This is a post from an earlier archive that I think will be very encouraging to this topic we’re currently discussing. I thought I’d re-post it for you! (Don’t worry, we’ll get back to the next debate soon!)
One of the things that most profoundly affects me about the idea of letting God be sovereign in the area of children, is the idea of who I may be preventing from being born, and how God has used the people of history to so powerfully impact the world. It’s just another area where we can’t see the future; and because of that, it seems scary to interfere with the population.
I love to ponder the lives of great men and women of history who probably would never have been born if their parents were living in our day. If one or two children was all those parents needed, or all they could handle, or afford, or deal with, etc., our world would be an entirely different place. Consider the following and rejoice that birth control was not a popular concept of the day:
Presidents:
- George Washington——-5th child of ten.
- William Henry Harrison–7th of seven.
- Franklin Pierce————-7th of eight.
- Benjamin Harrison———5th of thirteen.
- William Howard Taft——-7th of ten.
(There are many more–I just skipped them for time. By the way, I could list about 18 more presidents who came from large families which refutes the crazy idea that being from a large family hinders your education. Some of the most brilliant men of history were from large, often very poor families.)
Musicians
- Johann Sebastian Bach–8th child
- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart–7th of seven
- Ludwig Van Beethoven–5th child of five (Note: Beethoven would have most definitely never been born in this day. His father had syphilis and his mother had tuberculosis. Their 1st child was blind, baby #2 died, 3rd born was deaf, and the 4th child had tuberculosis like his mother! Then came Beethoven!)
- Czech Bedrich Smetana–11th of 18
- Many many, more, but one of my current favorites: Celine Dion is the baby of 14!
Christian Saints:
- David Brainerd–from a family of nine children
- Oswald Chambers–4th of nine
- Jonathan Edwards–11th of eleven
- Sylvanus Crosby (grandfather of Fanny Crosby)–19th of 19! (Chew on that one for a minute…)
- Dwight L. Moody–6th of eight
- Nate Saint–7th of eight
- Corrie ten Boom–5th
And I could list dozens more in every category. We didn’t even touch scientists, doctors, and just godly men and women who have given birth to other godly men and women! Let us not forget the infamous Suzanna Wesley. Her sons Charles and John Wesley had and continue to have a tremendous impact on the church and our music. John was number 14, and Charles was number 17 of 19 children. And what makes that even more amazing, is that Suzanna herself was number 24!!! And lest we ever use “hardship” as an excuse to stop having children, she had more than a thousand of us put together!
Could it be, that parents of that day simply were not as selfish as we are, willing to give themselves over to the raising up of strong, godly men and women, no matter the cost?
It is so exciting to see how God so infinitely uses the arrows of godly people to impact history. We can’t know how he is going to use one of our children. More than likely, He’ll just use them to raise up more children and impact more people for His Kingdom–what great honor! Imagine what our world might be like right now, if the people of God understood this full quiver thing!
27 comments
Wow! Thank you so much for this post. My husband and I are expecting our 9th child in April. Sometimes it is so discouraging to see other peoples reactions. Our oldest just turned 11, and my husband and I are both still young, so many people say what if you have… more?
It is especially encouraging when Christians say, “Well I believe that children are a blessing, you just need to be able to spend ‘quality’ time with them” or perhaps it’s afford a good education or fill in the blank.
This post helped me to remember that we just need to be faithful in teaching them to love and obey God. I think that the rest will fall into place as we are faithful to follow him. Thanks for this encouragement! Perhaps one of our babies will influence the world for God, maybe not in this generation but the next, or the next….
Kimberly
Ooops, second paragraph, I meant to say DIScouraging, obviously, sorry!
Kimberly
Thanks again Kelly for posting that! I so appreciate the encouragement from your blog. You have no idea how supported I feel. When I’m feeling a bit down…I hop on here!
Do you mind if I post your post on my blog (with references and link of course!)? If not that’s fine…I’ll just link to here and they can read it here.
Hugs,
Carmen
Thanks for your comments…it is just as encouraging to me as I write, because it helps me clarify my position on things, and of course, I get to vent!
And Carmen, I don’t mind at all if you link here. The more the merrier!
And of course, the most encouraging thing is all your comments!
This is a great list!! Good work!
