adults. Their marriages will be much closer to what God intended; every realm of their lives will be blessed. The whole world will be impacted.
Now think a little deeper: it’s more than just knowing we need to train our children to love others as themselves. But how, practically speaking, throughout our day, do we accomplish it?
Now we get right back to those controversial issues where we part ways. Can a child be sent away from his parents every day, all day, and still receive this kind of intense, selfless training? (Think about the messages they’re bombarded with at school–from peers as well as from the humanism being taught.) Remember: children are born selfish. They don’t learn it. It has to be trained out, prayed out, and rooted out carefully. That’s an intense business! It’s why I firmly believe a mother/wife already has a FULL time job. Absurd to think that she could hold another one and still do what she needs to do.
Will a child receive this kind of training being cared for most of the day by anyone other than his parents?
And if the Lord would bless you with many children, do you think that could very well be an important part of His plan in teaching them/us to be selfless? If we refuse His blessings, could we be cursing ourselves in more ways than just missing out on another child?
How is the way we handle finances in our homes affecting the lessons we teach our children about serving others?
We can’t hope for change, wish for change, complain for change, but sit on our hands and do nothing about it. Are we willing to do what we may be persecuted for, in order to make a difference in the lives of this generation?
One example that sums up our foolish thinking, and refusal to see that A leads to B, is a comment I get from time to time. Someone I know will say to me, “your children are so well-behaved!” Or it may be “your children are so sweet and helpful”…or something similar. The implication is that they are different from the “average” child. It just so happens that the same people (I kid you not), will turn around and argue vehemently that I’m ruining my children by homeschooling them. ??????
Turning the tide of a culture will only be the result of deliberate, intense efforts.
MAIN PROBLEM: SELFISHNESS
6
SOLUTION: RAISE UP AN ARMY OF SELFLESS PEOPLE
6
METHOD: LIFE CHOICES ENSURING THEIR CAREFUL AND DELIBERATE TRAINING
6
RESULT: A GODLY GENERATION THAT HONORS THE LORD, RECEIVES HIS FAVOR, AND WINS THE WORLD BY THEIR SELFLESS EXAMPLE
I received this e-mail from a reader today…
Hello dear sweet Word Warrior!!
I have just heard the statement once again that REALLY drives me nuts! A young minister who has an adorable 2 yr old and a precious 4month old stated that he just couldn’t possibly have any more children in fear that it would hinder his ministry!! My head is still spinning. This attitude towards children is not just in the world, it’s in our churches as well. Isn’t the enemy a sly one– we’ve been brainwashed through years of this subtle lie. If you have time, your thoughts on statements like these would be appreciated. God bless your beautiful family!
(Mommy to 5 beautiful blessings ages 8 years to 6 months)
Ouch…our enemy is indeed sly, and it’s heart-breaking to see how he is crippling the church with such attitudes toward children.
It’s interesting to note that in Scripture (we have been reading in Exodus about the children of Israel), God uses proliferation of the godly seed as His primary means of testifying to the world about what kind of God He is. We read that the reason Pharaoh began to oppress the children of Israel, is because they were exceeding the Egyptians in number and “becoming a mighty nation”. Ironically, when Pharaoh increased their work load, the Bible says God caused them to increase even more in number. (In our day, a family undergoing “hardship” is always advised to refuse the blessing of children…after all, they would only make life harder. Hmmm…not God’s opinion.)
I think one of the reasons Christians can’t understand the ministering aspect of children and therefore view children and ministry as diametrically opposed, is because we’ve lost the vision of what a godly family should be in the first place. Done God’s way, the family (including all of its children), is the most powerful ministry tool in the Kingdom!
Segregation of children and parents (school, church, activities, etc.), the heavy influence of peers due to segregation, the demands of parents to “keep up” with those peers, and all the distracting elements of our society have chiseled away at what a godly family once was. The world looks on the Christian family and sees little difference than their own family. Children do not obey and honor and reverence their parents, husbands and wives aren’t portraying the picture of Christ and His bride, WE LOOK TOO MUCH LIKE THE WORLD TO HAVE ANY IMPACT!
So, we have to “do ministry”…and that means working ourselves to death in programs, more activities, more groups, more, more, more! Children hinder that self-work!
There was a time when a godly home was the primary way Christians ministered to others. God’s way is always the right way. When a family obeys the Scriptural mandate (being fruitful and multiplying, and then bringing up those children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord), the Lord can miraculously use that family to disciple the lost without their having to “create” ways to do it.
Lost people come to the Lord because they see something different, and peaceful, and wonderful–something they don’t have. Love can no better be shared than through simple hospitality–or sometimes when you least expect it. If you want a “unique” opportunity to share Christ with someone, just go to Wal-Mart with more than 3 kids in tow!
I might add here, that the Lord has chosen to withhold children from certain couples. Perhaps He has prepared a work for them that a large family is not equipped for. That’s the beauty of His sovereignty…we don’t have to manipulate our ministries (or our wombs!) to fulfill the Great Commission. Obedience brings about discipleship the Lord’s way.
