This weekend, as I have deeply pondered the last several posts, and the resulting comments, I have so many different concerns, thoughts and directions that are simultaneously connected. Makes for a “blog-block”!
But the one prevailing thing, the one magnanimously profound thing that I see as an uncompromising tenet of Christian parenting, is that we be vigilant in passing on the Word of God to our children, keeping it pure and undefiled, and laboring to ensure our children are deeply rooted in sound wisdom and doctrine.
Because, my sisters, THE VERY WORD OF GOD–OUR CHRISTIAN FAITH–IS UNDER ATTACK, AND WE MUST TEACH OUR CHILDREN HOW TO DEFEND IT.
It sounds wonderful just to say, “Nothing matters except that we love Jesus”. In fact, some would say the Word of God gets in the way of the cross! But that’s not what the Bible teaches!
“Uphold me according to Your word, that I may live…You reject all those who stray from Your statutes, for their deceit is falsehood.” Psalm 119:116-118
“For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables. But you be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.” 2 Timothy 4:3-5
“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge….because you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children.” Hosea 4:6
I have never felt quite as urgent as I do now that we must make the Word of God absolute priority in our homes. Read it, study it, memorize it, meditate on it, and let it encompass your lives.
Whatever effort you are placing on Math or English or Science, I would encourage you to double that effort teaching God’s Word.
When your children are kind to each other tell them, “You just obeyed the command to show brotherly kindness to one another.”
When they let others go first, tell them, “You know the Bible says that those who are last will be first in the Kingdom of Heaven.”
When there are money problems, tell them,”Jesus said, ‘Why do you worry about food and clothing? Your Heavenly Father knows that you need these things.”
Take every problem, question and concern to His Word. It is the lamp unto our feet and the light unto our path.
Challenge:
Psalm 119 is the longest chapter of the Bible, and one of the most thought-provoking and excellent passages of Scripture espousing the nature of God’s Word. Who’s up for memorizing it? Maybe you already have? We’ve made it to the 16th verse, but we’re going to resurrect that effort!
The comments/questions raised in the last post are precisely why it is SO vital that we keep our worldview in check with Scripture.
Our worldview affects every area of life, including raising children. I could write a book here, but I’ll try not 😉 The “free-grace movement” akin to or also called the “Emergent Church”, (and I call it a movement because it’s not the grace taught in Scripture–it takes the precious gift of our Lord’s grace and distorts it, leaving behind a mess), is dangerously sweeping across the Christian community, subtle in its deception, taking the part of Scripture that “tickles the ear” and re-writing the rest (more on their “new” Bible later).
But specifically addressing the question from a commenter, “how do we raise obedient children without being legalistic?”
The actual work of parenting is hard; the concept is not.
Children must learn to obey parents–no amount of talking around Scripture and highlighting only grace while ignoring the rest changes that simple command. (Yes, I used the word “command”…not a popular word among the GM)
Children can and should be taught to honor their parents in a home full of love, tenderness and respect.
I personally advocate spanking–only when done calmly, in a spirit of love, with a desire to bring true repentance in the case of disobedience (not accidents, etc.).
We point out the reason for the discipline–we call it sin, and we give Scripture to back it. We discipline in a spirit of brokenness (we try, at least), not “because you made Mommy angry”, but because “God says ‘children obey your parents in the Lord’, and when you disobey I must discipline you”. Don’t be afraid, that is biblical. This “prodigal son analogy” isn’t given to parents as a model of disciplining their children. It is a parable about the work of Jesus at Calvary.
(“The Lord chastens whom He loves…just as your earthly fathers do…if not, you would be considered an illegitimate son…”) I’m paraphrasing because I’m not at home and don’t have my Bible with me!
The GM objection here is, “we sin, and God is merciful…how can we chasten our children for disobedience?” The answer, “because God said to”.
Rules in our home are nothing more than guidelines to help them obey. You can’t say to a child, “Children obey your parents”, and then leave him clueless about what he is to obey–how frustrating!
This is why I get really upset with this “new” theology that makes anyone who mentions a “rule” out to be a legalistic tyrant. Please!
Scripture says, “If you love me, you will obey my commands.”
OK, Lord, what commands?
Do not commit adultery. Do not murder. Do not steal.
Being under grace does not give us license to just throw off obedience to the Word of God!
We are not under the law, meaning the penalty for breaking it has been paid. But we are still instructed to keep obeying/repenting and hating our own sin. And yes, God still chastens us for disobedience!
Dress modestly. Don’t lust. Be kind. Love your neighbor.
These are RULES. Rules that tell us what is good for us. It is not legalistic to strive to obey the Lord who has paid your ransom!
So it is with parents. Rules are fine. But we must ultimately point them back to “God’s rules”. For example, “Chew with your mouth closed at the table”. We remind and practice this rule because the Bible says, “love your neighbor as yourself”. I tell my children when we’re discussing manners, “We don’t practice manners to impress people…we practice manners because it is a real way to show love to those around you–your neighbors.”
