I asked my oldest daughter what came to her mind about the importance of “cornerstone daughters”…without hesitation she said, “honor and respect your father”.
I would add the importance of honoring your mother too, but there is something distinct about the respect a father deserves.
Within the church, the adoption of egalitarianism has made the concept of honor to a father almost obsolete, even detested. (Stay tuned for an excellent article about what the Bible teaches in regard to egalitarianism…)
But the truth shines so beautifully in a family who teaches and practices reverence toward husband and father. A popular teaching among the Christian community today? No. A strong source of the plethora of problems plaguing the church today? Absolutely.
This trait is no different from the others…our daughters’ primary training ground is watching us! They learn to relate to their fathers much like we relate to them. And even though our relationships differ greatly, they pick up cues about how to speak to their fathers, how to think towards him and his overall position in the family–whether he is respected, or whether he is considered “not qualified for the job”.
Once again, this convicts me greatly!
“For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwells no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.”
What tone of voice do I use towards him? (Is it even as respectful as I would use toward a friend?) How do I react to his decisions or suggestions? What about when I don’t agree? Do I appeal respectfully or do I dishonor him by my response?
I must obey Scripture and so be reverent to my husband, even is I don’t agree with him, or even if he doesn’t “deserve” it. (A common word from women–“I’ll respect him when he deserves respect”.)
A cornerstone daughter is strong because she has willingly submitted herself to the loving protection of her father; he has her best interest in mind and she trusts him to help her make hard decisions.
God has not left her without guidance and direction. What a beautiful thing!
“My son (I’ll insert “daughter” here ;-), heed the discipline of a father,
Listen and learn discernment, for I give you good
instructions;
Do not forsake my teaching….Keep my commandments and you will live.
Acquire wisdom, acquire discernment;
Do not forget and do not swerve from my words….My son, heed and take in my words,
And you will have many years of life.
I instruct you in the way of wisdom;
I guide you in straight courses.
You will walk without breaking stride;
When you run, you will not stumble….”
And just as importantly, a daughter’s relationship with her father will lay the groundwork for her relationship with her husband. We are preparing her every minute for joy or sorrow in her own marriage!
Let’s talk to our girls about the important roles their fathers play; if your husband is not a believer, you can still respect him. (Abusive relationships are in a different category and are not what I’m addressing here.)
I’ll leave you with the reminder from Scripture…we are to love and submit to our husbands “as to the Lord”…when we dishonor him, we dishonor our Savior.
7 comments
This is a very good series! Thank you for the reminders! I have needed them…..ugh!
BTW, Is Mallie your daughters first name? We call our daughter Mallie, but it is short for Mallory.
how cute! Yes, Mallie is her name. I don’t really know how I came up with that.
I needed this conviction today.
I’ve been finding myself failing as a wife quite often (forgetting to do things hubby asks me to do, or messing up in other ways) and in the process of keeping score against myself, I’m finding myself feeling like a whipped puppy anytime he gives me constructive criticism, and becoming bitter.
I need to fix that…
Ouch!
I’m guilty of justifying bad behavior. Thanks for reminding me that I am impacting all the little eyes that are watching AND modeling me.
Great post!!
My daughter is still a baby- so this series is really great for me. I’m getting a chance to think through what lessons I want my Molly to learn from me as she grows. And respect for her father is certainly one of them. Thanks for the great post!
This reminds me of that poem I read from LAF.com, “I not a lady” or something to that effect. We (or I) want to be treated like a lady, like a gentle thing, a tender thing, a woman worthy of respect and devotion and love, like the ladies of days gone by, I desire this so much. But I do not act or treat my husband as one who deserves such. I too have used that phrase…”when he deserves it…” I am so grateful that my Savior didn’t decide to wait and save me when I deserved it. I certainly want whatever children the Lord may give us to have that respect and honor for their father, so I have to respect him first. This will definitely have to be from some effort on my part because I wasn’t raised to honor out of love; fear is the strongest emotion I remember from my childhood as far as this subject goes. And no child ought to grow up in that environment. Thank you so much, Kelly.
You said: A common word from women–“I’ll respect him when he deserves respect”.
I hear this a lot…and not just from wives. It seems to be a pervasive attitude in our culture.
“I’ll respect my teacher when she deserves it.”
“I’ll respect my parents when they deserve it.”
“I’ll respect the president when he deserves it.”
“I’ll respect my priest/pastor when he deserves it.”
I know we Americans love Thomas Paine and all the other 18th century writers who told us that a government can’t hold us down… but I think, as Christians, we have lost sight of the importance God places on authority–His own, and the authority figures in our lives.
Thanks for the reminder 🙂
~Bethany