“because they want to“, the rest of the title reads.
This article fascinated me simply because the conversation contained the same conventional points anti-feminists have been making for years (and getting scolded for) but yet they were made as if it were newly discovered information. And somehow, because these are self-acclaimed feminists who are choosing to leave a career, their decision seems to be more validated by the public.
This, of one woman who left her career as a financial adviser and “has no plans of returning”:
“Rather than a sacrifice, she feels it is a privilege to oversee ‘not just what they do, but what they believe, how they talk to other children, what kind of story we read together. That’s all dictated by me. Not by my nanny or my babysitter.'”
Even Anne-Marie Slaughter, still pushing for work-place programs so women “can have it all”, admits:
“…this new breed of women could be on to something. ‘Are there characteristics inherent in sex differences that make women more nurturing and men more assertive?’ she asks in Lean In. ‘Quite possibly.'”
I am greatly encouraged, whatever way it comes, that the obvious, natural pull to nurture one’s children is returning, even among the feminist-minded. God be praised and may the peace that these women speak of confirm their conclusion that home is worth their all.
“Family is what is important in life – not pushing papers at some crap job.”
Well, that’s one way to say it.
Read the rest of Rise of the Happy Housewife
59 comments
““…this new breed of women could be on to something. ‘Are there characteristics inherent in sex differences that make women more nurturing and men more assertive?’ she asks in Lean In. ‘Quite possibly.’””
Seriously? HELLO, CLUEBAT! Nice to meet ya! I wish the government would send me some money to “research” that for her.
Cindy,
“Cluebat”…LOL! You educate me.
HAHAHAHAHA LOVE IT ;-D
I read, through the links, the original article, and then a couple of the comments, and came across one that got to the heart of the matter for me. THe gist of it was that you are allowed to be (and enjoy being) a SAHM as long as you don’t attach any of it to ‘a greater being’ (God). I rejoice in the belief that following God’s Way is beneficial to anyone who does it – whether they are actually trying to please Him or not – because He made the world (and everything in it) to function a certain way. To me this means that using a tool the right way – whether you’re a child or an expert carpenter – will result in a better outcome than misusing the tool. I think America could be a better place in the future!
I also have to laugh because I feel like I’ve unknowingly been ‘cutting edge’ for the past 16 years – having made the same decision to ‘chuck my career out the window’ in order to raise my children! Go figure! 🙂
Smitti–I think you’re spot on.
“This new breed of women”. LOL. Yes, I’m with you that whatever is calling them home is great. But it’s funny (well, sad) that as long as its not *authority* (God’s Word) that’s calling them home and it’s their own choice, then it’s fine. That rebellion is still there, and sadly, when the hard or messy days of motherhood come, their “choice” may not be enough to keep them there. The root issue still exists. (I’m stating the obvious, I guess.)
Absolutely wonderful! I am with you, who cares how the changes come as long as they do! I had to share on FB, hope you don’t mind.
I guess we could see this coming. I know lots of working moms. I don’t know any happy ones. Too bad it took over 60 years of slavery to the job force for women to figure it out. (Hmmmm…work all day + work all night = liberation?) But yes, Bambi is right. Without a higher vision for building a healthy home life, one rooted in something bigger than ourselves (like our Creator maybe?), this new “movement” will fizzle out, and they’ll be back in the streets looking for something new.
Interesting article! I am not surprised to see that many of these moms see that they actually want to raise their own children and run their own households. Yes..we do all need the Lord also but you never know about the mom you might run into at a playground or activity that you will be able to share the Great News of Jesus with!!
Now if Christian moms could figure this out…It might transform families!!
I remember reading this article, and as with similar articles, I find it interesting that so many women feel the need to do mental somersaults to justify the pull homeward. I find it heartening that more actually want to raise their children, and tend to their homes/families but as others have mentioned, it’s sad that God is still kept out of it for so many. I know many of the women in my church have been praying that as more people seem interested in building a vibrant home life, they will come to realize that it just isn’t possible without God.
Did Captain Obvious write that column? I am glad it is becoming “acceptable” now. I always knew I was trndy in my mom pony, jean skort and tank top. 😉
Keri’s idea of sharing Christ is great.
