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The Art of Being Beautiful

by Kelly Crawford

Robin is one of my dearest friends. She inspires me. She’s honest and real and she loves the people around her.  She loves making things better and people better. This post of hers struck my heart. And if it rubs you the wrong way, sorry.  It’s what I believe is truth.  I’ve seen the truth, in her life, and in the lives of other women who tune out the messages of the culture and tune in to God’s gift to us as women.

You’re only a doormat if you choose to be.  If washing dirty feet was the chosen profession for the King of the universe, how dare I think I’m above bestowing service and honor to my husband and family?  Why wouldn’t I clamor to emulate my Savior each day?

“So many times
I didn’t search out his favor I searched out my own.

I put him last when I should have put him first.
I didn’t laugh at his jokes.

I didn’t make love to him because I didn’t have time.

I didn’t make his favorite meal because it was easier to
make a quick meal for the kids.

I didn’t stay up late and listen to his dreams.
I didn’t forgive easily.

I forgot to write him letters.

I wanted him to romance me instead of me romancing him.
I didn’t make his coffee and bring it to him in bed.

I didn’t iron his clothes because I don’t iron.

I didn’t make his lunch
or make his favorite supper.

Or a thousand other things I should have done
that I’m called to do.

I forgot that my job was supposed to be all about him.”

Do yourself a favor and read all of The Art of Being Beautiful (then be sure to come back and tell me what you think!)

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Nicki December 3, 2010 - 11:01 pm

WOW! Absolutely beautiful!

Jennifer December 3, 2010 - 11:02 pm

Rubs us the wrong way? Rubbish. This is lovely, Kelly!

Word Warrior December 3, 2010 - 11:09 pm

🙂 I was anticipating that the line, “my job was supposed to be all about him” would strike some chords…and probably it will.

Jennifer December 3, 2010 - 11:17 pm

Yup. It would have for me, if I hadn’t been schooled by now in the knowledge that each spouse is supposed to put their other half first.

Renata December 3, 2010 - 11:48 pm

I so do love Robin’s blog – I’ve been reading it for a while since you linked to it previously!
It sure is a beautiful, challenging post – one I’ve thought about since reading when she first posted it!
Hope you have a lovely day

I Live in an Antbed December 3, 2010 - 11:56 pm

Truth, indeed.

Deanna December 4, 2010 - 12:22 am

So, so good! She is right – I am more beautiful today than when we married nearly 23 years before because I have learned (and am still learning) to serve my family, especially my husband. What a blessing and a joy!

Bri December 4, 2010 - 12:34 am

I think what you mentioned…that the last line would rub people the wrong way is so very indicative of our culture. Not because of it being about serving a man…but because it’s about serving someone other than ourselves. Even as Christians, we are called to serve everyone else. Not once does God tell us that when it’s convenient we should help an orphan…or when it’s financially feasible, we should give to the church. We are called to do these things REGARDLESS!

Our culture has started with a base line of selfishness. And I love what the previous poster said about each spouses job being about serving the other first. That is so true! Of men AS WELL AS women. But, guess what? You have no control over what another person does, only yourself! So you can’t force someone else to serve you, but that doesn’t give you the right to refuse to serve them. It’s not about being subservient to our husbands, it’s about putting someone above you. Just as Christ put all of us above himself and paid the highest price imaginable!

I write this as it’s being spoken to my heart. I have a lot of ground to cover to even come close to having this mindset all the time. But this very second it seems God is using all of you to show me how to raise my sons. In an environment of self-sacrifice…of putting others first…no matter what. Of offering dinner when my house is a mess, of fellowshipping with others when we don’t really have the money but feel God’s call to do so, and of serving my husband even when there are a million other things that feel pressing at the moment. Thank you!

Kim M December 4, 2010 - 2:06 am

Inspiring! That’s what it was for me….

