This letter from an ex-husband was sent to a well-known marriage advisor about why he left his wife and I thought it was worth posting…though let it be noted, I believe that breaking your marriage vows is not acceptable in most cases, and am not condoning his actions by this post. Still, the food for thought here is important.
“For years, you behaved as if it didn’t matter whether I came or went, so I went.
For years, you were unsatisfied with the income I brought in, even though it was way more than enough to allow you to stay home with the children. Now you have less, and you get to go to work.
For years, you behaved as if my touch meant nothing to you. Now, it’s gone.
For years, you never complimented me on the household repairs I made, keeping up the lawn and garden, cleaning and organizing the garage and the hundreds of things I did to keep our home balanced and running. Now, you can do them.
For years, you complained I didn’t do enough housework. Now it’s all yours.
For years, you chose not to attend community and social events that were important to me. Now they’re not an option.
For years, you expected me to read your mind when you were hurt or upset. Never could, never will.
For years, you punished me with your silence. Now you have plenty.
For years, you would not share information about our kids’ schedules, doctor’s appointments and so on. Now some attorneys will help you polish your communication skills.
For years, I chose to love you, protect you, provide for you, confide in you, and have fun with you. Now, I don’t.
For years, you behaved as a long-suffering martyr. Now you can be one.
For years, I chose to raise your son as my own. Now, he’s hurting.
For years, you treated me as the lesser parent. Now I am.
For years, our precious young daughter has watched this debacle. What do you think she’s learned?
For years….”
P.S. I bought and read “The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage” months ago, and asked my wife to read it with me. She laughed.”
(Signed)
Still My Kids’ Dad
in Southern California
7 comments
This man mentioned The Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura. I am not a huge fan of hers but this book was an awesome indictment of the attitude that we women carry toward men thanks to the indoctrination of the fminist movement. Yes, even we “Gentle and Quiet Biblical women” can harbor these thoughts and attitudes. The companion book is called Woman Power and it contains the reactions of men to what Dr. Laura has written about. Ladies, at the very least read Women Power!
Jill,
Excellent recommendation–along with “The Proper Care and feeding of Marriage”…I actually am a pretty big fan of Dr. Laura…not necessarily her crassness from time to time, but her unmitigated boldness to say what needs to be said in the face of a deceptive culture.
Sometimes I really do need to “hear it like it is” 😉
Yikes!
Every wife needs to read that!!!
Very sobering.
Sounds like the guy was a narcissistic, only-my-pain-is-important, jerk. I wish whoever his wife was all the happiness in the world. For him, I wish he’d grow up.
If there are problems in a relationship, you talk about them. If there are problems that you sense from your partner, you ask about them. (Like the “never responded to my touch” thing: why did it never cross his mind to ask her if he was touching her wrong?). But, at the end of the day, it’s not working, and people are made miserable in a relationship, time to bail.
Oh, and if you’re so focused on who’s son it is, you were never a father in the first place.
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