*trendy* I get to watch a baby now and forgot how to do things with one hand. 😀
I wonder if the reason it’s “wrong” to have pleasing the Lord at the center of staying home, means that intrinsically, there would be women who would have to face their rebellion…Just recently, it occurred to me that I have not, up to this point in my life, EVER lived “to the glory of God”…in a purposeful way…and spent my entire youth up through college living to please others…looking for that teacher to impress, that prof to please etc…when i entered motherhood, the rewards became more intangible and spiritual in nature and I had/have no taste for those rewards…and have battled discontent…more on my blog at http://www.homespunhappiness.blogspot.com
And I personally believe that college can be very detrimental in the sense that it creates a perpetual desire for constant change and stimulation…As a high school kid, I was so content to be alone in the house for hours…after 4 years of college, it was hard to adapt to quiet, alone times…in a way that is not good…
I was one of those career women who came home. It was blogs like yours that gave me the desire and confidence to make the switch from work to home. Keep waving the banner. Keepers at home can and do make a difference.
We all talk about God’s “Master Plan” and how we don’t know the why’s, how’s, when’s, etc about it. Maybe since women were complaining and trying to have it “their” way – God opened the door and let them get a college degree, career, etc and let us see what our country would turn out from changing from what He planned to letting us have our way in our lives? And maybe God allowed women to do these things so that people would see the change in how kids were raised and how they turned out, so that we would want to go back to how things are supposed to be in the Biblical sense?
I know that when my teens were young I felt like if I could be home until they went to school things would be fine. I grew up with a babysitting and 2 career parents, so I was doing it differently than I had it. But after going back to work I desired to be home with them. I wanted to get them off the school bus. I wanted to be able to keep them home in bed when they were sick without feeling guilty about calling off work. I had an entire department that I was responsible for and if they didn’t work then the rest of the company couldn’t function properly. I felt dissatisfied with everything when I was working and put it off to busting my rump to make a dollar and thought I needed to go back to college and get a degree to actually make a future for my family.
It was in quitting my job and going back to school that I was able to get pregnant & be put on bed rest so that I was able to carry to term. And every time I thought about going back to work I got pregnant again! LOL After child #5 was born I gave up the idea of going back to college and I already had the teens enrolled in an online public school that offered the flexibility so that I could teach them the extras I wanted without me having to worry about the curriculum. I *thought* I had the best of it all…then came baby #6.
At this point I was even frustrated with the online public school because in all honesty they still didn’t give me the freedom to do it how I wanted (putting God smack dab in the center of it all). And once I had baby #6 I knew that I was going to home school the little kids on my own. No public schools hanging on to them. No red tape to cut through for their ADD/ADHD/ODD/etc. I got to pick and choose what, where, when, how, and why for them. I got to pray to God and decide with His leading what needed to be done. FINALLY I FOUND FREEDOM!
So while I can’t argue with the reasons behind *why* these career mom’s are making this decision now…maybe they aren’t focused on God like they should be, that’s not my place to judge. All I know is that God IS in the driver’s seat and these women have made a monumental decision that IS going to change our country for the better! God still has His plan in place! God is still in charge! And one day we know that God WILL open up the door for this *new* breed of feminists that will lead right to Him!!!
Just keep praying for them. I had a lot of people praying for me and I see what happened. I hold so much faith in the power of prayer that I know that even though I don’t know these women that if we pray for them eventually one day we’ll be reading another article that talks about how these women are now home schooling their kids. And then we’ll read about God’s place in the home for them. The puzzle pieces will end up where they are supposed to be…we just need to pray and wait.
“God opened the door and let them get a college degree, career, etc and let us see what our country would turn out from changing from what He planned to letting us have our way in our lives?”
Having a college degree and a career are not negative things God allows to teach people a lesson of consequences. And don’t fool yourself; as long as these women are “any” breed of real feminist, self-centeredness will come before all else.
I NEVER said they are “negative things God allows to teach people a lesson of consequences”…I said that maybe since women wanted them contrary to His teachings that maybe He allowed that door to open so that we could learn from it.
Sorry but you sound way too bitter about this and I know that God doesn’t want you to be like that. How can God use you to bring people to Him being so bitter? God uses people all the time in ways we could never imagine. He is the one leading and we’re supposed to follow His lead. I am simply stating that it is possibly that God used this to bring us back into His fold. It may not be to YOUR liking…it may not be HOW you think it should be done. But thankfully God doesn’t work your way. He does it HIS WAY in HIS TIME and how HE WANTS.