LucyT December 4, 2010 - 2:17 am

I loved reading it and am sad to say so often I fail.Today I failed big hopefully tomarrow I will do better.Thank God my husband is so forgiving.

ladyscott December 4, 2010 - 9:00 am

An acquaintance of mine is getting her 3rd divorce because, “I don’t want someone else’s feelings to dictate my own.” I was floored! Isn’t that what she signed up for when she agreed to marry him?! My world revolves around my husband (and his world revolves around his family and our world revolves around the Lord.)! The choices I make, how I raise the children, arrange the house, cook the meals, even how I dress is to please and benefit my husband (and our family and glorify the Lord.) There are times, occasional times, when I do serve myself, but it is usually at a time when hubby agrees that I need some me-time (like wearing comfy sweats to bed rather than a silk nightie because I’m not feeling well.) Or, I cook a quick kid-pleasing dinner because it’s an hour before the kid’s bedtime and I haven’t started dinner yet because the baby was fussy, the dog puked, the older kids spilled something, and someone needed discipline. Those occasions and even those seasons (like my pregnancy that had me bed ridden for much of it) do occur.

I think people automatically assume that when a woman writes a post like Robin did that she’s doing all the serving and her husband is just sitting back like a sultan in a harem. They don’t see beyond her written words about her particular situation that perhaps, just perhaps (and most likely) her husband is just as loving and serving in return.

I think it is funny how in today’s world, if a woman serves her husband, she’s called a doormat. But, if a husband takes care of his wife, he’s a “good catch.”

Word Warrior December 4, 2010 - 9:12 am

Bri & Ladyscott–you have hit on something VERY important that I think explains why this disucssion can often “rub women the wrong way”:

Bri said:

“You have no control over what another person does, only yourself! So you can’t force someone else to serve you, but that doesn’t give you the right to refuse to serve them.”

I get asked, “Why don’t you ever talk about the men’s job to serve?” as if because I exhort women I’m saying that ONLY women are to serve while men receive the doting. Not the case, as I’ve emphasized that I believe as a Christ-leader, a husband must become servant of all. It’s just that I don’t talk to men, I talk to women 😉

Ladyscott said: “They don’t see beyond her written words about her particular situation that perhaps, just perhaps (and most likely) her husband is just as loving and serving in return.”

You are very wise! Scott is quite the servant–in fact, we call Robin “The Princess” in the most affectionate way 😉 Some would call her spoiled; I call her reaping the natural benefits of not getting tangled up in terminology (“me, submit to him?”) and obeying the Lord by making her husband her first priority.

I Live in an Antbed December 4, 2010 - 11:20 am

When we serve our husbands and family with humble hearts and joy, it causes our husbands to delight in pleasing us. We don’t have to ask to be treated well when our husbands believe we love being their helpmeet. The Lord designed them to be drawn to our hearts when we trust Him as our Provision and lay down all our expectations for how we should be treated.

Shelby McLemore December 4, 2010 - 9:21 am

Don’t have time for a long response…..but, the short of it is – I LOVE it. It is right on, and if it rubs people the wrong way, then maybe down the road will come conviction. I know it did in my marriage years ago when I read a marriage book that “rubbed me the wrong way.” Soon after, it changed my life!! Thanks for sharing.

Michelle December 4, 2010 - 9:51 am

I love this post. It served as a great reminder to me. We have young children and one on the way. It is just so easy for me to get caught up in them and forget that he needs me to. That he was first in my life once before. Thanks for sharing this with me.

Charity December 4, 2010 - 10:02 am

This was just the perfect thing for me to read this morning, as we celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary today. Tears…

Joy Horton December 4, 2010 - 11:15 am

Thank you for posting that. I subscribed to her blog.

That was really precious and, sadly, I could’ve written that post. But I’m so glad to have the reminder of the kind of wife and helper I was created to be. I don’t think we can be reminded of this too often.

Margaret December 4, 2010 - 11:21 am

Beautiful. Great reminder. My husband is coming home soon after 18 months away and I know it is going to be an adjustment. I need to be that kind of beautiful for him.

I can see why it would rub people the wrong way. Yes, because our society hates the idea of service in the first place. But also because many would assume that her marriage is limited to just that–her serving her husband and nothing more. In truth, very few of us are married to actual sociopaths. :p Most of us live with a man who loves us and wants to show that love. When we talk about loving and serving our husband, we’re talking about our personal obligations. It gets cumbersome to write something like that and then add disclaimers every time lining out everything our husband’s are supposed to do.

