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humor

Christmas Is Not About Peanut Brittle

by Kelly Crawford December 23, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

“This time of year stresses me out. I try so hard for that not to happen. I start chanting to myself around the middle of November, “I won’t get stressed at Christmas…I won’t get stressed…”

Maybe it’s just my personality, maybe it’s not. But the lists–the many different lists–the gift list, the card list, the food list, the dates and traveling–the lost shoes which make me shudder at the thoughts of going anywhere with more than just ourselves (a family our size needs a full day just to get properly dressed)–it all crowds in on my brain and makes me feel like a crazy person, leaving me half in a daze and half in a panic for the last two weeks before Christmas. I can’t recall words when I’m trying to talk, I forget important things and I keep a stomach ache. Sometimes I pace the floor knowing I’m supposed to be doing something and unable to recall what it is.

Then I get upset with my condition because I know this is not what Christmas should be. I know it, yet I don’t know how to change it. I LOVE giving gifts, so don’t think me a Scrooge…I just can’t keep the stress at bay.

All that has only slightly to do with the following story…just so you know.

Anyway, I had been planning for weeks to make peanut brittle for the neighbors. Simple enough. I thought. It took me half a day. And at the end, everything was sticky, we all had sugar highs from trying each batch, and none of the brittle could be given. It could only barely be eaten, and my children were grateful to try.

A lot went wrong Monday, and at the end of it, I was just plain sad. I was pouting (I know, I better not pout), I was tired, I went to bed with the same to do list I got up with and I was frustrated.

But by morning, my optimism had returned and I was determined to make the best of the situation. I decided for sure I would not try to scramble around and make something else or run out to buy gifts–that would add more stress and at all costs, I would avoid that. I love my neighbors, and I did want to show them that, but none of them would hold the lack of a gift against me.

So shortly after I woke up the next day, I penned these words and copied them onto Christmas stationery to deliver…you may use them too if you ever have a similar experience 😉

Christmas is Not About Peanut Brittle

By Kelly Crawford

‘Twas the month before Christmas and all through the stores, it had already started–the shopping sale wars.

While the rich and the poor were accruing more debt, my Thanksgiving turkey hadn’t digested yet!

But I soon joined the ranks of Christmas-rush shoppers, checking my list against all the best offers.

But for my dear neighbors, I had a good plan, I would cook up a treat–something sweet, something grand.

I waited til closer to Christmas to start,“It needs to be fresh”, I thought (’cause I’m smart).

So a few days before, I waltzed to the kitchen, donned my best apron, asked the children to pitch in.

I was giddy and gay, started cooking with glee, (I should have known better than a new recipe).

Measuring carefully–cook just a little, it can’t be that hard to make peanut brittle!

It poured out nicely on the big, shiny pan, so while one batch cooled, I started again.

Five batches later–peanut brittle galore, too excited to care about the mess on the floor.

I said to the children, “Are you ready to taste?” no time for a drum roll, we gobbled in haste!

At first it seemed perfect but then, “something’s wrong”…I realized I’d chewed this stuff far, far too long.

I looked at their faces, they were trying to smile, but the smiles started fading after chewing awhile.

Oh dear, it can’t be! The brittle had flopped–the chewing had started but it just wouldn’t stop!

I wanted to cry, but that wouldn’t have helped, the kids tried to cheer me–they knew how I felt.

“Well, Mom, you could call it ‘Peanut Taffy’ instead’. I just looked at the mess and kept shaking my head.

And then, like a voice whispered low in my ear, “Christmas is not about brittle, my dear….

It’s about taking time to reflect on the birth of the greatest of all the gifts on the earth.

It’s about giving love to all those around, the miraculous love that can only be found

In a heart where He reigns–a life that’s set free, this is the gift He gave to you and to me.”

So while I have come with no gift in my hands, (I’ll try not to fret about unfulfilled plans)

But ask that our friendship suffice for this year, and the love of Christ Jesus draw us ever more near.

December 23, 2009 32 comments

Building Memories and Starbucks…Really Big Things in Life

by Kelly Crawford November 19, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

Didn’t someone say, “It’s the little things in life that matter”? Well they should have. “Cause I think it’s the little things in life that matter. (Except when the big ones do, but I digress.)

Like cafe mochas. Only those aren’t so little in my world. A Starbucks cafe mocha is like a really big thing in life. Especially with chocolate.

I sighed and said (kind of at the same time) to my husband last night, “I wish we lived near a Starbucks.”

Because we don’t. We don’t even live near a telephone pole.

And while I washed dishes I could hear him secretly scrambling around with the coffee maker. (Yesssss!)

He made me the best Cafe Mocha ever, Starbucks, decaf, of course, complete with a squirt of chocolate and a dollop of whip creme!

