So, You’re a Mom Who Struggles With Patience Too?

helping moms who struggle with being patient

I struggle being patient. Always have. And I hate it.

I asked the ladies on our Facebook page some of their biggest struggles as a mom, and patience came up repeatedly. So I’m not the only one. And neither are you!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about this phenomenon, how those of us who want so desperately to be patient struggle with that very thing.

I want to offer 3 things I think will help:

1. Effects and considerations of the consequences on our children

2. Possible causes

3. Solutions

Why is patience with our children so important?

There is the obvious–impatience can be ugly. And it can hurt. It can make our children feel like they aren’t good enough, or fast enough. It can cause real damage if impatience turns to constant anger. But at the same time, let me encourage you that we are human. It is humanly impossible to never display impatience. So while we don’t need to feel defeated, but rather repent and be humble about our shortcomings and sins, we do need to understand the seriousness of it so we have the proper motivation for change.

The biggest reason we need to pursue patience is that it is one of the fruits of the spirit and we are commanded to cultivate those qualities. Nothing–absolutely nothing–will help our children grow in patience more than having it modeled for them. It is difficult to be kind (the second fruit) when you aren’t being patient. We need to recognize the importance of working on being patient, and recognize the damage that can come from our impatience so that we are determined to do something about it.

Why Are We Impatient?

Personality. Perhaps everyone could answer this differently, but it helps to try to figure out where our triggers come from. As I’ve done some soul searching, I believe much of my impatience comes from expectations born out of my personality type. Maybe you can see yourself in this.

I am an INTP personality, and virtually can tolerate zero irrationality. Which, unfortunately, can often characterize young children’s behavior. Also, as a visionary, I can visualize, clearly, the “end product” of everything. I know how I want things to be and I can already see them, so when it comes to parenting, I can forget the loooooong process between now and then, forget the daily work that must be done to accomplish the long-term goals, forget the maturity that has to take place and the slow process of growing. I find myself thinking (or saying) “But I’ve already told you that. You know what to do/not to do.”

What I’m saying is, you might, by your very nature, struggle with being impatient. Own it. Deal with it.

Too busy. Secondly, the demands of daily life, no doubt, contribute the greatest challenge to parenting patiently. The more there is to do, the more the potential to deal with our children in anger or impatience.

Lack of training. In the busyness, it can be so easy to let behaviors go that gnaw away at our sanity. I have found that if I focus on training, it can go a long way to a more peaceful day. We tend to be distracted during times when our children are not obeying or are displaying some behavior that needs attention, and we can literally train them, if we’re not careful, to ignore our half-intended warnings, until we end up blowing a fuse when we have to address it for the third time.

Solutions.

Remember this first: our children are like lambs, given to us to shepherd. They are not complete, they are not yet wise, or mature. They aren’t trying to aggravate us. They need direction and they need it patiently. We can do this.

Regarding personality: we can’t let our expectations rule us. Yes, the end picture is important. But more importantly is remembering that children are children. We must simply expect to have to remind them of the same things over and over. Patiently. Let me suggest that as we remind, the more we praise their efforts and progress, the less reminding we’ll have to do in the future. Praising makes a child say, “Oh! I get it. This is what I’m supposed to do.” It’s far more motivating than an impatient tirade about “How many times have I told you.” Ask me how I know.

Regarding being too busy: I’m urging you to get rid of anything you can to help avoid distractions that cause irritability. Rearrange your schedule to pay bills when the kids are not needing to ask you questions every 5 minutes. Save your social media for later. You might even have to cut some things out of your schedule altogether.

Few things help me be patient more than slowing down and devoting the time needed to my childrens’ needs. I love this quote from Rachel Jankovic which reminds me:

“Motherhood is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”

Being patient with our children is an integral part of our job. Realizing that helps us to ensure we are doing all we can to foster patience.

Regarding lack of training: Pay attention, calmly address the situation of disobedience, or squabbling, or whining, with appropriate discipline and an assuring control, and they’ll stop second-guessing your authority, bringing much-needed peace. I have also found, miraculously, they are just happier when you have drawn the safety of the boundaries and lovingly enforced them. It’s really quite refreshing and you’ll remember how important it is to be deliberate.

But the biggest solution of all…

Prayer, ladies. At the beginning of the day, you and God, on your knees, committing to crucifying the flesh THIS day, and asking for His grace on you, and through you. “You have not because you ask not.” Don’t let us be guilty of thinking we can man-handle our short-comings alone. We have a Heavenly Father who is for us, perfectly able to give us daily mercy. Ask Him, then purpose to get up off those knees and walk patiently with your little lambs.