I have enjoyed your blog since I found it a couple months ago. This was a great post! My husband and I are expecting number 7 in April, and our oldest is 9, so there are times we get the “looks” or “comments”, too. My last pregnancy was twin girls, and now my “chances” to have them again are higher. I also just turned 34, so I am sure people wonder just how many we will end up with! Each one is such a blessing from the Lord!!
Kelly, I remember this post, and greatly enjoyed reading it again!
I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now, and I really appreciate your world view. I have a question about birth control, and I would love to hear your perspective. Here goes: God has put it on my (and my husband’s heart) to adopt children with disabilities. We welcome a large family, however there are certain restrictions that the state places on homes regarding the number of children who can share rooms, etc. I would love to forgo the use of birth control and, as you say, allow God sovereignty over my womb. However, I also know that we’ve been called to take in these children that nobody else wants. My husband and I have prayed about the situation, and have decided to have some “homegrown” children, adopt some, and use NFP once our home is full. After a lot of prayer, we feel pretty at peace about the situation, but I’d love to hear thoughts from you or others who share your views on childbearing. Thanks!
Wow interesting list. Definitely something to think about.
Alli,
I’m curious to know whether the state’s room restriction is the only reason you are considering limiting your natural family.
Let’s suppose you were just having your own children. Would you need to stop after you reached your room capacity? Or would you just not worry about the government interfering with such things? (I’m sure every state probably has “room restrictions” that are not enforced.)
I realize you may be a little more vulnerable to restrictions because of adoption inspections and such, but once you’ve adopted, do you really think they would keep checking up on your family size?
Beyond the technical side of it, I may have a different view than others. Of course adoption is such a beautiful and wonderful thing for families…I’m very pro-adoption, as I believe it is one of the pictures of the Father’s relationship with us. But I would be hesitant to adopt if it meant I had to restrict my own child-bearing gift.
It reminds me of so many missionaries who devote their lives to save a lost tribe (very noble cause), but leave their own children in boarding schools, and often lose them.
I guess the question to ponder is… is any ministry to be pursued if it requires us to separate our first ministry (family) from the other? I would feel inclined to pursue adoption, missionary work, or any other such ministry only if it could abide the natural function of my family (i.e. for me, no birth control.)
But that is just my opinion!
Thanks for your input!
I was thinking, in response to Alli’s ponderings, that if God calls He provides. Therefore, why not just have faith for a bigger home when the need arises? Rather than setting family size according to house size, why not set house size according to your faith for your family size?
Don’t limit the Lord, even in your mind. He has enough resources to bless you with a 10 bedroom home if He wants to, if you need it, if that’s the desire of your heart, if that is necessary to fulfill His plans for your adoptions and births!
Just a little encouragment!
Well, shoot, and I’m only on #2! 😉 I’ve seen this post before, and always enjoy it (like similar lists of well educated, well-socialized homeschoolers of history).
*Alli* – my husband and I also hope to be adoptive parents, and we particularly desire to take in sibling sets. I agree with WW and GT. Also, if you’re near my age (20s)it’s hard to think about this, but maybe just wait. Think about it. You can have as many as God chooses to give you biologically, but statistically your chances of conceiving after 40 drop dramatically. That’s still plenty young enough to pursue adoption! Yes, we all know some woman as fertile as the day is long, but God dosen’t bless all the same way. You may only find yourself blessed with a few births despite your godly hopes. In which case, maybe you CAN welcome children by birth and adoption at the same (relative) place in your life. Not to discourage you about chances of birthing. Just to say that perhaps you can do both. I hope you can do both! And in the meantime, be praying for all your future children, and all those future challenges that will be specific to your family. I often pray that God will bring droves of Christian couples to pursue adoption, in addition to birthing. So thank you for voicing here. It’s an encouragement to me.
Thanks for all of your great comments! All of your insights prompted me to revisit my adoption plans with my husband earlier today, and he had some great points I thought I’d share with you.
You reference Psalm 127, but can we be positive that the quiver full of arrows refers solely to “homegrown” children? It seems like the general consensus here is that the practice of adopting children is somehow inferior to bearing them naturally. (Correct me if I have misstated your position) Kelly said, “is any ministry to be pursued if it requires us to separate our first ministry (family) from the other?” and I think that point would be valid if we are working under the assumption that the adoptive children are a secondary ministry rather than members of the family that comprises the initial ministry. However, my husband and I are uncomfortable with the idea of relegating our “grafted” children to the status of a secondary ministry, and I don’t think the Bible would contradict that position.
