It’s interesting to think about the challenges each generation faces. Our grandparents probably couldn’t have imagined a world where we have access to virtually every source of information, every buying opportunity and every social conversation in the world. And while this advancement is good in so many ways, like everything else, it has grave pitfalls.
The worst part, to me, of our Internet Age is that these things have access to us in a way that makes it feel impossible to resist. Most of us carry a phone around because it’s convenient. But the trade off to convenience is that we are expected to be available to anyone who needs us, 24 hrs. a day, 7 days a week. (The only way I’ve found to avoid this dilemma is to simply not carry a phone. Believe it or not, one can survive in the 21st century without one unless it is needed for work. Most of the human race has survived for centuries.)
So we’ve created a great irony. For the sake of convenience and/or saving time:
- we’re expected to be constantly available to throngs of people, making us busier than we’ve ever been, negating the original purpose of the technology.
- We’re in touch with more people, and lonelier than ever.
- We have access to more information but think less than ever because of distraction and stimuli.
Perhaps even worse, it puts our face-to-face relationships in jeopardy.
The one texting you doesn’t know you’re in a conversation with your husband. But if you don’t answer, you know they’ll feel ignored. And ignoring people is rude. And we don’t want to be rude. So to avoid being rude to our friend who texted, we are rude to our husband by interrupting the conversation we’re having to answer our friend.
For one of the most powerful, eye-opening books about this subject, go and get Simplicity Parenting. It is so, so good.
Even where we use our devices for work–and many people truly depend on them–it allows our clients, employers/employees to have constant access to our personal lives and interferes with our family relationships, as opposed to the old-fashioned 8 hour work day.
And when our children, who have less self-control than we do are given devices–when our whole family is now consumed with looking, playing, texting, shopping, answering–we stand to lose so much more than what we were supposed to be gaining.
And sometimes, more is less. A lot less.
We are no longer able to be “all there” wherever we are. We are scattered, with attentions split, 16-tabs-open-at-a-time people. And ironically, as advancements in technology do buy us more time, we just fill it up with more activities or browsing, or connections. We don’t like to admit it because it might mean drastic change.
[inlinetweet prefix=”” tweeter=”” suffix=””]I fear for our children who are losing the gift of solitude, who hardly know such a thing exists (much less why it’s important) because they rarely see it modeled. What becomes of the next generation who has no focus, who are alive but not really living because they’ve been distracted to death?[/inlinetweet]
(I could insert here the studies about what all this does to our brains, but there’s enough to talk about without it.)
Can we use the benefits of technology for the glory of God in our lives? Yes, absolutely! But we need to be extremely aware of how easily it can rob us of the important, simpler things in life.
I may be the meanest mamma in the world because I haven’t bought my kids a smartphone (I’m sure by now “smartphone” is so last month but I don’t know the newest cool thing). But maybe one day they’ll think I’m smart and not so mean after all.
25 comments
Where’s your reply to my latest email? (We need some sort of fist-shaking emoticon here.) 😉
OK, just kidding — I can take a hint. 😛
Only our adult children have smart phones (and Facebook); none of the rest of us, including hubby and me, do. My “dumb” phone sits in my purse in the bedroom way down the hall. A lot of days I forget to even check it to see if anyone texted me. That might be why I don’t get many messages on that phone. 😉
We do have two computers (one of which died today, which is probably a blessing in disguise) and one tablet in the home, and we certainly know the draw those devices can be. It was interesting, though, on the one screen-free day we’ve done so far this year, that not only did everyone do quite well finding other ways to use the extra time, but when the next day came, instead of making a mad dash to the devices, the draw to screens was less than before our media fast. I thought everybody would just be dying to get back to them, and overindulge after having been “deprived” the day before.
No such thing happened.
I find occasional media fasts refreshing. The longest one I, personally (not the whole family), went on was one month, and it was very good for cleaning out the cranial cobwebs. 🙂 I highly recommend it!
Good thoughts in this post, Kelly, about face-to-face relationships and other important things that suffer with tech overuse. I don’t think anyone can be reminded too often of the importance of investing in those essential ingredients in life in this very wired age.
Blessings.
Amen. I like the media fast idea. We have threatened with just our two household computers. (And if it makes you feel better, this post has been written and sitting in the draft folder for quite a while. 😉 )
MUCH better. 😉
To this I must plug the excellent documentary “Captivated” on the media!
We are so lucky. We live in such a remote area, we don’t get cell phone service at the house. No texting to tell the kids dinner is ready… (My friend does that) We share four phones among five drivers. No one carries a phone unless they are leaving the ranch. I agree that we are losing our ‘face to face’ communication.
I do think it’s very important that we teach our kids how to use self-control with technology. Technology isn’t sinful – usually it’s the user.
