Home marriage "Mommy/Daddy Time" or Sacrifice…Where’s the Balance?

"Mommy/Daddy Time" or Sacrifice…Where’s the Balance?

by Kelly Crawford

Keep the vision….keep the vision! I know all of us are in different seasons of life. Some of us have grown children, some of us are trying to keep up with a passel of little ones; but the burden of my heart today says “Keep the vision”.

I have spoken with a number of young mothers, (and a dad) this week who are struggling with adjusting to a new baby or busy toddler in the house. For them, trying to maintain the husband/wife relationship while welcoming their new baby has not been an easy transition. This is a real struggle. And I don’t know all the answers. I do believe that it is vitally important that your children know that you and your husband are firmly united as one; and maintaining that unity takes some work. I’m certainly all for “date nights”, although many couples (including us!) do not always have that luxury in this season of life. Creativity must intervene.

By the same token, I’m wondering if our selfishness tells us lies; if what we think we deserve (more date nights, more “mommy” time, etc.) is really not as important as submitting to our duties in life, and practicing the “sacrifice” of living the Bible speaks of. Where is the line between keeping our selves and our marriages “revitalized”, and being broken and spilled out for the cause of Christ and these little souls in our care? I’m just thinking out loud…it’s a fine line for sure. But is scares me to hear couples talk of all the “hindrances” their children are to their intimacy. Could this be another of Satan’s attempts to convince us that it is God’s will to limit our children? (If one or two cause such hindrances in our marital relationship, then surely God wouldn’t want us to have more!)

Your thoughts?

Deeply Contemplating,
Word Warrior

You may also like

5 comments

Out on a Limb May 11, 2007 - 2:09 pm

Thanks for these insightful thoughts. Often I feel like I must be missing something because I do not “crave” or have to have “Me” time. I don’t feel complete without my children. Perhaps that is wrong? I don’t know. But really, I feel lost when I am alone.

My husband and I don’t have time to ourselves very often. But we have managed to get pregnant nine times in as many years…lol(I’m due with #5 now and have had four miscarriages). So apparently, we’re doing just fine 😉

We do have lots of time together as a family and it’s in those times that my love for my husband grows. I love to watch him wrestle with his sons and sit patiently while his daughters “style” his hair.

We do carve out time in the evenings to be together. After bedtime for the kids (which is a strict 8pm here), we will sometimes order takeout and enjoy a quiet dinner together.

But really, we don’t view our children as a burden or hindrence on the marital relationship or our individual identities. Perhaps that will catch up to us, but for now, we love our life.

Reply
Anonymous May 11, 2007 - 4:11 pm

Congratulations with #5! (And all the others.) I think that our lives change with time, and one of the areas of change is the KIND of intimacy we share with our husbands. When we were just the two of us, we focused only on each other, as a family. Later, children became our new focus as we raised them together. That is a full time job for both parents. It is a change of focus, taking the center of thought away from oneself and one’s spouse to the demands and delights of raising children. We do learn a lot more about each other (spouses)than we could learn from a thousand dates alone with them. The idea that we HAVE to date our spouses during child-rearing years to keep our interests mutual and current and alive is silly. Dating is for romance. We all know that there are plenty of clever ways to add romance into our busy, mom-and-dad lives, though dating can be something refreshingly different and some may want to do that more than others. I still say that it is NOT absolutely necessary for a healthy marriage–I only have to look as far as my own parents and grandparents–they did not have “date nights”, but enjoyed being with each other wherever, whenever.

Beata

Reply
Jennifer October 5, 2011 - 6:50 pm

Anon, I disagree that dating is just for “romance”. Even if it is, so what? Intimacy is important; I’m guessing like Kelly said that creativity is the must here. To be quite honest, I have no idea how the Duggers even have the time at night to keep making more babies.

Reply
Felica Latini December 27, 2011 - 6:06 am

Health care reform that makes sense for small business Small …Small Business Radio; Listen, Ask or Read to get your small business questions answered. Share and Enjoy:

Reply
Men's Supplements February 7, 2012 - 5:39 am

Most of whatever you articulate is supprisingly precise and it makes me ponder why I hadn’t looked at this with this light previously. This particular piece truly did switch the light on for me as far as this particular issue goes. But there is 1 point I am not really too cozy with and whilst I attempt to reconcile that with the actual main theme of your position, let me observe exactly what the rest of your visitors have to say.Well done.

Reply

Leave a Comment

Facebook Twitter Youtube Instagram

Post Category

motherhood/family/parenting Uncategorized christian living homeschooling pregnancy/birth control marriage frugal living/saving money large families public school abortion feminism dating/courtship church/children's ministry entrepreneur pictures

Author's Picks

Why We Should Encourage Our Kids to Marry Young 220 comments Two Children are a Heritage From the Lord (After That, You Should Know... 173 comments Population Control Through Tetanus Vaccine 127 comments

Latest posts

The Power of Gathering Around the Table: Beyond Hospitality 0 comment Weddings, Getting Older, Navigating a Large Family & God’s Goodness 33 comments Help My Friends Find Their Child Through Adoption 0 comment The Shocking Truth About Education 2 comments

Copyright ©2023 Generationcedar. All Right Reserved. Designed and Developed by Duke