Sometimes God takes us, kicking and screaming, down paths we don’t want to go.
Sometimes, those paths show up way too often, and it gets harder and harder to walk, and in fact, we can’t walk them…
He must carry.
My dear, precious friend said hello and goodbye to her son last night–she was 8 months along–belly full of kicking energy from her little boy. We “bumped bellies” at church last week, chuckling, sharing this sweet, mother privilege together.
Robin had lost 3 babies in a row prior to him, and was concerned throughout this pregnancy. She often called, just for reassurance.
The losses were ALL unrelated. Tuesday night, after not feeling movement, she went in for a sonogram. It revealed her worst fears.
William was born, after a long and grueling forced labor, with the cord around his neck.
Sadness gripped our hearts as we sat with this family all day, waiting, praying, hugging, crying. What can you do? What can you say?
This family, who so loves children, who so loves the Lord, whose other children are a shining testimony to a family whose hearts are turned toward Him…
Walking through the valley of death….yet again.
Job’s words rang in my ears all day…“Will we take the good from His hand and not the bad?”
I wonder if a day will come when we no longer “see through a glass darkly”, and all our human eyes look back as heartache is heaped up as blessing–the refining that made us glow brighter and brighter in this life…and some will glow brighter than others.
I wrestled with God, with His sovereignty. Our elders wife said, “He is for her.” Yes, He is, even when it’s difficult to reconcile in the depths.
We must all settle with God, before the trials come, that indeed, we will walk through sorrow, and it’s not HIS fault. It’s not because He doesn’t love us. We must settle with God that His love is deeper than any grief we are asked to bear, and when we are called to go there, we must go with tears, but with a resolve deeper than the tears, holding to the anchor that will keep us unmoved in the storm. Just as this family has done.
Pray for them if you pause…they are crying very real tears from the deepest abyss of sorrow today.
Here is a recent post about little William Charles (who was going to be William Travis) from Robin’s blog:
Just a Family
Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side; Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide; In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake to guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;All now mysterious shall be bright at last. Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart And all is darkened in the vale of tears;Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay From His own fullness all He takes away.
Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on when we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.
20 comments
Oh my….we will pray for Robin, Kelly. My heart just aches for her.
We will also remember you, dear e-friend. I am sure it is hard for you, too, in so many ways—
I prayed for Robin and her husband all through the day yesterday. I can’t even imagine what they felt yesterday.
Oh, Kelly, how tragic for your friend. My cousin and his wife lost their little girl at eight months because of the cord around her neck just before Christmas. I wrote a poem for them… I have been told by others who lost little ones around the same time that it was helpful. If you think it would be a blessing to your friend at any time, please feel free to share it with her:
http://applecidermama.blogspot.com/2008/12/myrrh.html
~Bethany
Thank you so much!
Kelly, I know Robin but I hadn’t heard this–my heart is breaking.
I am praying.
Laura
What a beautifully written, encouraging post! I am experiencing similar suffering right now and really enjoyed your post. I will pray for your friend!
Katie
How awful 🙁 I will pray for that family and yours.
Definately praying. I’m so sorry.
So very sorry for this.
May God comfort each and everyone of you that is hurting right now.
Oh Kelly!! I was not sure which friend you were referring to since 3 of you are due at the same time! Oh how painful for Robin! We are praying for them!!! My heart aches for them!!! Let me know if there is anything we can do to help! Meals or something!!!
Such a deep sadness.
How devastating. I will be praying for them!
My prayers go out for you and your family Robin if you get a chance to read this.
I understand the pain of losing a child and never getting the chance to look into their eyes and tell them that you love them. It is a heartbreaking.
So I was thinking, “What would I share about going through it all?”
The first thing that I thought to share is that one of my friends at church was pregnant at the same time as me and we talked about how our girls would be playmates and that sort of thing… And when my girls died it was really hard to see her sweet precious little girl. Hard on my heart. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until one day she stopped me and asked me if she had offended me and I felt horrible that she thought that. I had just been protecting my heart, and my open wound. So with all that said, it is possible that people who have just lost a child will find it very hard to see pregnant people and go to baby showers and such. They may need time to just let their hearts heal. Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it is jealousy. It’s just a very present reminder of their loss.
The second thing is DON’T do nothing. Sometimes you don’t know what to do, and you are scared you might say the wrong thing and so you do nothing. Pray and pray for them and DO something. Write a note (saying you are grieving with them or sorry for their loss), make a meal, pick up the phone and let them know you care. It has been 8 years and I can still tell you who took the time to do those things. That is how much it meant to me. (My very favorite was that some money was given to the Gideons to purchase Bibles in my little girls’ memory. Another thing that sticks out was someone offered to come to the hospital and get their hand impressions. How thoughtful.)
Third- if you are good at these sort of things, keep track of the day the baby died/was born and let the mom know you are thinking of her on that day. It will mean so much to her. Everyone remembers in the beginning, but life goes and life gets busy and I understand that. But those that take the time to remember my little girls bless me so.
Another thing, I think this is something that you don’t realize until you have gone through something like this, you don’t just lose a child but all the dreams you had for him or her. So even though it may be tempting to think at least the child wasn’t 2 months old or 5 years old or whatever, the family still has a great loss.
Lastly, and most importantly, our God is a good God. He only does wonderful things. I will never forget the peace He gave us during that time which truly passed all understanding. Also, I remember sitting and listening to a representative of the local crisis pregnancy center come to our church and share all about the babies who were almost aborted and how their lives were such a testimony to God and I thought, “How come my babies couldn’t have lived and been a testimony for you Lord?” I will never forget His still small gracious voice whispering back to my heart, “I gave you my very best.” I believed Him. And I still do. I may not understand it all, but I cling to what I do know. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.
Jeanette,
This is so thoughtful and helpful…I’ve heard much of what you said here echoed from others who have lost children, so I know it’s truly important what you’re saying. Thank you!!
My heart aches. 🙁 I’ll be praying for all of you.
Praying for Robin and for you Kelly.
Trish
My heart cries out for her—will definitely be praying.
Thank you for the beautiful post, Kelly. We are so grieving for Robin and her family. I can only remember how happy she looked when I saw her a few days ago.
We, too, have experienced similar loss. Our tears, thoughts, and prayers are with the Whites and with those ministering to them. I know they’ll cling to the Lord, but there will be many challenging moments.
We’ll continue to lift them to the One Who alone can walk them through this difficult path.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts & bearing your soul. That was a moving tribute to William. Tears of sadness are mingled with tears of grateful praise for being a part of the body of Christ!
I am so glad that Robin & Scott were surrounded by love yesterday, & I'm sure they appreciate it more than you know. I want to thank you for being there for them when many of us desired to be, but were unable.
As I wonder now what to say & do, I pray that God will ease the painful burden on their hearts, & also give us/me the wisdom to know how to minister to them.
With love,
Kristin
I am praying for this family. I cannot even imagine the grief they must be experiencing!