I love the “time warp” between the printing of “Homemaking” (renamed “The Family“, printed in the late 1800’s) by JR Miller and our present day. It reveals our subtle shift away from what was once considered normal and healthy and is now called outdated and stifling.
It should be an important lesson. As values shift, our thinking shifts and the whole movement causes a shift in our lives, our families, our communities and our country. Some would call it a “good and necessary movement”. I can’t seem to see that our families, in general, are faring better this day than they once did.
That’s not to deny that trials and difficulties have always existed in homes where people live! But that once there seemed to be a stronger chord that held folks together and a sweeter unity that spoke better of home as a place where living really happened.
Miller spoke things that were logical, sensible and fairly accepted in his day. The same words today are hated and rejected.
Is it just an outdated set of ideals? Or did he teach something valuable that would benefit us if we paid attention?
Every word of this section was delectable, and it saddened me to have to cut it at all.
“The good wife is a good housekeeper.
The mere mention of such things as cooking, baking, sweeping, dusting, mending, ironing, jars upon the poetic rhythm of the lofty themes of conversation. It never enters the brains of these happy lovers that it can make any difference in the world in their home life whether the bread is sweet or sour, whether the oatmeal is well cooked or scorched, whether the meals are punctual or tardy. The mere thought that such sublunary matters could affect the tone of their wedded life seems a desecration.
Love may build its palace of noble sentiments and tender affections and sweet charities, rising into the very clouds, and in this splendid home two souls may dwell in the enjoyment of the highest possibilities of wedded life; but his palace, too, must stand on the ground, with unpoetic and unsentimental stones for its foundation. That foundation is good housekeeping.
In other words, good breakfasts, dinners and suppers, a well kept house, order, system, promptness, punctuality, good cheer – far more than any young lovers dream does happiness in married life depend upon such commonplace things as these. Love is very patient, very kind, and very gentle; and where there is love no doubt the plainest fare is ambrosia and the homeliest surroundings are charming.
I know the wise man said: “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox (i.e., a good roast beef dinner), with hatred therewith;” but herbs as a constant diet will pall on the taste, especially if poorly served, even if love is ever present to season them. In this day of advanced civilization it is ought to be possible to have both the stalled ox and love. Husbands are not angels in this mundane state, and not being such they need a substantial basis of good housekeeping for the realization of their dreams of blissful homemaking.
Where a strengthful womanhood keeps the house wisely and well, in prudent care and orderly comfort and cheerful peace, there, in the daily duties, trying and tasting, her character issues in loveliness of bloom and blessedness of privilege, softly shadowing the household beneath its gracious power and unselfish gentleness; so that the heart of her husband rejoiceth in her, and the love which was planted within those walls strikes down its roots through all the thin soiled fancy and passion into the rich ground of manly reverence and honor, from which to draw a sustenance and life which shall keep it fresh and green in the midst of the years as those that are planted in the house of the Lord.” -JR Miller
Part 1: A Wife’s Part: Part 1–Is She Worthy?
Part 2: A Wife’s Part: Part 2–What is the True Ideal?
Part 3: A Wife’s Part: Part 3–What is a Faithful Wife?
19 comments
Not outdated at all! Very good post and we all need it.
this is a excellent post! I know some woman will not agree that homemaking is a beautiful thing and a blessing, but I do certainly think they are 🙂
It is heartbreaking to me, who 1) came late to this realization, and 2) are not particularly good at it to think of the damage I’ve caused and the opportunities I’ve missed. God is so good, and Grace is so forthcoming – I find it in the Word, and in the form of Elisabeth Elliott (“do the next thing” is a salve on the frazzled soul), and of course here with you, Kelly and GC friends!
One thing I would encourage a new homemaker to consider is deciding with her husband what the priorities are (like, he really loves dinner at 6, he’d like to visit with you while you watch tv and fold laundry together later in the evening, rather than holding dinner until the towels are put away, that sort of thing). You’re asking for his input, which can relieve a tremendous amount of pressure and accommodate simple preferences which I have found is the number one contributor to a general attitude of cheerfulness, his and mine. I don’t believe a wife should be so helpless as to have her husband write out a schedule for her, she wouldn’t be much of a wife if that were the case, but knowing where his greatest comfort lies is helpful in establishing one, especially if you are self-training (meaning you did not have a model of homemaking growing up).
