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If “love one another” is the very basic command for believers, what does the world see when they observe our family? The relationships between our children? Shouldn’t we, at the very least, be demonstrating this command among ourselves?
It may be that the loudest testimony we can speak to the world is the honor that we show among the members of our family.
Do our children demonstrate honor? Toward us, toward each other? How do your children speak to one another? Do they defer to each other, treating a brother as they would a friend?
Most of us cringe at these questions; because sibling rivalry is most definitely a reality. But it’s what we do with it that matters. “Kids will be kids”…is not the mantra for followers of Christ!
I’m going to treat this topic like a mini-series, because there is so much to say. My family is walking through this journey just like yours, and it sure helps to encourage each other along the way!
My first bit of advice for sibling rivalry is: Don’t allow it.
Yes I know that is overly simplistic, but until you’re convinced that strife among siblings is a behavior that is unacceptable in the Christian home, you won’t have the stamina to help them develop loving habits.
Get it firmly settled in your mind that just because everybody else is doing it, doesn’t mean we are going to. We are set apart, remember? Created unto good works. And we are nurturing children in the admonition of the Lord. It is our JOB to “see that brotherly love continues”. Failure to teach and train these most basic precepts is tragic.
I tell my children routinely:
” ‘Love one another’ doesn’t mean anything out there if we can’t practice it here. If you go out and pretend to be polite and kind with strangers and treat your brothers and sisters meanly, you’re a hypocrite.”
(And then I repent of MY mistreatment of family members, and remember the irony of being responsible for teaching the very things I struggle with myself!)
Don’t allow it, and be prepared for training–this is going to take some time and lots of energy–but it’s worth it!
It would be very helpful to have a general idea of what you struggle with regarding your children’s relationships. I would appreciate a brief description of the things you’d most like to see addressed in this series.
10 comments
Bickering over who goes first, gets to sit where, who plays with what etc…
jealousy ? time w/ Momma.
My oldest is almost 27 and married. We have nine more children ages 25 down to 4. After almost 27 years of mothering, I still deal with this problem.
I teach them from the Scripture, admonish them when they fail, encourage them when they succeed, and yet, in the end, it is the Lord who changes their heart to really love their siblings.
I must be faithful to do what God has called me to do, continuously putting the Word of God before them, and pray that God will instill that Word and love in their hearts.
I John and James 3 are often quoted Scriptures around our house.
Thank you for your many thoughtful blog posts. I always enjoy seeing what you’re newest thoughts are.
And, just to show you how much I enjoy and want others to enjoy your thoughts, I’m tagging you : ) You can find the rules at our blog. It was Callan’s idea to tag you, so you can blame her. : )
In case you don’t remember Callan, she and her sister spent a night with y’all when they were in your area for a wedding. Thank you for your hospitality : )
In Him,
Laralee
http://PlymouthRockRanch.com
Recording the Faithfulness and Provision of God for Future Generations
I have a 3 year old and a 1.5 year old. The biggest thing for me is fighting over toys and hitting each other. I tell them to stop, encourage gentleness and love, but sometimes it feels like a hopeless battle. The thing that annoys me the most is that my younger boy is naturally very gentle and seems to be picking up the hitting thing from his brother. How do I teach the older to be an example to the younger, and teach the younger not to pick up the bad habits?
Tattling. Tattling is often my hardest issue. I have six 10 and under.
A few of mine have a very strong sense of right vs. wrong and feel the need to make sure justice is served. I have to make sure to differentiate b/t a sense of justice vs. a heart wanting to get a sibling in trouble, but that is often very difficult.
I would LOVE to hear how other Christian mothers handle tattling.
The biggest thing my husband and I are struggling with is our 5yo. daughter’s “i’m right” attitude. Also, my 4yo. son’s whinning. I am reading Tedd Tripp’s book Shepherding a child’s heart, which is really excellent, but i’d love your advice.
I am looking forward to this!
My boys argue most over who had the toy first.
We don’t have a problem with tattling. I think boys tend to like to handle it themselves and sometimes that involves socking the other one in the stomach!
🙁 Much to my dismay. I struggle with how to handle that issue. I usually make them hug and kiss each other (which they dislike very much if they are angry).
Hey, Kelly.
I am so glad you decided to do this topic. I would like to hear your thoughts on name calling (which usually escalates to a physical fight between boys) and the “folly of fairness.” (Ha!)
I’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say.
Sincerely,
Melinda Robers
A big problem I have is…..”But mom, he has more than I have?” His piece is bigger? His is better.” Just constant comparison…….It’s so frustrating. All the talking, explaining and instructing has not changed the heart of the attitude of comparison. This leads to bickering and problems.
suggestions?
Jessica in Peru
As my baby boy has grown into a little man of almost 3, his big sister (4.5 yrs.)has partly stopped treating him like a sweet brother to be loved and like a little monster that needs to be mothered beyond me!
They constantly argue with each other with her telling him always that he’s wrong and him whining…
sigh…
I look forward to future posts on this from you!