“She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants’ ships; she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She girds her legs with strength, and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good; her candle does not go out by night. She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She reaches out her hand to the poor; yes, she reaches her hands to the needy.” Proverbs 31:13-20
It’s impossible to talk about the virtuous wife without talking some about her duties at home. Notice that the bulk of Proverbs 31 involves decribing those duties.
Read that carefully to get a clear picture of the virtuous wife. Times have changed, cultures have changed, but the work of a virtuous wife has not!
Recently a working friend said to me, “I just think I’d go out of my mind with boredom at home”. That comment doesn’t even register with me.
Her comment reveals that the world’s picture of a virtuous wife–a keeper at home–is a lie, not based at all on biblical truth. The feminist agenda went full force to create an undesirable image of the keeper at home…she is foggy-brained, mealy-mouthed, wears frumpy clothes all day, stays home because she can’t really do anything else, and is addicted to soap operas so she can pass the miserable day away.
That is not the picture of the Proverbs 31 wife…and it’s not our picture. A virtuous wife is not a passive vocation–one a woman falls into or gets stuck with. Now sadly, there are such women who don’t understand God’s desire for them, and they have been victimized by their own stereotypes.
The virtuous wife is a role to be coveted, planned for, hoped for, dreamed about, and embraced with all the vigor of any other vocation. And it is a BUSY role!
The husband of a virtuous wife knows his wife has many gifts, talents and abilities, and because of her position at home, she can use them to benefit her family, her church, her neighbors, her community, and her world. She is able to focus on the gifts the Lord has given her, and tune those gifts to meet the many opportunities that lie around her.
She is well-rounded, always learning, always creating. Her husband delights in her willingness to share those gifts first with the people she loves the most.
Understand that a virtuous wife can wear many hats; it is not just an unfortunate plight for those who don’t like to cook and clean…any woman, with any gifts, can and was created to use those gifts within the domain of her home.
And the virtuous wife is in charge! Contrary to the “lorded over” stereotype, a virtuous wife doesn’t have a husband who needs to micromanage. Her home is her realm and he “safely trusts her”. She orders her home, depending on his guidance and counsel when needed, but she is the “keeper”.
What are your gifts? How can you use them to minister, serve and benefit those around you?
This passage speaks directly to the business side of the virtuous wife. She may be involved in making and selling for profit, investments and home business. Notice, though, that it is all done within the domain of her home and family life; she does not neglect home all day and report to another man for work. And yet, because she manages her time wisely, stays healthy and fit, and keeps her hands busy, she is able to get quite a lot done!
(This doesn’t imply that a virtuous wife MUST operate a home business, just that it is within her domain to do so!)
Don’t be fooled by the world’s definition of a submissive wife; she is obedient, she is reverent, she is deferring; but she is also strong, competent and industrious.
Yesterday, my quiet 6-year old girl had been out picking wild flowers. She was really absorbed in the project of making them look just right in all the vases, and strategically placing them around the house. She studied her design for a while, and then looked at me and said, “when I grow up, I want to be a decorator”.
My face lit up and I just took off…
“Oh honey, you can! And a lot of other things too! Isn’t God wonderful to give us the desire to create beauty, and make things, and decorate, and then allow us to use all our gifts and talents from home? We could never find the time to do all we wanted to do if we weren’t at home!”
On and on I went…painting the keeper at home for what it is–something glorious! May we never be guilty of shrinking away from encouraging our daughters to joyfully look forward to being the managers of their homes!
Now you know as well as I do, all our days are not as glorious; I hardly slept last night because my nursing infant is cutting teeth. I’m exhausted, and I’ll have to fight being grumpy today. There will be lots of days where it is a struggle to “embrace my glorious role as keeper”…
But again, if we approach life from a “principally oriented” position, that is, knowing the bad days will come, but the truth remains that a keeper at home is my glorious, God-ordained position, that truth will keep me anchored throughout the ups and downs of life.
11 comments
“Now sadly, there are such women who don’t understand God’s desire for them, and they have been victimized by their own stereotypes.”
This really resonates with me. I stay at home with my toddler son (and plan to continue to stay home as our subsequent children come) but feel I am often at a loss as to what exactly God wants of me in this vocation. I know I am not being as industrious as He wants me to be/as much as I’d like to be. I am naturally a person who likes to stay busy so really want to re-discover a better schedule/routine again.