I agree that God has plans for each family and that too often we get in the way of those plans because of selfishness or a lack of faith. However, I would hesitate use those labels on a family who chose to forgo natural childbearing in exchange for housing as many orphans as possible. It’s a sad reality that in this country the government decides how many adopted children a family can manage rather than allowing the family to prayerfully make that decision. Therefore, it logically follows that each homegrown child would prevent one adopted child. (Kelly asked if the govt would keep checking up on our family size, but, I would be uncomfortable breaching any agreement I made with an adoption agency. If I told them I was only going to house 7 kids, then I would honor that promise even if they stop checking up on us.) It seems like people here would say that choosing birth over adoption would be a more Godly decision, but, again, I just am not convinced that the Bible is telling us that families must conceive naturally to demonstrate their trust in God’s sovereignty over their family. God can still ask adoptive parents to stretch themselves more then they think is possible. I’ve known many adoptive families who have 7+ children and are open to as many as the govt will allow.
“Be fruitful and multiply” does ring in my ears as a potential objection to the adoption query, but isn’t adopting children multiplying a family? Two become three, four, six, maybe eleven (if Uncle Sam thinks that your house is big enough ;)) Perhaps one might argue that the type of multiplying I mention doesn’t exactly “fill the earth”. Technically, I would have to say that is true, but I wonder if that position is a bit too “letter of the law” rather than “spirit of the law.” This is coming from a purely emotional perspective, but my experiences in a Thai orphanage for children with disabilities led me to believe that perhaps some people are called to sacrifice their gift of childbearing to become adoptive parents. I saw rows and rows of abandoned children stricken with cerebral palsy lying on mats. They received physical contact only when they were being fed or changed. I could be mistaken, but I have a hard time believing that God would frown on a family that chooses to multiply by taking in as many of those children as it is allowed instead of literally filling the earth. I think that as long as there are orphans on this planet, adoption in lieu of childbearing may be a valid and Godly decision. After all, as Kelly pointed out, we are all God’s adopted children. 🙂 It’s important to test these ideas with Scripture and discuss them with other believes, so I’m open to correction. I really appreciate the counsel of my older sisters in Christ.
Alli:
Although I am probably not your “older sister in Christ,” I have been thinking about your comments here.
I truly believe that adoption can be a wonderful thing. However, I also think that God created our bodies the way He did for a purpose. I believe He created us to want sexual fulfillment, and that He created a woman so that she would most desire and enjoy sex when she is most fertile. I do not believe that our fertility is something we should prevent or even avoid, especially on a permanent or recurring basis. I don’t believe that this is a case of biological children being superior to adopted children, but a case of God designing our bodies in a certain way.
If God does not want you to have biological children, He is more than capable of preventing them. You also might find that your biological children can be a great help with your adopted children, especially if they have special needs. Depending on the special needs of your children, they may never meet the qualifications to adopt more children; your biological children might, thus creating more of a legacy than if they had been prevented from being conceived. If God grants you four biological children and you adopt six special needs children, instead of adopting ten, but each of your biological children adopts five more children with special needs, your impact will be greater. I am not saying that this will happen; I am saying that we cannot make plans separately from God’s will. We may not understand why He might will a certain thing for our lives, but He is wiser than us.
Alli, I can’t speak for anyone else on this, but for me, I just plain want as many children as God will give me, and I also have a longing to mother the motherless – Birth and adoption.
I think one of the main themes though, among these women is not limiting God. Choosing to limit your family biologically is choosing to limit God in at least some sense. I personally don’t take issue with family planning, as long as it will not interfere with any existing “embryo”. It’s especially a blessing (in my opinion) for those women who’s lives would be in danger if they conceived. And while I hope to have 10 or so dosen’t mean I look down on those who only want 4 or 5. But perhaps to say “I want these and not those thank you” when God might want to give you both seems like it COULD (not absolutely) be inappropriate, even with the best of intentions. Also, you would by your own admission be voluntarily subjecting yourself to externally imposed limits according to the governing ordinances regarding adoption limits. And finally, if you’re thinking about international adoption, you can expect fees that barely even compare to birthing in most cases. You can expect to spend about $23,000 on the very low end and easily up to $50,000 depending on the country. (Fortunately, if you adopt “special needs” children domestically – and the “need” may not even be anything more than having a minor learning imparement, to a sibling, being school age, even just being a minority, up to Downs Syndrome – are often free or costs nearly completely reimbursed by the government.) You may find yourselves only able to adopt two in your whole life together, even with finantial assistance. Really it’s a question for you and your husband, hopefully with the guidance of your pastor. It is a delicate question, theologically. I hope you get to have a house full of children, and fulfill your ambitions. God bless you and your husband.
