Sadly, some women long to follow God’s Word as a Keeper at home, while their husbands wish them to work. While this must be very frustrating, there are some things I think a woman can do in this situation.
First of all, I think a wife is to be submissive, unless he is asking her to do something immoral. But it means submissive in every area (attitude, etc.). Just as the Scripture encourages the wife of an unbelieving husband, I think the same verses apply here. (1 Peter 3:1,2)
Prayer is your greatest source of influence. Don’t underestimate pleading with God for your desire to be obedient. He will honor it.
A wife is free to appeal. If you are a cheerful, loving and submissive wife, chances are pretty good that your husband desires to love you and will be open to your requests. Let him know of your desire to be home, show him in Scripture why you feel the way you do, and ask him to sincerely consider it (and pray about it if he is a Christian).
Usually, if a husband requests his wife to work it is because of finances. There are several practical approaches that can be taken to appeal in this area.
- Make a list of all your expenses incurred from working outside the home. Gas, lunches, daycare, clothing, etc.
- Make a list of all the ways you can think of that will save money if you were home. For example, cooking from scratch can be a tremendous savings if you compare it with convenience food you likely have to buy if you work. Discount grocery shopping is easier. Coupons, catching sales, making homemade gifts, etc. It all adds up.
- Offer possibilities of earning extra income from home. I’ve written several posts on ideas (you can find these in the archives on the sidebar).
- There are many ways to negotiate with creditors. Being in debt does not mean you both have to work. My husband and I are still paying off heavy debt we incurred when his business folded several years ago. We’ve made enormous progress, on the one income, and it is steadily disappearing. We were finally able to make arrangements that virtually eliminated all the interest rates.
- Suggest other ways to cut back on your monthly expenses. Cable, cell phones, services you can live without.
- Take a close look at how you spend money and see there is room for cutting back. Do you go shopping often at department stores? Stop 🙂 In this materialistic-disposable culture we live in, you can shop exclusively at thrift stores and yard sales and dress like a queen! It may be that your spending habits are keeping the budget in a bind! Just checking…
And then, request a “trial” period. After all that is practical can be done, those who step out in faith will be amazed at the way the Lord can provide when we just allow him!
We have been blessed hand over fist with really nice clothing for our children, gift cards from out of the blue, free baby sitting, and so many more physical blessings. We serve a God who owns the universe. He can take care of His children!
I hope those of you who are in this situation find encouragement. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart”.
17 comments
I have found that I can save more money at home than working outside the home. Making as much as possible from scratch saves us a fortune! And being there to actually take the time to keep up with the finances sure does help! My marriage is worth it to have a haven for my husband to come home to. Maybe that is a point that a wife can make… that she can make her home a restful haven for her family! What husband wouldn’t want to be greated with a hot home-cooked meal when he comes through that door and then a nice back rub later on?! 🙂
P.S. I hope no one misunderstands that my home isn’t always a restful haven but that it CAN be that way if you work on it.
Fortunately, I am blessed to have a husband who fully supports and encourages me in my role as a home maker/SAHM…but I do know women who do not feel that they are free to do this. I think you really give a wealth of godly wisdom here and I especially like your idea of requesting a trial period for showing that it can work to stay at home. This is a great idea!
I work two 12 hour shifts a week to please my husband. Recently he has agreed to allow me to try doing just one day. I start my new schedule May 1st and I can’t wait. I pray I will become such a great financial steward that I can convince him to let me stop altogether. He loves having me home because he is greeted at the door like a king, but he also likes the security of the extra money coming in. He actually gets upset when someone asks me to fill in for them at work because it takes me away from home. He’s getting there but it’s been a long process. We’ve been married 15 years and I had to work the whole time my children were growing up. We used to work opposite shifts for years so one of us was always with our children and we didn’t need daycare. I have always been the one to do all the cleaning, cooking, laundry, bills, appointments, etc. which is why he allowed me to only work part-time.
“I think a wife is to be submissive”
I don’t think you have any idea how out of date and offensive that sentence is to most of us. Are we living in the Stone Age? My husband and I are equal partners in our marriage, and I think he would find it repulsive if his wife turned into Little Miss Submissive, needing his OK for everything. In fact, it would make his life harder. My husband very much appreciates the fact that I’m able to make decisions and take care of certain financial and other matters. He constantly tells me how this makes his life so much easier and he is better able to concentrate on work and everything else on his plate.