I would really love to begin a home business of some sort some day in perhaps the not so distant future! How did you begin yours? How do you incorporate that side of your life into the rest of your day?
What if your daughter wanted to be an interior designer? Go to school and become a proffessional? I’m only asking what if. Would you push her to stay at home or to follow her dreams?
BTW…I’m glad my mother (a christian, like me) pushed me to follow my dreams and now I have. I’m in school preparing to teach high school, and that has been my dream since I was young. I’m glad she never told me I shouldn’t do this. (BTW I’m happily married with two beautiful cats and my hubby is a student too. He actually doesn’t work and I work part time because his school requires a lot more work outside of the class than my classes do.) So maybe our tiny apartment is a bit cluttered and full of art supplies (he’s an art student) and books, and so maybe the dishes are not always done…and I make spaghetti more than three times a week… we’re happy and we both love the Lord and someday when we have children we will teach them to as well. And also to follow their dreams.
Now before you go off on me…don’t get me wrong, if my daughter (or son) when I have children, tells me they want to stay at home and raise their children and take care of their family I would support them in that too as I consider it a profession as well.
Your question is not unusual, but it is full of feminist thinking. Your contrast between being a keeper at home with “following your dreams” is, by the very nature of the contrast, degrading to the role of the homemaker.
And your question has another problem…ME…ME…ME.
The first reason we prepare our girls to be keepers at home is because we believe the Bible commands it…for our good and joy and pleasure…but commanded all the same.
I don’t give my boys the option to decide if they want to grow up to provide for their families; I believe God designed them to fulfill that role and they understand from an early age that they are going to be trained and taught toward that end. (A new kind of feminism is attempting to “free men from the shackles of sterotypes” too.)
Same for the girls; this is not something I “push on them” as you say (again, the very terminology reveals the brainwashing you’ve been a victim of).
We just don’t get this…God came up with a perfect design–man has one role, woman has another. They are complimentary, and used together, create the strongest possible network by which to operate.
We teach our girls that there are limitless opportunties to use their gifts, knowledge and abilities within the realm of their calling. Part of my intent here is to convince feminist thought just how broad that calling is.
You asked, “what if your daughter wants to be an interior designer when she grows up?”
That’s a very narrow scope for my daughter–I hope she is that and a lot more! I wish you well as a teacher outside your home; unfortunately, that is about all you will have time for (I know…I used to be one too!)
God is so smart; he knew women have so many gifts and passions that they would never have time to pursue them all in the workplace.
Being a keeper at home affords us the time and opportunity to use the gifts He’s given us to “follow our dreams”, and to be a part of a team to strategically raise up a new, strong generation for the glory of God.
I doubt I’ll have to “push” that on any of my children!
Bravo on a wonderful post, Kelly!
I hope it’s ok if jump I onto my soapbox and enter this discussion!
Being a godly woman is so exciting because we get to partner with God in impacting the world for our Savior in countless ways, big and small. What is intriguing is that often it is the small things that carry the greatest impact–those things in which we find ourselves dying to self in order to serve another. In this way, we become imitators of Christ, whose greatest work, was, of course, his work of serving, and ultimately giving His life for ours.
Women play such a huge part in God’s plan to reach all mankind with the news of our Savior. And serving Him from home means that we are more flexible and available for however He wants to use us, leading to a far richer life than following the world’s pattern allows.
In reference to the question asked by “anonymous”, I wanted to add my comments to yours.
If my daughter wanted to study interior design, we would prayerfully consider how she could do this in way that would allow her to continue to put ministry to others first, “seeking first His kingdom and His righteousness.” We would not want her studies to interfere with her being available to participate in church and family activities, and to help out in the community as opportunities arose. So maybe she would study from home,or maybe she would be apprenticed to another woman who was an expert at this, and her studies would most likely be at a less intense pace so that she could keep her life balanced and not be consumed with the acquisition of knowledge.
