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Here we go…bend with me a little here…
No one gives much thought to the term “being single”. We hear it all the time. And now, there are ministries for “The Singles”, programs for singles, expectations for singles.
A young woman interviewed on Return of the Daughters made a profound statement. She said, “I’m not single. I’m part of a family.”
The singleness mindset seems harmless, until we scratch a little deeper and find that it is thinking rooted deeply in selfishness. We are a “me-culture”, and the single-phenomenon is another piece of evidence.
See, when I am classified as a single, and attend “single’s group”, and think in terms of singleness, it segregates me from working within the realm of a body (the body of Christ, which is first my family). “We are all members of one body…” It causes me to be turned toward my self, my world, my goals, my ambitions, my interests…you get the picture.
I’ve discussed here before that at the root of every societal problem is basically selfishness, which on a larger scale, is the result of humanity without a God (or disobedient Christians), and therefore failing to live out the greatest command: “love the Lord with all your heart, and your neighbor as yourself.”
This is why I cringe to hear the well-meaning comments made to a young woman in her late teens…”so what are you going to do”? And honestly, most of society do not know any other way. We’ve been operating autonomously for so long, we don’t even know what a family is supposed to look like anymore, or how it looks within a community when families fulfill the call to love and serve those around them.
A young woman should never be single. As long as she is unmarried, she has an incredible sphere of influence within her own family and community. She becomes like a “sculpted pillar” of the family, which strengthens and enables them to reach out in a tangible way, and meet the real needs around them.
She will probably marry eventually, at which point she simply transfers to another family. But what harm to turn a daughter over to singleness–to a limbo period wherein she will likely become so consumed with her own needs and desires, it will be difficult to come back to a unit again as a servant.
“My life for yours” should be the motto of every member of our family. For this was our Lord’s example, and it is the only true answer to peace and joy.
Your thoughts? More could be said, but I’ll allow the comments to peel back the layers.
12 comments
“She will probably marry eventually, at which point she simply transfers to another family. But what harm to turn a daughter over to singleness–to a limbo period wherein she will likely become so consumed with her own needs and desires, it will be difficult to come back to a unit again as a servant.”
…And this is why new brides refuse to submit to their husbands. Men raised by mothers who subscribe to this philosophy are loathe to take on primary provider responsibility because they believe that their wife should be ready and willing to use her talents and gifts to help bring in an income. And these ideas are just as prevalent in the church as they are in the secular community.
Very good point Kelly. In the past I thought it was always thought that you were part of your parent’s family until you married and started your own family, male or female. We do need to drop this idea of singleness. No one is single, no one is alone!
Although I do understand the semantics may make one cringe. Just because that is the term we use for unmarried, does not necessarily mean that those who use it will use it in selfishness.
Also one must be carefully about assuming that people will marry eventually. The scripture makes it quite clear that there are those who are called to remain unmarried. ANd that it is “good” to be unmarried, just as it is good to be married.
Just because one is not expecting to be married does not mean that person is living a life of selfishness or being consumed by her own needs and desires. Ones life choices are not ruled by semantics.
I have a dear sister-in-law who is “single” and has no current plans or prospects to be married. She lives a life of service. She is a nurse (of course this required higher education so you may not approve) She is the primary person who cares for her elderly grandmother. She teaches childrens Sunday School. She spends most of her free time w/ her/our family.
She is as much of a servant and blessing in her singleness as I am in my calling as a wife and mother. She is available to serve in ways that those of us w/ husbands and children are not.
Being a wife/mother is not the highest calling for a women. The highest calling is to serve the Lord in whatever state He chooses to use you. And for some that is in singleness or unmarriedness if you prefer.
Amen! I completely agree. Just because I am not married doesn’t mean I don’t have a ‘family’ to tend to.
When you get married you simply get promoted from princess, in one castle, to Queen of a different castle. Why would a princess want to go a find a job at a local business when she can be at ‘work’, in the shelter of her fathers home, being about the Kings business?
Thanks for something to think about!
You certainly make a good point…there will be a few called to “unmarriedness”. But there again, an unmarried person should still see herself as a functioning part of a body (i.e. family, community, etc.)
I did not mean to imply that every “single” person would be selfish; simply that it’s a prevalent tendency among our culture to feed the individualistic lifestyle.
Mother Teresa is a great example (although extreme) of a single person who gave her life to service. And I believe that is absolutely a beautiful thing and to be applauded without question.
The post was merely a warning to our tendency to view singleness as a state wherein a person becomes self-consumed instead of embracing a serving mindset.
Nice post. I never thought about the use of “single” in the way we are so used to, being negative. I have to agree with you. It is amazing how subtle things can be!!
Would you interpret the verses in Genesis about men leaving their parents and cleaving to their wives to mean that MEN are to stay home until marriage as well?
I know some of those, but they’re not doing it for godly reasons primarily. It’s just plain old cheaper, is all, to live in Mom’s basement.
I had not thought of the term “single” in this light before. Good post, though I’m not sure I entirely agree because most of the people I know are secular. Their parents would not put up with this idea of their daughter living at home during her adulthood. Another thing I see is because people have kids “later” now, the parents die and then if you’re not in church or some form of family or community you ARE “single” no matter how you look at it.
It’s a nice ideal though.
I have always had a nagging problem with “singles” in church. They seem left out. It seems that lots of classes and sermons “don’t pertain to them.” And that has always bugged me.
Now I know why. You are so right….they should be a part of a family. Being single in your daily life carries over to being single within the body of Christ..and separates within it.
I will be thinking more about this post. It goes along with some thoughts we’ve been having about our daughters’ futures. Thanks!
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