Oh cottage child! Your advice is a great as a double bacon chesseburger! (sorry, craving those so badly 8 months into this pregnancy, anyway 😉 Speaking of being very pregnant, and having three littles to care for, and my husband, and our home…it has been the biggest relief to me to ask my husband what the most important things for me to have done around the house, taken care of etc. I feel so much better about myself and my abilities as a homemaker, knowing that my husband is pleased with simple meals, and basic cleaning. In fact his response was that the two most important things to him were that I get lots of rest to care for myself and baby within, and love on our three littles lots. He’s perfectly fine having a simple meal like breakfast for supper or a sandwhich, knowing those are quick meals for me to cook and will not have me on my feet for long. I do my best to make those “simple” meals special by making the sandwhiches on his favorite homemade bread, making a fruit salad to go with the pancakes, ect…things I know he likes. I want to do my best at what God has called me to do (wife, mother, homemaker) and show love to my family while caring for them, but I am thankful that my husband doesn’t white-glove the house nor expect daily gourmet meals from me at this season of our lives. My husband is such a darling, and so understanding. I am so blessed.
It seems that you really appreciate each other. I wish you well with the new little one.
Charity – thank you – if you knew me in everyday life, you’d know what a high compliment I consider being on par with a good bacon double cheeseburger :)…that made my day! Happy baby, to you!
Well, if I knew you in everyday life, then we might just have to meet up and chow down together! Funny thing, I never ate beef until I was pregnant. Never knew what I was missing out on! 🙂
I loved this! There is so much here I’ve never really thought about. Homemaking is so downplayed that we give little thought to the importance of what an orderly home, well-cooked meals and just someone there to create beauty and stability does for people!
It’s like I’m beginning to see the connection between how a woman builds her home–or rather, the people in it, and how when women DON’T build their homes the people in it aren’t “built” either.
People and families are crumbling. The rate of people who who have to take some form of psychological drug is astounding. The rate of drug use among teens compared to what it used to be is astounding. The rate of crime–divorce–everything is astounding. Why are people crumbling? I know there are lots of factors. But to deny that central to all of it is whether or not we have strong homes is like denying the nose on your own face.
A civilization that does not promote the building of homes is a civilization that really doesn’t like itself.
Really great post. I am dreading cleaning today after many days of hosting people from our church’s conference. But I really love a clean home, and so does my beloved.
This really helped me today focus on the why. Not the ARGHGHGH.
Thanks!!!
This reminds me of the Christian book by Edith Schaeffer- The Hidden Art of Homemaking.
Oh, I love that book! It is one that I find I need to go back and re-read every few years.
Thanks for the reminder. I’m sitting here dreading the messes all over the house I need to clean up. I’m caring for a friends two children for three days, yesterday, today and tomarrow. Having two extras making messes along with my own four, things are a little out of control. But I know if I don’t do it, when my husband gets home after working 15 hours he won’t find the rest he needs. So off to clean…
Kelly,
Thank you for standing up for truth! The things the Lord has been teaching me, I continue to find you writing about on your blog. You put into words many of the thoughts that are continually twirling in my brain. I’m thankful for you.
I’ll add a big AMEN to Jamie’s comment!! May God bless you and your family, Kelly, as you minister to us who have never had the training to be “keepers at home”. Thank You!
Thanks, Kelly. Your blog is a blessing.
Thank you for this post! I have been so challenged and feeling discouraged lately with homemaking as I am struggling with horrible morning sickness and I have two little ones. Thank you for the encouragement. Now I am off to fold laundry.
Even though my kids are gone and out of the house, I only work part-time so that I can keep my house in good shape. My husband has a very high-pressure job which he does from home. To be surrounded by a messy, chaotic environment would only add to his stress. I know this sounds old-fashioned so let me put it in more practical terms. Although I like to work, he is able to make four times what I can make in the marketplace. Why wouldn’t I defer my career to his?
Am recently married with a 5month old child. I really cook good food for my husband and friends all the time. I don’t ever shy away from spending time in the kitchen cos I know I’m a good cook. But it seems I don’t keep the house clean enough according to my husband. What do I do???
I have chronic fatigue syndrome among other things so house work could become overwhelming. Here’s a simple ‘trick’ that helps considerably. Consciously decide to put things away immediately so they don’t pile up.