Home motherhood/family/parenting All’s Not Hair in Love and War

All’s Not Hair in Love and War

by Kelly Crawford

It took me 5 children to realize that I might need to say it out loud:  “You are not allowed to cut yours or anyone else’s hair”.

You must hear it from the start…

I have had hair woes my whole life. Too thin, too fine, too–not what I wanted it to be. I deal with it.

I married a man with thick, jet black hair, but several of our first girls inherited my hair. Life is still good.

Enter Mallie.mallie-born

This child was born with a shock of full, fuzzy, black hair. It was comical…me, the fair-skinned blond lady holding this dark-skinned baby with…this HAIR.

I loved it from the start.  And it grew and was so thick and so long and so wavy and so…everything I had always wanted in hair.  And despite the torture of combing out tangles from this thick-maned three-year old, I loved it long (notice that was past tense).

Not braided, it had grown to her waist.

And then…

That tangle I couldn’t get out.  It came out of nowhere and so I had to do it–I cut it up almost to her chin.  I almost cried, but that would have been silly.

So we got used to her cute new haircut.

And then…

Enter Brooks–the 5-year-old that didn’t get the memo.


“She told me to”.  That was the best he could come up with.   (Didn’t Adam say that?)

So here’s the really good part…this happened on the same day I posted about teaching our children forgiveness. God does love a good, “let’s see what ya got?” doesn’t He?

Maybe I loved Mallie’s hair too much…

IMG_0406It’s even worse in the back.

I left it hacked up for 2 days before I could get the nerve to cut it.  And since we don’t have a sharp pair of scissors in the house, I grabbed the little red pair, the same pair Brooks used.

Mallie's hair-2

“I wanted hair like Avi.” I get sad every time I look at it.

A good reminder for all of us that:

Forgiveness is mandatory…no matter the mess we have to deal with.

Hair grows back.

There are consequences to our actions.

I need to remember to tell my other 5-year-olds about the hair thing.

We probably do things that leaves God shaking his head and saying, “What was she thinking?!” and He loves us anyway.

So what did I say besides “I’m so glad my son doesn’t show promise for Cosmetology”?

“Well, there’s only one thing left to do….blog about it.”


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Jill F. February 24, 2010 - 11:45 pm

In our family cutting hair is a developmental stage-I kid you not! Every single one of our eight children has reached the age of three and cut their hair. At least your little one didn’t cut it right next to the scalp! Now that is not pretty!

Michelle B February 24, 2010 - 11:50 pm

That reminds me of the time my brother dried toothpaste stuck in his hair. We couldn’t get it to wash out, so I, being a wise and all-knowing 8-year-old big sister did the smart thing. I cut it out. Boy did Mom freak out when she saw the quarter size bald spot right on the top of his head. “But it was the only way we could get it out!” Was my excuse

Candace February 24, 2010 - 11:59 pm

I have been cutting my own hair forever even though I hav 2 people in my family who are hairdressers and it is definetly not a good thing. I think it’s been about a year and I am holding strong.. just tell yourself…stay away from the scissors! And I think that lop sided cut if very high fashion!!! hehe

Jennifer February 25, 2010 - 12:45 am

Too funny! I love the pics. What adorable children! My sister cut her bangs when she was about two…like all the way up to her hairline. It was hilarious! My mom just sat there and cried…and got on to me for laughing! You do give a great haircut. Maybe you should open up shop? 🙂

Kelly L February 25, 2010 - 1:00 am

Too funny! And ironic. My 9 year old just butchered her hair on Saturday. Her own hair! I spent yesterday feathering layers in the SUPER butchered back. It is sooooo short. And I already just cut off 11 inches for locks of love in Jan! But I didn’t punish her. The bad haircut she had to wear for 2 days was punishment in itself. Plus it was her hair. Sigh. I thought she was immune to that kind of stuff, we had come so far in age for this… Although she did mimic how I cut my own hair…pony and flipped over and snip. but mine is longer than her so it works. Great picts, though!

