Home motherhood/family/parenting Older Women, Teach Them to Love Their Children

Older Women, Teach Them to Love Their Children

by Kelly Crawford

“I know these parents love their children…so why don’t they raise them?”

In the recent shadow of Obama’s “infant education plan”, and other discussions like it, I am burdened for our culture’s flippancy at handing our young children over to others for their raising. I’m not talking about the terrible circumstance where a mother has been thrust into an impossible situation where she must depend on child care–and it should be treated as such, I’m talking about the absurd expectation that a young child fares better under someone else’s instruction.

I spoke with a woman (she was a Christian) recently who pointed to her little girl and said,

“She’s about to start 3-year-old kindergarten…well, she’s not 3 yet, but she needs to learn to share. She and her sister don’t know how.”

On several levels this woman has been deceived. First, why do we call it “kindergarten” for 3 year-olds? (It’s also now common to call daycare, for any age, “school.”) Do you know why kindergarten was originally established? To provide a “catch up” time for the unfortunate children who didn’t have parents that spent any time reading or nurturing them, and so they were “behind” developmentally.

Secondly, she hasn’t been given the confidence (WHERE ARE ALL THE OLDER WOMEN!) that she is quite capable of teaching her daughter the most basic of habits.

And obviously, she doesn’t see what she will miss by sending her two-year-old away, nor what unfortunate characteristics, much worse than not sharing, her daughter will inherit at “school.”

Why do you think parents have bought into this idea that the earlier their children “go to school” the more successful they will be? We are being deceived into thinking that parents are not the best ones for the job of raising children.

I have to question–at the root of it, is it just easier to send our young children to “school”, where we have the false perception that they are getting ahead, thus relieving any guilt and even giving us an added sense of pride for the “favor” we are doing them?

It boggles my mind. The irony that nature itself just teaches us that children belong to parents, and that obvious fact is being ignored by so many! And perpetuated! No years are more crucial and precious in the developing of relationships, character and well-being than those early years. And no one is better equipped to teach, love and train them than a mother.

Barring extreme and unfortunate circumstances, if we were a society with any sense at all, we would be insisting that the best situation is for little ones to be home, not instilling fear and guilt into parents over the possibility of “leaving them behind”.

I would challenge all you “older women” out there to be kind enough to speak to younger mothers about this. I mentioned in an earlier post that not one woman in my life said anything to me about leaving my 5-month old with someone else while I went to work. I so wish there had been one. That is the very essence of “teaching the younger women to love their husbands and children”. It’s not meddling; it’s obeying the word.

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Terry @ Breathing Grace August 19, 2008 - 11:50 am

“It’s not meddling; it’s obeying the word.”

So true…yet it IS treated as meddling. People don’t want to hear the truth. That’s why they heap to themselves teachers who will give their “itching ears” just the scratch it likes. I couldn’t agree with you more on this one.

As a matter of fact, today in my post I encouraged readers of my blog to read Obama’s early education plan for themselves. I even included the link because I have heard many Christians say that there’s more to being pro-life than just being anti-abortion and that they are giving Obama a second look. I find that alarming.

That we even have to debate whether or not young children are best served by being with their mothers or with child care “professionals” just shows how far we’ve fallen and how selfish we’ve become.

Brenda August 19, 2008 - 1:02 pm

I so agree. When I had my first daughter everyone asked, “when are you going back to work?” I so wished that everyone ASSUMED I would stay home instead of assuming I was going back to work. (I did–thought I had to back then) I so wanted to stay home and I longed for an era of time when women just did stay home and everyone thought they would. It really wasn’t all that long ago in history that all women raised their children. We’ve come a long way, baby! (sarcasm here)

Kim M. August 19, 2008 - 2:13 pm

Here’s an issue that I am seeing. I would definitely welcome godly teaching, but……
Not only are the older women not teaching, they are the ones who roll their eyes at their husbands and disrespect them, chide us for homeschooling, gossip, etc etc!

Sadly, we don’t have the greatest of examples. I know not all older women are like that (forgive me if you are an older reader and you are trying to be a godly example… bless you!).

May we in our generation rise up and CHANGE the tide!

Kim M. August 19, 2008 - 2:23 pm

I didn’t mean to sound disrespectful in my last comment… after I read it, it did come across that way.

My intention is to ask… how do you treat those situations???

Word Warrior August 19, 2008 - 3:05 pm

You’re right, Kim…we are living in a generation where teaching, godly women are few and far between…we must become those women.

Kathy, Jeff's Wife August 20, 2008 - 2:22 pm

I totally agree. And the older women just aren’t there.

