David Prince, in his article, “First Person: An Evangelical War on Marriage“, brings a much-needed discussion to light, challenging Christians to consider the message we are giving our young people about marriage, and consequently, about the Gospel.
“We evangelicals must acknowledge that our own failure to communicate the meaning and Gospel significance of marriage has hastened the cultural confusion and decline of the sacred institution. Evangelicals often tell children that their education, career and individual success should be firmly in place before they should even think about marriage. After all, if they marry too young, they won’t be able to accomplish their individual dreams and become successful people who lead lives of significance.
At the same time, we act befuddled that a generation we have taught to put themselves first does not understand the importance of self-sacrificial relationships beginning with marriage and family.“
A stealth, vicious enemy is creeping through our families and churches, destroying marriages, preventing marriages and working on every level to erode our morality. It’s not television, Hollywood, video games, the homosexual agenda, the abortion industry, or the government, though all of those things contribute their share.
The more dangerous enemy, because its subtle forces lurk in all of us, is narcissistic self-indulgent parenting.
As Prince writes,
“Too often we feed our children the junk food of narcissistic self-esteem along with a side of the American dream then wonder why they do not have a healthy Christian worldview. We pair culturally shaped dreams about what our children will become along with a romanticized view of love and marriage, which is rooted in notions of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. Christian marriage, however, is a Gospel-magnifying, self-sacrificial commitment that teaches us what love is over time as we practice long-term fidelity.”
Whereas for centuries, to marry young, to navigate through life with a partner, companion and helper was expected and celebrated, now young marriage is considered naive at best, and certainly a “hindrance” to all one could do on his own. No longer do we believe that “two is better than one.”
Many factors contribute, but I think we’ve all been deeply influenced by the engine that virtually drives society: the public school system.
We spend twelve to sixteen years being indoctrinated to think that all that matters is good grades so we can go to a good college so we can get a good job and make good money and buy good things.
God said, “He who finds a wife finds a GOOD THING and receives favor with the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22
But favor from the Lord is too often on the bottom of our priority list, if on the list at all.
No, we want favor from neighbors, grandparents, relatives and friends. And they confirm how to find favor: make sure your children are successful by the aforementioned formula. But marriage? Eh, if they stumble across someone that “makes them happy.” Later, of course, after they’ve really lived.
But this formula has disastrous effects on marriage and family, the institution that, no matter how little importance we place on it, is still the basic health factor of society.
As we push our children toward their fulfillment, feeding an indulgent appetite, we scratch our heads wondering why the divorce rate is so high and the family in such straits.
From the very beginning, God placed His creation in families. That’s the place where we learn how to give, share, sacrifice and love.
I don’t think He ever intended for us to create this wide period of self-indulgence, only to be expected to drop those ingrained habits once we marry and enter into a family again.
And as parents, we need to take a hard look at the way we’re preparing our children. Most of them will get married. Family is the main event for which we should be preparing them. In light of that, we must communicate the glorious thing marriage is, a gift from God, but an instrument He uses to make us more like Him, more like servants, and to tell the world about His love.
This is no little thing. Almost everything else hinges on our view of marriage.
We can’t value achievement, success, money, college or a good job over marriage and expect our children to enter it with some magical tenacity to remain faithful to their spouse for life, sacrificing daily for someone else, suddenly forgetting the years they spent learning that self-fulfillment is paramount.
I am challenged to stop “being conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our mind that we may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:1,2
59 comments
Completely agree. My husband and I were seen as crazy when we got married right out of highschool at 18. “Are you pregnant?” was a question that I had to answer often. No, I wasn’t. We felt God pushing us toward this, and we couldn’t picture life otherwise. Now 2 years later with our 11 mo. old son, I can’t imagine life any different. I’m a SAHM and he works full time at $10 an hour. We have no debt and are saving for 5+ acres of land for our homestead, which if it’s God’s will could happen within a year due to planning and lots of prayer. No one but God could’ve seen this outcome, and I’m so glad we didn’t give in to worldly pressure. =)
God bless
That’s an awesome story! Your young marriage story reminded me of something…my mother married 3 months before her high school graduation (she was not pregnant). That disqualified her from receiving any awards like Homecoming Queen, etc.
