For eight years, I’ve been writing to women, from my heart, about the joys and challenges of motherhood, homeschooling, marriage and all things home. In these archives there are gems that get buried in the large number of articles. I have women often ask me for advice on certain topics and they so appreciate when I can point them to an older article that speaks to them right where they are.

So I’ve published Fiercely Devoted, Love Mom, where you can find the best, most helpful and practical information to meet you on your  journey of motherhood and equip you to be a better mother and wife.

It’s the most popular, most shared and most loved articles of Generation Cedar all in one place.

You can read more and purchase it HERE.

The Christian life, and especially life as a mom, is largely about staying refreshed and renewed, being reminded about the important things and hearing from other women who are on the same journey. Life in the trenches can be daunting, at best. We need help! We need ideas, we need to be inspired to keep pressing on for the souls of these children with which we’ve been entrusted.

Generation Cedar has always been about encouraging, challenging and inspiring. I know I’ve needed that so much along the way, and I hope the articles here have helped you as well.

Fiercely Devoted is an exciting project for me to share with you because it’s the intensest part of this blog, the cream of the crop, and you don’t have to dive through 2,000 plus posts to find what you’re looking for. I’ve done the work for you and packaged all the most helpful articles into one place.

There’s also a bonus “book recommendation” list at the end for your new year’s inspiration!

This book is an excellent resource to share with a friend without overwhelming her. It’s finally here and it’s packed full of goodness!

Confessions of a Struggling Christian Mom

I had a mom tell me recently that Christian women just aren’t transparent enough. That we are all looking in, from a distance, on other families, wishing we had it together like them, that our children behaved like those, that our life was going smoothly like hers.

Well I know it’s true of bloggers, sometimes, that people have an unrealistic view of them. So I’m writing to tell you something:

I am struggling SO MUCH as a mother this year. I won’t go into too many details, for the sake of protecting the dignity of my children, but I have a particularly difficult child (or two?) that has caused me to hurt like I’ve never hurt, to cry like I’ve never cried, and has even pushed me to moments I thought I might despair.

Rejoice, But Why?

But slooooooowly, I’m coming to the place where I can “rejoice” in the trials, only because He said to, and I have to trust that if they are working in my life for my good and His glory, then I should rejoice.

And this morning, I opened my own devotional, the one I wrote for when motherhood feels too hard, and read this:

“We strive–and there is a place for striving–but mostly we forget, ‘The Lord will go before you.’ We strive and fail, so we make more charts, try harder and finally give up…unless, at the end of our striving we realize, ‘His grace is sufficient for me; for when I am weak, then He is strong.’

Do I ever just leave the room, go to a quiet place, fall on my knees and strive there? What would life be like if I made a habit of this striving?

‘He is close to the broken and contrite.’

What is your wilderness? More importantly, what is it wringing out of your heart? A shaking fist, or the cry…’Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him”? Look past your present suffering. Thank God for the crucible that will melt away the dross.”

He is For Me

And I chose, today, to remember that life is not so much about easing my own pain, but walking faithfully through what the Lord gives me, looking only to HIM for my joy, believing that He is for me.

Friend, He is for you too, whatever trial you are walking through. Trust Him. And rejoice.

Every once in awhile someone writes words that miraculously encapsulate what I’m experiencing, and quite possibly have never even formed into thoughts or words myself. Such was How Mama Bear Hurts Her Family, by Jeanne Harrison.

I have no doubts, if you’re “one of these moms”, this article will resonate with you too, and bring a wave of comfort and important reminders to the way you live your life and treat your family.

“The truth is, you don’t have to be loud and obnoxious to be a Mama Bear. You just have to care too much about the well-being of your family. You have to idolize it, to bow down and worship it, so that if anybody in your household isn’t okay, nothing’s okay. You see, the thing about Mama Bears is that deep down, we long to control our universe so that we can protect the people we love.

I’ve known that Mama Bears (like me) are protective and controlling. But this was the first time I realized we’re also selfish. So selfish, in fact, that we’re willing to short-circuit what God wants to do in someone’s life just so we don’t have to endure the discomfort of watching it.” Read the rest at Revive Our Hearts

helping moms who struggle with being patient

I struggle being patient. Always have. And I hate it.

I asked the ladies on our Facebook page some of their biggest struggles as a mom, and patience came up repeatedly. So I’m not the only one. And neither are you!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about this phenomenon, how those of us who want so desperately to be patient struggle with that very thing.

I want to offer 3 things I think will help:

1. Effects and considerations of the consequences on our children

2. Possible causes

3. Solutions

Why is patience with our children so important?

There is the obvious–impatience can be ugly. And it can hurt. It can make our children feel like they aren’t good enough, or fast enough. It can cause real damage if impatience turns to constant anger. But at the same time, let me encourage you that we are human. It is humanly impossible to never display impatience. So while we don’t need to feel defeated, but rather repent and be humble about our shortcomings and sins, we do need to understand the seriousness of it so we have the proper motivation for change.