BUT…we need to take courage, WE need to be those older women. There are a lot of young girls watching.

Now that my children are almost grown and I am feeling a bit empty, a bit sorry for myself. I am wondering what God has for me next. I think He wants me to continue to TEACH as I was go about every day…give words of encouragement, meals, just whatever, whenever.

I have my hand up high…I want to be that older woman. I want to be part of God’s work to build families, thus building churches, thus building nations! He has chosen to give me no more babies but that does not mean my work is done. Praise the Lord!!!


Kim M. August 20, 2008 - 2:37 pm

I think you are being that woman. I have visited your blog and see that you have a ministry doing just that. I wish we had a Kathy near my house that would offer classes like you do.

I want to be that woman too

Mrs. Lady Sofia August 20, 2008 - 10:27 pm

I wish that I could be a Titus 2 woman too, but I’m not even a mother yet (may never be), so I don’t know if I would be of much good to young women, too bad (frowns).

Mrs. R August 20, 2008 - 10:58 pm

Kelly said, “It’s not meddling; it’s obeying the word.”

How can I encourage young mothers without sounding judgmental about the decisions they may have already made?

The homeschooling families around me are dropping like flies. I feel guilty. I can’t help but think, “If I had encouraged them more would they be making this decision to stop homeschooling their children?”

Also, how can I be an encouragement to those women around me that think very differently than I do?

Monica August 21, 2008 - 12:03 am

Mrs Lady Sofia,
Be Encouraged!
Titus 2:5 “To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
Children aren’t a pre-requisite!
I can tell you as a young mother, many have been helpful and encouraging even while not having their own little ones. Sometimes even more so than ones that do have kids because they have time to help, and they may be further down a godly road than others.

Maybe the lack of godly older women for our generation is because they didn’t have examples either? I am blessed to live in an area where I have several godly examples, but I can tell you that many of them did not have those examples (in real life form) to teach them.

Monica August 21, 2008 - 12:11 am

Another note.
I have been talked to by “an older woman” which I felt was more meddling. I was able to handle it (Thanks to God alone!) with grace. So I can understand the concern of some here.
In my case it was during a miscarriage I was advised to “stop” having children, my body “obviously needs a break.” I was able to look past the fact that we disagree on this issue, to the message of concern that this person was trying to convey.
I’d say pray for the right words, and speak in love, then let God handle how they perceive it. It is only His gift to me that I was able, especially at that time, to look at it the way I did.

Kim M. August 21, 2008 - 11:33 am

“Maybe the lack of godly older women for our generation is because they didn’t have examples either?”
Monica, I think you are right. I look at the generation of my parents. A lot of the adults in my parent’s generation were raised by the WWII generation… who were frankly too busy to be parents. The men were fighting wars and the women were trying to take the place of the men who were gone.
A lot of men who came back from the wars came back and became alcoholics. And these were our parents’ parents.
So, I think a lot of it is generational. These women also were brought up during the hippy/feminism rebellion too. I think looking back at history can definitely help us understand and change the trend.
I guess being less critical of these women (speaking to myself here) and loving them….because they DON’T KNOW HOW to be good examples.

And then making changes in myself and becoming that woman who teaches.

Kim M. August 21, 2008 - 11:42 am

p.s. my mother was very strong and taught me so much…
even though she went through every bit of what I explained (on top of losing her own husband), Despite all of it I am learning -as an adult- that she taught me so many good things.

tami August 25, 2008 - 2:39 pm

my first thought was ” you are to be the one teaching them to share! you are the mother!!!”

it is unbelievable to me how many moms think they have no responsiibility towards teaching their children anything. i was told last week, after i said i would continue homeschooling after my baby was born, “but they will be behind in every thing then. besides- that’s what schools and churches are for!”
argh!! i “set her straight” as to how i felt about that statement!!!!

ROSA SANCHEZ May 18, 2012 - 2:16 pm

Hi There,
I always wanted to stay home with my daughters, but my husband wanted me working. I have worked outside the home for their entire upbringing and I have a bitterness about it. I feel that I have cheated them out of a better life. I live with a lot of regret about not being there for them. I love my daughters so much and have done my best, but find myself wishing I could have a do over. I’m 52 now and my oldest is 29 and youngest 17. My husband passed away 5 years ago, so I am still working. Going on 32 years. I thank the Lord for my job its a blessing, but I would have liked to be a stay at home, homeschooling mom, that are so abundant in the church I attend. There is a division in the church also. The stay at home moms and their kids are a close knit group all the rest outsiders. That is how I and my childrent always felt at church. So I searched out the moms I could relate to. Single moms and working moms.


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