Home humor My One-of-a-Kind Birthing Plan ;-)

My One-of-a-Kind Birthing Plan ;-)

by Kelly Crawford
As we continue to lean toward a natural childbirth (details in THIS post), I’ve been fairly concerned with the hospital staff’s cooperation. Not that I’ve ever felt the nurses at our hospital are necessarily against it, but I know that typical hospital protocol is not that friendly to natural child birth.

AND, I’m guessing that opposition to our choices are not going to be well-received while I’m in the throes of labor *SMILE*, so I’ve been thinking about how best to head off any contention from the beginning.

I had a brilliant idea in my sleep (that’s where my best thinking occurs 😉 Instead of my first thoughts of a detailed, firmly-stated birthing plan which might likely be lumped in with all the other “Oh great, one of those again” plans, I decided to write a light-hearted, rhyming plan! Is that not a great idea?

So, here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

Our Birth Plan

I’ve given birth to seven babes, and six were here with you,
But now it’s time for number eight and we’re trying something new!

I’ve always been an epi girl, love that needle-man!
But natural is my choice this time, so here’s my birthing plan!

I’ll need your comfort and support, I’m glad to give birth here,
But I prefer no needles or machines to interfere.

(Unless of course, though very rare, a problem does arise,
at which point, if we’re informed, we’ll gladly heed advice.)

We’re eager to embrace this journey as the Lord intends,
and ask for freedom as my body leads us to the end.

The end of the beginning, for this precious girl or boy,
We say a great big “THANK YOU” for sharing in our joy!

P.S. No copyright infringement exists; feel free to use it if you wish!
P.S.S. I reserve the right to change my mind about the natural thing despite my cute plan 😉

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Chelsea February 20, 2009 - 11:29 pm

love it! haha so cute.

Gombojav Tribe February 21, 2009 - 2:02 am

You could memorize it and say it like a mantra in labor!! LOL!

Bethany Hudson February 21, 2009 - 2:21 am

too cute 🙂 I’m sure the staff will at least pay attention to it–even if they don’t agree.

Sue February 21, 2009 - 5:47 am

I love it! I think it might actually go over quite well.

Allison February 21, 2009 - 7:51 am

Very cute rhyme, I love it! I wanted to add, I have had epidural births and natural births in the hospital. Two things that have helped me with the natural hospital births are 1.) I asked a doula (who was also a labor and delivery nurse at my hospital to help me. She was able to not only help me through the labor but also tell the nurses and whoever else what my plans were and what I didnt want, (she spoke for me and knew ahead what they would do. Also she knew the nurses so that helped too. 2.) the other thing was I tried to labor at home more. So I waited till I thought I was pretty far along to head to the hospitals, less time for intervention that way. Although my last baby this past year, I waited a little too long and was
9 cm when I got to the hospital!

Word Warrior February 21, 2009 - 10:20 am


I am planning to have a doula as I think she would be very helpful to my husband and me (he’s nervous too!)since this is our first natural birth.

I also have a massage therapist in the family who loves to do labor massages ;-O

MamaJ February 21, 2009 - 10:56 am

Ha,cute! You can do it! Get a Bradley method book and “practice” relaxing through a contraction. They teach you to tense your body up and then make it relax as an exercise. The doula and massage therapist sound like excellent ideas!!

Vanessa February 21, 2009 - 11:18 am

That is very cute! It’s sure to draw some smiles from the nurses.

Word Warrior February 21, 2009 - 11:26 am

Irrelevant from going natural…but I also detest the hospital gowns–not only because they’re so ugly, but mine are always broken at the snaps.

So, since buying a $65 designer labor gown is not an option, I found a new, pink hospital gown (actually a whole lot of them together if you want one too!)on Ebay, talked her into selling just one ($7), and will still be in “proper hospital attire” just not as drab 🙂

Zimms Zoo February 21, 2009 - 12:00 pm

I agree with laboring at home as long as possible. That is what I did with #6 and she was born withing 10 minutes of getting in a room. No time for an epidural!

It is so much. I have had both and feel so much better after the natural birth. You forget the pain immediately. Trust me on that one!!:0)

Also we firmly stated what we wanted as soon as we got there. The labor nurses were super nice and did exactly what we wanted. They would even ask again just to make sure (not in a pressuring way). All of our other kids were there too and the nurses were wonderful with them too! You might find that they are more accomadating than you think!