Speaking of adoption, I thought is bears mentioning that in some cases, “embryos” (in quotations because that’s what the others call them. We all know they’re babies) are up for adoption. Whatever your convictions are regarding pursuing IVF, those are just a younger version of the unwanted babies of the world. What happens is a couple may have 8-15 embryos created in a dish, but since the mother-to-be dosen’t want to carry all of them for obvious reasons only a few, preferably the “most viable”, are implanted. The others often just sit in a freezer for years, waiting to be wanted. Unfortunately, many die while waiting. Others may be eventually be used for embryonic stem cell research. Keep this in mind, and in prayer.
Alli–I liked your thoughts about adoption. I personally believe that family size and means of achieving that family size is a very personal and unique thing, between each couple and the Lord.
I am, personally, against hormonal birth control. But I am not against “FAM” etc when used under God’s leading. I am against hormonal birth control because of the havoc it wreaks on a woman’s body and that it is abortaficient. But I have to ask other ladies who have weighed in with the concern that limiting your family size is limiting God…
Are you honestly suggesting that it is possible to limit God? If He can sovereignly limit our family size (say, prevent you from having more children despite your best efforts), why can He not also overcome our feeble efforts to limit it ourselves? I know of one young man who was conceived after his father had had a vasectomy and then met and married his mother who had had her tubes tied. My cousin’s babies were both conceived while she was on hormonal birth control. And countless more children have been as well.
So for me, the question isn’t whether or not we are actually preventing God’s will from being accomplished, but whether or not we are acting in accordance with His will. And His idea of how many children I should have may be different that His idea of how many people the Duggars should have. I say this as someone who has not done anything to prevent pregnancies, but much to my great sadness there are four years between my two girls, and it has been two years since my last child, and still no sign of a baby. My mom had babies every two years, and I guess I assumed the same would happen for me. It has been a great sorrow in my life that I seem to be missing “half” of the children I envisioned, and no clear reason why–in fact, no assurances of any future children.
That’s really neither here nor there, however. I’m honestly just curious. Why is it that God’s will may only be accomplished if we do nothing actively to prevent or obtain children and just “let things happen”? I see the reasoning of being open to children and that children are INDEED a blessing and all that. That makes sense. I just don’t understand how our actions cannot move in synch with God’s specific will for our specific life and family.
And I also see the value in moving counter to the notion that women (or anyone) should have such complete control over their lives and bodies so as to please only themselves and their pursuits. I mean to say, feminism has greatly warped our view of motherhood and children, and it is wise to stand up to those lies with the truth and to LIVE the truth. But once again, I don’t see how swinging to the opposite extreme is somehow godlier than earnestly seeking God to lead you about your family and being open to His leading. I think one can practice NFP and still be open to God’s leading. It’s a matter of the heart, not hormones. 🙂
Wow- this is the best discussion I’ve ever participated in online. Kudos to Kelly for creating a space where women can debate with respect and genuine concern for others. When I speak of families who may be called to solely adopt, I’m speaking entirely theoretically. I’ve already had one beautiful baby girl naturally, and I am definitely open to a few more. I pray every day that Lucie and her biological siblings will be a great help in raising their adopted siblings. My position does touch me personally; I do believe that my husband and I are called to prayerfully limit the number of homegrown kids that we have so that we can adopt several. (I don’t know exact numbers; we’re just waiting for God’s leading on that one.) I then extend that position to say that perhaps God calls some fertile couples to adopt rather than have ANY natural babies. It was mentioned that God’s design for our bodies is evidence that we need to use them for procreation. I think that is true to some extent. God’s design of our reproductive system is strong evidence that MOST people are called to use it. However, we all would agree that some fertile people (nuns, priests, missionaries) are called to remain single and dedicate their lives to serving the Church. Paul affirms that this decision to waive one’s gift of fertility is a Godly one and in some ways is superior to getting married and having children. I also would say that we need to keep in mind the fact that our bodies were designed before the Fall. When God created us, there were no orphans who needed homes. However, the sin of Adam and Eve as well as the sin of humanity leaves us in a broken, fallen world where children are left without fathers and mothers everyday. Barren couples simply don’t adopt enough children to take care of the problem. Again, not all are called to sacrifice their fertility to take in those kids, but I don’t think it is beyond the realm of possibility for God to ask that of some couples. I also think of this analogy: before the Fall our bodies weren’t designed to experience torture and merciless killings. However, after the Fall, God called some prophets and saints to lay down their lives and become martyrs to further the Kingdom. He hasn’t called everyone to do so, but he has given some the great honor and burden to sacrifice His gift of life, just as some might be called to lay down their gift of fertility.