Anything we require of our children can ultimately be rooted in a Scriptural principle. This is the way to avoid legalism.
Aside from when and how to discipline, nurturing a right relationship is CRUCIAL in the home. I fail, like all of you do (we’re all in this human thing together), but I constantly reinforce my love to my children.
Hardly an hour passes that I don’t look one of them in the eyes, and with a sincere smile say, “I feel so blessed that your are mine…I not only love you, I like you. I like being with you!”
I remind my children how important they are to our family…of their worth and value in the eyes of their Creator.
When I do have to spank them, I do it with sorrow, and they know it. If it is done in anger, it is wrong–it becomes OUR sin. Afterwards, they are so free, they feel so secure, and their face wears the relief. Our relationship is restored and they are HAPPY.
I wrote an ebook on this, but that’s the long and short of it.
I fear for this new wave of theology that has parents so confused. Be very vigilant…study God’s Word, look to HIM for answers. There is a sweeping wave of false doctrine being propagated and the most important thing to remember about it is, most of it is true, and sounds really good…the deception is subtle, which is what makes it so dangerous.
Many of you have heard by now, but I couldn’t go without petitioning all of you to lift the family of Steven Curtis Chapman up before the Lord.
Wednesday, right after announcing their oldest daughter’s engagement, and right before going to celebrate their son’s graduation, their oldest son accidentally backed over their youngest daughter in the driveway at home.
(The Chapman’s have 6 children, the last three of whom were adopted from China.)
Ironically, not long ago, Chapaman wrote the song “Cinderella” for his girls…watch the clip of how he came to write the song, and then the link under that is the video.
Every mother alive can only imagine the horror of such an accident, and we can only beg the Father’s tender mercies to be poured out on this family.
Have you ever been asked to make a list of your priorities? Every one of us (Christians) have made “God”, or “My relationship with God”, our #1 entry.
May I submit that it is not a biblical answer to place God as our #1 priority? In fact, He should not even be on the list!
He IS our list. To number Him places Him in a category, separates Him, in a sense, reduces Him to an item to be checked off.
God must encompass the list…this is a true Christian world-view, one of which, sadly, many Christians are not embracing.
He must envelop all than I am, all that I do, all of my life. Every decision, every motive, every action needs to be measured in the light of God’s Word. EVERYTHING.
Food for thought!
Continuing the series on parenting, I thought it would be helpful to offer some practical ways parents can teach their children to love the Lord. This is our basic command regarding our part of bringing up children, while theirs is “to obey and honor” parents.
It becomes much easier to impart biblical counsel into the hearts of our children when they honor us. It is the right relationship for discipleship. (Rules without relationship results in rebellion.) When children are taught to obey and honor their parents from a young age, the need for discipline gets less and less, and more attention can be given to just enjoying the relationship.
I’m a learning parent, just like you, so these are just a few of my feeble attempts. Feel free to share yours!
- If I do nothing else in the day, I try to make sure I read straight out of the Bible each day. So many great discussions about the character of God spring from this. (I do it even if they act bored 😉 (Dad reads at night.) I believe that the reading of Scripture has a power that we can’t even comprehend. We try to keep a memorization passage going as well.
- I try to point to God through everything. If I am discussing a particular behavior/habit (say, manners at the table), I am careful to emphasize WHY we bother. “Chewing with your mouth closed is simply a tangible way to ‘love your neighbor as yourself’ “. Why do we give preference to older people? Why do we not run in the house? (To be good stewards of our possessions…i.e. not breaking everything in sight.) Etc.
- Whether we’re reading about someone, watching a movie or meet someone, I try to look for opportunities to abbreviate their love for God. “Do you know why Mother Teresa had such compassion on those poor people? Only God’s love can do that.”
- When we go for a walk, I point out how all the beauty around us is evidence of God’s love for us.
- Any time we study some amazing feature of nature, I try to remember to stop and say, “Do we not serve the most creative, incredible God? How could anyone think this world just happened?”
- In the area of money, I try to remind them that all that we have belongs to God.
Day in, day out…our most important job is to reveal to our children that God encompasses all that we do and all that we are. It is giving our children life through a biblical worldview.
In light of the post “The Only Thing That Matters“, raising children becomes such an important thing to understand.
Once we understand how valuable they are, and how the very future of a society rests upon them, we know how crucial it is to bring them up properly.
It’s no secret that our culture is witnessing an epidemic of out-of-control, self-centered irresponsible children who are quickly becoming the same kind of adult.
Somewhere along the way, parents bought into the crazy notion that children can just be left alone to grow up, and then they’ll miraculously turn out to be healthy, contributing citizens.
Not so. Again, God’s ways are always right. He said to invest enormous amounts of time and energy into raising them to obey His commands. If we play now, we pay later.