Sarah February 21, 2009 - 12:23 pm

Cute idea! It’s nice and short and the lighthearted approach should get their attention. We’ll be interested to hear how it all goes for you!

Deanna February 21, 2009 - 1:13 pm

Dear Kelly,

Honey, you’ll do fine without an epideral. I have had 3 children…all naturally, no epideral. By the time an epideral is given you’ve already experienced the brunt of discomfort that you are going to. Might as well finish the delivery without the epideral.

In my Mother’s day, the Dr. would put the Mother to sleep just before the entrance of the child into the world. I told my Mom, you had already gone through the brunt of discomfort and missed seeing the baby being born.


I didn’t do Lamaze either. This was heavily pushed when I was having babies. Nor did I squat like I was in a rice patty giving birth to a animal instead of a baby. Not in a bath tub or swimmimg pool.

Simply lying on my back as I laid on a bed and onto delivery, my babies would come into this world.

Deanna from the Kansas Flinthills

Word Warrior February 21, 2009 - 1:32 pm


Would you come be in the room with me 😉 Your words were soothing.

The squatting part made me laugh–I’ve really worried about that too! Like, “OK, I guess I have to get into a weird position if I’m going to go natural, ’cause that seems to be the protocol”…but I don’t really want to!

Brenda February 21, 2009 - 1:43 pm

That is so cute Kelly! You are right–it’s lighthearted and it will get their attention.

Great idea!

Deanna February 21, 2009 - 1:52 pm


You’re going to do great!

I never felt the episiotomy. The Doctor did an episiotomy while I was having a contraction and I didn’t feel the snip. I asked him when he was going to do this and to my surprise he said he’d already done it.

One of my deliveries was so fast the staff didn’t have time to prep the body with a ‘shave and a haircut’. This didn’t seem to hurt a thing.

Blessings to you.
Have said a prayer for you.
Deanna from the Kansas Flinthills

Colleen February 21, 2009 - 2:21 pm

It's super cute and original- and as a former L&D nurse, I've seen it all. Use it!

P.S. Include some candy or cookies and they'll really love you! (just kidding! kind of…) 🙂

Word Warrior February 21, 2009 - 2:34 pm


lol…Actually, I’ve been known to set up our homemade skin products display in my room (I have entrepreneur in my blood)and then I usually end up giving several bottles of lotions to my favorite nurses–maybe I should announce the bribery right up front 😉

Herding Grasshoppers February 21, 2009 - 5:27 pm

I think it’s great!

Print it out, put some fun illustrations around it, and tape it to the outside of your door, where it will catch the staff’s eyes before they even come in :0)

Herding Grasshoppers February 21, 2009 - 5:28 pm

PS I put a cartoon on my door. It was a picture (not crude) of an enormously pregnant woman, standing on the delivery bed, with her mouth wide open.

It read, “It ain’t over ’til the fat lady screams.”

All the nurses came in giggling.

Sweet Blessings February 21, 2009 - 10:25 pm

I’ve never had an epi, but only have had 3 and one due in April. I wouldn’t know what the needle feels like-lol-but-you can make it! It’s usually right when Im saying, “I can’t do this!” that the baby comes with the next push:) The first two we had in the hospital. The last one was a homebirth and this one will hopefully be too, but whatever is God’s will is how it will go down I’m sure. Blessings to you! Amanda:)

Mrs. Anna T February 22, 2009 - 9:36 am

That’s so cute!!

Rina February 22, 2009 - 11:53 am

This is so sweet! I love it… what a great idea!

Jill February 22, 2009 - 12:24 pm

Wow! Great way to get your point across in a light-hearted and non-offensive way! Just make sure they know that underneath it all you are serious!

I have to echo the others who said that by the time you’re ready for an epi you are very close to having that babe. The Bradley method actually teaches this as a “stage”…when the mom starts begging and saying she can’t do it it means she is in that transition stage that brings the baby close behind. I’ve had eight-some with complications, some in the hospital and others at home…I’ve found that good nurses or doulas make all the difference in the experience. The main thing is to relax and breathe naturally.

**I also highly recommend laboring in a bathtub or jacuzzi if you are allowed. It cuts the pain in half although it is a little difficult to hoist the huge body out of the water and back onto the bed (lol!).

You can do it!