I’m a stay at home mom and I don’t work, but not because I’m “submissive”- just typing that word makes me cringe. My husband and I BOTH think it’s the best thing for our children. I honestly cannot even imagine a marriage of the type you describe. Don’t you feel like a child, needing approval for everything you do?
I almost feel sorry for you, though I realize this is a choice you’ve made. I just don’t understand how you can be happy this way.
“I hope those of you who are in this situation find encouragement.”
Not really, but that is not your fault, it is a excellent post, but I have done ALL of these things and my husband still wants me to work.*sigh* As for being “submissive” it is not offensive to me at all, (this is for the previous poster)and I sometimes do not agree with everything Kelly says, but being submissive is not one of them. I used to be an uberfeminazi, environazi,(not that you are) you name it, until the Lord came into my heart and showed me the beauty of a biblical marriage, I actually think it is easier to be submissive than to have my husbands part of the deal-OH and we are VERY happy.
Kelly I wanted to ask you a question though, you have in previous posts talked about how being a SAHM brings you the freedom to follow your dreams whatever they are beyond what one could have in a career of choice, could you share with us specifics about YOUR life where this is true for you. What dreams and freedoms have you been allowed to persue now that you are a sahm that you didn’t when you were working? I think it helps to have concrete examples rather than saying “this is how it CAN be” I would like to hear specifically how it IS for you.
Thanks
Bridget
I’m laughing and almost in shock at the same time (I must assume you are not a Christian?)…you apparently haven’t read much of my blog, and you obviously don’t understand what the word “submission” means. And if you knew me, you would be embarassed at the accusations you made!
You wrote: “My husband very much appreciates the fact that I’m able to make decisions and take care of certain financial and other matters.”
I just blogged about the importance of the wife “taking care of things”…even running a business for her husband in some cases. Her scope of management in many affairs is enormous.
Where on earth do you get the idea that being submissive means you can’t do anything, or make any decisions, or that you must become child-like?
Do you stop at a stop sign? Why? Because you are submissive. Do you pay your taxes? Submissive. Does that make you an idiot, or a doormat, or a child?
Submission is a biblical term that has been grossly misunderstood and thus abhorred.
The submission I talk about here is one of a WILLING spirit to be under the authority of GOD, who places a wife under the authority of her husband for her protection and JOY.
I’ll end the comment here, and blog about this on today’s post.
Bridget,
You asked, “What dreams and freedoms have you been allowed to persue now that you are a sahm that you didn’t when you were working?”
Well…
I am a passionate writer 🙂 I never had much time to write when I worked–all my “extra” time was spent cramming in housework, errands and time with family.
Not only am I now able to blog/journal, but write ebooks, do some freelance writing for magazines, write music (another passion) and articles for websites. I also try to use my gift of writing in a ministry of sending cards and notes of encouragement to people.
Up until this year, I met with a group of ladies to encourage them as Keepers at Home. Those were some very enriching times.
I am an entrepreneuer; I love thinking of new ways to help my husband with the income. I have made some money with the above activities (I love tying together my passions, ministry, and financial contribution!) and we are working as a family on launching a catering business (we have a “banquet room” attached to our house.)
I love to create things–crafty things, some of which I have sold in the past. (I did make homemade skin products, but have recently handed over the “making” part to another family.)
I love making homemade gifts for family and friends–something I certainly didnt have time for before.
I love the freedom to pursue whatever interests “hit me” at the moment (I’m a tad ADD ;-), and of course the freedom to teach and train my children and learn about the world in a way I never knew it.
I love the freedom of being able to put aside our “normal” day and attend to urgent issues as they arise (sickness, tragedies, etc.)
These are a few of the ways I perceive the Lord has allowed me the desires of my heart.
I could keep writing, but I won’t.
Thank you Kelly for sharing your accomplishing your dreams.
Bridget
Terry,
Beautifully said!
Very well said, Terry! That really sums it up.
