Kelly Crawford

“Do you think in 300 years, people will look back to our day and find as many great men as these?” I would like to think so….but those men didn’t just happen to become great. I would be willing to bet they had great mothers 😉 “

Following up on the recent post about parents who don’t like their children, I wanted to bring up some basic concepts about parenting. Maybe there are those reading who just don’t know?

Foundational to everything is the understanding of WHY it is so important to invest the time and energy it will take into raising pleasant, obedient children. There is no point in doing the hard work of parenting to someone who doesn’t think it’s important!

Children are people; and not only people, but the people on whose backs will fall the success or failure of our civilization. As Christians, it’s even bigger. These little people given to us are our legacy to whom we are given the task of passing on the great faith of our God. If we fail, it is no small thing.

Contrary to culture, this is not a me-isolated world; we affect each other tremendously. And as such, it falls to all of us to bring up loving, hard-working, respectful people. Look around and you’ll see the results of thousands who have not taken this job seriously. We’re not talking about just a few rules to make the child-years easier…we’re talking about laying the foundation for what kind of people they will grow up to be, which will affect the world in which we live.

After that, I think establishing authority as a parent is paramount. This seems so obvious, but I’m constantly amazed at parents whose children speak to them as an equal–mostly in a condescending tone.

Authority is established very early. There are so many opportunities for parents to lay this groundwork with their babies. Even at around 7 or 8 months, parents can begin to establish authority by the tone of voice and getting them used to certain words. I know that authority can be recaptured at a later age, but it is so much easier done early.

A baby in a high chair is a great time to do early training. They almost all want to throw things down on the floor. But a constant reminder in a firm tone quickly establishes that there are “do’s and don’ts” in his world. (They didn’t know that when they were born!)

There should be a clear understanding about what should be expected from a child. Talking back should simply not be allowed, not even in a playful mood. And it should never be laughed at. What may seem cute as a child, grows ugly quickly. Honoring and obeying parents is the only command given to children. It is our job to nurture that. Furthermore, it will have huge implications for their spiritual relationship with God the Father.

Obedience should be expected in everything, even the small things. It’s easy for a distracted mother to say “Tom, will you pick up your toys?” And then not follow through to see that he does. Make sure he hears the command, and then expect immediate obedience. Again, early training makes this a little easier. Of course training obedience is a process. They don’t just get it over night, and sometimes there are set backs. But constant awareness and reminder will eventually take root.

I personally think it’s important for young children to do “quiet things” from time to time. Puzzles, coloring and blocks is an underestimated essential for a developing child. The more tv is limited, the longer attention span a child will develop. Constant visual and auditory over-stimulus does a lot of damage.

I think parents should expect their young children to learn to not scream or be too loud indoors. Of course there are times of playing and laughing and “good noise”, but I’ve noticed a trend with many children who just speak in a raised tone constantly. I’m not sure the reason, but it can grate on the nerves, and it’s just poor manners. There is no reason a child can’t be taught to speak in a normal tone of voice when he wants something. (I know a child who is around 8 who literally screams everything–no matter what. It would put me in a straight jacket.)

Of course hitting and being aggressive toward parents or anyone else seems like an obvious thing, but unfortunately, I see it a lot. So, to state the obvious, parents should never tolerate being hit by their children! Honor–learning what it means is so important!

Basic courtesies are easily taught at a young age. (I say “easily” not meaning that exactly; it’s still constant training, but with consistency and everything else in place, it’s not too hard.) Please, thank you, you’re welcome, excuse me–these used to be normal.

In a nutshell, a “well-behaved child” should not be the exception in public! Encourage every mother you can to invest the time and energy needed to lay these foundations. They are not just for now; they are the groundwork for a well-functioning adult!

We were reading “The Story of Our Nation” today, particularly about the signers of the Declaration of Independence. It was amazing to think about how many incredible men lived in the same time period, among a fairly small group of colonists.

