Home motherhood/family/parenting Words and Choosing to Love

Words and Choosing to Love

by Kelly Crawford

Issues of the parent-heart about which the Lord is dealing heavily with me…

Living in a house, all day, with lots of children creates almost constant training opportunities.  And none are so available as those that involve the use of words.  And yet, it isn’t words really.  “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”

I maintain that we can’t truly love others out there until we truly love each other here.  And of course, we do love each other.  But I mean we must truly demonstrate that love to each other.  So it’s one thing for a brother to love his sister and be willing to fight for her honor.  But do his words reveal it?  Does he choose to show love..even in the ordinary moments?

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

Do we build up?

And then I remember a familiar warning:  “More is caught than taught”.

And the very thing I spend my days trying to form into the character of my children, I often find sorely lacking in my own.  It’s easy to use build-up words on the good days…but do I use them when I’m put to the test?  “Out of the abundance of the heart…” The fruit of the Spirit is seen best where the fruit is squeezed.

Me thinks that work on myself is the principal thing…removing the plank to aptly assist my children with their specks.

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Jacinda April 17, 2010 - 3:42 pm

Have you ever read ‘War of Words’ by Paul Tripp? Highly recommended 🙂

Robin April 17, 2010 - 8:30 pm

Great post. I realized finally after several weeks of asking God for wisdom what the issue is. And its me. I give the sharp looks, the quick to judgement, the snippiness, the yelling for my way or the highway. So when my kids act like to each other, its because even though my words say “be nice, be patient”. Mommy sure doesn’t have those qualities.
And I failed again today after having a couple of good days. But kids are worth it. And I will slowly get it, and I pray that I continue to vigilant in my trying to be an example.

Lucy T April 17, 2010 - 9:54 pm

Isn’t it amazing the things our children teach us .It is just so true that children make us better people.

Amy in AL April 18, 2010 - 7:54 am

Hi, Kelly. I appreciate this post. I am struggling in the same area and looking to God for mercy and help. I also HIGHLY recommend Tripp’s book ‘War of Words.’ In fact, I need to read it again for about the fourth time. I rarely comment, but I keep up with the blog and am always blessed by your insight. Thank you for sharing what God is working in you. It so often applies to what God is speaking to my heart also.

Blessings to you and your family,

Kim M April 18, 2010 - 12:28 pm

This is so good. Thank you for this post. I am with everyone else… it’s a STRUGGLE. I just don’t think we are used to it, ya know? Not that I’m excusing it… it’s just that we have to be SO INTENTIONAL and train ourselves. I wrote a note to myself just yesterday (posted by my kitchen sink) reminding me to praise my children’s character. It’s so sad that I even need that note, but whatever I need to do to get myself going in this area is just what I intend to do!

brandy April 18, 2010 - 7:32 pm

i am being dealt with in this area as well. i am finding that a brat creates brats : / and i must be what i want them to be…duh.

Ayla April 18, 2010 - 8:27 pm

Perfect timing! I just sat down to read this after struggling to put the kids to bed. I struggle so much with the “hard times” I revert to wording my own mother used, which is not so kind. I must remember to invite the Spirit into my mothering, especially at the hard times. 🙂 Thank so much for this much needed reminder!

Jana April 18, 2010 - 9:08 pm

Yes! That’s exactly what we struggled with today also. And our sermon this morning was about “The power of the tongue.” Sigh…

Jana April 18, 2010 - 9:09 pm

Yes! That’s exactly what we struggled with today also. Then our sermon this morning was about “The power of the tongue.” Sigh…

Kelly L April 19, 2010 - 12:26 pm

Very true. I have found things in my daughter that I dislike only to realize she is mirroring me! Rats. I so like it better when it is someone else! 😉 I am a team mom and, almost always, you can tell what the mom is like by what the kids are like. Great post!

Niki French April 20, 2010 - 10:36 am

Sooo glad to know I’m not the only mom to struggle with this. It’s so easy on the good days when the kids are doing exactly what they are supposed to do. But on those days when there are “umpteen hundred” interruptions, the babies are sick and the older kids are taking advantage of Mom being preoccupied…not so easy then.

Thanks again for the post!


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