Jill December 4, 2010 - 11:28 am

I’m going to copy that and put it up where I can see it everyday. I still feel like that in my heart, but after 16 years and 6 kids, sometimes my priorities get way messed up!! Thanks for the reminder!

Renee December 4, 2010 - 11:35 am

I read this post a week or 2 ago and LOVE it, and I read again today I still love it!

I read somewhere that it’s again our nature to serve other selflessly, we because of sin are selfish being, but only when we are full and covered with Christ, when we humble our self to be his hands and his feet, are we able to serve like he serve, and give his life for us!

Isn’t it powerful thinking that without Christ we can’t serve, but only with him we can truly do it 🙂

To God be the glory
Mrs. Stam

elizabeth December 4, 2010 - 12:06 pm

I needed this today! Thank you for sharing!

terry@breathing grace December 4, 2010 - 12:43 pm

I loved it!

Kelly L December 4, 2010 - 2:32 pm

Beautiful! Makes me want to be more beautiful!

liz December 4, 2010 - 3:58 pm

Great piece. I don’t have a problem with it. I will ask, that the rest of you pray for your sisters who believed they were marrying christian men and who found out afterward it was in name only. Pray for your sisters who are told by their husbands they must work. Pray for the women whose husbands do their darndest to undo their teaching of their children, and allow all kinds of inappropriate media into the home. Pray for your sisters who come home to cook a decent meal, wash laundry, take our garbage, ect ect ect all after a day at work, with never a thank you. Pray for the women who turn over their paychecks to their husbands and watch those men spend the grocery money on concert tickets, gambling, or any other matter of vice. It is very difficult to serve that kind of man. No amount of inward or outward beauty can change a heart that hard.

Kelly L December 5, 2010 - 3:01 pm

Liz, it is true that no amount of beauty could change a heart. The only One whose job it is to change someone’s heart is Holy Spirit, who is a convicter of sin. Our job to assist God as He moves on someone’s heart is to be obedient to what the Lord has asked us to do, which includes serving our spouse even if we feel they do not deserve it.
I cannot imagine how hard it must be, because that is not my life. But I have learned in other really hard areas I have had that God is the sustainer, comforter, and only hope in these kinds of times. I will be praying for those women who are in these types of relationships.

Joyfull December 7, 2010 - 11:15 am

In response to Liz, who said, “pray for your sisters who believed they were marrying christian men and who found out afterward it was in name only . . .” Thank you. That is me, and I do appreciate prayers, because it is a very hard place to be.

However, I want to encourage others to still pray, and be faithful. Spiritually, it is very difficult to be married to someone who doesn’t believe, but it is still possible to have a good, strong marriage. Also, God can still lead through your husband. Our oldest was having a hard year in public school, and one day, after talking to a contractor who home schooled his children, my husband asked me to home school our children. I never would have expected such a thing two years ago. It is a gift from god. I still struggle to counteract some of the media messages that are on in our home, but again, I pray that my children and husband can see God in me and that this message will be stronger.

Stay faithful. To God, and to your husband. God can make you strong. God placed many biblical characters with the ungodly in order to change history and live. Look at Joseph, Daniel, and Esther for inspiration to continue in faithfulness.

Kristi December 4, 2010 - 4:31 pm

I think she is focusing on the wrong thing. Our focus should be on loving our Lord, who is our true master, and then our love and service to our husbands will flow out of our love for and from God. We got married very young, and are both very rooted in selfishness. We have had a lot of problems through the years. It is only when we are both focused on God that we can truly love eachother. Focusing on our spouse will sometimes only bring heartache and hopelessness. That is where I feel the whole modern submission movement is going wrong, our husbands become our gods instead of serving them in a Christ like manner, out of love for Christ.

Word Warrior December 4, 2010 - 6:00 pm


“I think she is focusing on the wrong thing. Our focus should be on loving our Lord”

That’s a given; just because she doesn’t provide a disclaimer, most discerning readers should understand that because she is a Christian, all of her serving pours out of that. She wouldn’t even have the desire to serve her husband, most likely, if her focus wasn’t on the Lord.

