I watched an episode of Dick Van Dyke last night. I was struck by the obvious distinctions in the husband/wife roles. Several things I noticed:
- The wife made a conscious effort to “fix up” before her husband came home. She even mentions this point out loud.
- The wife spent a great deal of effort preparing a nice, homemade meal for hubby, complete with candle light, and a well-set table.
- She was at the door to cheerfully greet him when he came home from work.
- She made an effort to have the house looking presentable for him, and I thought it was great that she had even laid out the newspaper beside his chair.
Most modern women are prone to view such a program and balk or laugh at such “unrealistic” events. And that, I find, to be very sad. For while our job entails much more than the few things I mentioned above, those things are a very important part (or should be ) of our job. It’s one way to help our husbands, to soothe his cares (as we expect him to soothe ours) and to create an atmosphere of love and sweetness.
In addition to those things, of course you know the myriad of other responsibilities we as wives and mothers must take care of. Add it all up, and our role requires absolutely 100% of our time, energy, emotional reserve and resources.
Without even touching the Scripture’s mandate for women to “be keepers at home”, it would not take a rocket scientist to realize that for a woman to do her job well in the home, she simply doesn’t have time to devote to another full-time career outside the home. Oh she may try to hold them both down, but I said, to do her job WELL, she doesn’t have the time or energy.
I am shocked when I talk to women who rarely ever cook a meal from scratch. The suffering her family endures just from a nutritional perspective is tragic!
I talk to women who change into their “grungy” clothes as soon as they get home from work. Hmmmm….what message is she sending to her family?
And cheerful? It’s hard enough to be cheerful when I have been at home all day. When I worked, I came home with my own set of “expectations”…I deserved a break too…I worked hard too…I don’t feel like washing dishes either…we’re 50/50 buddy…not exactly a picture of biblical womanhood.
Admittedly, there may be extreme cases, crises, temporary situations where a woman has to work outside the home for a season, but it is time for us to admit that a man has his full time job, and we have ours. And we would do well to “embrace our place” and flourish in our God-given roles!
8 comments
This may not have much to do with your blog today. I heard on the radio today that most couples marry for the reason of self-pleasure. In the last several years, children viewed as being an important result of marriage has gone down 24%. We all know that divorce is up and that many separated couples and their children are suffering through difficult times. It is all for self: “What can I get out of this?” “I deserve to be happy!” “It is not working for me any more. I’ll be better off without her/him.”….You know the story, and the main root causes, and that women working outside the home is a part of the growing attitude that women should be independent from men, and should seek their own pleasure and glory.
I wonder why we do not let family involve themselves with our choices in marriage more than we do, so that marriage becomes a family devotion and decision. Usually, the parents leave the choosing completely up to their children, saying as little as possible, and hoping that the new couple really love each other. Marriages should be supported or encouraged by parents on both sides, with every effort on both sides to mend the problems that may arise, when there are serious problems. Yes, we detach from our parent’s yokes when we marry, but we are still an extension of those families, and a continuation of them. I guess I would like to see the parents or siblings or such be there for those who are suffering and help them to repair the brokenness, rather than leave it up to the disputing couple to quickly decide to end their contract with each other and split up the family.
Just some thoughts-
-B.
A hearty AMEN! I used to work outside of my home and wish I could go back for a re-do where my first born is concerned. He would be exhausted from day care and I exhausted from working all day. Not a good combination! I see where God’s Word is so plain on this subject of we ladies being chaste keepers at home. I wish I had heeded the Word of God more closely in the 80’s!
Thanks so much for this wonderfully Biblical post.
PS: I love the Dick Van Dyke show!
This was so well written. At this time in my life, I have to work outside the home…we made choices in our pre-salvation lives, the consequences of which have followed us and require my income. However, i can testify to the fact that my home does suffer, my marraige occasionally suffers. I plan to stay at home as soon as it is possible, and God is clearing the way, in His own time. I see this from both sides, and that is why my own blog is about the challenges of being a Christian wife working in the world.
I like your blog a lot, and have really enjoyed this particular series.
God Bless!
I really appreciate Amy’s comment because she has the courage to admit that her current situation is not God’s best.
We are prone to make excuses and justify women working outside the home, so no one feels guilty about it.
I appreciate when a woman who is working outside the home steps up and says, “this is not God’s best”, and then strives to remedy the situation. This is a step in the right direction!!!
God is faithful, Amy, to those whose hearts are turned toward Him!
I am a mother who works outside our home. When I read your blog, I felt pretty discouraged and even guilty. After spending time with the Lord and talking with my husband, I wanted to reply. My profession is such that I can make over twice as much as my husband. The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful job and family friendly employer. It made sense for me to work one job, instead of my husband working two jobs (even with him working two jobs, he probably would not match my salary). There were times when I resented having to work, but my husband felt this was best. I enjoy my job, it is a choice I make. It is much better to decide to be happy where the Lord has put you rather than resenting it! I feel that it would be wrong for me to stay at home while my husband was gone almost all the time. It is also a matter of submission. There are probably many more women who would love to stay at home, but circumstances are not such that they can. I firmly believe it is better to be a submissive wife and cheerfully work outside of the home if asked to by our hubby, rather than causing tension in the marriage or sulking about it.