Dr. McArthur, in his series on children said, “it doesn’t take a PhD to raise normal, healthy children; it takes a PhD to deal with the mess left when parents fail to do it.”
Number one rule: children are to be taught to obey and honor their parents. That’s the only command given to children in the Bible. And if you think about it, this solves the biggest problem we see among people: the lack of self-control.
I’m am repeatedly astonished when I hear children using a smart tone of voice or just downright disrespectful language with their parents. Above all else parents simple cannot allow disrespect!
The very beginning of training a child MUST encompass the enforcement of respect to parents and authority.
Even now, my seven-month old baby has started to kick her legs angrily when I put her down for a nap. I have already begun showing her that is not acceptable. I require her to stop, and repeatedly hold her legs and speak firmly to her until she does.
As cute and cuddly as they are, our children are born sinners! They are selfish, self-centered, egotistical little people who require tremendous amounts of discipline. We trust God for the heart work, but we are ordered to teach them His commands.
How happy are children when there is a loving yet firm hand that says, “I love you enough to hold you within my authority”! It’s such a picture of what God is to us, and it paves the road for how our children will relate to Him in their spiritual lives.
You must know (I pray you know!) that I am a struggling, selfish woman, striving, however poorly, to be a Proverbs 31 woman. I blog to myself 🙂
I am also not a morning person…(remember the coffee grinder incident?)
So yesterday, it came as a rather inconvenient surprise that the Lord spoke so firmly to me before I had even opened my eyes!
In my defense, I am nursing a baby who still wakes up several times during the night…I’m just saying.
But Monday morning, I had barely woken up and would have rolled back over to get my usual 30 minutes extra sleep–you know, to make up for all my “sacrifice” during the night, when plain as the sky I heard the words, “She looketh well to the ways of her household”.
“Yes I know that Lord, but…”
See, my husband was upstairs getting ready for work. Here’s the confession: I hardly ever get up and make him breakfast. I’m so sorry to burst your bubble, but my sweet husband has always claimed that he doesn’t really like to eat in the mornings.
But after all these years of marriage, I’m pretty sure he’s just too sweet to make me feel like I need to get up.
He works out in the sun all day–heavy manual labor–the boy needs something to eat in the mornings!
So yesterday, I mixed up a batch of homemade frozen biscuits, and this morning I got up with him and popped a couple of them in the toaster oven, along with an egg, a slice of sandwich meat and cheese.
Well, it’s a start…I’m SO not a morning person–
I draw the line at “she also rises while it is yet night”.
Frozen Biscuit Recipe
5 c. flour (I used 1/2 whole wheat, 1/2 white) 1 c. butter
1/2 c. sugar 2 pkg. yeast
1 tsp. salt 1/2 c. warm water
1 tsp. soda 2 c. buttermilk
3 tsp. baking powder
Mix dry ingredients together; cut in pieces of butter. Dissolve yeast in warm water; add to milk. Add milk to dry mixture; mix well. (I had to add a lot more flour to get it stiff enough to roll out.) Turn onto floured surface; fold over, working in small amounts of flour, several times. Pat or roll out to desired thickness; cut and place on greased cookie sheet and freeze. As soon as biscuits are frozen, place them in freezer bag. You can roll in melted butter before baking at 400 until brown. (You can defrost 30 min. before, but it is not necessary.)
SO….
What’s wrong? Why are even Christians failing miserably in this area? Why are we losing our children left and right? Why are they growing up to abandon the faith, their spouses and their own children?
We haven’t obeyed the Word of God. That’s all.
Parents are given basically one command concerning their children:
“You shall teach them (the commands of Scripture–namely to love the Lord) diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up…”
Signs, frontlets (reminders between the eyes!),doorposts and gates!
This is not a command for flippant discipleship where success is measured by how well your children can sing the “arky-arky” song! This is heavy.
The family is the place children are to be taught, nourished and grounded in the principles of God’s Word.
The command isn’t given to Sunday schools, to grandparents (although we pray grandparents understand the vision of how integral their role can be), to the day care worker, and especially not to the anti-God, humanistic public school system.
It doesn’t matter ONE BIT how many musical instruments my children play, whether or not they’ve had the opportunity to play sports, at what age they learn to read, if they get a scholarship, how many friends they have, or what “wonderful opportunities” we can afford to give them.
None of that matters if I haven’t spent my days laboring to teach my children of the things of God.
(Just listen to what we deem important? “How are you going to send them all to college?” That is coming from Christian men and women who are supposed to be encouraging young couples to raise children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
We need to be hearing them say, “How much time are you spending in God’s Word with each of these little warriors?” Keep that in mind the next time you have the opportunity to encourage another Christian couple.)
Is it enough to just be a Christian and live it out in front of them? According to the Bible, no it isn’t. To TEACH DILIGENTLY is different from having them just absorb it from us.
Until the people of God start to really value children, and see them as an important group of people who will be taking over soon, we will continue to reap the consequences of our apathy.