Now, well-intentioned (and not-so-well-intentioned) people can misunderstand God’s calling, so I’m open to the possibility that I am one of those misguided people. I heard a story about a single woman who believed that God wanted her to have a baby outside of wedlock. Obviously, Scripture denounces that behavior, and we can almost certainly say that she was not acting in accordance with God’s will. However, could the same be said of couples who feel led to adopt and limit or prevent their natural children? Scripture is clear when it tells us that we must take care of the widows and orphans. Are we sure that it would rule out the possibility of solely adoption for fertile couples? Are limiting God and limiting children necessarily synonymous? Is submitting to the governing authorities regarding housing regulations an inappropriate way of determining how many children a couple should have? I still believe that, as Mrs. T mentioned, we can work in accordance with God’s will when we limit the amount of children we bear naturally to make room for orphans. For our family it isn’t a matter of what WE want but rather what we feel God wants.
Mrs. T- My in-laws were over last night, and we discussed your point about whether or not humans can get in the way of God creating life. What a great question! Our heads were spinning.
I think it is very dangerous to say that since God sometimes works so that babies are born despite birth control, birth control is okay.
Children sometimes survive abortion attempts, as well. Most do not. God can prevent murder. Murders still happen. I do want to say that I think there is a big difference between abortive forms of birth control and non-abortive, and these are more analogous to abortive forms of birth control. Just because God sometimes works around us when we work against him doesn’t mean that working against him is okay.
Before birth control was common, the average family had six children. Now the average family has less than three. More than half the children of the current generation are missing.
To say that God can override our birth control attempts because He’s the giver of life is to acknowledge that God opens the womb, but not that He is also the one who closes the womb. Why is it that we can surrender to the idea that God can open, but struggle with the fact that God can also close it when He says we are done. We don’t need to do that for Him.
Just in case it wasn’t clear, I wasn’t saying “Hey, it doesn’t matter if we do or don’t use birth control because God’s in control!”. My point was, God’s plan comes about for different families in different ways. And for some people, that includes using outer methods.
Sort of like medicine in general. I think we can all agree that God is capable to heal without medicine and doctors and all that. But for whatever reason, sometimes the means He chooses is the kidney transplant rather than a supernatural miracle.
I’m the oldest of seven children. When they had their fifth baby, my parents were advised to consider stopping because of my mom’s health and difficult and complicated pregnancies and births. Obviously they had two more, and both times were serious life and death affairs. Yet, they did not feel it was right for Mom to be on birth control or any of that.
But during the pregnancy of # 7, while my Dad was praying about something else, he felt that God was leading him to name my brother with a Z name, and that it was prophetic…”Z” was the end of the alphabet, and this was meant to be the last child. Great, right?
Only as the months wore on, both parents felt that God was asking them to be responsible with this information…the information they had about mom’s health and the viability of future babies, and that this was meant to be the end. Finally they discussed getting a vasectomy, and that was when they felt a wave of great peace. Prayer yielded confirming peace, and that was that.
And that’s my point. I’m not saying we should all just plan our children and get on birth control willy-nilly. But I don’t think it shows a lack of trust in God to be wise and use the information He has entrusted to us responsibly, especially AS HE LEADS.
You’re right, just because God CAN work around us trying to prevent something from happening doesn’t mean we should do it anyways. That is completely NOT what I was saying. I was not making a blanket statement justifying birth control because God can and does open the womb despite our attempts to close it. And I’d like to point out that when I say birth control, I am not talking about hormonal birth control. As previously stated, I am against it because it is abortificient.