Lillian December 4, 2010 - 6:51 pm

I am happy that I was able to read this. I have been taught that the wife is first and then the children and the husband follows after that. I have been learning a lot by following your website and would like to know other sites you suggest on helping wives know the truth about their roles. I am a Christian woman wanting learn more about my role as a wife and mom and my intimacy with God. This was truly a wake up call for me. My husband works extremely hard to provide for us he has been blessed with his own semi truck and I am able to stay home and home school our children and sometimes I do not do all I can do.

I need more molding from God so that I can have and show true beauty.

jen in AL December 4, 2010 - 6:43 pm

I loved this the first time I read it when she posted it and it is more precious with every read. Oh, how i pray to have our Lord’s heart of service and love for my hubby and sweeties!!! Thanks for posting this! blessings, jen in al

Katie Grace December 4, 2010 - 11:27 pm

I loved this! Beautifully written. I find so much joy in doing things for my husband and have been “teased” by almost every friend. They say he’s spoiled. They all predicted that “things would change” after we became parents. The truth is that I make more of an effort now than I did before children. I think I’m spoiled more than he is. I hear women comment on how their husbands are always on the golf course or hunting, that they “won’t talk to them”, or about how they have to buy their own gifts because their husbands don’t take the time to do it. My hubby spends every spare moment that he can with us. Occasionally, he’ll go to a game with his dad or a concert but most weeks he is either at work or home. He talks to me about all his hopes, dreams, struggles, needs, prayers, challenges, work, etc. And he always gives simple but meaningful gifts.

Sometimes I feel like I know a secret that some other women just don’t understand. The other day a lady at our church, someone I don’t normally spend time with, commented that “she could see that my husband just adored me!” Seems she had been observing us and that was her conclusion. After 13 years of marriage, that blessed me to hear that from someone else. I do feel adored!

Sarah December 5, 2010 - 7:06 am

Thank You for sharing this post it was beautifully written. I checked out Robins blog and I must say I kept it open all day because the music is beautiful and I stole away a few moments to read some of her older posts. She has a beautiful family.
Sarah L.

Kristi December 5, 2010 - 3:55 pm

Kelly, to be fair you did ask us to be sure and come back and post what we think. I do not find, in all of this talk about submitting to our husbands, that building up our relationship with God first IS obvious. It was not obvious to me in the many years I listened to advice in all of the conservative circles on the subject and it led to tremendous discouragement. Only when I am keeping first things first can I appreciate my other roles, but if it is that obvious to you and others, more power to you! 🙂

Word Warrior December 5, 2010 - 4:25 pm

Your opinion is certainly welcome. I guess I just find it intriguing that you think a beautiful piece written about *how* a wife can love her husband is “missing the point”, when Titus 2 instructs older women to “teach the younger women to love their husbands and children”. To me, it’s a practical application of our direct command, with our love for the Lord being under-girded all the time. Of course we should (and do) here in our “conservative circles” exhort women in their relationship with the Lord. But how does that make a practical post irrelevant? Just a very interesting angle to me, from a woman who deeply loves the Lord and yet greatly appreciates these practical admonitions to fulfill my role as a wife.

momofmany December 5, 2010 - 4:52 pm

I don’t think it’s strange to wonder about it missing the point at all. The focus here is on beauty being found in putting a husband first. But a husband…isn’t God. And sometimes the husband won’t get his favorite meal made or his shirts ironed, not because the wife isn’t beautiful, but because her first priority as a child of God is to be serving God. Serving God is not necessarily serving the husband (ask Saphira about that). Sometimes that means nursing the sick baby instead of fixing the husband’s favorite meal, or whatever else it is that God has also called her to.

A commenter above, ladyscott, said something about marriage meaning our feelings are dictated by our husband’s, and I gasped. No. No, our feelings are not dictated to us by someone else, and that kind of thinking is very dangerous (and not at all supported Biblically).

In serving others, it is only healthy in so far as we remain individuals, standing before God all by ourselves, as the unique creation He has designed us to be. No one else’s feelings dictate ours. If you are married to an abuser, as I was, and you allow your feelings to be dictated to you by your husband, then it will not be long before you are completely destroyed. Christ did not allow his feelings to be dictated to him by others. Nor should we.