The biggest reason we need to pursue patience is that it is one of the fruits of the spirit and we are commanded to cultivate those qualities. Nothing–absolutely nothing–will help our children grow in patience more than having it modeled for them. It is difficult to be kind (the second fruit) when you aren’t being patient. We need to recognize the importance of working on being patient, and recognize the damage that can come from our impatience so that we are determined to do something about it.

Why Are We Impatient?

Personality. Perhaps everyone could answer this differently, but it helps to try to figure out where our triggers come from. As I’ve done some soul searching, I believe much of my impatience comes from expectations born out of my personality type. Maybe you can see yourself in this.

I am an INTP personality, and virtually can tolerate zero irrationality. Which, unfortunately, can often characterize young children’s behavior. Also, as a visionary, I can visualize, clearly, the “end product” of everything. I know how I want things to be and I can already see them, so when it comes to parenting, I can forget the loooooong process between now and then, forget the daily work that must be done to accomplish the long-term goals, forget the maturity that has to take place and the slow process of growing. I find myself thinking (or saying) “But I’ve already told you that. You know what to do/not to do.”

What I’m saying is, you might, by your very nature, struggle with being impatient. Own it. Deal with it.

Too busy. Secondly, the demands of daily life, no doubt, contribute the greatest challenge to parenting patiently. The more there is to do, the more the potential to deal with our children in anger or impatience.

Lack of training. In the busyness, it can be so easy to let behaviors go that gnaw away at our sanity. I have found that if I focus on training, it can go a long way to a more peaceful day. We tend to be distracted during times when our children are not obeying or are displaying some behavior that needs attention, and we can literally train them, if we’re not careful, to ignore our half-intended warnings, until we end up blowing a fuse when we have to address it for the third time.

Solutions.

Remember this first: our children are like lambs, given to us to shepherd. They are not complete, they are not yet wise, or mature. They aren’t trying to aggravate us. They need direction and they need it patiently. We can do this.

Regarding personality: we can’t let our expectations rule us. Yes, the end picture is important. But more importantly is remembering that children are children. We must simply expect to have to remind them of the same things over and over. Patiently. Let me suggest that as we remind, the more we praise their efforts and progress, the less reminding we’ll have to do in the future. Praising makes a child say, “Oh! I get it. This is what I’m supposed to do.” It’s far more motivating than an impatient tirade about “How many times have I told you.” Ask me how I know.

Regarding being too busy: I’m urging you to get rid of anything you can to help avoid distractions that cause irritability. Rearrange your schedule to pay bills when the kids are not needing to ask you questions every 5 minutes. Save your social media for later. You might even have to cut some things out of your schedule altogether.

Few things help me be patient more than slowing down and devoting the time needed to my childrens’ needs. I love this quote from Rachel Jankovic which reminds me:

“Motherhood is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”

Being patient with our children is an integral part of our job. Realizing that helps us to ensure we are doing all we can to foster patience.

Regarding lack of training: Pay attention, calmly address the situation of disobedience, or squabbling, or whining, with appropriate discipline and an assuring control, and they’ll stop second-guessing your authority, bringing much-needed peace. I have also found, miraculously, they are just happier when you have drawn the safety of the boundaries and lovingly enforced them. It’s really quite refreshing and you’ll remember how important it is to be deliberate.

But the biggest solution of all…

Prayer, ladies. At the beginning of the day, you and God, on your knees, committing to crucifying the flesh THIS day, and asking for His grace on you, and through you. “You have not because you ask not.” Don’t let us be guilty of thinking we can man-handle our short-comings alone. We have a Heavenly Father who is for us, perfectly able to give us daily mercy. Ask Him, then purpose to get up off those knees and walk patiently with your little lambs.

‘Cause really, there is enough stress we can’t help already. So we need to do all we can to let go of the unneeded stress and irritations that can pile up and make the whole thing seem unbearable on some days.

Let me help you get started:

1. Let go of expectations that don’t match your personality.

This one is tricky. We have to balance the need to improve in some areas with accepting who we are. Some people are naturally morning people. They get super sleepy at 8 p.m., but they’re rearing to go at 5 a.m. Be jealous all you want, but don’t try to be that person if you’re not. And let yourself off the hook about it. It doesn’t mean you’re lazy, just different. Go with your clock and make the most of your best hours.

Similarly, I used to feel pressured by my friends who constantly had company over. As in, revolving door. I’m a huge believer that hospitality is not only important, but commanded by Scripture. (Albeit, comes in many forms.) But, I’m an introvert. The friends I envied were extroverts. Me trying to imitate their level of hospitality would be like a fish trying to take an evening stroll. It would kill me. And to them, my level of interaction might be suffocating.

Do what works within your parameters of comfort and don’t push yourself out of comparison.