Jill in Washington

Bernice February 22, 2009 - 2:56 pm

Hello. I read another blog and the lady mentioned a book she read called “Supernatural Childbirth” by
Jackie Mize. You can read her story here http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/luvs2bemom/502436/

It is an awsome natural child birth story. It is in two parts so be sure to find the second part.

Ann at eightacresofeden February 22, 2009 - 10:01 pm

When it comes to making any plans, birth plans included I always remember this verse Proverbs 16 v9
‘A man’s heart plans his way but the Lord directs his steps’ One version says but ‘the Lord determines the outcome.’ I believe both to be true. I was blessed to have my first four children in New Zealand which has a wonderful continuum of care system where you choose your own lead maternity carer. I chose to have my own midwife who visited me at home and helped me write a birth plan. I can testify that each time God did direct our steps. I gladly accepted an epidural during my first long hard labour. I had the same midwife for baby no2 but she could not attend the birth and I had to take ‘pot luck’ at the maternity home. God had it in hand and on arrival Christian music was playing in the delivery suite, yes, the midwife on duty was a Christian and I birthed without any need for pain relief or intervention. It wasn’t offered and I didn’t ask! I felt so proud and it gave me the confidence to plan a homebirth for no 3. I had a different midwife and experienced the joy of birthing in my own home. The next birth was a homebirth too but the plan to have the midwife there didn’t exactly work out as she didn’t make it on time but once again God was directing our steps and my husband had the pleasure of delivering his own son, this was a wonderful experience. We moved to Australia and found the system different, I couldn’t find an independent midwife, another homebirth seemed out of the question and then I found out baby no5 was also baby no 6 … twins! and I ended up with trips to the obstetrician. I had planned a natural birth in hospital but on the day (at 38 weeks) that I found out that my twins were both breech and I would need a c section, my waters broke (thankfully trickling rather than gushing!) when I was in town. I only thought this happened in movies! Even though this is not what I’d planned, I knew God wanted to bless us with twin girls. The c section with an epidural wasn’t that bad though I honestly don’t know why they needed so many people in the theatre, I suspect some were students. I came home on day 3 as unlike you, a stay in hospital I cannot compare to a vacation, it was more like a prison sentence for me, the food in particular, was terrible.
By the way, I write poems too and I call them ‘poems for people’ but it never occurred to me to put my birth plan into verse! This could be a world first! I love reading your blog, I share many of your convictions and I appreciate your honest writing. I usually sit and read and exclaim yes! yes! yes!

Carmen February 22, 2009 - 11:25 pm

Very cute!

Kim M. February 23, 2009 - 10:56 am

I love it! You are so creative.

Sarah D. February 26, 2009 - 12:57 pm

LOL! Love it!

We wanted to go “natural”, but after almost 60 hours of labor and not progressing, decided it was time to get moving. 😉 I got an epi and pitocin and things went very quickly (baby was born in about an hour). Praise the Lord! =)

Maybe, since this is number 8, it will go really fast, so you don’t have a chance to rethink your “no epi” stand! =)

Whatever happens, I pray everything goes well. =)

541sarahg February 26, 2009 - 3:59 pm

I’m new to your blog. My dear friend recommended it to me and I’m really enjoying it, I think I got my sister and mother in law hooked too. Anyways, I’ve had 6 in 6 years, all natural, and while it’s no piece of cake take comfort in knowing that when you feel you can’t go on, it’s all but over. For a brief time of pain will bring into the world a lifetime of joy in your new blessing. Remember, the Lord will not give you more than you can handle. Good luck, it’s worth it!!!

Rachel February 28, 2009 - 1:09 am

I’ve had 3 children. My first was suppose to be a homebirth – but after my water broke, I wouldn’t go into labor. Following state laws …after 12 hours of pictocin induced labor … I ended up with a C-section that I feel now could and should have been avoided.

My second daughter was born 2 1/2 years later – at home. There was a small problem and we almost had to transport, but God is good, and she was born at home, though not as I had hoped. She had the cord wrapped around her foot and was tugging on the placenta.

After a couple of miscarriages, I finally got pregnant with my son (10 and 8 year gaps between him and big sisters.) I had problems with high blood pressure and ended up with an MD. Started following the advice of Mercola.com and brought my blood pressure back to normal. But now I was trapped into a 90% probablility (and growing) chance of a C-Section. After reading about natural childbirth, and this article http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2000/04/09/naturalbirthingoptions.aspx and many other books. I just didn’t want another C-section. So when my water broke on a Saturday night (my doctor wouldn’t do nights or weekends) made that 100% chance – I called my midwife.