I got married at 19, not because I had to, but because I wanted to. I have never once regretted it. Interestingly, the biggest opposition I received came from church people.
I have a lot of thoughts on this post! It is heartbreaking isn’t it. We have seen this first hand as my son’s (former) fiancé broke off the engagement several months ago. In explaining it to me she said and I quote “I can’t serve God by being a Wife and Mother”!!!! I literally about fell over. I did respond to that and no not in anger. She didn’t agree. I see it now as a Blessing. We are talking about someone who I thought, REALLY GOT IT! She was so excited about marrying him and serving God with him. I do think I know part of why it changed. It’s okay. Will share some more thoughts later..
Wow, that statement is quite telling. Obviously, that she is a zealous Christian woman, and despite that, has lost all understanding of what marriage is and God’s heart for it. I’d say the church is definitely doing something wrong. But it’s the same line of thinking with reproduction. Just the next step.
I know Kelly. She is a very zealous Christian young lady– Or I should say,Was. Seriously, the joy just seemed to be sucked right out of her. They honestly never had a big argument or anything. There are so many voices in the church that speak out to young ladies that just astound me.
I see it now as a Blessing.I still love her and her family.It is awkward as we all attend the same church but she did leave in the fall to go to a small Christian College.This all happened before this. One of the things that really surprises me is how people(other women) take it upon themselves to “reach out” to someone. I’m not saying that there are not young ladies that we need to reach out to but when someone tries to take the place of a mother..well..don’t even get me started.
This article is phenomenal and should be taught on every level (children, teens, singles, etc.) within the local church body. We must not succumb to narcissism, which is characteristic of all Sin; and, we must, therefore, renew our minds to the completeness found in true Love which is the totality of whom Christ is in Us by way of GOD’s precious Holy Spirit.
Thank you, Lawanda.
I lived this growing up, (I grew up in the NY metro area, and I got the message in school at a very young age that my life as a woman would not be considered valuable if I grew up to “just” be a stay at home wife and mom) and though I wanted to meet the right man and marry much earlier, I would have felt embarrassed to marry before finishing my four year college degree.
Now I see how foolish that was! I am thankful we have had a chance to change things with our own children. We home school them, and they know that being truly prepared for life as an adult is not merely getting good grades or having degrees and certifications. I am happy now, instead of mocking in my heart, when I see young people whose parents deem them ready for marriage tie the knot.
I do agree with a lot of what this article has to say. On the other hand, in some ways I think we can just make it so much more complicated then what it really is.
I honestly do see in the church, this thing about getting out there first and going to college and saving money etc…you know the deal, before you get married. I actually had someone tell me that Her sons were not going to get married until they had a house. I was thinking, what if they find the one and want to? Are They Not Adults..geesh.
We have four adult kids in their 20’s now. It’s not that they don’t want to get married, it’s simply that they have not met the one God has for them yet! Yep, I truly believe that! One of them thought that he had. It obviously didn’t work out. We are all understanding and accepting of that. He survived. Yep people..If your grown kid has a relationship with the Lord, they will survive!! Sometimes in life you can’t avoid heart-ache. The Lord was there!!
Just as we shouldn’t have as idols our college, career, material stuff, we can’t put up marriage as an idol either! I’m not saying that is what that author has done here but it seems like I’ve read so many articles lately on why people are not marrying younger.
It’s always been simple to me. They haven’t met “the one” yet!!
We really need to be teaching and encouraging our young people in our homes and in our churches that while marriage Is hard and little kids are exhausting(lol) that it is a season of time. There is Joy in it. That is what I truly believe is lacking..JOY!!! Do our young people see this??? Now that doesn’t mean that you walk around completely joyful all the time(I really got on one of my adult kids last night for not helping with a salad and my husband got on me so we had this stupid argument over a SALAD!! …keeping it real here..lol) Regardless of those moments..There needs to be Joy that comes from the Lord.True Joy in each other, your children and the Lord! Just my little thoughts..Have a Blessed Weekend all of you!
>>It’s always been simple to me. They haven’t met “the one” yet!!