THEN, I begged him suggested he build a fire in the big dining room (adjacent to our living room–long complicated story) and line up a row of chairs covered with pillows and blankets to simulate a couch. I had already told the kids we’d do that, so there was no turning back convincing the hubby. (And since we’re patriarchal and all you know, I was in real trouble for not asking him first.)

I’m kidding.

So we watched the fire, the brave ones rode around the dining hall on the rip stick (don’t know what that is? Wish I didn’t either-oh, but the husband bought it on clearance, you know, “for the kids” *wink*), and it was just a nice little change from normal. (The flash hides it, but it was dark.)

That’s all it takes for me the kids, every now and then, to build sweet memories. And those not-so-little memories are the stuff of life. I’d encourage you to build deliberate memories every now and then. Ties the heart strings.

Recipe for homemade Cafe Mocha:

Brew really strong coffee.

Fill coffee cup half full with milk. Preferably rich, creamy, just-milked cow’s milk. But if not, regular milk will do.

Microwave for 30 sec. or so.

Pour coffee in, stir in some chocolate syrup (or you could add some cocoa to the coffee grounds before brewing.)

Top with whip cream and enjoy!

November 19, 2009 29 comments

humor

My Husband’s Not in Prison!!!

by Kelly Crawford June 29, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

I wasn’t going to post this…then I decided it was too bizarre a story not to tell, so with my husband’s permission…here goes:

I mentioned he had a delivery job in the summer. It requires him to drive up north and make a loop back home. With his trusty GPS, traveling has been easier. Just punch in the destination and PRESTO–you’re there with little thought.

He left on a trip last week. It’s a taxing drive; he and one other person must drive continuously with only intermittent sleep. But he’s great at it.

Well, this time the “Global Positioning System” led him into the “Gun Possession Search”.

He was making his route from New York to Ohio when he suddenly came upon the Canadian border without realizing it. (Yes, Canada dips down between the states, so they weren’t really out of the way much.)

Thinking a simple explanation of the mistake would allow him to just turn around, they informed him otherwise. Searching his car, they found his pistol–a legal, registered hand weapon he carries on these trips due to a number of factors, including riding through some rough parts of the country.

As soon as they found the weapon, they yanked him out of the van and hand-cuffed him. (And drew a gun.) Then they put him in a cell where he was interrogated for 3 hours.

Canada is apparently very serious about gun-control, so they informed him he would probably serve 3-10 years for “trying to cross the border with a concealed weapon”, which he repeatedly explained was not the case.

Finally, upon realizing all his information matched up, they agreed to release him. They kept his gun (he loved that gun) and charged him $1000 to get his van out of impounding.

To say he was shaken to the core is an understatement! He was actually thrilled to get off so easily after thinking half the night that he wouldn’t see his family for several years. Thankfully, this all took place in the middle of the night and I was not aware of it until it was all cleared up.

Socialism…gotta love it 😉

To their credit though, I understand the need for precautions so I’m not badgering procedure. I do think, though, it’s pretty unfair that he still got penalized for a mistake. But my opinion probably doesn’t hold much water with the Canadian border patrol.

Moral…hide your gun if you get near the border 😉

June 29, 2009 56 comments

humor marriage

If Only Our Husbands Could Read Our Minds

by Kelly Crawford June 9, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

If you’ll excuse a little transparent/humor relief on my end…

Do you ever just feel sorry for your husband? For weeks you’re the chipper little thing he married (maybe 😉 And then one day…

He walks in from work and you’re irritated. It takes him a little while to notice because when he asked, “What’s wrong?” You said, “Nothing.” But he does eventually realize you lied.

You know why you’re upset, but he doesn’t know why. (I may embarrass myself here revealing I’m the only female disposed to this ailment.)

Because the thing is, you were fine when he left work. So you watch his face while his brain searches frantically for the “what did I do?” (Everything would be fine if he would only learn to read my mind.)

(It’s usually something like, you’re having a really bad day and when he calls home at lunch and asks “You having a good day?” you reply with all the pity you can muster, “Yeah…*heavy sigh* ” And he says, “Great. Love you honey–talk to you later.” By the time he gets home you’ve mentally checked off all the different ways he’s not “in tune” to your feelings, and this just tops it off. He probably doesn’t love you anymore.)

At the moment, it’s big. You feel justified. You pull the “hurt” card. And by the time you finish explaining his lack of sensitivity, you sound pretty convincing.

He’s shocked that you actually convinced him that he has done something he had no idea he did. And now it seems real to him, though he’s puzzled about how it all happened so quickly, right under his nose and he missed it.

So he apologizes, because really, he just loves you and wants you to be happy.

Later, when you’ve come to yourself again, you shake you head in disbelief that this man loves you day in and day out. And actually seems to forget these escapades! And then you apologize, though it requires you to tear down that beautiful sob story that became so real.