Mrs. Santos February 25, 2010 - 1:15 am

I love that picture of Brooks, poor baby…and the blog about daily life. It all turned out fine it seems.

Ann February 25, 2010 - 1:35 am

You have to look on the bright side – at least people could tell my twins apart after they decided to play hairdressers with one being the client of course, the day after their first trip to the salon to have haircuts I hasten to add!

Serena February 25, 2010 - 1:38 am

My aunt trimmed my cousin’s bangs one time and a woman at the store said to her, “Oh, I see she [the small child] got ahold of the scissors!” My aunt just smiled and nodded.

Beth February 25, 2010 - 7:59 am

Ouch, that one hurt, Kelly! I have 3 girls, and have had 3 hair-cutters, some more drastic and persistent than others. I always struggled with my reactions to that particular offense. For some reason it often felt personal. Thanks for the reality check.
I just can’t believe Mallie’s hair is your first to get whacked!

Carmen February 25, 2010 - 8:21 am

Oh my! I have seven and my number 5 was the first to snip her hair. Fortunately her hair is so fine that it went unnoticed until I found the little portion on the floor. What’s a mamma to do? *sigh*

Natalie February 25, 2010 - 9:28 am

Oh no! I think you rescued it really well… it looks very cute at the end even though it is so short.

I loved your last line. My husband came in and found me taking pictures of the todder, who I had found pouring oats, spoon by spoon, over the butter. My excuse was, “I thought I might as well blog about it later!” He laughed and pointed out that without cameras and blogging my sense of humor might not be as good, and I totally agree. 🙂

mrs.hester February 25, 2010 - 9:40 am

At least she isn’t scalped 🙂 Thanks for the smile, I needed it today!

Heidi February 25, 2010 - 9:57 am

Your children are very sweet…

Candace February 25, 2010 - 10:10 am

Oh no! We are still awaiting this hairdressing “milestone” in our house–neither my 4 or 3 year old have yet took the scissors to their hair (though they seem to have found everything else to cut!). My husband and I were just talking yesterday about how quickly kids can get into mischief. All it takes is a few seconds!

shanie February 25, 2010 - 11:40 am

my mom loves talking about my hair cutting incident… i REFUSED to let her take me for a haircut… she said my bangs were too long… she got upset and finally said ‘i give up’ and walked away looking kinda sad and defeated… and i felt SO bad and wanted to be a ‘good girl’… so um, i grabbed the scissors and cut my own bangs… then proudly said ‘see mommy, i can be good!’… she really really really had no idea how to react… lol…

Charity February 25, 2010 - 12:27 pm

I have super thick, super curly, waist length, dark hair and my husband’s hair is really dark and thick but so far we have bald babies! My firstborn daughter’s hair didn’t begin to grow until she was 2. She just turned 4yrs and has enough to put in a ponytail and such so I probably would have cried if it would’ve been me! Maybe I should be thankful that my second born daughter (now 2 1/2yrs) is STILL bald. 🙂 You did give her a cute final cut. 😉

Kim M February 25, 2010 - 1:15 pm

When I was a little girl, I always thought boys with cowlicks were cute. So I cut a big gap in the front of my brother’s hair so he could have one. Mom has a great picture of it.

The best thing about hair is that it grows! You did a good job fixing it. She is adorable.

Kim M February 25, 2010 - 1:15 pm

By the way… all three of my boys have cowlicks!

Quinn February 25, 2010 - 1:36 pm

My oldest daughter was a haircutter- she’s six now and this is the first time in her life that she hasn’t had a bob. Just when I thought that I finally crossed that hurdle, my 3 year old (at the time) cut his little sister’s hair right down the part and all the way to scalp! Just when I was able to get it into pigtails.

You mentioned the opposite coloring of your babies skin and hair from yours and boy can I relate to that! My husband and I both have dark brown hair and all but my firstborn has blonde hair! Sometimes I wonder if people think that my oldest has a different father because he looks so differently from his siblings! Makes me hope this next baby has dark hair 😀

Mallie is still precious- she wears a bob very well!