Well, no. Scripture never speaks of the couple having to meet ‘the one’ before they marry. Scripture indicates that you will know they are the one because you have married.
Our children are rejecting the blessing of young fruitful marriage because they, their parents, their church, and their society have rejected what Scripture says about the importance of getting married, and about how to get married. The myth of ‘the one’ is one of the most destructive of these rejections.
Yeah well, my grandmother always said: You marry because you’re in love, and you love because you are married.
When I referred to them “finding the one” (as far as I know,there is no scripture that says that), I was simply talking about the Providence of God in them meeting the one they will marry!
I read that article on Von’s site. That is really So Unbiblical! Talk about putting up Marriage as an Idol!!
“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I do. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.” (1 Corinthians 7:8-9 RSV). Not all of Scripture pushes toward marriage. I don’t disagree with the article, but if we’re going to use Scripture to promote marriage, we need to look at all of it. I don’t believe there’s a thing wrong with praying for a spouse, marrying young, etc. But, if it consumes a person, to the point of it being the focal point of their quiet times, prayer life, etc, that’s not good. The “two is better than one” depends upon the situation and how one is using their time as an unmarried person. Just a thought. Thank you for writing the article, as I certainly enjoyed it.
Love this article! I would love to hear any advice you may have to young Christian couples who wish to marry, but their parents believe they are too young? I was 20 and my husband 19 when we married. We both were raised in Christian homes, and our parents were very much against us marrying because we were too young. We were basically then left with 2 choices-wait and honor our parents, or defy them and go elope. Neither of our parents had any issues with who we wanted to marry, just with when. Eventually, after a few months of agony and a trenmendous amount of family tension, they grudgingly gave us their blessing, and we were able to have a wedding. (We have now been happily married for 14 years and have 4 children) What advice or suggestions would you give to those in these circumstances?
My husband and I were 18 when he proposed, and his parents wanted us to wait. No Biblical reason, just “it’s too hard, people change, you’re so young, you’ll be broke…”. We asked our pastor for guidance and his advice was to “leave and cleave”. We were of age, so while it’s prudent to acknowledge parental advice, we weren’t bound to obey as young children are. We set a date for three months later (nice long engagement huh?) and his parents dropped the issue, thankfully. You know what? It WAS hard, we WERE “broke”, and we HAVE changed. And 12 years and five children later, I can say we’re STRONGER in many ways because we went through hardships together. I’m ever so glad we didn’t wait. 🙂
Every couple should be broke, at least for a while in their lives. It’s good for the soul. 😉
I love you, Cindy. 🙂
I agree, sister, in the sincerest way.
Actually, my husband and I think every couple should be “broken” for awhile in their lives. It might come through finances, but there are many, many other hardships that can bring a couple closer to each other and to God.
That is very true. Being “broken”, yet together, allows you to have reason to turn to each other, to love each other in new ways, to forgive, to grow, to learn things about your strength as a couple you couldn’t have learned otherwise. It is a blessing if you allow it to be.
Ooh, this is a hard question for me as I have a 19 year old, but I do believe there is a difference in obedience with a child and an adult (I consider my 19 year old an adult).
While we desire our adult children to heed our wisdom, I don’t know that I can say I agree that they would be obligated to obey, especially in the case where the parents had no biblical basis for their request, though having a parent’s blessing is desirable.
I need to think on this one, and I’m open for others to feel free to answer.
Since we have adult kids living in our home, I could also share that we don’t “Make” them obey. When our son was engaged, we were told by some that they shouldn’t hold hands. I about cracked up laughing. I actually had to tell the person that they were adults and engaged. She told me since He lived in our home that we could make him listen.
Can you believe that! At that point she was basically not privy to any information about them that I could have shared that they were not fooling around or anything. I was disgusted.
I think it would be Completely different if there is an adult kid living in the home that is on drugs, drinking, staying out all night.You get what I’m saying.
When they are responsible, and living with you, it’s a different story. We all respect each other and that includes us treating them like the adults they are. Not always easy to do when you still have younger ones in the home you are training only because you still want to treat them as a kid sometimes. Example: One fourth of July we were heading downtown to see the fireworks so I suggested to my younger kids that they lay there pajamas out for when we got home late. I even suggested it to an adult kid who looked at me and reminded me how old they were. We both cracked up laughing!!
