Mother’s Day came at a good time for me. It was one of the most humbling days I’ve had in a while.
And as hard as it is for the Lord to reveal to us our weaknesses and failures, it’s in those times we are brought to the end of ourselves, which is exactly where we need to stay!
Because it is only where we end that He can begin. Wow. That’s big.
So I came to the end this weekend, and it was hard. It was a feeling of utter helplessness–almost paralysis–realizing how weak and depraved I am in my flesh.
But praise God that His grace is STILL there!Â
And would you believe it, through tears I looked at my oldest daughter and said, “I just don’t know what to do right now”. And she answered, wise above her years, “Mom, you must take it all to Him.”
And she’s right!Â
Not to downplay my own sin, I do seem to be dealing with an overload of hormones right now, which seems to make everything in life loom larger than it really is–I’m sure I have a witness.
Still, I walked away from this weekend with one blaring truth, urging me to action…
“Seek God with all your heart.”
Everything else will flow out of that….my weaknesses will be fortified by His strength. “All these things will be added unto me…and to my family”.
The power God gives to mothers–to you and to me–can be either exhilarating or terrifying. Our influence is so astounding, we can’t afford to do it alone. We are truly impacting generations–for glory or for destruction.
I saw myself like an appliance, although I can’t think of a good, specific example. That appliance doesn’t operate right for ONE minute unplugged from its power source.
And neither do we. Am I plugged in ALL the time? (Maybe the Vine and branches analogy would work better.)
God’s Word is sharper than a two-edged sword. In church yesterday, it pierced me to my inmost parts. That’s a good kind of wound.
I talk way too much, and I go to my Father with my complaints way too little. Bottom line.Â
He is the only One with answers. He is the only agent of change. He is the only One with power. We are merely catalysts.
“He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.'”  John 7:38
11 comments
I think we’ve had the same experience this weekend! I feel a bit overwhelmed and disconnected…I really needed to read your post this morning!
Lots of love,
Sommer
I had a week like that recently; hormones really can be killer…though still no excuse for letting our sin run away with us. What a blessing your daughter is to you! What a miracle when those we’ve poured so much into begin pouring back into us!
What you said about an appliance reminds me of something Mother Teresa used to say: “We are all pencils in the writing hand of God.” She used to talk about how she hoped that when she died, she would be a worn out little stub of a pencil with no lead left. That’s how she would know that she had done everything she could for her Lord. Sounds like you’re getting sharpened, Kelly 🙂
~Bethany
Something similar happened to me yesterday. I came to a place that I could not believe that God has blessed me to be a mother and I act so sinful in that role at times. I know it all comes down to God’s grace and mercy and that I need to be more in tune with my vine:)
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Thank you for this encouraging post, Kelly.
Sarah.
Bethany,
That’s one of my favorite quotes by Mother Teresa. Boy, talk about counter-culture! Imagine kindergarten “What are you going to be when you grow up” day…
“I want to be used up like a pencil nub, broken and spilled out, completely wasted for Him when I grow up” 😉
Seems there is a few of us moving our blogs to wordpress and even getting our own domain name! Congrats on the move!
I’m sorry you had a rough day, but glad to hear that the Lord graciously loved you through it. =)
We missed you all at church! There was an inspiring message on Proverbs 31. Very timely for me. =)
Kelly,
Although I am not a mother, I struggle with some of the same things that you mentioned in this post. I especially related to the part where you stated that you talk too much instead of going to God with your complaints/concerns. That line describes me SO perfectly! I’m glad that I am not the only one who is struggling with this issue.
Anyway, thank you for sharing this post today. It was encouraging for me; especially to know that I am not alone.
I can certainly relate to all those hormones throwing ya off your game!!! I’ve definitely been there a time or two (or six).
I’ve found that it helps to cut back, do less, rest more, say no to extra things. I think it’s even OK to do less homeschooling. Do more fun art projects and no stress things, like just plain ol’ reading books. Your kids will be blessed with a more peaceful mother and will not suffer for the lack of “real school.” 🙂
Love you!
Daja,
Those are GREAT ideas of which I’m trying to implement more. I strongly agree with “say no to extra things”.
It sounds like you hit one of those very crystal clear moments of reality, Kelly-when we truly see our *powerlessness* over even our own lives, minds, bodies. It is at those times, when we actually listen and own up to it, that humility can be allowed for-it sounds like you recognized your utter fraility, humanness, and perhaps even our daily state of decay. I know for me at those moments it feels like the lonliest, most lostness place in the world. But it is a place of truth and realization, and God can work through that humility.
He is perfect, and able, even when our soul groans from the deepest hidden places. Be blessed today.
(Sounds like Jesus spoke audibly to you through your daughter….what a testimony she is….)