I want to challenge you to raise the bar for the teen culture.
What do we mean by raising the bar for the young people in our culture? And why does it matter?
I’m not describing some dictatorial return to harsh labor and “kids are only good for work” mentality–AT ALL! I’m describing a godly vision of seeing young people as valuable as God sees them, and expecting them to behave in such a way.
I’m suggesting that we should be resisting the notion that a young person should be dawdling their best years away on mindless amusement, losing precious opportunities to grow, learn and develop their gifts.
We should be expecting more, requiring more and encouraging more from our children. We should be equipping them in these years for their adult lives.
A Sliver of Our Universe 😉
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It’s one of those things easier to understand if you have seen it in action. If I may, I would like to describe to you a sliver of our universe, a picture of what we have the privilege of being a part of, the community of friends and families that have instructed and counseled us through their lives.
You may be blessed to live among such a community–I hope so!
Just within our closest circle of friends, there are over 150 children; this is not counting the dozens of other families we get together with on less frequent occasions.
SERVING. The “picture” you would see if you could look in, is a group of young people foremost dedicated to serving others. Often we meet in large groups and we make a lot of messes! But, at the end of the fun, every child, as if on cue, will dive into work. Sweeping, folding chairs, cleaning–it’s natural for them to try to keep the adults from having to do most of the work.
Secondly, there is an intense love for helping the weak among them. Young children or elderly, these young people naturally defer to them.
HONOR. Another characteristic is honor and respect. I have hardly ever heard a word, or seen a facial expression that represented dishonor toward adults, and especially toward a parent.
CHIVALRY. The young men, in particular, are such a blessing to watch. They have a protective nature about them that causes them to constantly be on the look out for how they can help. I’ve scarcely ever carried even a casserole dish that at least one young man didn’t run out and offer to carry it for me. Chivalry is a cherished virtue!
INTELLIGENT. If you were to stand among a group of these young people, you would notice their conversation. These are intelligent kids. They discuss intelligent things–and like it! Sometimes, I don’t even know what they’re talking about!
SOCIAL SKILLS. Yet another observance is simple courtesy and manners. It may seem silly that I would point out the simple greetings they are accustomed to give adults they encounter, until I’m among other teens elsewhere and am astonished to find that they not only don’t greet me, but I can barely get them to respond at all.
WORK. These young people are not strangers to work and productivity. They are some of the hardest working kids I’ve ever seen. It’s natural for them. It’s a part of life. They don’t feel unfairly burdened or slighted–they feel honored to play such an integral part in their family.
PRODUCTIVE. To use an antiquated term, these kids are “accomplished.” Talented beyond belief. Whether musical gifts, or writing and speaking abilities, or the domestic arts, they are cranking out productivity! And always to the glory of God.
HUMILITY. They wear total humility, despite all their gifts and accomplishments. It is a beautiful sight.
And I painted this picture only because I want to encourage parents out there to see your “teen” as the valuable, contributing member that he is. He should not be viewed a drain. And if he is, he will become one.
Raise the Bar!
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My challenge is to RAISE THE BAR. Paul advised Timothy, “Let no one despise you because of your youth.”
Last week, when a woman said to me, “I loved my kids too until they became teenagers”…my heart broke. I wrapped my arms around my sweet 14-year old, and thanked God for her heart and life.
Wrap your arms around your teens today and expect them to become what God desires them to be!
12 comments
How do you get them to be different? I wish someone would offer some practical hints about raising kids to act like that.
Lora
Amen. Great post.
I’m glad to hear this b/c I’m determined my children will not be teenagers. And by that, of course, I mean this lazy, pleasure-driven kind of teenager you referred to. I want them to move from girlhood to young womanhood–but I need to know more about that.
I haven’t seen it in action much at all. I wish we were around folks like that. How does it start? I assume at home. Making your little ones feel an intregal part of the family by having them work alongside you.
I was praying this morning for God to show me what areas my children are talented in and excel in. If it be sewing…I want to enourage that. Cooking? Serving? Organizing? They need to learn to do a variety of things before they are grown, but there are surely several areas where they excel and I want to jump on those.
And part of it is not raising little consumers who must be shuttled to every group or organization they are a part of. Where they learn to be away from family and not depend on family but on friends and others. Kids today have their “own” problems so they don’t have room to worry about the family’s problems.
Does anything I’m saying make sense? I’d like to hear more about this!
Kelly, I’m interested to know if the majority of these children are homeschooled or are they a mix of public-schooled and homeschooled/private-schooled?
Terri,
Yes, they are all homeschooled. Inevitably, when I talk about the advantages of homeschooling, people are quick to remind me that homeschooling doesn’t guarantee “success”.
With which I absolutely agree. By the same token, there are real principles that, if followed, will usually result in fruit. Such is what I see.
It’s not in the homeschooling itself that produces certain results; it is in the committment of parents, their devotion to the Lord, and the greater advantage to pass on training and values out of the sheer extra time homeschooling affords.
And to be honest, there is still some peer pressure involved. The difference is, it’s good peer pressure, which makes the parents’ job a lot easier! (He who walks with the wise will be wise; but a companion of fools suffers harm.)
Lora,
As I briefly described in my comment to Terri, there is a principle at work when parents are able to keep their children’s hearts.
If a parent, through love, instruction and discipline maintains bonds with his children, and the children are not immersed in an environment that teaches them to dishonor their parents, and the childrens’ friends primarily live under the same conditions, it is rather easy to impart a love of Christ and character of this sort.
How do you stifle the whining and moodiness when good ‘ol adolescence sets in? We are just getting into that now. Any tips on stopping it before it gets tough??
Kelly, that is what I thought. This post is another assurance, I suppose you can say, of the advantages of homeschooling. I was talking with my husband last night about our youngest daughter, 15 and a freshman in a public high school. He was commenting that he didn’t think that one of her friends is a good influence on Sarah (as far as attitude, matters of importance, etc.). I told him what else could we expect when she spends the majority of her day with children like that instead of with us. And it is only going to get worse as she progresses through her high school years.
Could you give some tips on building this kind of community?
I know this is an old post, but if homeschooling fails it seems to show up in teen years. Maybe you could revisit the topic 🙂
I can see work ethic, chivalry, productivity in my kids but community is missing.
Deborah,
It’s a tricky answer because I don’t think our community is one that anyone built on purpose, yet we’ve purposed to keep it. I think families have just gravitated toward each other and we try to keep our families close by getting together often. We place a big emphasis on basic hospitality and fellowship. That’s really the only way communities can be built-sharing life together.
That is a helpful answer. It reminds me of a definition of fellowship my husband uses: sharing of life on life around the person of Jesus Christ.
At least I haven’t missed an obvious “to do” if this wasn’t in the intentional category : ) That’s a positive note to help me get started.
Thank you!