We give our advice when asked and sometimes when not asked..lol. They have to learn to seek the advice of the Lord and Good counsel sometimes and if they rush and make a bad decision, well..We all learn from our mistakes. Then they usually come back and ask “How did you know that would happen”..You don’t throw it in their faces. They will remember the next time!
Kelly, you might want to read Jeremiah Chapter 35 on this subject.
Kelly, I think your reply to Beth is full of wisdom.
Thank you. Tricky waters to wade through.
Christians have declared war on marriage AND children to worship the god of education.
I did not learn the importance of marriage at home or at church. I think this needs preached from the pulpits, taught at home and demonstrated at home. Of course, my mom is saved and my dad is deceased though I could not tell if he was a Christian so this probably greatly impacted what I learned about home life. He told me not to marry till I graduated college, so I waited but that was after many years of living together. I am ashamed of that now of course but I can’t really say I was taught or shown anything different. My parents seemed very unhappy in their marriage and I did not see the joy and service demonstrated. I do remember going to a teen conference one time and it was preached not to have sex before marriage, but I was in church my entire life and don’t recall (though maybe I’ve just forgotten) topics on marriage, childrearing, and abstinence except that one occassion. How sad.
Personally, one thing really ticks me off about discouraging young people from marrying early: the fact that it is illogical and inconsistent on many levels. Young people, particularly young women, are created such that they are most fertile in their late teenage years and early to mid-twenties; young men are at a hormonal peak and are most desirous of physical intimacy within this age range, and, on top of that, youth is a time of great energy and zeal which can be invested in the hard work of starting a family, yet young people are advised on a massive scale not to marry in this period of their lives. It’s completely illogical! It’s like telling a farmer not to plough his field in the summer but wait until the winter, or saying to God that He made a mistake in the way he timed our biological maturity, or believing that He’s inconsistent in giving us physical desires while not allowing us to fulfill them. It’s unfortunate how deceived we can be.
D-I love that analogy. It’s so very true.
I’m Catholic, and I’ve noticed that our church, more than anyone(though by no means exclusively) seems to be trying to promote marriage, and MALE-FEMALE marriage at that. What gets me is we, as a society are increasingly thick-skinned to same-sex marriage(even on TV and in the movies; luckily I don’t hear songs on the radio shake pom-poms, for lack of a better term, in favor of same-sex garbage, though that’s less a piece of praise for music than a piece of criticism of movies and TV), but mixed-race marriage is all but taboo(unless they try to make race an issue, if even then).
Trouble is, in many ways, what the culture tells can “feel” true… but I think it’s because we’ve gotten away from what marriage was supposed to be for in the first place. Because if your expectations for married life are far different from what reality will bring (even in a good marriage), you end up being disillusioned about your whole identity as a spouse. For example, if a woman gets married, expecting her husband to be a decent (not affluent, just decent) provider, and then after marriage discovers that he is not good with money at all, and is wasteful, extravagant or for whatever reason, can’t seem to earn sufficient income for the family, her frustration can be elevated beyond what another woman’s would be who didn’t have that expectation for her husband… If the church would teach marriage in its proper biblical context and show what it is for in real life, AND balance this with solid teaching on a biblical worldview, (about life’s purpose in general), I am sure the marry-late mindset would diminish. It’s true that we set up expectations for our kids pretty early on… whether we realize it or not. Sometimes, I wonder, if in our own “discontent” (regardless of how justified that discontent is), we inadvertantly send the message that “this whole work of marriage and family isn’t what it’s cracked up to be, and the sooner you can be independent and do what you want, do it, cause I didn’t get to and I’m resentful about it…” Missing the whole point ourselves… Hmm… just preached a sermon to myelf…
The Church (the body of Christ that transcends all denominations) absolutely needs to celebrate marriage and family life, because it’s sure not happening anywhere else. But that’s preaching to the choir.