And I didn’t even mention the exponential factor of raising up godly children who will raise up more godly children, etc.! If we were giving life to the godly seed, while the rest of the world is killing or preventing theirs, our “evangelizing” army would be colossal!
I watched an episode of Dick Van Dyke last night. I was struck by the obvious distinctions in the husband/wife roles. Several things I noticed:
- The wife made a conscious effort to “fix up” before her husband came home. She even mentions this point out loud.
- The wife spent a great deal of effort preparing a nice, homemade meal for hubby, complete with candle light, and a well-set table.
- She was at the door to cheerfully greet him when he came home from work.
- She made an effort to have the house looking presentable for him, and I thought it was great that she had even laid out the newspaper beside his chair.
Most modern women are prone to view such a program and balk or laugh at such “unrealistic” events. And that, I find, to be very sad. For while our job entails much more than the few things I mentioned above, those things are a very important part (or should be ) of our job. It’s one way to help our husbands, to soothe his cares (as we expect him to soothe ours) and to create an atmosphere of love and sweetness.
In addition to those things, of course you know the myriad of other responsibilities we as wives and mothers must take care of. Add it all up, and our role requires absolutely 100% of our time, energy, emotional reserve and resources.
Without even touching the Scripture’s mandate for women to “be keepers at home”, it would not take a rocket scientist to realize that for a woman to do her job well in the home, she simply doesn’t have time to devote to another full-time career outside the home. Oh she may try to hold them both down, but I said, to do her job WELL, she doesn’t have the time or energy.
I am shocked when I talk to women who rarely ever cook a meal from scratch. The suffering her family endures just from a nutritional perspective is tragic!
I talk to women who change into their “grungy” clothes as soon as they get home from work. Hmmmm….what message is she sending to her family?
And cheerful? It’s hard enough to be cheerful when I have been at home all day. When I worked, I came home with my own set of “expectations”…I deserved a break too…I worked hard too…I don’t feel like washing dishes either…we’re 50/50 buddy…not exactly a picture of biblical womanhood.
Admittedly, there may be extreme cases, crises, temporary situations where a woman has to work outside the home for a season, but it is time for us to admit that a man has his full time job, and we have ours. And we would do well to “embrace our place” and flourish in our God-given roles!
Alexa, Brooks and Avalee shucking corn!
Felt like random blogging today…
“Who does his task from day to day
And meets whatever comes his way,
Believing God has willed it so,
Has found real greatness here below.
Who guards his post, no matter where,
Believing God must need him there,
Although but lowly toil it be,
Has risen to nobility.
For great and low there’s but one test:
‘Tis that each man shall do his best.
Who works with all the strength he can
Shall never die in debt to man.”
-Edgar Guest
Daddies and daughters–a love that’s most tender,
A bond so strong, that nothing can hinder.
Smiles and tickles, and Daddy’s strong hugs,
A romp in the floor, with pony-tail tugs.
How lovely to see when I look at you two,
How amazing it is she looks so much like you!
I praise Thee, my God, for the gifts in my life,
For the honor of being a mother and wife.”
Kelly Crawford
Here’s the hardest one for me….
My husband can do what he wants to do, even if I don’t think it’s a good idea, because he is my husband.
Maybe all women are born with the innate sense to guide, sway, influence or just plain nag their husbands about things. We just think we know the right way to do things, and we can’t seem to keep our mouths shut if he decides to do something differently! And while I do believe wives and husbands were put together to achieve a balanced relationship, and I believe wives are free to give opinions, counsel, ideas and such, I think we must be very careful how and when our counsel is given.
Generally speaking, it’s safe to avoid any conversations with your husband that begin with “Why did you…”
It’s basically resisting the urge to “mother” your husband. Husbands do not want to be told what to do. And really stubborn ones will do just the opposite of what their wives want, just to prove a point.
When we question a given choice they make, we essentially say to them that they are incapable, or not as bright as we are, or in need of overseeing. How hard on the male ego!
Again, I think there is an appropriate way to address an issue we feel merits discussion. But most of the time, it’s the little things that we really undercut their authority in.
I messed up this week. We are pretty much always careful with our finances–we have to be. We rarely have “extra”, and if we do, we spend it on a family night out to dinner or something. Recently we had a little extra, but the extra was already accounted for with upcoming doctor bills.
A few nights ago my husband announced that he had just joined, over the telephone, the NRA. I just stared blankly and said, “you did what”?
Not reverent. First of all, he is the one who is out everyday slaving in the hot sun to earn a paycheck. It is his money. If he wanted to buy a Harley, I suppose he has that right. I gave a few of my “objections”, reminded him of the doctor’s bills, and then to, ahem, end on a submissive note, said, “whatever you want to do–it’s your money.”
And then I remembered the yard sale splurge I had taken just the day before…$100 (OOPS!)
(But it was really important stuff like a new lamp, a Calvin Klein sweater, and a dainty tea set 🙂
“Dear Lord, deliver me from my pride, my presumption, my desire to always be right. Give me a heart of undying devotion and reverence for this dear, sweet man you’ve given to love, cherish and protect me.”