I want to challenge those of you who have been blessed to stay at home with your family to remember that you are blessed. God has given you a wonderful job, but remember that there are those of us moms who have two jobs–one outside of the home and one at home. Please do not judge us. Some of us even serve our families home cooked meals almost every night AND keep our houses clean! (It takes a little planning ahead and a chore chart for the kids!) Please make it a point to edify/encourage those of us who work outside the home.
Yes, there are many women who share your current situation, either by choice, or by husband’s wishes. That’s what makes this subject such a touchy one. And, as I have stated many times before, I use this blog to discuss a general trend in society. I cannot emphatically say that there is NO situation where a mother/wife need not work outside the home. BUT, I believe it is a situation we should consider temporary, non-desirable, and seek to bring rememdy quickly. I do not think it should just be accepted as a harmless option. (Reasons for that being given in many of my prior posts about the destruction of the family.)
Whenever we just accept a situation that is less than God’s best, we compromise every area of our lives. We justify it, and then we become comfortable with it, and then we lose all reason to try to change it.
The quetion has been raised before about a woman who wants to be home but whose husband wishes for her to work. I’m not going to get myself into hot water over this one. I know that some would hold to the belief that she should submit no matter what. But, others, beleiving that to work outside the home is against God’s will, would feel released from this duty placing God’s order over her husbands. (Just as she would not submit if he were to ask her to commit immorality, etc.) These are delicate issues, for sure, and require much careful prayer and counseling. I have seen miraculous things happen in the heart of a husband whose wife desires to please the Lord and commits her dilemma to Him.
Your situation also reveals one of those “slippery slope” things I’ve talked about it. You make twice as much as your husband, because you went to college (I’m assuming)and sought a career. From the beginning, being a keeper at home was only an option. Your husband (like mine, and many others), probably had the mind set before marriage that he would only need to provide half of the family’s income (this is standard today). So there are a lot of things that go into how we get where we are, and sometimes it takes a complete renewal of the way we look at our lives before we see fit to change them.
I’m not suggesting there is an easy rememdy for women who feel they must work. We live in a fallen society who has created a lot of problems for the family (that was Marx’s intention all along).
But I can say this: there are a lot of women (I know them) who hide behind the “I don’t have a choice” line. (Please don’t think I’m assuming you are one of them…I just see fit to cover the majority of situations.) They do not want to change lifestyles,they do not have a conviction about staying at home, they enjoy working, they don’t enjoy being at home, and a whole host of other things that keep them there.
One of the things that offend me greatly is when one of these women say to me, “You are so lucky you GET to stay home”. I do not GET to stay home. We choose for me to stay home, and have made many sacrifices in order to accomodate our decision. My husband does not make a lot of money.
And yet, we are happy, well-cared for, and the Lord’s provision for us since I came home has been amazing.
I do want to encourage women…but I don’t want to mislead them. My encouragement can only consist of helping them find a way home. I care DEEPLY for those women who long to be home and truly can’t be. But more often than not, I see a lack of conviction about what the Lord has called us to, and therefore little desire to change our situation. That’s the main purpose of this blog–to prick the conscience of a brain-washed culture, and rally up our convictions until we say “enough is enough”, not matter how difficult.
I’m sorry that you and others feel discouraged, but this blog fights against compromise; if I seek to make sure nothing I say discourages the working woman, I cannot address the convictions that led me to start it in the first place.
If there’s anythng we’ve learned since I quit my job, it has been that truly, “if there’s a will there’s a way”.
And again, I would encourage the wives who feel working is a direct submission to their husbands’ wishes, PRAY…and reverently appeal to him. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
You are right. The Bible tell us what we have to do. And wifes and mothers have to stay home. I fell that I am to small to say someting diffrent , and I know that if we don’t do that, our familie (our children) ) is going to suffer. I fell that my children are to precious to me, not to do my best for them (being at home all the time to make a beautifull atmosphere and to cook the best meals posible for my husband and them). I worked for a few years and it was one of the most Ungodly things I ever dit. The first day of work I felt so horible being away from my kids. But I keept going because that’s what I heard all around me, that you have to have a job to have more money . And day by day I left my precious children to go to work for strangers, to spent 8 hours with strangers (instead at home with my precious children), and, on top of that to have other men chaseing me. Little by little I found myself flirting with other men at work. Thank God nothing else hapend. In my heart I knew that all this was wrong But, this is what I heard all around me, that you have to have a job. Even now I fell like crying when I think about all this time being away from my precious children. Thank God that He saved me from all this and He changed my heart. We have 6 children now and somtimes we strugle. At some point my husban told me that maybe I sould go back to work but I told him that my place is at home,and actually I told him that is his job to bring money and my job is to stay home. No matter how much we struggle when it cames to money, I told him that I’m not going to be away from my children. And I whant to say one more thing, in a way I would like every morning to wear high hels, nice cloates, parfume, to have my hair done very nice, and to go to mork instead of cleaning toilets, washing dishes, cleaning the house, coking food, but that’s my ungodly part. But thank God that He change my heart , so now I chose Godly things. I’m happy to find other people that think like me. And I do all this because I’m loking forward to the Kindom of God. And please, forgive my english, I’m not born heare.
I work outside the home, but I still try to fix myself up 😉 I run to the restroom most days right before I leave and brush my hair and touch up my makeup.