Kelly Crawford

Do you ever look around and wonder where the outstanding men and women of the younger generation are?  Do you ever read historical biographies and find the young, upright characters almost unbelievable compared to today’s youth?

We seem to be breeding a culture of mediocrity.  Young people who lack that kind of fortitude and character capable of weathering any storm.  I’m appalled these days at how many reports I hear of men losing their jobs and suffering hardship and reacting to that hardship by murdering their familyies and then committing suicide….men who simply haven’t been equipped to withstand the storm.

And then there’s the dilemma I’ve heard circulating among companies and employers:  the immense dearth of employees who are faithful, hard-working and EXCELLENT at their jobs.

Where are they?  What have we done?

Our Sunday night Bible study has been studying Daniel for the past several weeks.  I think every family should delve into the life and story of Daniel. 

Daniel was very young when he went into the service for the king.  The king was a wicked and harsh man and Daniel exhibited excellence of character at every turn.  Read through that book with new eyes.

A friend recently shared with me how her two homeschool-graduate sons were doing in their classes at college.  She humbly expressed gratitude that their professors seemed to be overwhelmed with their character, introducing them to colleagues at every chance, and in general, praising them for their diligence in their work and their outstanding communication skills.  It’s as if they’ve discovered a rare treasure among their students.

“Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will stand before kings; He will not stand before obscure men.”  Proverbs 22:29

How do parents raise children to be “skilled in his work”?  Excellent?  (Bear in mind the “excellence” I’m describing here is not “arrogance” but diligence, and the portrayal of godly character.)

It starts right at the beginning, just like everything else.  And it involves intensity of effort on our parts.  (Anything good requires intense effort!)  Here are a few things I thought of that would help us raise children of excellent character:

• Give them responsibility as early as possible, and praise their efforts.  As soon as a baby can walk, he can begin to help.  Let him know that his help is valuable–picking up a block, throwing a piece of trash away, etc.  Increase that work according to ability.

• Hold up examples of excellence.  I mentioned reading biographies–these are great tools for “showing” your children what godly character looks like, and how a life is blessed by excellence of character.

• Model it.  We can’t miss the obvious!  How do you respond to life situations?  Are you honest?  Level-headed?  Do you go to the Bible for insight in handling situations?

• Don’t say “YES” to everything.  Parents have the grave misconception that to love them is to give them everything and not to deny their every want.  I submit this can be detrimental to a child’s character.  Of course we enjoy giving good gifts to our children, but they also need to learn to be content and to see us exercising wisdom as we make choices.

• Teach them the Word of God.  Another obvious one, but how many of today’s youth are really being saturated with the instruction of Scripture?  Do they know what the Bible says about how to handle situations?  It’s more than attending church on Sundays too.  It’s daily implanting the Word in their hearts “when we rise up, when we lie down, when we sit in our house, and when we walk by the way”. 

Can I just say it again…it’s WORK!!!!  And that is exactly what we have been called to.   Roll up those sleeves 😉

Last week, a line that I posted from a soldier’s quote about his mother has been ringing in my ears:

“Before our minds could grasp their meaning, simple formulas were fixed in our memories which should afterwards prove lights to guide our steps aright.”

Memorization.  Reading of Scripture and solid, theological catechisms.  These seeds that seem pointless in the ears of young children are in fact cultivating rich soil in their hearts which will prove invaluable to them in later years.

I’ve mentioned the importance of reading Scripture to little ones in previous posts, and I might remind you that the author of Ten Peas in a Pod said he would go to the extreme of waking up his sleeping infants to be present at Bible reading time!

His theory is so logical we miss it!  If you never spoke words to a child until he was capable of understanding them, he would be impaired for life.  I fear we are guilty of raising “spiritually impaired” children in the same practice!  How many adults have you heard lament that they “can’t understand the Bible”?  Could this be one major reason for a church full of spiritual babes?

I was singing a hymn the other day and I realized I knew the words to so many songs I heard repetitively as a tiny child; comparatively, I still have to look up the words to hymns I’ve only learned as an adult, in spite of having sung them many times.

Those words were planted, even before I could read them or sing them.  They are still there, and now “afterwards prove lights to guide my steps aright”.

One simple exercise I try to do with my children is quote Psalm 1 to them as soon as I bring them home from the hospital each time I change their diaper.  It’s just a consistent time that I can remember to pour God’s Word into their hearts.  (Psalm 1 is the first chapter our children memorize.)

Just a reminder–let’s remember the supernatural work that is going on in those rapidly absorbing minds of our children.  It’s OK to read the cutesie stories; but don’t forget the meat, because if you wait, they may never crave more than the milk!