It was almost a perfect birth. But because I could move around, stay hydrated, and do what came natural without embarrasment AND not worry about anybody else – I was fine. There was all of 10 seconds that I was positive I couldn’t do it.

Now after 2 more miscarriages, I’m pregnant again. Dh is not working, I’m not sure what will happen. After 5 miscarriages, I might loose the baby. But I’ve had 3 pregnancies just fine. But I’m not sure how we will pay for it. Left to me – midwife all the way.

Hope you succeed – best thing you can do is read all the information that you can.
Mercola has published and written tons of articles on the subject – just do a search on natural childbirth. He’s a bit of an outcast among doctors though – he’s for fixing the problem, not covering it up and running up endless medical bills. And he disagrees with most mainstream medicine.

Amy W. February 28, 2009 - 7:37 pm

I just wanted to chime in about birthing in different positions than what most people view as the “normal” lying down on your back.

I was actually a little insulted by Deanna’s comment- “Nor did I squat like I was in a rice patty giving birth to a animal instead of a baby.” Because I gave birth to my son in a squatting position and he is not an animal! What a degrading thing to say- women give birth in all kinds of different positions and that does not make us “animal”-like! I am sure that no harm was meant in this comment, but nevertheless I DID feel insulted by it.

Actually laboring and giving birth while lying down flat on your back is one of the worst positions- you’re not even working with gravity! It certainly makes it easier for the doctor to see what is going on, but it may not be best for the mother.

When I arrived at the hospital in labor with my son I was already fully dialated and the only position that had felt comfortable to me throughout the quick, painful labor had been to be on my hands and knees so I climbed up into the bed that way! The nurse raised the back of the bed up so that I was still on my knees, but vertical, with my hands holding on to the top of the bed. After a few pushes my doctor said that if I would turn around and squat he thought the baby would come really soon, so I did, and he was right! My son was born soon after that and there was nothing animal-like about it, it was beautiful.

Squatting actually increases the opening of the pelvis by 10-15%. It is a very good position to give birth in.

Just something to consider. I don’t think there is anything wrong with lying on your back, but do know that there are many other positions and some might even work better for you when the time comes- don’t limit yourself 🙂


Amanda March 15, 2009 - 9:00 am

That is great, Kelly, how creative! It shows both that you are committed to a natural birth, but that you have a wonderful sense of humor, which can only help you relate to the staff.

I just delivered my second son naturally (10 hours of labor followed by 30 min of pushing). That transition period is the worst, along with the pushing – I was surprised at how much of a “sissy” I was at the pushing stage. It hurt! But my doula and husband were there, and I borrowed from their strength and encouraging words to have the courage to finish the job.

I *hate* lying down during labor. Like the previous poster said, it’s the worst position, as far as working with your body. Every time I had to lay down (for them to check me or whatever) I couldn’t wait to get back up, at least sitting up. My favorite positions during this labor were sitting on the birthing ball, sitting in a rocking chair and rocking with each contraction, and standing/leaning on my husband. I was connected to the monitors (VBAC), so my movement was somewhat restricted, but even with that, I was able to move around a bit, and goodness does it help!

Katie LaPierre April 22, 2009 - 3:03 pm

this is adorable! I love the last P.S. Very good outlook. Never say never has become a protocol for me. I said I would NEVER use the epidural and then I did… I am definitely a “Peter” at heart/flesh. You are a blessing to me Kelly. I got to your website to encourage and spur me on to our higher calling in the Lord. You have helped me more than you will ever know to allow the Lord to plan our family! blessings, katie

Leslie Viles May 4, 2009 - 10:45 pm

I had my last baby natural and the sense of empowerment was enormous. the worst part is over after the baby’s head is past the cervix and then it is pretty smooth sailing. Although, drugs are tempting, especially when everyone is asking you if you want them. I will say that this last time showed me that my body KNOWS what to do. It knew when to move, how to lay, when to push, most contrary to what the doc and nurses were telling me. It was truly amazing. I feel like I really missed out with my other 2 because I didn’t do it God’s way, but my way. Of course, I never realized what I was missing until I did it the other way.


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