Barbara February 25, 2010 - 4:05 pm

Just curious about a 5 year old with scissors??? Alone? Who was watching him? LOL

Stephanie February 25, 2010 - 4:14 pm

When I was a kid (seven or eight), I had bangs that I hated. My mom agreed to let me grow them out, but I was impatient and so one night I snuck out of my room and got out my dad’s electric razor and shaved them off.

Lesson learned!

Diane February 25, 2010 - 4:46 pm

Millen, my daughter with Down syndrome has the most beautiful black ringlet-y hair. When she was about 5 or so it was long and thick and the kind of hair that people stop you in the mall to comment on. Well late one evening, I checked on her in her bed… I noticed something odd on her nightstand. Something black and fuzzy. It was her ringlets. She had cut them all of and laid them neatly side by side there. I almost started hyperventilating.

The really funny thing was that, in an attempt to be stealthy she had hidden the scissors under her pillow. When I asked her what she had done, she got this utterly shocked look on her face and felt under the pillow to see if they were still there… you could almost see the wheels turning in her head, “How did Mommy know???” lol

It all grew back and looked lovely, but sadly she now has a condition called alopecia which causes her hair to fall out periodically. Like you I have sometimes wondered if I loved her hair too much.. sigh.

Word Warrior February 25, 2010 - 6:48 pm


I think I failed to mention that I was actually having one of those “schooly” moments where I had neatly arranged old animal magazines, clean sheets of paper, scissors and glue and was having Brooks cut out pictures and write the name of the letter it begins with. And if you don’t me, that’s REALLY schoolish 😉

And moments later, as everyone was being “so quiet and obedient”…the rest is history.

Brandi February 25, 2010 - 6:57 pm

I know how you feel! (can’t say that to folks very often but in this case I can.) Last June, one week before our week vacation/family reunion my three year old Gracie chopped at her hair. In some places, in the back it was at the scalp. Thankfully she didn’t cut herself. I was very near tears when I had to chop off her beautiful long hair.

I would notice people looking at the bald spots when we would go off and while on vacation. Even now, some spots are not even because the balds spots are only about two inches long. Oh, well!! She liked her hair “chop” cut. 🙂

Jodi February 25, 2010 - 7:52 pm

This cracked me up! When my cousins were 5 and 3, the older one cut the younger’s hair with pinking shears. He looked like a balding old man for months.

Jennifer February 26, 2010 - 1:31 am

Beautiful family, Kelly.

Ladies, please pray for Andrew Koigan and his family 🙁

the cottage child February 26, 2010 - 8:05 am

For all the fascination my girls have with scissors/tape/office supplies in general, it is my boy who is the haircutter. He doesn’t touch theirs – I don’t think they would let him, but he’s scalped the polly pockets, and nearly himself. A couple of weeks ago, after I had trimmed his bangs a little, he (ahem) finished the job. It’s not up to his hairline, but it looks like his first buzz cut is in his near future. It’ll just be easier to start from scratch.

WW, she actually looks adorable.

Susanne February 26, 2010 - 10:29 am Reply
Word Warrior February 26, 2010 - 10:49 am


LOL! Yes they do. They’re not the first.

Consider the sources…they have added to, changed, lied about, and slandered “fundies” (as Christians who believe the Bible are now called), and me particularly.

“Do not think it strange when they say all kinds of evil against you…”

So I don’t.

Susanne February 26, 2010 - 11:55 am

Awful people!
I love to read your postings Kelly- and yeah I am a fundie, too 🙂

Anne February 26, 2010 - 3:12 pm

WOW! I’ve been reading a few of your blogs,Kelly and lOVE THEM. I just read the ‘anti fundi’ comments and was shocked,wanted to comment there but knew it wouldn’t be Christian-like so I kept my mouth shut.
So, let them talk….as a Catholic, we’re taught to ‘pick up our cross daily’ . Guaranteed, with us expecting our 11th soon, we get plenty of comments ourselves about being so crazy and sucking up everyone’s air! HA! So be it-we know Jesus is happy as heck that all of us are saying YES to more babies and raising them to know ,love and serve Him.
Keep up the great work-when they’re talking against you, then you know that you’re doing the right thing!!

wordwarrior February 26, 2010 - 3:16 pm

Thank you, Anne. It’s best if I try not to even read them (as hard as that is). I was thinking too, that they accused Jesus of being possessed by a demon. Trying to “rejoice” as I share in His sufferings…it’s a very small thing to suffer.

