“Sometimes I catch myself, this laying a hand on my flatness, over that still cavity, and feeling the pulse of ache’s echoing howl. A woman’s body and soul is hollowed out to create, to weave, to knit in the private spaces. And so the longings come, yearnings to fill, to carry, to deliver.
I remember where I was when Husband looked into these seeking eyes and tenderly agreed, ‘It is true. The barren womb never is satisfied’ (Prov. 30: 15-16). If only he really knew how it can scald…
And yet, I have come to think, does the womb need a seed, an unfurling, embryonic soul? Can any soul fill the void? While not necessarily with child, perhaps we may be with abandoned, with elder, with needy. The barren and deserted may become the dwelling place, the fertile home, of souls seeking mother-care.”
14 comments
I believe it’s never satisfied, even if it’s gone.
I was unable to have children due to a heart condition. We adopted. Then I had to have a hysterectomy.
I LOVE my daughters.
Even though I no longer have a womb, the longing is still there. Nothing I can do will make it go away. I’ve longed to feel a new life growing inside of me. I don’t think it will ever go away.
Blessings–
Dana
Lord shouts from this Amen Corner!
I know I never leave comments on your blog – but I had to on this one. I’m on the downhill slope to 50 with four adopted children and getting closer to bring #5 home, and the emptiness still slaps me in the face some days.
The whole process of conception, my body changing and delivering a baby is still a mystery to me, one that I long to experience for myself. I would not trade my children for any others, but would like to ask the Lord why we couldn’t sprinkle a few in there from my own womb. Hubby says we never would have “rescued” these from the spiritually dark countries they come from if we had, and he is at peace with that. As a woman, I still would like the experience!
Thanks for affirming our role as women. I am still embracing mommyhood and very grateful today, Mother’s Day, that I am allowed the privilege to be a mother.
One of my favorite verses:
He makes the barren woman abide in the house as a joyful mother of children. Praise the Lord!
Ps. 113:9
Thanks,
Alison
Alison,
Thank you so much for the tenderest revelations of your heart…I ache for you and all my friends who must wonder “why” about the choice of God to close their wombs. It adds to my astoundment at our arrogance to so quickly interrupt the possibility of new life…
To know you personally I underscore the sweet gift of life you have given to your four (and soon to be five!) precious children!
Wow, what a post! I don’t have the time at the moment to read all of the link, but wow!
I’m only 15, so am obviously not a mother yet. Already, I have such a deep yearning to be a mother. I crave the day when I will be a married homemaker, in joyful expectation of motherhood. Children are such a blessing, and every time a new precious baby is born into our church, I yearn all the more for the day when I,too, will be a mother.
At times, I worry about possibly not being able to have biological children. That would be positively heartbreaking, and would be hard for me to handle. But what I would have to remember in that heart-wrenching time, is that God is sovereign and His will is good, pleasing and perfect. I, in that instance, would hopefully be able to partake in the rich blessing of adopting needy children, who otherwise may never know about the Lord, apart from being adopted into a Christian family.
May the Lord richly bless all of you mothers! I hope your Mother’s Day was special and memorable.
~Rebekah
http://www.byhisgraceandforhisglory.blogspot.com
This is an excellent quote. I think of the women who are so convinced that they will be satisfied by a career, money, accolades etc. and are “surprised” by the intense desire to have a child. God created us to be little creators in His image and He has built our entire bodies around the womb. Nancy Campbell has some interesting things to say about the womb (at Above Rubies.com) and how our emotions are deeply connected to our wombs! Women who have their wombs removed often experience a loss of emotion!
We need to teach our daughters to guard the womb by eating balanced diets and whole foods as well as exercising and getting out into the fresh air. This helps keep their hormones balanced and helps them to guard their wombs and, ultimately, to guard their future health and the health of their future children.
Jill
I miscarried my first son, I was 19, then I had my 2nd son at 21, when matt was 2mos old, I woke up in the night insever doubled over pain. The next am at the doctors i was sent to surgey, i got an infection from the delivery of my son a natural birth, they took my lft ovary and tube and said to me the was damaged and the fallobian tube had scare tissue in it, that I had an infection that was spreading that they caught it before it went to my vital organs. I was told I would have no more children, then I got a cyst on my ovary, they removed the cyst, then i got pregnat with mandi, then i got another cyst on my ovary, they removed it again, then I got pregnant with Mitch, then I got another big cyst the size of a baseball imbedded in my pelvic bone I was doubled over in pain. This time i had to have a full hysterctomy at 25 yrs old. I only had periods everyother month, my husbands sperm count was very low. Thru all of this trauma, God gave me 3 children alive. right after bringing my 3rd child home, paul said to me the day after christmas, I want out, I don’t want this anymore, I had two in diapers and a 3 yr old, so we parted and divorced. My children were a miracle from God and Paul just walked away, I raised my children without him and it was very hard to do. Now i have a wonderful man of God, my children have children, and I am with out a womb to give him children. God cleared the way for me to have my children through all that damage, and the father walks away for good. They were blessings in abundance, they were born through the damage of a spreading infection. I was worried about tublur pregnacy with the blockage, scare tissue in my tube, but the egg got thru twice, by Gods hands. I still long for a fruitful womb.
Jill,
Wow, I didn’t know that! How interesting. I’m going to go check out Mrs. Campbell’s site some more!
Above Rubies magazine can be found at http://www.aboverubies.org (I had posted it as .com). If you scroll down to articles on Motherhood, click on it and look for “Protect your Womb” by Nancy Campbell. That’s a good article to start with.
Jill
Thanks so much for that helpful info, Jill!!
Hi there, A friend of mine just asked me to visit your site and I am hooked. I also read Nancy Campbells site too! I to want more children and feel barren when I am not pregnant. My husband has two children from his first marriage that I helped raise and we had two more. We want more and pray God will bless us again and again. Thankyou for speaking the truth about the womb being satisfied! Tricia
Good comments. I think I’ve just cried to the point of exhaustion. I think God owes us an explanation about the not being a “respector of people”. Didn’t Grace pay for us to be blessed? It’s allllll over the Old Testament. I’m beginning to like Job who demanded that God answer. I think Job was right. The verse is horrible because it is a taunt and I don’t know why it is in the Bible. Yes. Babies were often mentioned in the Bible as a blessing and miracle. In fact my own sister in law got a prophetic word and a miracle at 40. I don’t know why God didn’t love me the way he loved them.
Bab,
I know your pain is deeper than I can begin to feel. But I do NOT want you to believe the lie that God doesn’t love you. That is not true. I am so sorry. I am praying that you CAN know His love, even in the midst of not being able to understand your pain.