As to college, career, financial stability, and independence getting in the way of early marriage … I’m not sure that’s all black and white. For those of you with successful early marriages, often in the face of stern opposition, praise God! That was obviously God’s will for you and your husband. But as Keri said, God doesn’t necessarily bring the right man or woman into someone’s life at a young age. It might happen at 20, 25, 30, 35, or 40, or maybe never at all. Young women and men must be prepared for this reality.
After some experience in the School of Hard Knocks [in addition to a college degree :-)], I married my husband when I was 32 and he was 30. I don’t regret my college education or my time as a living on my own as a single adult and supporting myself, even the hard knocks. We’ve spent 27.5 years sacrificing for each other in sickness and health, for richer and poorer. My years in the paid workforce are of great help to us now. My husband is now permanently disabled and his private + Social Security disability income is only 60% of what it used to be. Receiving a pension early from one of my past jobs to increase our income means I don’t have to work outside the home, and can concentrate on being his primary caregiver. This might not be typical of most of you, but it’s apparently how God is taking care of us now.
Thanks Sue M. I think I’m going to show your comment to my 29 yr.old daughter! Blessings!!
I was 18 when my husband and I married and my parents paid for a wedding a year later. 16 years and 11 children later we are still together and we keep growing together.
I think the obvious point here is, it doesn’t matter what your age is, if you’re willing to put the effort in to make it work, it will. I married at 26, and we didn’t make it past 18 years. Unfortunately, we live in a “disposable” society, and that’s what most younger people know. When you’re finished with something, whether it be a laptop, TV, etc, even a relationship, they simply throw it away. Much of this (in my opinion) goes back to the lack of SAHM’s. I also think younger adults don’t view God as important in their lives until they get older, or until they believe He is really really needed.
Marriage like most things in life works best when the people involved have “matched” well. Same goals, ideals, and vision….much like a very successful business. At least that’s how I see it.
What a wonderful post. Thank you so much! What wisdom from the Lord! Bless you for your boldness to publish the truth. Lots of love from your sis in Christ in South Africa – Pam
Kelly: Thank you for sharing this. It pierced my heart. I grew up unchurched, where the only god was materialism and understood that getting a degree was paramount to any further life activity. “No degree” equaled “no life” or certainly not a good life. Fast forward through a divorce, accepting Christ and marrying a Christian. I read this article and realized I am repeating this mistake with my sons! So convicting! I grumble about all the unmarried young adults in our church and determine in my heart to grow young men who won’t shy away from marriage. Except, I have not been seeking the Lord’s guidance enough! I’m telling my sons they have to have a degree and good paying job before they get married! I’m not even putting the Lord’s will in the process. I am grateful for this wake up call. I’m on my way to repenting now!
LauraLeigh,
What an amazing thing to read this!
Great post! This is on my mind a lot as we prepare to “launch” our 17 year old son. I love the idea of early marriage, and try to help him think in a way so that he will be ready whenever the right one comes along.
This also helped me to realize that having a certain amount of money before marriage is not really a requirement.
Some godly older parents have recommended using marriage as a motivation for purity as well. Of course, we desire our children to pursue purity and holiness out of their love of God, but it also helps to remind them of the practical implications of compromise before marriage.
Paul Washer has a lot of good teaching for young men. He has been a blessing to my son!
The opposition I encounter as a 36-year-old single woman is not so much about college and career as hyper-spirituality: “Jesus is your husband” (what do they tell men?), “You have the gift of singleness”, or “If God wants you to be married, it will happen without you having to do anything about it.” I can’t find any church that teaches differently.
Hi Teresa,
“You have the gift of singleness.” While it seems to me that it’s wise to consider what other Christians say about an important issue like this, has God ever told you that you have the gift of singleness? Isn’t that what’s most important?
“If God wants you to be married, it will happen without you having to do anything about it.” Seems to me that Ruth in the Old Testament wasn’t exactly shy about making sure that Boaz noticed her. One of my Christian friends reached age 32 and really wanted to marry and have children. She wasn’t pushy or aggressive. But she began to put herself in situations where she’d more likely to be around eligible single men than she had been in the past. (At this time, there were almost no marriageable single guys in her church of any age.) She did meet a Christian man this way. They married and went on to adopt two daughters.