We CAN have smart phones and computers and live with solitude. We moms just need to make the effort of teaching the next generation, not hiding it from them until they move out. Easier said than done, I know,……
Amanda. I agree and yet find it difficult just how to do this. We’ve had lots of talks with other parents about boundaries. It’s easy to say we need to teach our kids “self-control” but I know several adults right now–good, self-controlled ones–who admit they’re addicted to some aspect of their phones. They’ve had to quit “cold turkey” a few times. (It may be Facebook, or whatever). If they, who know the importance of exercising self control aren’t able to do it, how can we hope to teach our kids who are not yet mature in that area? These are real struggles we’re dealing with right now. Just thinking out loud. Just our two computers poses the constant threat of overuse.
Far be it from me to sound like I have all the answers on how to tame the media beast, Kelly, because I most certainly do not, but I want to encourage you to try a media fast with your kids, and maybe make them a regular or semi-regular occurrence, rather than a one-time deal. IMHO, threatening to take it away (and then following through on the threat) is less effective than simply saying, “We’re going to take a break from all screens today because that’s good for us to do once in a while,” or something to that effect. Instead of making it a response to past (over)use, see it more as a proactive measure, if that makes sense.
But let me be real with you about something. That happy little report in my first comment above, where our one-day fast this year turned out great (the day of, and even afterwards, when we actually were able to exercise moderation) was not the first time I’d ever tried cutting out all screen use for a day or longer with the kids.
It was hard the first time. They struggled knowing what to do with themselves in the extra time outside their usual studies and chores. I had the older children, at the conclusion of that first fast, write about their impressions of their media-free day.
Let’s just say there was some grumbling and growling apparent in the written version of at least one child. 😉
I’ll admit that, after that day, I kind of gave up the idea of ever trying a media fast again. It didn’t seem to yield the fruit I had wanted. (My impatience is showing here — I want my brilliant ideas to work the first time. 🙂 )
Well, long story short, we did try it again. I don’t remember how many times it’s been now that we’ve done a media fast, maybe 3 or 4 times, but the children are getting better at finding ways to occupy themselves on fasting days, and I was so pleased to see that this last fast day that I described above was really the first time the positive effects carried into the next day, in terms of the children not gravitating right back to the screens when the limitations were off.
It’s definitely a process, but it seems to now finally be bearing good fruit. My plan this year is to take one day a week off from screens (myself and my pre-adult children — I don’t impose this on my husband or adult son who lives at home). I did fall off the wagon this week, though, and my older teenage daughter called me on it, which I guess I could say is good fruit, too. 🙂
Take heart, Kelly; you can do it! (Or anything the Lord leads you to with this issue.) Praying you’ll find blessing in the journey.
That is great encouragement. I think we may start that–maybe even a certain day of the week, like y’all do. I appreciate the inspiration! I think we must, we can’t afford not to be, proactive in this era that vies for our attention.
Excellent! I can so relate. When it is not a good time for me I don’t answer my phone. The next day I get a hold of the person that contacted me and it’s like they are annoyed because they say I tried calling you making you feel bad when you don’t answer the phone. I agree because of cell phones and call waiting people expect an immediate answer.
This is so timely for me as this has been on my heart lately. I actually put a one day a week limit on my facebook. If my kids see my showing self control, I hope they will remember that and follow the example.
I love this because some days I feel like we’re the only ones who have chosen to skip the smart phones. Honestly, I don’t want to be accessible 24/7…which is a big reason I don’t text. My two adult children have smart phones, but none of of our other children do. My husband and I feel strongly on this issue. I see so many distracted people everywhere. And one of my biggest pet peeves is when friends and family stop our face-to-face conversation to reply to a text. People have become so accustomed to this that they don’t even think twice anymore. When you see children sitting quietly in a restaurant nowadays, it’s usually because they’re occupied with a device.
As much as I know technology can help us, I am sad to see how it’s changed us.
Thank you for this post.
I have been wanting to give up facebook for years; even having month long spells of deactivating it.
I read this post yesterday and decided to flat out delete my profile. Everything will be gone, there is no going back.
My husband is so proud of me, and I am feeling wonderful about it. I have managed to get a lot of housework done, have a workout at the gym, and have even read half a book today, and it is only 2pm.
I lament all the time I’ve wasted and been distracted from my family. That time could have been used to bless my family or learn to play the piano – useful things!