I don’t know. Let’s see…we struggle through PMS, we waddle through pregnancy (I am pathetic right now), pain through childbirth, we suffer through menopause–yeah, it must be God’s way of balancing it all out.

Bless them, those dear husbands of ours.

June 9, 2009 50 comments

humor

My 5-Year Old Thinks She’s Engaged…Thanks, Tom Sawyer

by Kelly Crawford April 2, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

Avi: “Am I engaged?”

Me: “Um, no…what are you talking about?”

Avi: “Well, I kiss and hug a lot.”

Me: “Who do you kiss and hug?”

Avi: “You.”

Me: “Oh” (relieved smile)

Apparently Tom Sawyer has been teaching the kids a thing or two about “getting engaged” (“you say ‘I love you’ then kiss and you’re engaged”).

It made for an interesting family discussion 😉

But on a more serious note about engagement, I wanted to share this brief heart-felt word from a Dad we met last year–Tommy Waller–whose first son is about to get married…parents, take heart and stay the course.

“This morning Brayden packed up all his belongings and left his home of 23 years. Here we are one week before the wedding and he had to go.

Part of me wanted to somehow stop him. “I’m not ready for this!”, I thought. But why wasn’t I ready? For 23 years Sherri and I prepared Brayden for this day. Those years of preparation were not always perfect, but God had a plan and boy did we learn a lot in that plan. There are people today that think and even say to our face with that familiar half smile …..”You are strange! Tommy, I love you, but you are strange!” Many of those friends were the ones who said, “You can’t raise children today to walk in purity ….to love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength ….. It’s unthinkable.”

Well, the finish line has come, at least for Brayden, and you know what ……the unthinkable happened. He has never known another woman physically or emotionally. Through the hunger and thirst he has for his Messiah and his surrender to the Holy Spirit the unthinkable was accomplished. Not with some monk like discipline, but with radically overflowing unhindered joy. We never had to once wonder if his relationship with another young lady was in the limits of purity, because he made the decision many years ago to wait for his wife – the one that God would chose for him.”

Here is the trailer to the Waller’s remarkable “journey home”, narrated by none other than Brayden.

April 2, 2009 9 comments

humor motherhood/family/parenting

Ode to The Virus

by Kelly Crawford February 26, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

4th Victim…

Male. 4 years-old.

Blond hair, blue eyes.

Last seen at 1 a.m. vomiting from the couch while his mother tries to catch it with trash can…repeat every 30 minutes.

Ode to the Virus

I don’t like you,just so you know,

Let’s get that squared away…

You barged in here–unwelcome guest,

Unpacked your bags to stay.

Our laundry is ridiculous–

Blankets, towels and sheets,

You figured out just how to make sure

No one gets to sleep!

Or worse, you tease me with an hour

Make me think we’re done,

And then–you’re favorite time of night–

Vomit hits at one!

Fevers, chills, no appetite,

You’ve got ’em up your sleeve,

I’ve had about all I can take,

Now pack your bags and leave!

February 26, 2009 5 comments

humor motherhood/family/parenting pregnancy/birth control

My One-of-a-Kind Birthing Plan ;-)

by Kelly Crawford February 20, 2009

written by Kelly Crawford

As we continue to lean toward a natural childbirth (details in THIS post), I’ve been fairly concerned with the hospital staff’s cooperation. Not that I’ve ever felt the nurses at our hospital are necessarily against it, but I know that typical hospital protocol is not that friendly to natural child birth.

AND, I’m guessing that opposition to our choices are not going to be well-received while I’m in the throes of labor *SMILE*, so I’ve been thinking about how best to head off any contention from the beginning.

I had a brilliant idea in my sleep (that’s where my best thinking occurs 😉 Instead of my first thoughts of a detailed, firmly-stated birthing plan which might likely be lumped in with all the other “Oh great, one of those again” plans, I decided to write a light-hearted, rhyming plan! Is that not a great idea?

So, here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

Our Birth Plan

I’ve given birth to seven babes, and six were here with you,
But now it’s time for number eight and we’re trying something new!

I’ve always been an epi girl, love that needle-man!
But natural is my choice this time, so here’s my birthing plan!

I’ll need your comfort and support, I’m glad to give birth here,
But I prefer no needles or machines to interfere.

(Unless of course, though very rare, a problem does arise,
at which point, if we’re informed, we’ll gladly heed advice.)

We’re eager to embrace this journey as the Lord intends,
and ask for freedom as my body leads us to the end.

The end of the beginning, for this precious girl or boy,
We say a great big “THANK YOU” for sharing in our joy!

P.S. No copyright infringement exists; feel free to use it if you wish!
P.S.S. I reserve the right to change my mind about the natural thing despite my cute plan 😉

February 20, 2009 34 comments

humor

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