Courtship,Dating & Marriage: A Wedding That Changed My Life

I so agree; it's completely different – "holy", as you said. I have not had the privilege of witnessing such a wedding yet, although I pray for it for my children someday. I was watching the Duggars when Josh got engaged, & how all they did was hold hands, even after he gave her the ring. It was so pure & really, really, beautiful.

You make wonderful points in these posts, particularly how dating only makes a heart ready for letting go easily. I also loved the point about how do you really get to know someone over a dinner here & there, but rather, in their interactions with others, & particularly with their own family.

I was not saved when married, only 9yrs now. Dh is still not, however, your points were not lost on him either, praise God… it amazes me how if he sees it, how other Christians cannot, somehow, know what's right in the Lord's eyes.

I will be posting to let others know this series is up so they come read it too, as it's so very important & well written.

AMEN!
I agree, after you have been to a wedding like this, others can seem shallow.
The same goes for a funeral, one where a believer goes home with rejoicing and knowing you will see them again compared to one where there is black everywhere, worldly sadness, etc.
Thank you for sharing this.
MrsM

Well said. Thank-you for sharing and for your “stand”.
Lord Bless you and keep ’em coming!
Susan

LOL!

No, I’m not supporting Islam. Youtube gets to pick which videos accompany another.

Obama, Mcain…socialism all the same. Until we are “scared” enough to do something that matters, and vote for a non-socialist candidate, it matters little.

Clare,

I’m so glad you shared, having experienced this in your family. So many reading here think this concept is a fairy tale and doubt it can really happen that often.

I know that it happens all over the world quite often, and hope than many more will be willing to share their stories!

Thank you so much for the video clip. I have been following your blog for awhile and have been very encouraged. I hope you continue to do more clips.

On a different note, I have three young children at home and was hoping you would discuss some more home management / parenting type topics for those of us who are trying to follow God’s word and plan.

As one who has been through the courtship process, surrounded by those who have and raised to believe anything but this way of relationship was sinful… it needs to be known very clearly that courtship and it’s principles and everything that goes with it, does not insure and promise a guilt free, godly, or easier way of life in marriage. Many people in the last 15 years have been promised a better marriage and relationship if they would commit to courtship – and this has not only been misleading, but down right incorrect.

About half of my friends courted, by your definition of it. I spent a few weekends ago with a girl friend who never dated, courted and got married. She has been married for a long time now. She is miserable – she was promised that if she didn’t date and courted that her marriage would be much better than that of a person who dated… well, it’s untrue. Yes, maybe not the same pit falls, but still, there is a misconception often times in conservative circles that if you do things like courtship, that the fairy-tale marriage will take place. The baggage will be minimal. Your life will be easier – you will be more prepared for marriage.

I know five courtships off hand – children out of Christian families – that have ended in divorce. and know even more that are seriously struggling… but who feel trapped, never to go for counseling because they are afraid to say that courtship didn’t keep them from a painless and suffering filled marriage – they are trying to keep an image – uphold their parents names because after all it was their parents who often times persuaded them to go this route – many couples who did all the right things before they were married, no kissing, no being alone, and stayed far from the dating traps we all see so clearly to be destructive, find themselves in marriages falling apart, questioning the whole courtship idea, questioning God because His name was attached to the whole courtship concept, and finding because they had hidden pride behind “doing it right,” they cannot humble themselves enough to ever get help in their marriage relationship.

So maybe courtship is not necessarily the answer to the failed dating system?

It’s only right and loving for parents to want something better than maybe what they experienced by going the American dating route. But often times in the desire these parents have to protect their children, they bring on something that in many ways, just goes to another formula of sorts for relationships, and kind of ignores the fact that unless a young person has a relationship with the Lord – whether dating or courting – it will not be glorifying to God.

We can force, or persuade, or encourage our teenagers to court… but what is in their heart is what God is looking at. I’m sure you believe this as well from what I’ve read on your blog here.

I would have to say from my personal experience with courtship, and being surrounded by it, that “courtship” is not the answer – it’s not any type of savior to bad relationships and marriages. I know too many folks who courted and did it down to the perfection of it all, and have lived in hell in their marriages.

I’ve Christian friends who “dated” – kissed when they got engaged, were pure on their wedding night. Like all marriages they have their challenges, but some of these couples are much closer in their marriage relationships, and have a much more Christ-centered relationship than some couples I know who courted! And on top of that, are much more willing to be honest about their relationships and go for help from godly people when they need it.

Principles can’t be ignored – the Bible is full of them and they are right – but thinking that if we lead our children to principles and this will help them is maybe the wrong thinking? I wonder, if we spent time talking to our daughters from the time they are young and through their teen years about relationship with Jesus Christ and living by the Holy Spirit and loving HIM with a passion like no other – majoring on stuff like that – praying that the Lord would call them close and near to Himself, that they would be far more protected and ready for marriage then if we tell them not to date and to commit to “courtship.”

Daughters need to be protected, I have no doubt and hope to do the same for all of mine… I was protected and grateful. But being protected doesn’t make for a holy wedding or holy marriage – though it may seem more pure. A lot of times, I have seen it only bring religious pride – for both the husband and the wife – pride destroys love just as much as impurity does in a marriage.

Courtship has pitfalls and failures and I’ve heard more failed outcomes in the long run, after years of marriage, than success stories. Dating has pitfalls and failures – and if done like typical dating – completely subjected to the flesh and not the Word of God – which brings about many failed marriages as well. This brings me to the conclusion that God must desire something more of us as parents than just adopting a formula that we think is better and more holy than the worlds…

I think He wants us to go before Him as parents and ask, wait, and listen to His voice above all the clatter the world gives about dating and all the clatter others like to give on alternatives. He wants relationship with us – and with our teenagers. He wants our hearts looking to Him, not a formula for relationships. He desires us to be open to His leading, and it just might not look like dating or courtship. He wants us to keep in step with His Spirit and to lead our teenagers to do the same in all their relationships – whether with guys or girls.

just some facts and thoughts that came as I read your posts on this subject. I appreciate your heart to want to live for the Lord – love what you’ve said about the woman’s place in the home and ambition! Right on.