SPIRITUAL WARFARE…

Scripture assures me of it and I believe it with all my heart, especially as it pertains to me as a mother.  I feel bloody in the trenches just now…

I know several things to be true…

1. We do not fight against flesh and blood but against powers of darkness and the ruler of this world.
2. A woman can build her house, or she can tear it down with her own hands.
3. If Satan can get to the mother of a home, he can have the entire family.

Can anyone relate to spiritual warfare in your lives as mothers?  Has anyone else cried tears of “I can’t do this” lately? 

My prayer is this: 

“Lord, the only result of my efforts to be a mother and wife in my own strength is misery, failure and desperation for all.  I cannot  fulfill this calling in my own power.  And I will no longer try.  You must, I implore You, and will not leave You alone until you grant me YOUR power and strength to do this immeasurable task of building a home.”

Providentially, I believe, God placed the words from a book into my ears to spur me, remind me and astound me back to this hallowed place He has called me to.  Allow these words–I urge you to read and ponder them carefully–from a Confederate soldier named Hugh A. White about his mother, to spur you on to the noble task of motherhood as we ponder and celebrate this beloved calling…

“Hugh A. White was the fifth son and the seventh child of William and Jane White…His mother’s recollection of him is very vivid.  She says:  ‘He never gave me trouble, but was always and only a comfort to me.’  He entered with great animation into the ordinary amusements of schoolboys in recess, but he never walked the streets in search of amusement;  the truth is, that from childhood, he seemed to think that the proper place for the right sort of recreation, and even amusement, was the parlor and chamber over which his mother presided.  He not only looked up to her as his rightful ruler, but also as his best friend and choice companion.  In her ordinary rounds of domestic duty–when not at school–he was at her side.  In a word, he studied and labored to lighten her burden and cheer her heart.  He went on errands for her and his sisters with the utmost cheerfulness….”

And what fortune befell this mother?   Was she just “lucky”?  Look a little closer…

“Mother–what name has more thrilling associations than that of mother?  From her we learned first to lisp a yet dearer name.  By her watchful care were we kept from harm.  Through many a dark night she watched our couch with tearful eyes, and without weariness she was swift to minister to every want, and by sweet and almost insensible influences she drew us from the ways of sin and led our feet into paths of righteousness and peace. Before our minds could grasp their meaning, simple formulas were fixed in our memories which should afterwards prove lights to guide our steps aright.

Awake, she taught us; and asleep, her form bent over us while in prayer she commended us to God…and taught our infant lips to lisp the name of ‘Our Father, which art in Heaven’.

And when the first fruits of this untiring vigilance appeared, how gladly did they clasp their new born children in their arms, and praise the Lord who had heard their prayers.

Who can estimate the influence, though unseen, that a mother’s instruction and example still exert?   She follows him through the course of every day, and in every temptation her prayers surround him like a shield.  Her bright example too, though not now seen, is remembered, and by it ‘She allures to brighter worlds and leads the way’.”                  ~Hugh A. White

I pray that the world would see more mothers like this, mothers wholly devoted to bringing up children whose first affection is the Lord Jesus…because once a child has been taught to “Seek first the Kingdom“, all else in earth and heaven will be given to him.

We were at Subway with my Mom, and I was minus my oldest child.  Yes, they were staring, but I’m used to that–admittedly, it is odd to see 6 children in tow behind a pregnant Mommy (I’d probably stare too!)

After a while, the man next to us turned and said, “You have the most well-behaved children I have ever seen…you just don’t see this anymore”.

And while my human side would have tended to be honored by his compliment, there was a deep stinging in his words.  “You just don’t see this anymore”.

“Why?”  I asked my Mom on the way home.  It’s not like my children aren’t “normal”.  We have our troubles, conflicts, fussing, etc.  But by the same token, they can sit still and be pretty quiet and know not to act like wild monkeys in public.

And this is rare?  What a tragedy!  I’m still grappling with the “why” question…my mom suggested it’s because parents “want more for their children than they had”, and somehow that has translated into a parenting style of child-centeredness, giving them what they want and not ever rebuking their behavior (you know, protect their self-esteem?)

I don’t know.  But I long to help parents understand that guiding a child to control himself, to be denied from time to time, to be required to act responsibly, to respect others with their behavior–those things are better for a child than any giving in to whims ever is.  It’s better than any material things you could provide, better than any special privilege you think he deserves.

Happy are the children whose parents expect and require common obedience and self-controlled behavior.  Happy is a culture where those children grow up!  Let’s be vigilant…especially as Christians who are supposed to shine as lights, and are given children as one way to demonstrate God’s goodness and grace when we train them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord!

Getting Your Children to Obey