One Woman’s Story: Addiction, Adultery, Abortion and Atonement (Part 2)

Read Part 1 of Megan’s story.

“We settled into life in a new area with a fresh start. It felt as though our family had a chance to thrive and never look back.  At first things were good, then the addictions resurfaced. Staying out all night returned along with signs of lying.

About a year and a half after my son’s birth a friend called and said she had a dream that I was pregnant. I told her there was no way and that I should start my cycle any day. After we got off the phone I realized that I thought I could be late. I took a test and it immediately showed positive. I couldn’t believe it. How could this be? I told my husband and he was just as shocked as me.

The next happenings are a blur to me, but what I do remember is feeling that I could not go through what I went through before with my husband and a pregnancy. Also, his drinking and consequences of drinking were draining all of our money. We were just getting by even though he made good money.  I suggested getting an abortion. I don’t remember his first response because he had never before supported abortion, but finally he agreed.

I had no idea how we were going to get the money for an abortion, but sadly I used my skill of doing research to find a place that would pay for it for free. As I was searching the internet I would cry and call out to God asking what I should do. I distinctly heard, “Trust Me”. Sadly I would just cry and say, “But I don’t know how!”

I loved the baby growing in me. I took prenatal vitamins thinking, “What if it worked out and we didn’t go through with it?” Once I went out to the car and tried to fit 3 car seats in only to find they wouldn’t fit. I felt hopeless. If I only knew then that Jesus is provider and provides for His children. My husband actually tried to say we could make it work financially even though he didn’t know how. But the fear of experiencing another pain filled pregnancy with my husband gripped me.

I tried not to think about the baby or the abortion and wanted to get it done as soon as possible. I believed what pro choice people said about it not hurting the baby before so many weeks and how it’s not even a baby before so many weeks. I convinced myself that I would be fine because there are many women who go through it and are fine. But I wasn’t fine. Deep down I was in great pain and I just didn’t want to think about it or feel that pain anymore. Sadly I thought once it was done the pain would be over. What I didn’t know was that the pain would be worse.

The night before my abortion I drove to Mc Donald’s sat in the parking lot cried over and over and said goodbye to my baby. I touched my stomach and told my baby that I loved it and that I was so sorry.  The next day which was supposed to end my pain brought grief like I’ve never felt and forever changed my life.”