Parenting Hangs in the Balance

Parenting is a hot topic.  Opinions swing from one end of the spectrum to the other.  And yet, there seems to be evidence abounding (mainly at Wal-Mart, for whatever reason) that there are some missing links to this colossally important job of raising children.

And while we’re on the topic, may I just boldly say, it matters to me how you raise your children, as it should matter to you how I raise mine.  We all live in this society together and whether we’re talking about smashed mail boxes or tax-payer prison costs, we are affected by the job each of us does as parents.

You can read all the books and try to figure out what sounds best to you, but I don’t think that’s the most solid approach to parenting.

In my opinion, there are several sure-fire ways to know what good parenting is. It’s not rocket science, but it takes dedication, wisdom and time–some of which many parents aren’t willing to give.  So it starts there…one must be willing to be a good parent before he can begin to figure out how.

From my limited experience–we’re still in the throes–I’ll share what we’ve learned so far:

The Bible. We so often look to other books before we glean from the plethora of practical wisdom on parenting from God’s Word.  It must be the starting point.

Balance, balance balance.  You can get the obedience part down pat and forget the joy of your children and it’s a disaster.  Or vice versa.  Parents seem too often to get lopsided to the detriment of their children and to their own sorrow and frustration.

Latch on to a mentor.  There are those who have gone before us and have done it well.  That is the benefit of “walking with the wise”.  Listen, watch and learn from them. Move in with them if you have to.  One of the detriments of our age-segregated society is the robbed opportunity we have of interacting with and learning from one another as we live life.

Establishing authority IS a key point. It’s just how you do it that matters. Some parents avoid this principle because they default to thinking of bullying or squelching a child’s spirit when they hear the word “authority”.  But a balanced view of parenting doesn’t do that.  It has to begin with your understanding of what your role is in your child’s life, the responsibility God has given you that cannot be abdicated, and then walking carefully in that knowledge.

Establishing authority also doesn’t mean your children should be afraid of you. If they are, something is wrong.  But don’t get fooled into thinking that you can’t establish authority in your home AND have an affectionate, loving relationship with your children.  This is precisely what it should look like.

God, our perfect parent says, “I love you immensely.  I love you so much that there are boundaries–things that are good for you and things that are bad for you.  My love requires me to establish consequences when you disobey.  If I didn’t, you wouldn’t be a true son.”

That’s heavy stuff and it’s our responsibility to model our parenting after that, with all the tenderness and grace our loving Father offers us.

A happy home is a healthy home. There are always moments of correction, rebuke or discipline, especially if you have several children.  But don’t let that allow a reigning spirit of gloom.  There should be plenty of laughter, joy and fun too.  For every time you say no, there should also be a yes!  It’s a spirit of truly enjoying your children, which will come naturally if you have established the healthy authority that causes a child to bring delight to your soul.

Pay attention to what you ask. I’ve been guilty myself and have seen other parents ask their children to do something that they weren’t willing to enforce. Since it wasn’t that important, they didn’t have the presence of mind or will to follow through to obedience.  If you really don’t care whether they come or not, don’t ask.  But if you do, prepare to enforce it; otherwise you train them to disobey.

Happy children know that there are parents in the home that are in control. They know they are respected and their parents expect big things from them. It is an insult to your children to assume they aren’t capable of obedience, rather than the popular notion that to require obedience is somehow the insult.

Happy children get lots of hugs and kisses and smiles and walks and looks in the eyes that say, “I’m so glad you’re my child”. They feel safe–both because of the established authority in the home, and because that authority doesn’t abuse its position, but rather, humbly accepts it as part of a demonstration of love to those in its care.

Don’t forget the balance.

Oh, and happy children don’t have counting parents 😉