Here’s the hardest one for me….
My husband can do what he wants to do, even if I don’t think it’s a good idea, because he is my husband.
Maybe all women are born with the innate sense to guide, sway, influence or just plain nag their husbands about things. We just think we know the right way to do things, and we can’t seem to keep our mouths shut if he decides to do something differently! And while I do believe wives and husbands were put together to achieve a balanced relationship, and I believe wives are free to give opinions, counsel, ideas and such, I think we must be very careful how and when our counsel is given.
Generally speaking, it’s safe to avoid any conversations with your husband that begin with “Why did you…”
It’s basically resisting the urge to “mother” your husband. Husbands do not want to be told what to do. And really stubborn ones will do just the opposite of what their wives want, just to prove a point.
When we question a given choice they make, we essentially say to them that they are incapable, or not as bright as we are, or in need of overseeing. How hard on the male ego!
Again, I think there is an appropriate way to address an issue we feel merits discussion. But most of the time, it’s the little things that we really undercut their authority in.
I messed up this week. We are pretty much always careful with our finances–we have to be. We rarely have “extra”, and if we do, we spend it on a family night out to dinner or something. Recently we had a little extra, but the extra was already accounted for with upcoming doctor bills.
A few nights ago my husband announced that he had just joined, over the telephone, the NRA. I just stared blankly and said, “you did what”?
Not reverent. First of all, he is the one who is out everyday slaving in the hot sun to earn a paycheck. It is his money. If he wanted to buy a Harley, I suppose he has that right. I gave a few of my “objections”, reminded him of the doctor’s bills, and then to, ahem, end on a submissive note, said, “whatever you want to do–it’s your money.”
And then I remembered the yard sale splurge I had taken just the day before…$100 (OOPS!)
(But it was really important stuff like a new lamp, a Calvin Klein sweater, and a dainty tea set 🙂
“Dear Lord, deliver me from my pride, my presumption, my desire to always be right. Give me a heart of undying devotion and reverence for this dear, sweet man you’ve given to love, cherish and protect me.”
10 comments
$100 AT A YARD SALE!!!!!
Oh my Word Warrior, your credibility as being frugal is SHOT! ROFL!!!
And yes, don’t we all struggle with THIS issue. I think we could easily exchange the word ‘hands’ with ‘mouth’ in the verse; She tears down her house with her own hands (mouth!). It’s not so much things I *do* that cause damage, as it is the things I *say*. :o/
Just recently the Lord has brought my attention to my daughters and how I have failed to train them in this area (it’s hard to train someone when you yourself are not trained!). One day Jeff was doing something outside and one of them was very clear how she thought it should be done, completely ignoring what her father had just said. It was as if I had been hit in the head with a brick! Dad was frustrated (and hurt) and walked away. Then I explained to her how she needs to learn to differ the decision making to her dad. He did not ask her opinion.
I totally agree that there are times to add our thoughts, BUT it HAS to be done in a non-threatening way. Never of superiority, implying that he is a moron! ;o)
Aw, you’re sweet Word Warrior. 🙂 I have one of those husbands…the surest way to get him to do something that I think is NOT a good idea, is to tell him not to do it. 🙂
I also find that the less direction I offer, the more I am asked for my advice and opinion.
I see you’ve changed your blog title, to incorporate more topics…Great!
Thanks for sharing so many things.
In our marriage, we don’t view money as “his” or “hers.” It’s “ours.”
It’s a communal pot, mutually shared.
Therefore, if my husband were to go out and purchase a Harley on a whim, I’d have a problem with that. Likewise, he’d have a problem with me spending $600+ on designer clothing.
Out of curiosity: Kelly, why did your husband join the NRA? Did it bother you that he joined that group or that he spent the money on it?
I don’t know anyone who’s a member of the NRA and I’m curious as to why people join….
We, too, see the money as “ours.” HOWEVER, we both have permission to give or spend, even emtpy the bank account if we feel the Lord telling us to do so and there isn’t opportunity or time to run it by our spouse.
In other words, if there is a need and the Lord prompts one of us to put $100 in the offering at Church, we do not have to check with the other, especially if the other is not available for checking. We can obey the Lord.
Also, because the money is “ours” I don’t have to check up on what he is spending. It is just as much his as mine. He does have the right to spend it on what he chooses, as do I. This doesn’t cause us to be frivolous with money, but rather respectful of it and of one another.
To answer Elizabeth’s question:
I’m not informed about all the “whys” of the advantage of joining the NRA. What I do know, is that a friend of ours (who we greatly respect), has been talking to my husband about his concern that there will be a day when no one is allowed to own firearms, and he considers that a scary condition. My husband mentioned he joined to support their efforts to keep that from happening.
No, it was sheerly the money spent that made me question his purchase. obviously, as a woman, firearms are not at the top of my priority list, so my first reaction was “what a silly thing to spend money on”. However, my whole point was to say that if my husband wants to exercise judgement in a particular area, even if I don’t agree with it, he has that authority simply because he is the head of our home.
And in case my post left questions about “whose money is it”, which was not the point of my post, we, too, consider all our assets to be ours.
My main point was that I must learn to allow my husband the freedom to make decisions, even if I have a different opinion, and not undermine his authority by my response.
Thanks for asking…don’t know so much about the NRA, except that now we’re members!!!
We’ve been members of the NRA (for years) too by the way. I do think it’s important. Maybe not necessary for everyone.
We, too, are members of the NRA, for the sake of rights-protection, just like being members of HSLDA (Home School Legal Defense Association).
Great post! Great reminder.
OUCH! Do I ever need work in this area. My sweet hubby mst eally love me to put up with my bossiness. I try and try but before I know it, out comes an opinion or worse a demand. I bite my tounge, confess my sin, apologise to hubby and try to grow. Praise God we can do all of this through Hm, cause I know I can’t do it alone!
He has the job and earns the money so it is HIS money. Fair enough. But does that mean my income (the majority of the household income) is MY money?