And that’s not just a lesson for the abused wife, but also for the wife in a happy marriage. Our feelings, our thoughts, our opinions, are our own. And out of that abundance, we can choose to serve.

Our beauty does not come from whether or not we put our husband first. It comes from our recognition and understanding of who God has made us to be. And that “who” is not a wife…or a mother…or a woman…or a man…or a husband…or a whatever. It’s the unique creation that we are in Christ, that inner person of the heart (who is expressed in being a wife, a mother, or whatever other role or identity we take on while we are pilgrimaging this earth).

All the other things, the roles, the outward identities, they all pass away. They are there for a time, for a season. We make a terrible mistake, I think, when we start identifying with the outward roles and forget who we are. I think we make a terrible mistake when we start thinking our beauty comes from those outward roles and not from the inner person of the heart.

Word Warrior December 5, 2010 - 5:11 pm

Hi Molly 😉

Robin hits the point in the first stanza…

“Is my love for the Lord growing so that the love for my husband
is growing.”

That is the crux of the message–“are we becoming more beautiful BECAUSE OF our love for the Lord?”

Kristi December 5, 2010 - 5:16 pm

Momofmany, beautifully put and I agree. The problem is, this issue seems to be all or nothing and the posts and “encouragement” seem to come from an all or nothing standpoint. Either you are 100% on board with the submission thing, or you are some kind of feminist heretic. I am realizing it’s not that cut and dried. The author of the post you quoted says this: “Somewhere along the way we forget that we were created for our husbands and that’s what takes away our beauty.” and “When I’m around women that have not forgotten the true art of their beauty, which is to love and respect their husband with all of their heart,”– really? I remember reading that the commandment is to love and honor God with all of our hearts. Anything we do for others will flow out of that. She is saying that our submission and love for our husband is the hub around which our beauty revolves? I am not meaning to just make a play on words- she is making a huge statement here. Our worth, our beauty is defined by our husbands. Being a submissive wife is our duty, for sure. But I believe to take it from this angle is definitely missing the point.

Word Warrior December 5, 2010 - 5:22 pm


A woman CAN “love the Lord with all her heart” and still believe, as the Bible says, that “she was created for her husband”. (1 Cor. 11:9)

In fact, I see the two hand in hand. If and when we love Jesus, we “keep his commands” which includes a whole passel of things, one of which is to recognize our role as wives. It’s not “either/or”, as you suggest.

I’m quite familiar and have debated, ad nauseum, with the “liberated Christian feminists” so I don’t have a desire to answer further. We disagree on what the Bible teaches about our roles, period. But I think we DO agree that we are to love the Lord with all our hearts and everything else flows out of that. Amen!

Kristi December 5, 2010 - 5:30 pm

Kelly, I do not consider myself a feminist at all. I believe very much that we are called to submit to our husbands as to God, in everything. I do not do this perfectly and appreciate the right kind of encouragement. It makes it much easier when I am reminded that when I submit to my husband, I am really submitting to God. I do NOT think it is healthy or right, however, to tell a woman that her beauty comes from how her husband sees her…many women are very beaten down and discouraged by choices their husbands make that prove to them they are NOT beautiful, so the advice that we are to rely on our husbands for our beauty is a bit of a slap in the face to many women. Only when we remember our true identity can we love our husband and see him with a Christ like love. That is all. I’m sorry if that makes me sound like a feminist. That is what I was meaning by it seems to be you are either/or. 🙁

Word Warrior December 5, 2010 - 6:04 pm


Sorry if I misread your intent…I sensed a typical “knee-jerk” reaction that, perhaps, wasn’t there.

When you say, “I do NOT think it is healthy or right, however, to tell a woman that her beauty comes from how her husband sees her…”

I don’t think that’s what the post is saying at all.

liz December 5, 2010 - 6:52 pm

Kristi, I agree with you. I would never consider myself a liberal feminist, at all. But you hit the nail on the head when you said that when we submit to our husbands we have to remember we are really submitting to the Lord. Not every husband is a pleasure to submit to, some husbands do not grow in favor toward their wives as a result of said submission. Some husbands who the world would not even consider abusive, still expect their wives to do things that are not appropriate for a Christian. I do not suggest that we should NOT submit; but let’s not make some women feel like their personhood is based on their spouse. Some very kind and submissive wives have loser husbands, sad to say.