I can’t say how many times I’ve tried using my emotions to pressure dh which is not true submission at all (!) and there have been so many times (in our almost-4yr marriage!) that things have really worked better his way even though I couldn’t see it.
Sometimes, he even makes a bad choice. Hey, he’s human. 🙂 He carries so much more responsibility than I do and for that I’m very thankful!
http://www.homesteadblogger.com/Jonash2004
“Do you stop at a stop sign? Why? Because you are submissive. Do you pay your taxes? Submissive. Does that make you an idiot, or a doormat, or a child?”
Those examples are not at all comparable. We ALL have to stop at stop signs and pay taxes, otherwise we risk harming ourselves and others, or could go to jail. But what reason is there for the husband to be lord and master of the home? Unless a woman is very weak and in need of a father figure, I can’t understand why a husband must be submitted to.
Why should my husband be my boss? Why should he have the final say on everything no matter what, even though I’m an equal partner in my marriage and work just as hard as he does to make it work? It’s nice that you ladies have husbands who humor you and listen to your arguments for doing something your way, but in the end they have the final say. And you admit that there are times when he lays down the law. Ugh! Again, why should he be your boss?
Absolute power corrupts absolutely. What would you do if your husband turned mean suddenly (unlikely, I admit, but not impossible) and decided that you should wear a pink polka-dot shirt with orange and green-striped pants with a clown wig out in public for a whole day? What if no matter what, he wouldn’t change his mind? Would you actually do it? I’d really like an answer to that question.
A godly man doesn’t wake up one day and demand that his wife dress like a fool. Submission isn’t even about “my husband giving me orders because he is in charge”.
You are only considering one side of the coin…husbands are commanded to “love your wife like your own body”. There is no greater level of respect and treatment than the way one treats himself!
It is easy to see how none of this makes sense outside of a bilbical worldview.
And actually, the comparison of obeying the law is accurate–safety. Believe it or not, God ordered things the way he did for our protection (and it has nothing to do with being weak).
Quite frankly, Christians obey a lot of the Bible out of faith–the mystery of God’s Divine plan often only reveals itself after we have obeyed in faith…which means before it makes sense.
It’s much more about his knowing that he will answer to God for the way he has lead his family, taught them of God, and loved them.
You could only possibly understand it if you had seen a godly man before. It’s nothing like the picture you have.
So my dh was walking through the house and I asked him about the “absolute authority” (which we also strongly believe corrupts) and at first he was puzzled, I had to explain the idea that because I submitted to him that he might be considered the “absolute authority” and asked him what kept him from becoming corrupt.
He shrugged. “But I’m not the absolute authority. I have to answer to God for how I treat you and that’s pretty serious.”
http://www.homesteadblogger.com/Jonash2004
Ashley,
And that is exactly right…what I’ve tried to communicate, but probably cannot to an atheist or radical feminist, is that at the end of the day, we submit because GOD SAID SO. And to refuse to obey Him, is to take my own life, apply human logic, and hope for the best.
“The best” of human logic has little appeal to me…I ain’t likin’ what I’m seein’, if you know what I mean.
It’s such a joy to have the security of obedience to Christ, a marriage that flourishes when I obey God, a husband that adores me (even when I’m not submissive–he is truly Christ-like), and the promise of an eternal inheritance from believing in Him who orders these things.
At some point, human logic runs into finality, and one must let “the eyes of my faith lead on” (that’s a song in the writing–stay tuned!)
I just don’t understand…why~ if the wife wants to stay at home~ does it even go beyond that? The husband has no right to tell her she cannot, so why is it an issue? Just trying to understand…
I’m an avid reader of your blog and the discussions that take place on it. I am single and doing very well career wise. I was raised that way and have always thought I was on the right path. Since last year God has been speaking to me about marriage and has put in me a great desire to be a wife and mother instead of a career woman. I know that when I get married I want to be a stay at home wife and mom. This is really a foreign concept in my country, especially if you are well educated like I am. But for me the most important thing is to be the helper my husband needs and to raise godly children for God. I know that working outside the home will leave me weary and unable to give my marriage and children as much time as I would like. I pray that the man God has ordained for me will be willing to let me stay home and will not be afraid of being the sole provider for his family. Please pray with me on the same. Thanks.