Kelly February 26, 2010 - 3:41 pm

fun stuff! I have all boys, so the cutting-their-own-hair (or cutting another’s hair) thing has not been too traumatic!

Very unimportant question (giving you an “out” if you don’t have time to answer!)… you mentioned that your daughter said that she just wanted to look like “Avi”… I am expecting and have been stuck on the name “Avi” for a girl this time. I was just wondering if the Avi you know is short for something? The only longer name I’ve seen with this is “Avigail” Just curious…!

Word Warrior February 26, 2010 - 9:11 pm


“Avi” is my 4th born and her name is short for Avalee 😉

Diane February 27, 2010 - 7:00 am

Oh Kelly dear… I made the mistake of clicking on that link:(

♥((hugs))♥ We love ya honey☺

Word Warrior February 27, 2010 - 11:48 am

Thank you, Diane.

Jasmine February 27, 2010 - 7:20 pm

Mrs. Kelly,

I love your attitude about the link –I just wanted to add my voice to those who have said how much they appreciate what you write here. I am often encouraged and challenged by your posts, and by your consistently loving defenses for what you believe. I love reading what you write, whether you’re talking about day-to-day events like these or exhorting your sisters in Christ, and I so admire you.

I’m not sure what it’s worth from another target, though. 😉 I pray for you often, and am doing so this evening!

Word Warrior February 27, 2010 - 8:39 pm

Jasmine, (Jazzy, was it? I don’t know, kinda has a ring ;-))

You’re a precious sister in Christ, often required to take shots on the front line, even at your young age, and do so as gracefully as any woman could.

The prayers are reciprocated.

Jasmine February 28, 2010 - 8:17 am

Thank you very much, Mrs. Kelly –the Lord is forever refining me in that area.

Yes, Jazzy t’was –that’s also what my little brothers and close friends call me (that and Jazz), so I don’t mind. 😉

Linda February 28, 2010 - 11:08 pm

Oh, my. I have been off-line for several days so I am reading this late. Love your pictures. Thinking of all the times I should have grabbed the camera. There is something about moms and hair. Two of mine decided to give each other haircuts when they were two and three (now 7 and 8). I saved the pony tails. I was so upset… it was the only time I ever asked my husband to come deal with a child because I feared my own reaction. Ah, well. We survived it, and it did grow back.

I have not read the link posted… I guess I should not be shocked to learn there are people out there slandering a blog like yours, but I am. A little naive I guess. Keep saying the things God stirs in your heart. He is using you to touch others who need the encouragement—and sometimes a little stirring themselves. 🙂

M. March 1, 2010 - 10:00 am

So what did I say besides “I’m so glad my son doesn’t show promise for Cosmetology”?

(not sure that i understand this part, what’s wrong with cosmetology?)

Word Warrior March 1, 2010 - 10:54 am

Nothing…it’s a joke.

Misty March 2, 2010 - 8:30 pm

I love love love the new style. I know it’s shocking as a mom. My daughter did it herself around 3.5. But, you lucked out with such a great length to work with still.

Cassandra March 10, 2010 - 2:48 pm

You meant that you hope he doesn’t become gay, right?

By M., March 1, 2010 @ 10:00 am

So what did I say besides “I’m so glad my son doesn’t show promise for Cosmetology”?

(not sure that i understand this part, what’s wrong with cosmetology?)

By Word Warrior, March 1, 2010 @ 10:54 am

Nothing…it’s a joke.

Word Warrior March 10, 2010 - 2:58 pm


LOL! No, it was more about thinking I’d prefer my son not be surrounded by women all day. My hair dresser used to be male and he was perfectly heterosexual and masculine.


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