Maybe I’m all wet, even though I didn’t meet my husband until age 32, but hopefully this is some food for though.
Blessings,
Sue
>>Seems to me that Ruth in the Old Testament wasn’t exactly shy about making sure that Boaz noticed her.
While the idea of ‘waiting’ is not at all Scriptural, I think you have identified the wrong person as the one who took the initiative. According to Ruth 3:1-> it was Naomi, not Ruth, who took the initiative to make sure that Ruth got married. Naomi obeyed her instructions.
Von,
You are right. Thanks for the correction.
Sue
Teresa, I was 34 when I got married. I had wanted to get married desperately, but… it just didn’t happen. I wasn’t a “career woman”, though I did have a teaching job.I just hadn’t found the right person. And my husband is so right for me, and me for him, that it was worth the wait. I hated the platitudes, too. People try to be kind, but they end up sounding patronizing.
Bravo! This is one of your best, Kelly!
Yes how often we train our children that it is important to do everything that this world thinks is important, but is it the will of God to do this or that. I started asking my self, is it the will of God if I read a certain book, will it bring me closer to Him, or is it a will of God to go to this place, or even to go shopping. Why do we need so much things? we keep buying new things, because that is how the world views us, if we have older things, what will they think? I am glad I was raised in a home where we were told no sex before marriage, it is a sin to kiss someone outside of marriage. I was raised like that, and thank God, I married a man who saved himself for marriage, and our life together is blessed. This is what is important to teach our children to live a holy, clean-pure life, saving themselves for marriage!
Just as we are finishing up the editing for our film, Kelly, I read this. How encouraging! We have seen so much of this. It.is.absolute.deception and nothing less than an attack from the enemy. Give us a couple weeks, and we’ll have this ready for sale:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nM1ftBKUaDM
Jennifer,
I’m so excited about this project y’all are doing. Can’t wait!
Good post, Kelly. I am so thankful that my parents never led us to go to college, get a career, etc., then find a spouse. Instead, we were encouraged to trust God and do His will and pray for a spouse.
I wanted to marry young, as did my husband, but we didn’t meet until a few years past that (we aren’t “old”, but were in our mid- to late twenties when we married). We are both very glad we waited for each other, instead of “jumping at the first chance”, so to speak, but it really wasn’t up to us. It seemed that each time we met someone, the relationship eventually just shut down (no relationship went for too long, either).
To be honest, I got tired of reading or hearing about the “gift of singleness” (as Teresa mentioned). The Biblical “gift” is not a person who wants to marry but hasn’t (the place I was), but is a God given desire to not marry or the person is a eunuch. (If I’m wrong on that, I’m sure someone will correct me. =) )
Also, as Sue M. pointed out, when one is not surrounded by eligible bachelors, perhaps one should step out and find some. My family lives in a the middle of nowhere, not the best place to meet a mate! I went on a Christian singles website (not the best choice for everyone, but it was for me). After getting some “strange” guys, I realized a needed to change my image to “catch” (a crude term) the kind of guy I wanted. I didn’t compromise myself in any way, just changed/ updated my outward appearance in such a way as to attract the right guy. I also adopted Psalm 37:4 as my verse, and found God faithful. =)
Sorry for the long comment. We have been married 6 years, have 3 children and are expecting our 4th. =) My husband says often that he wishes we could have met and married sooner, but everything that happens is in God’s timing. =) Christians need to lead their children to follow God, whether to young marriage, college, a career, or whatever. “Follow God, not man” should be the Christian parents’ motto. =)
That is so true. Churches are actively intentionally or in ignorance preventing marriages from taking places then writing articles when their member engage in pre martial sex in their 30’s and beyond
Pastor Dave admits he doesn’t see the excessive amount of single people in churches as a necessarily positive thing. He explained, ‘I could see people in our church were trying to cope with being single, but deep down there was a deep longing to be in relationship and hopefully enjoy married life someday. I also knew that if these believers were not in church, they would have no problem in developing a relationship with someone from the opposite sex. It was as if becoming a Christian meant signing a celibacy declaration FOR LIFE. This in my opinion was unacceptable. I basically told the church that this scenario was a curse. Eventually people started to recognise this. It took some time to persuade some people because the hurt of believing then being disappointed would be too much for them.’