I asked my children, “Do you think in 300 years, people will look back to our day and find as many great men as these?” I would like to think so….but those men didn’t just happen to become great. I would be willing to bet they had great mothers 😉

I see it all the time…mother’s who love their children dearly but don’t like them at all, and spend their time surviving and passing the time until the day they can send the kids to someone else.

Part of me understands it, and the other part of me spends a lot of time thinking about how/why it happens.

I’ve seen their children…frankly, I don’t like them either. They’re not pleasant. They don’t obey. They bounce off the walls and they destroy things. Some of them hit and scream. I understand not enjoying that kind of child. (This excludes special circumstances involving autism and similar behavioral/genetic disorders.)

So I’m trying to discern where the ball got dropped. Is it simply a lack of training? Is it a lack of vision that causes the lack of training? Is it a lack mentoring passed on from the older generation to the younger moms? A new generation who thinks they have discovered better methods?

Often, generations before have not passed on a healthy legacy to the next…and the vicious cycle is repeated.

And it’s partly the anti-child culture that has told these mothers before their children were even born, that they were going to be a burden.

It’s heart-breaking. I wish I knew how to help these families. I see terrible cycles being repeated over and over.

And both children and mom suffer. She doesn’t enjoy him, and so finds ways to escape the daily frustrations, missing so many moments of sweet time spent together.

Is it because we lack vision to even see into our children’s futures? Do we not, as we cuddle that soft new born, understand that we hold a person–a man or a woman with Kingdom potential–in our arms? A life worth investing in, heart, soul and mind?

That it is up to us, right from the beginning, to mold, shape and direct this person? How could we just “get by” until someone else is responsible?

We’ve got to step in and rescue a young generation of mothers and their children. I’m not sure how, but it must be done.

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

We read Proverbs 13 yesterday morning at breakfast. So many great verses popped out–that’s a funny thing about Proverbs…you can read it over and over and still glean so much!

The verse I kept pondering though was probably one I was most familiar with…”He who walks with the wise will be wise; but a companion of fools suffers harm.” Some versions say “a companion of fools will be destroyed.”

Boy, isn’t that counter-culture? Simple verse. One would think most any Christian parent could read it and easily deduct that heavy involvement with a peer group is not the best idea. Even a “good” peer group is still a group of “fools”, given that a child is considered foolish until he is fully trained.

Why do we then rank involvement with peers as one of the most pressing priorities on our list? Why do we break our necks trying to keep them plugged in so they won’t feel left out?

Friends are good…please don’t misunderstand me. My children have a plethora of great friends with whom they thoroughly enjoy fellowship.

But they don’t “walk with” their companions. They walk with me and their dad…the ones to whom the Lord gave them. Their hearts are endeared to us…their primary relationship is with us. Do you know why?

Discipleship. “Make disciples.” Jesus made disciples one way–by walking alongside his friends. He endeared them to Himself because they were together most of the time. Talking, walking, learning.

He didn’t entrust them to the care of another church organization or another less-qualified mentor or another group of people who were learning about life themselves.

We are in the business of making disciples. And there is only ONE way to do it. Deuteronomy 6. Walk, talk, sit, teach.

Companionship.

A reader sent me this quote by Joel McDurmon which I thought beautifully fleshed out this concept of day by day discipleship which will extend to the next generation.

“As we represent God in this world, our legacy is how the next generation represents us in the same endeavor. They are, to some degree, our report card in the cultural mandate (Gen. 1:28) and the Great Commission (Matt. 28:18–20). This should not be understood too absolutely, for the next generation will be judged on their own relationship with God, not on their representation of us.

But the family-children relationship is one of inheritance in terms of wealth: spiritual, mental, and physical. This means that what we pass on is vital. The question, What are you giving your children? includes, What are you teaching your children? How are you training your children? (And, in fact, for some obstinate families, the question must be added, Are you trying to have children?!). It includes a view, not toward a “gloom-and-doom” decline of civilization, but of purposeful planning toward the redemption of civilization one family at a time.”

American Vision