What I was saying is, it is wrong to make a blanket statement that any form of trying to be wise with what God has given us in terms of space, health, finances, etc. is mutually exclusive of His will. It really actually can be a means that HE uses to “close” our womb. Yes, He can close our womb supernaturally too. And does. But let’s not limit God to the supernatural, or that He can’t work through circumstances, or that He can’t lead a couple a different direction than what is theologically comfortable for you.
I find it equally poor logic to say “God can close our womb if He wants to, so we should just blithely carry on with baby-making activities” as it is to say “God can open our womb despite birth control, so we shouldn’t worry if we are using it” (which is, once again, NOT what I was trying to communicate).
I think the better thing, as I stated in my comment above, is not to work against God but with Him. If that includes NFP, then it does. If it does not, then it does not. I can’t say whether it does or doesn’t for you or anyone else. I only know the direction He is currently leading MY family. Which is to not use anything. Perhaps that will change for us someday, perhaps it won’t.
And while we’re at it, let’s not forget Hitler (fourth child out of six), and Osama bin Laden (reportedly 17th out of 55). Bin Laden has himself taken some great strides of “unselfishness” by fathering some 12 to 24 offspring.
Let’s hope the earth magically acquires more resources, if your philosophy of prolific parenting is going to prevail!
Nick,
You need to read my most recent blog (the article I linked to), if you’re still concerned with the earth’s available resources.
It’s so sad that so many people have bought in to the stupid lie that the earth is actually going to run out of resources! How absurd…no, dear, we are facing a problem diametrically opposed to that one.
And while you’re at it, you may want to browse back over my blogs about God’s sovereignty over the womb before you make assumptions about MY “philosophy of prolific parenting”.
I’m sure this would be comforting news to a resident of India, Bangladesh, Haiti, Uganda, Malawi, or any number of other developing countries with rapidly increasing populations. Take Nigeria, whose population will double in 40 years even as the majority of its farmland will become desert. The fact that developed countries, in general, have fertility rates below 2.1 children per woman does not change the fact that these other regions (in which the majority of the world’s population resides) are experiencing overpopulation as a major problem, and not some kind of utopian dream. Even now, there are 850 million people malnourished or starving.
What is the “problem diametrically opposed to this one”? Too MANY resources? I’m sure there are more than a few people in this world who would like to hear about it.
I agree with Nick…I’m sorry, but yes the world has it’s resources, and yes if we aren’t careful we can use them up. Unfortunately we as humans are selfish and we use up the earth as if it were a piece of trash to throw away and buy a new one. Take global warming…we have come up with such great technology, however we pollute the earth so much that it’s eating away our protection in the atmosphere! We cut down rainforests and drain wetlands that are home to many species of animals…..well, there are only so many forests left…so maybe we should start to take care of our environment first, before we start arguing that we should have double or triple the amount of children to pollute the earth even more in the coming years and centuries.
By the way, I’m adopted and if my birthmother (who made many bad choices…but I’m not discussing premarital sex right now…I’m against thatl…) had used birth control I wouldn’t be here. And you know what? I wouldn’t care too much because I never would have existed to care in the first place. My adoptive parents wouldn’t know I could have existed, because I was never going to exist.
I’m not God, neither are you. We don’t know everything…so we can’t know what should be and what isn’t. Like Nick said…you say what if all those great people weren’t born? Well, what if Hitler wasn’t born? What if bin Laden wasn’t born? Would you be saying the same thing then? That you are glad their mothers didn’t use birth control? God has a plan, and his plan may be different for different people. I say pray, and if God puts it on your heart to have a large family, then do (but please do something to teach your children to protect the earth…while you pollute the earth with your huge SUV’s needed to haul them around), and if God puts it on your heart for other things, then do! .
Furthermore, If you are going to argue that everytime I (I’m married) prevent an egg from meeting a sperm when I use birth control (any method except abortion) I prevent a life from occuring that should have occured… then everytime any woman of a reproductive age doesn’t have sex when they are fertile they are doing the same thing, technically by not having sex they are also preventing an egg from meeting a sperm and possibly conceiving a child. I know it might be too much for you to take in…they seem like nothing alike…but it is the same thing if you actually ponder it for awhile. If something never exists, you can’t say it should have, because you aren’t God, and you don’t know if it was supposed to exist or not.
Good things and bad things can come from having a large family, and the same can be said for small ones.