Jadie, as a musician and a piano teacher, I encourage you to learn to play the piano! It’s never too late, and it will bless your family at the same time. 🙂
Kelly,
Sounds like you’ve been the proverbial “fly on the wall” in my home, overhearing my comments regarding this – I certainly relate to this issue and am struggling to find an answer. Technology is a two-edged sword and while I’m grateful for its benefits, I struggle with the changes in communication it has wrought in our family and those around us. I suppose it’s just another area that we need to “take captive” and learn more self-control. Thanks for thinking out loud on this one 🙂
We call our media fasting ‘EEFM’ – Electronic Entertainment Free Month – and do it twice a year. I am starting to crave it more than that, though! Somehow, the days are ‘longer’ during EEFM. There seems to be more peace, too, because we finally have time to think! The scary thing is that I (and not my teens) have such a Hard time ‘quitting’ my media relationships – even temporarily. And I don’t like having the (resulting) time to think about what that means, either! : ) Taking a break is a good thing. Imagine what might happen if we Never unplugged… : (
I can relate to your calling the media-fast days “longer”, Smitti — the “fast” days seem s-l-o-w. 😉 I get more tired those days, too, especially if I try to read a book or magazine that I hold in my hands. It makes me feel drowsy to sit down with non-electronic print material, unlike reading on a computer or other device, which never makes me tired.
Have to wonder how good it is — that frequent electronic stimulation — for a person. Especially our young people who are still growing…
I had to laugh when I read your comment about falling asleep with the books and magazines. I’ve been trying to read for an hour or so before bed – and have had the Best nights of sleep lately! : ) I never put the electronic stimulation idea to the test before. I wonder what it is about paper and ink that’s so satisfying and calming…
Yes! Reading a pen-and-ink copy before bed is quite soporific, to borrow from Beatrix Potter’s lexicon. 😉
So is praying, I have found. I have to pray earlier in the day, and not wait until bedtime for it, otherwise I tend to fall asleep after I’ve prayed for about 1 1/2 people. 🙂
May I do a little more thinking out loud (or in print, rather), as long as I’m already dominating this thread? Ahem.
It seems to me there are a lot of introverts on the internet. I am one, and nearly all of my online friends have self-identified that way, as well — there’s only one I can think of who says she’s an extrovert.
I think introverts can only take so much face-to-face communication, as important as that is. In the real world, it’s difficult to walk away from conversation, not to mention rude-looking, when all the clamoring for attention wears on us.
In the virtual world, an introvert can get measured doses of communication. We can engage and disengage to suit our social needs. I don’t think that’s a bad thing in that context.
For me, though (and other introverts, perhaps?), I find that when I’m “disengaged” (not interacting online), my thoughts are often still there. And it tends to draw me back again and again — to sit in on the conversation, even if I don’t interject myself into it. I’m a people-watcher and an analyzer, and it’s hard to shut my brain off about what’s going on outside my immediate (real) world.
That IS a problem, IMHO, and one to which introverts can be prone, I’m afraid.
Being able to draw the line between useful, restorative use of tech, and its counterpart (overuse to the point of damage), and then not step over that line, is what I think is hard.
Just my two cents. And now, guess who’s going on a media fast tomorrow after this flurry of comments today? 😉
We do not always agree, but as an elementary teacher, I cannot agree enough about this. All we are told now is we need “more tech” in our classes…..Many of us would love to have less…I have students who cannot sit down and just “be”, finish a good book, imagine, draw, whatever because they are constantly needing a distraction. We always say we have ADHD students who cannot complete a simple task but can play a video game for hours. I love technology used in moderation as with everything else in this world. I fear for this generation, they are not learning how to communicate face to face and certainly not learning that you cannot be entertained all the time.
I’m sorry to read this confirmation, but I bet you get even a fuller-orbed view of the damage of technology, being able to observe it in a classroom with more children. Thank you for your comment. I fear for them too.
We have four phones in our house with four drivers, all dumb phones. In fact, Hubby is the only one with internet access on his phone and that is only because it’s his work phone and the boss put it on all the company phones.
I decided a long time ago that the phone was my tool, not master. I have it set so phone numbers from people I know and want to talk to have a special ring. Everyone else has a generic ring that I simply don’t answer. They can leave a message. Even the ones I know, I won’t answer unless it’s convenient or I think it might be an emergency.And I love texting. I can take care of something in seconds instead of having to go through all the social niceties of a phone call. Example: my dad had back surgery. When the doctor told us the results I sent one group text to everyone in the church and family saying he was ok and it was all good. No “Hi, how are you? how’s the family, dad’s ok, mom’s ok, kids are ok….etc” Only one person called for more details. Everyone was happy. I don’t return texts, either, unless and until I want to. Rude? maybe. But who decided that? I refuse to slave to the thing.
Now the computers in the house we are having trouble controlling, but even then, my teen boys play together far more often since we got the second computer sitting next to the main one. Does it really matter if they are playing a board game together or a video game? They are building a great relationship; same type of communication.
Definitely hard building our own rules since no previous generation has had to deal with all this. It will be interesting in 50 years to see what the norm is. (and as an introvert, I have way more interaction with people than I would without my computer, though way too much some times.)
For anyone here whose children have smart phones or other devices with apps, this is an important read about some apps that are dangerous for kids, and why. There are also some suggested conversation-starters regarding discussions with our older children if we find questionable apps on their devices.
http://www.crosswalk.com/family/parenting/kids/9-most-dangerous-apps-for-kids.html
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