“(T)his curse of ‘no possibility’ (of relationships) has to be broken…
“When all is said and done, Pastor Daniels, who has been happily married himself for several years, and had two daughters, thinks good Christian marriages send a positive message to society. ‘It is a great witness to this world when our marriages are loving and strong,’ he said. ‘God created marriage and we are supposed to experience all the fruit of this blessed institution. Healthy Christian marriages can bring balance to our community and marriage is helpful in moulding the expectations of the emerging generations and can fill us all with a sense of hope.'”
This is a hard post for me right now. Not just because I’m the mother of two single 20-somethings (and younger children, too), but also because I’ve got a marriage to tend, as well, which has gotten rather challenging lately. I’ll skip the details, but it’s caused me to take a hard look at that whole cycle of self-fulfillment that I bought into which you mentioned (achievement, success, money, college…a good job…) and see how it’s still affecting me 27 years into marriage.
If only I could turn the clock back and be more marriage-minded, and less career- and fulfillment-minded right from the get-go of my adult life, and even before then…
Can’t get paralyzed living with regrets, though. The past is past, and there is still a present and a future, with God’s grace an ever-present reality.
(Excuse me talking to myself.) 😉
So anyway, thank you for posting on this, painful though it is. Lots of good food for thought in discussing marriage with our children (grown and growing), and for building up my own marriage.
I always connect with something you write, 6 Arrows, and this comment is no different. I am praying for you now, sister in Christ!
And thank you, Kelly, for being the vessel God used to confirm what has been swirling around in my head. The comments on this post were also incredibly helpful!
I very much appreciate your comment and especially your prayers, Claudia. They are helping. Thank you, sister!
…and I forgot to mention I’m praying for you too, Claudia. I know we have some similar circumstances in our lives and our backgrounds.
I also had to say a prayer of thanksgiving to God for people I’ve never met who pray for me! One of the amazing blessings of the internet — to lift up and be lifted by members of the Body whom we’ve never met. Truly a great thing to think on.
Blessings to you, Claudia 🙂
This post hits at the heart of what is wrong with marriage in the church today.
I got married at 18 (in a hurry), and my husband was 20. It was a scandal at the time because the college, job, financial security was most assuredly smashed. But I can now say that God used that and turned it into my biggest blessing. We finished college together with our four year old in tow, and now have six blessings. My life would have taken a whole other turn had we not gotten married early. I could be working mother just starting to have kids, and doing the whole materialism rat race thing. Thank you Jesus for sparing me from a life of blandness! Having a family while we were young and broke taught us that we didn’t need all that “stuff” to be happy. We almost laugh when stuff breaks down and when money is tight, wondering how God is going to come through. Sometimes I get those checks in the mail, sometimes I get bags of cool clothes on my doorstep. God is so good.
One other thing I find the church commonly doing to harm marriage is required pre-marital counseling or classes. Many are turned off by it and find it demeaning. If healthy marriage is routinely taught by both preaching and example and embraced by parents and leadership in the church, then a single sit-down between the minister and the couple to discuss marriage basics should be enough to be getting on with.
Yes some churches are working together with Asmodeus to keep singles from being married I came across this website which has a different take on singleness I would really appreciate if the author of this article would do an article on Asmodeus to help singles get married here is a quote I found and link to another article on why singles can not get married : ” What is significant, however, is that these situations are not peculiar to the United States. Because I have been in many parts of the world I have been made aware that in other cultures and even in non-Christian countries Satan is trying to prevent marriages from taking place or is trying to break up existing, longstanding relationships.http://lakehamiltonbiblecamp.com/wp-content/gifts/asmodeus.htm
The reason became apparent when I began to understand more fully that when a wedding takes place it has great significance in the spirit realm, because marriage is a sacred institution. Every time the marriage ceremony is performed it speaks of a day when the ultimate wedding will take place — the wedding between God’s Son and His Bride. Because of this satan is doing everything he can to keep that from happening and to prevent any marriage from taking place.