And then, how would this knowledge of interior design be used? Well, we would work with our daughter to use those skills in a way that would not lock her into the narrowness of a “career”. Perhaps she would offer decorating services to family, friends, and church members, in a very personal, low-key manner as time allowed. Perhaps she would provide interior design training to younger women, having them come to our home for lessons. Meanwhile, she would be free to be involved in the work of the Lord as her number one priority: serving others, making her corner of the world more beautiful for His sake, and adorning the gospel. She would then have time to spend with her grandparents, learning and recording family history; time to create refreshing works of fiction to share with her family and also beyond our home; she would have time for exercise and rest; to visit and comfort the sick; and to teach her younger siblings from the Bible…her life can be the full, rich life of serving God and others, done as only a woman can do, with gentleness, sensitivity, and grace. What a loss when women follow the ways of the world and consign themselves to the narrow lives that are dictated by a career, working for mere cash, when they could be working for our Lord and King, and reaping the honor and rewards that He has planned for us! And our culture is far poorer when the beautifying work of womanhood is stifled by the demands of a career.
I really believe that it’s all about encouraging our daughters to partner with God and fit into His plans–and that when they give their lives into His service as home-centered young women, all that He has planned for them will be far beyond anything they could possibly dream of!
And not only that, but when they focus on serving the Lord as their first priority, they are acutally engaged in some very intense spiritual warfare for the souls of others and for the spreading of God’s love in the world.
OK, off my soapbox! 🙂
I guess it just depends on what you consider brainwashing.
So please don’t try to brainwash me. So basically you wouldn’t let your daughter be what she wanted to be unless it was what you wanted her to be. Or as you say, what you think God wants her to be. Now, I have my interpretation of the Bible, and you have yours. If you are a Bible scholar and have studied it in it’s original language and text, or have personally met with God and asked him what he thinks, then please, follow your interpretation and let me be. I simply asked whether or not you would let your daughter do something if it didn’t follow your ideals, but it were her dream.
You basically said you wouldn’t let her.
I don’t claim to be a bible scholar either, but I also know that it was written many years ago, and may need to be applied to our times.
So again, please don’t try to brainwash me. I believe God has his plan for me and it’s not the same profession you claim He requires of me. So I guess it’s between me and God. I prefer to take direction from Him.
By the way my husband has told me to not read this site anymore because it might brainwash me, but I simply find it interesting and sometimes can’t believe what I read. I understand how people can have different opinions and interpret the Bible in different ways…but you tend to enjoy putting people down who have different opinions.
I always looked up to my mother, she is a wonderful Christian in my eyes, she adopted me and my brother and sister and is the best mother I could ever have asked for. Do I feel neglected because she taught in elementary school off and on? No. Not at all. Did I turn out worse off because she worked outside the home? No. I consider myself smart, independent, and a good Christian with good morals. I’m far from perfect of course, but I do my best. If you think otherwise just because my husband and I do things differently then say so all you want, but don’t push it in my face. I love my mother, and I always wanted to be a teacher AND a great mother, just like she is.
And I believe I am being a helpmeet to my husband as well, in my own way. I work two jobs and go to school so that he can not work and focus on his extremely difficult art school which requires about 60 hours a week of work over class time. I support his dreams and he supports mine too.
Oh and never ever tell me what kind of a mother I will be just because I am pursuing a career in teaching. Don’t ever tell anyone that. I know I will be the best mother I can, and I’ll love my children just as much as you love yours. A outside of the home working mother does not mean an unloving or uncaring mother.
“so that she could keep her life balanced and not be consumed with the acquisition of knowledge”
What’s wrong with knowledge? Just because we’re women means we shouldn’t love learning all that we can?
“so that she could keep her life balanced and not be consumed with the acquisition of knowledge”
What’s wrong with knowledge? Just because we’re women means we shouldn’t love learning all that we can?
Hi Anon,
Knowledge is great! I love knowledge! God loves for all His people to have knowledge!
Our goal is to help our daughters not to be “consumed” with(or by) the aquisition of knowledge. I am using the word “consumed” in a negative sense here, as in this phrase: “the flames consumed the house”. Because we want to help our daughters to honor the Lord, and “seek first His kingdom and His righteousness”, we want to enable them to approach learning in a way that keeps them freed up for serving Him, and not “chained” to textbooks with little time to pursue or enjoy the other aspects of life and service to God. I know when I was in college I didn’t have time to enjoy a sunset, write a letter to my grandmother, keep up with what was going on in the lives of my parents and siblings, do ministry of any kind, or even pursue something “extracurricular” such as learning to play the guitar or take singing lessons. I was wrapped up in my studies, and working very hard to succeed. It consumed my life, and this was not a good thing. It was not a balanced life I was living, and I think this is all too common. I felt burned out and that I missed out on many blessings the Lord would have provided had my life been more balanced.