2. Let go of your toddler’s messy dresser drawers

Yes I said it. Let it go. I know. There is something inherently calming about neatly stacked clothes and order in all things. Stacks of perfect laundry make me happy. But some things have to be postponed to another season. If your toddler’s clothes are hidden in a drawer, we can let this one go until he’s old enough to keep them folded himself. Yes, what I mean is, if you come to my house right now and open my 4 year-old’s drawers, you will find a mess. I’m talking a mayhem of t shirts and jeans. And guess what? No one would know that if I hadn’t told you.

After years of trying to keep toddler’s drawers neat and orderly, because I felt like I needed to, I realized that it was sucking up unneeded stress and time. They change clothes a gazillion times a day. What I have done is taught him to put his clothes in his drawer for now, instead of throwing them in the floor. That’s a start. Soon, I’ll fold everything neatly and teach him to keep it that way. I probably could have already. Maybe I will after I finish writing this post. But right now the drawer is closed and it makes my life easier.

3. Let go of the obsession over bath time

It works out so nicely that research backs up my own experience on this one. Did you know that Americans over-bathe their children and it’s not healthy? According to the American Academy of Dermatology, kids aged 6-11 only need bathed around 1-2 times per week, with a few exceptions. And there’s this bit about the dangers of over-clean,

“A new study published in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology found that babies who had been exposed to common allergens such as pet dander and roach allergens, as well as common household bacteria, before the age of one were less likely to develop wheezing, asthma and allergies, compared to children that had not been exposed to these substances before age one.”

Daily bathing can cause skin irritants in some children as well as the dangers of a lowered immune system. So, if you’re stressing because you think your child is supposed to have a bath every day, relax. He’s not. God has created amazingly efficient systems in our bodies meant to make our lives easier.

4. Don’t forget to use your crock pot

Do yourself a favor, and research some crock pot menus, and utilize your crock pot several times a week. While you’re at it, if you don’t already, jot down a menu plan for the week on Sunday evening to keep your from standing in your pantry door, praying for a miracle at 5 p.m. Don’t forget the simple meals like potato soup, breakfast-for-dinner, and casseroles from leftovers.

5. Don’t forget to put the big rocks in first

You know that analogy, right? If you try to fill a jar with tiny gravel, then put big rocks in, they won’t fit. The gravel is the little stuff of life, the big rocks are, well, the big stuff of life. If you put the big rocks in first, the gravel still fits in around it. It’s a law of nature. So decide, for you, what the big stuff is, and do that first. The other stuff will find its place. By the way, I would include prayer time as one of the biggies.

6. Don’t forget to make the most of multi-tasking

Some are better than others, but multi-tasking can save you a lot of time and stress. When my mother calls in the morning, I want to talk to her. If I’m able, I answer the phone. But while I’m on with her, I make up my bed, put away clothes/clutter, maybe empty the dishwasher. If I’m getting ready in the morning, I may have a child join me in the bathroom to read while I fix my hair. Think of ways you can double up on activities.

7. Don’t do more than is within your job description

Moms wear many hats, it’s true. But maybe sometimes a few too many. I’ve heard moms talk of doing all the chores, all the cooking and all the cleaning because “that’s my job.” (Have mercy on her children.) But it’s not entirely. Our job is to guide, train, manage, oversee, and work alongside our children. We are primarily responsible for doing all those things, but we fail if we don’t require our children to do them too. And though it does reduce stress by spreading out the work load, that’s a perk; it truly is our job to equip our children by teaching them to do things for themselves, and for their family. Delegate. It’s good for everyone.

8. Respond the right way to whining/complaining

It’s every mom’s bane in life–the whining, complaining, crying–but we usually don’t handle it the right way. (Tip: A clenched-teeth, hair-pulling “Stop it or I’m gonna lose my mind!” is not the most effective method.) Even for very little ones, training them to not whine or complain takes a little deliberate effort, but isn’t hard. You simply give them opposite of what they’re whining for, and/or remove them entirely from the room/situation. Even as my 2 year old cries because I won’t put a diaper on him (Please, Lord, help me get him potty trained), I simply tell him he must cry in his room and he can come out when he’s done. It almost always works.

If an older child complains or makes excuses about not doing a chore, I add another one. If they argue about that, still another one. If they whine about oatmeal for breakfast, I give them a choice. “Oatmeal or nothing until lunch.” I let them have a voice, don’t get me wrong, but outright excuses and complaining I try to meet with an effective deterrent.

9. Let go of stuff you don’t need

De-cluttering on a regular basis will naturally create more calm and less stress. Keep a box or bag handy to toss the unwanted, unneeded or unloved. Keep it simple. Also, keep your counters (especially in the kitchen) free from any objects you don’t really need and use on a daily basis. Visual clutter can create inward stress. A basket for incoming mail, a basket for things that need to be put away–look around and find the problem areas then find simple solutions for them. I loved Ann Voskamp’s post about keeping order. And we implement one of her ideas–lockers for each child.

What are your stresses and/or your solutions? This is motherhood uniting.