I actually really like the article; I think this is just a matter of adding thoughts to the conversation.

Mrs. G December 5, 2010 - 7:10 pm

What a beautiful post, DH and I were discussing about how wives don’t serve their husbands because they “deserve” it because no human deserves to be served by another. Rather, God allows man a helpmeet to assist him in his job; it’s a tool, not a reward. Therefore an ungodly man deserves no less a beautiful helpmeet than does a godly man (though I certainly don’t deny that serving a non-Christian would be more difficult). My husband has expectations of me but he also has high expectations for himself, he strives to lead in part because he’s reverenced at home and that’s a win-win situation!

Mrs. S December 5, 2010 - 11:08 pm

Well if you want opinions: I feel like that post was missing the gospel and just heaped a burden of works on my shoulders. Where is the hope in that long list of failures?

The last stanza reads: “When I’m around women that have not forgotten the true art of their beauty, which is to love and respect their husband with all of their heart…”

I am not a feminist at all and do seek serve my husband but Christ alone is my beauty. If I am looking to “love and respect my husand with all my heart” as a way to gain true beauty my filthy rags will just make me feel ugly because I will fail so often.

Word Warrior December 6, 2010 - 8:16 am

Mrs. S.,

I’m sorry you felt that when you read it. I personally don’t feel like “the gospel” has to be reiterated in every post (I get this a lot) since, as Christian women, we should be cultivating an appetite for “solid food”, understanding that the gospel is the foundation for all of which we do and discuss. Consider how the Bible is written…many, many books and chapters “exhort, rebuke and encourage”, and often it is heavy, convicting and, if I am operating in my flesh, even burdensome.

Conviction points me to the fact that I need Him more and more to walk in obedience. He says, “Be ye holy as I am holy”. Isn’t that heavy to you? And I might say, “Where’s the gospel in that?” But it’s there, speaking to me that if I want to be a disciple of Jesus, I must rely on His power to produce in me the effects of redemption, just like Robin’s post was pointing.

The “hope in her list of failures” was that now that she has taken her mind off of herself, the beauty of service is being cultivated through her; she doesn’t do it perfectly–none of us do. I need someone to remind me of this often, even if it hurts a little.

Janey December 6, 2010 - 11:47 pm

Thank you for your post and link. That was lovely and refreshing. WHat came to mind to me was another blog I read almost daily: “What Women Never Hear.” http://www.wwnh.wordpress.com I am not sure from where this site was suggested, but it offers a nice small daily dose of practical advise in regards to what femininity is and how the male psyche works. The author is unabashedly Christian and he claims to be and seems to be an older gentleman, but he speaks about a man’s “nature” before you add in . . .well, the soul, I guess. It is a much needed sneak peek into how men are wired (especially for younger women, but some like me, who never learn ;o). Thank you again for all of your wonderful posts. I always seem to need them <3

b December 7, 2010 - 10:19 am

Are husbands created for their wives in the same way that wives are created for their husbands?

adminnv December 7, 2010 - 11:25 am


Nope. Not according to Scripture. 1 Cor. 11:9

b December 7, 2010 - 2:00 pm

Oh my! I think that you might be a bit overconfident in your interpretation of that verse!

Dede December 8, 2010 - 9:51 pm

Kelly, do you wear a head-covering? I am asking because the Scripture that you quoted, rightly read in the context you are presenting with this line of discussion, would suggest that you would also adhere to “head-covering”?

Word Warrior December 8, 2010 - 10:09 pm

No, I don’t.

“But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.

16But if any man seem to be contentious, we have no such custom, neither the churches of God.”

Struggle w/ Headcovering December 10, 2010 - 3:01 pm

Kelly, I’ve been wrestling with the headcovering issue for over 2 years now. We know that church “tradition” doesn’t dictate theology, but it sure does give us a peek into it. During my study, I learned that Christian women covered their heads from the first century all the way up to the 1950’s (but at that point, it had become hats for fashion, so it lost its spiritual symbolism/meaning). Isn’t is surprising (or not?!) that out went the headcovering when in came the feminism? Many church fathers understood 1Cor. 11 to be for all cultures through all time including but not limited to Augustine, Luther, Calvin, R.C. Sproul.




