“Who can find a virtuous wife? For her price is far above rubies.” Proverbs 31:10

Oh to be a virtuous wife! I know what she looks like, how she speaks, how she loves her husband, and yet, reaching through the ages, I can still feel the kindred curse of Eve’s desire to control, to know better than God, and lead her husband.

I desperately cry out with Paul, “O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from this body of death?” Romans 7:24

And then another voice within me whispers, “Faithful is He who called you, who also will do it.”

NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER GIVE IN!

We will press toward the mark of the high calling!

We will fail; we will do what we know not to do; but we will keep looking to the Author and Finisher of our faith.

I want you to know through these posts that I am struggling as much as any of you; I am a sinner, a human made of flesh and blood; but I desire with all my heart to live a life that is pleasing to God and together, we will explore, encourage, and spur each other on to good works.

Now, down to business.

Proverbs 31:10 reveals an important truth–a virtuous woman is rare. That means you won’t find virtuous women on every corner; they have to be searched out (which is also important to remember as our children approach marrying age one day.)

We cannot look to the average woman for our example. We cannot look to the culture. She is not there. We must look to Scripture, and then pray and strive to become one of those rare jewels.

Another thing about rare jewels: jewels are rare because they are not in abundance, but also because they have to be cut out of the rock around them. They have to be chipped out, polished, chiseled on and perfected. You don’t just stumble upon a ruby that is perfectly formed and sparkling. It must endure some work.

And so must we.

Which means we must be willing to endure the process of refinement, recognizing it as God’s tenderness towards us, and His loving vision for our lives. Whatever that looks like for you, obedience and submission to HIS design will bring forth the jewel He wants to make out of you.

Ponder today whether you are willing to be a rare jewel? Rare is different. But it is valuable. In a sense, we are to be “Ruby Rebels”, rebelling against a culture that devalues women, looking to Scripture to discover the beauty and strength of a virtuous woman.

Being submissive to God is to be rebellious to the world, by default. I like it–Ruby Rebels!

Shaunti Feldhahn gave a wonderful interview on Focus on the Family over the last few days, and the bits I caught really inspired me.  I would strongly encourage you to try to find time to listen to that broadcast!

In a super-sized nutshell version, I wanted to expand a few points she made.

Contrary to what our culture says about men and women and their identities, God embedded in the hearts of men two basic “compulsions”–provider and protector.

Shaunti said one of the most interesting things she found in her interviews (she interviewed hundreds of couples for her book, For Women Only) was that EVEN in homes where the wife was providing half or more of the income, the compulsion the husband felt to provide was still the same–his identity tied to it, in fact.  Not a culture thing, a God thing.

Which means, in essence, he thrives on the feeling that HE is the one caring and providing for his wife’s and family’s needs.

It made me question whether there’s a deeper emotional dynamic that causes discord among couples.  Could his strong urge to feel like provider and protector be undermined by the “liberation” of his wife’s career?  By her self-sufficiency?

One of the most damaging messages of our culture is the “my rights” campaign.  It has greatly impaired the unity God intended to be felt between husband and wife, and I think we hardly realize it.  It may be “MY RIGHT” to leave home and do something else, but is it the best thing for my marriage?  For my relationship with my husband?  Which is more important?

What if the wife was more concerned with guarding his provision like a treasure, being wise in her purchasing decisions, not insisting that “she deserves this or that”, honoring his role as provider and shunning the “I can do it myself” mentality?

And what if she focused on expressing true contentment, relieving him of the pressure to do more or provide more?

I think far too often marriages are an effort of two people trying to carry on two different lives with two different purposes and the division can only last so long before the marriage collapses.  Something has to answer why there are so many Christian marriages that fall apart.

One other thought along this line is, if the wife is so capable of earning her own money, but the husband’s deepest need is to feel that he is her provider and protector, what of the fear  that must lie in his heart, knowing hat she could split at any time and be just fine?  And isn’t this need to provide tied closely to his need to protect?  Isn’t there an affectionate bond that forms in his heart for her as he guards her vulnerability?

We are told that vulnerability is a horrible thing!  But what sweetness when a man knows that his wife relies on his loving provision and protection, and she knows that he relies on her numerous duties in managing and keeping his home in order, and that these two are so inextricably entwined that both know they are utterly incomplete without  the other!

Just my thoughts…

BTW…I’ll be away from a computer (gasp!) until Friday evening, so I won’t be able to respond to comments until then.