So, in encouraging my daughter to pursue her studies in interior design at a less demanding pace, we would be helping her *create room* in her schedule and her life for God and His purposes for her. That may include helping out with Special Olympics, or listening to a grieving friend who needs to talk; or it could include pursuing self-directed studies(at her own pace,without deadlines or pressure) on anything from computer programming to fashion design.
But the point is for her life not to be totally expended in pursuing a degree so that she has time and energy to make other contributions to her family, friends, church, and community, and to pursue other learning opportunities as she desires. It is not about restricting her from knowledge; it’s about equipping her to be *free* for service to the Lord.
The work He has for us as women is very important–and as I mentioned in my post, it is a powerful form of spiritual warfare that has a long-ranging and eternal impact. That work is far too critical to leave behind while focusing narrowly on pursuing a degree or a career. Touching the lives of others for Christ, and our work of bringing beauty, comfort, hope, etc. to hurting people are essential, especially in these desperate times in which we live. These opportunities for service are also great privileges through which God wants to reward and honor us. I want to help my daughters to participate in these world-changing opportunities, and I want to help them structure their lives in such a way that they can attain the blessings and honor that God promises to women who are dedicated to serving Him through serving others.
I don’t at all believe that women are not allowed to learn–quite the contrary! Learning is essential to being equipped for ministry. Just because I believe a woman’s ministry should be home-based does not mean I am against learning.–Which is why I am online after midnite posting here and doing other research! 😉
Great question–I enjoy the challenge of putting my views into words.
I look at that post and realize I was a bit rash…I was probably annoyed though at the time. Sometimes I get fired up! I guess it is because I was raised in a very Christian family in a small community and was raised to believe that God had special plans for each of us, no matter who we were, depending on your spiritual gift. I felt mine was teaching and my parents supported my love for foreign languages and supported my dream to teach them in high school.
All I’m saying is I was raised like this, and this is how I plan to raise my children.
I have to remind myself that we each will do things differently and that you have the right to raise your children in the way you see as God’s way.
I was simply raised a little differently, and I will raise my children to recognize whatever talents God chooses to give them, but I would support them in any career choice if they felt called to it.
But again…I support your decision as well…again I can just get fired up sometimes and I’ve always been interested in women who have managed to have a good career and also raise children. What I feel is a good path for my family is to have both my husband and I work…but have him and me work less hours than usual. If the husband would usually work 40-60 hours as the only one…I’d have me work 30 hours (about what my mom works outside the home as a teacher) and he only 20 to 30 as well. That way we’re both able to spend time with the kids…not just me. And I plan to put aside a “nest egg” so one of us can stay home until our kids our school age. Then they’ll be at school while I’m at school…and they’ll have both of us home at night.
We’ll see how that works…cuz I know many things never work out as planned…but that’s kind of what I feel would be a good family style or whatever for my family someday.
But we’re all different and thank goodness…the world would be boring if we all thought exactly the same!!!
So have a wonderful day and enjoy your family…I don’t have children yet but I have a cousin who is 7 and I swear she was 2 yesterday. Time flies!
And I sure agree with the college thing…it is time consuming. My hubby and I are always busy. I’m so glad there is a light at the end! We’re happy and we’ve stopped worrying about getting the house perfect and instead spending our extra time together…but it’s still hectic. We both work retail and thats part of the reason we’re in college, is so we can have careers that require less time out of the home and a less demanding schedule. And also time at holidays with family. I love the education field for that…time off at christmas…and every holiday and break my kids have I’ll have too. I consider that a great thing! Plus it’s easier to take a year or even more off when my kids are babies until they are school age.
So yeah you’re right learning can be consuming…but there is a limit. I won’t spend the rest of my life in college…thank goodness…but I’m enjoying what I’m learning right now at least!
Have a nice day!!! And God bless.
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