These are great links for anyone wanting to study 1 Cor 11 in depth; learning the Greek behind it sure helps understand why the hair is not the covering Paul’s talking about. Kelly, your blog is so strengthening and encouraging. I’m so self-conscience to headcover, but I better get over it because my growing family will bring more persecution than any hat or scarf would 🙂 Thanks again for all you write on this blog.

ellowynne December 7, 2010 - 12:55 pm

I agree that my job is not all about him. My life in God does not consist of a singular focus, and certainly not on man. My husband is a priority in my life; that I can eagerly agree with. Yet he is not my all in all. I have observed and watched women place all their efforts into their husband. This poem above could be misconstrued as an allowance of codependency, and sometimes people get confused as to what is God-service and what is man-service. Just because a woman puts her husband first does not mean she is automatically doing so in a manner pleasing to God.

Frighteningly, it is almost easier for a woman to pedastool their husband into their primary, singular focus. The hard route for women often seems to be striking balance. Many women find it almost natural to use all their efforts in one man.

I do not believe in a call to a hierarchal worship. I believe in a wheel, with God at the center and being depended on to find balance and peace in all our dictated responsibilities.

Mrs. G December 7, 2010 - 4:41 pm

Co-dependency? Does that concept even exist in a Christian framework? Agape love would be derided as “co-dependency” from the pop psychologist du jour, so I’m not surprised that that term is getting bandied about when we start talking about a woman’s God given role.
“Just because a woman puts her husband first does not mean she is automatically doing so in a manner pleasing to God.”
God is interested in obedience and he commands women to obey their husbands and to keep their home, how can obedience to His will somehow translate into disobedience when it goes against the social grain? Just wondering….

ellowynne December 7, 2010 - 6:34 pm

Hello Mrs G,

The term co-dependency ideally would not fit into a Christian framework, but we are not perfect, and many people along in the process, still struggle with these issues. I know I do, anyway. If you have ever known anyone who suffers and practices co-dependent behavior, it would show even in Christian circles. Often, Christians are not any more righteous than anyone else, except in that they are covered by the blood of Christ. Christians struggle with co-dependency. Christian authors write about it often.

The fact that I use the terminology that typically gets thrown around in a conversation such as this is not me choosing to adopt any philosophy or psychology. I am just speaking truths I have witnessed, that’s all.

You said, “God is interested in obedience and he commands women to obey their husbands and to keep their home, how can obedience to His will somehow translate into disobedience when it goes against the social grain? Just wondering….”

My thoughts are that intent and motives are what is weighed. Obedience can appear as obedience to God’s will, but really not be so. I have learned in my walk with God that the outward actions are not always synoymous with internal heart issues. That is the only perspective I was speaking from.

Mrs. G December 7, 2010 - 8:36 pm

I have read and reread your comment so that I can try to truly understand what you’re saying and where you’re coming from. Please help me out if I’ve failed to understand you. 🙂 I understand co-dependent behavior (in the context that we’re already discussing) as “enabling” behavior by a woman with low self esteem that encourages rotten behavior in a man. However, isn’t obedience to God still the key? Even if I have zero self esteem and am serving a man because of my own sinfullness isn’t the outward obedience still obedience? Please, please don’t misunderstand me. I know that God wants us to obey and serve Him out of the abundance of our hearts as motivated by thankfulness and gratitude toward Him. I know He cares about our heart. But, how can disobeying His will to serve and respect our husbands be a better option? Wouldn’t obedience no matter how motivated be better than disobedience? There is a standard set for that in the Old Testament wherein God demanded obedience, He seemingly wasn’t too concerned with how they *felt* about it. Just musing aloud here….

Andrea December 7, 2010 - 6:37 pm

I didn’t have time to read all of the responses, but I wanted to add my AMEN here!

Andrea December 7, 2010 - 6:38 pm

I mean AMEN to Kelly’s post and her dear friends post as well!


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