I use to be one of “those” women. God used it to bring me back to Him. When I made the switch to leave my career it was to go back to school to get a better job. It opened a bunch of doors that led me to stay home and home school my kids from a Christian perspective. I use to be a feminist. I use to believe I could ‘have it all’. I use to be one of *them*….and thank God everyday that He led me back to Him. Thankfully He doesn’t judge others like you are.
But you don’t mind judging me, already marking me as a woman who’s generally bitter and can’t be used by God. I’ve seen this type of thing before, women leaving jobs for the same reason they leave marriages, they’re not “happy”, and enjoying being off work for largely the amount of fun and freedom with friends that they have. I’ll save your breath for you and tell you the same thing: don’t bother judging, because you don’t know me and your diagnosis is amusingly off.
“I said that maybe since women wanted them contrary to His teachings”
So what’s the difference between that and calling them negative actions? You chose one way and now you’ve chosen another, claiming that THIS one is now the way God wants for women in general. I’m happy to say that God doesn’t work your way either.
“But you don’t mind judging me, already marking me as a woman who’s generally bitter and can’t be used by God.”
Funny – I never said that. I said that you sound way too bitter “about this” and went on to say that I know that isn’t how God wants you to be. That’s all. I never made any statement as to your general state of mind. Simply referring to YOUR response in reference to what I had to say. I simply do NOT know how you can lead others to God if you are bitter towards them. You are too angry about the decisions they have made and as such it is hard to be used as an effective instrument for God if your outlook is so negative. Maybe you don’t care about leading *these* types of women to God…and that is your perspective…but when you are a SAHM that is also a Christian I would think that you would want to encourage these women to find Christ and thereby change their outlook, and ultimately how they raise their children. If not for people like Kelly, and women my mom/grandma went to church with I never would be where I am right now. These women went above and beyond to help me discover for myself that there was a better way than what I had been using in the past.
“I’ve seen this type of thing before, women leaving jobs for the same reason they leave marriages, they’re not “happy”, and enjoying being off work for largely the amount of fun and freedom with friends that they have.”
I think we can all safely say we’ve seen lots of things that can be like this. Just like we can watch someone give their life over to Christ, but never do away with their sinner habits. On the flip side of the coin – there are women that have made decisions like this that don’t go back to how things use to be. Just from your comments alone I can assume that you probably hold me to the same standards you are placing on these women. No I never encouraged other women to have abortions – but I did believe that personally I wouldn’t have one (although I didn’t reach this point until I was 20 yrs old) and felt like it’s their body/their choice.
“I’ll save your breath for you and tell you the same thing: don’t bother judging, because you don’t know me and your diagnosis is amusingly off.”
I NEVER judged you. I simply stated that what I read from YOUR response to the change from career to SAHM was judging them. I haven’t judged you. Quite the opposite…I am merely following Jesus’ teachings and was pointing out to you that while you could have a good standpoint to use to try to win women in those positions to actually find Christ. But it can’t be done with a bitter heart & if you feel bitterly towards these women then it makes it hard for God to use you to do this. Instead of seeing this as an opportunity you are lashing out at these women, not knowing their circumstances.
“‘I said that maybe since women wanted them contrary to His teachings’
So what’s the difference between that and calling them negative actions? You chose one way and now you’ve chosen another, claiming that THIS one is now the way God wants for women in general. I’m happy to say that God doesn’t work your way either.”
You were the one talking about negative – I said they were contrary to His teachings. The Bible teachings that women are suppose to be a helpmate to their husbands, and that we are supposed to be pillars to our home-life. And just what are YOU claiming is “my way”? Because honestly I have never had a ‘way’ – simply following the teachings I have read on women’s role in the household.
Personally, I felt VERY judged by your comments TO ME. I am not ashamed of who as I as it created who I am now. I was only 15 when I turned my back on God. I was raped IN the Church and couldn’t believe in a Heavenly Father that (in my opinion) allowed something like that IN HIS HOUSE. So I turned *from* Him instead of *to* Him. I turned to alcohol & drugs to numb that pain. I became an addict. I had an abortion. That I highly regret now, but I can’t change decisions I made when I was 18. Looking back I am able to see God was still with me while I was slowly destroying myself. I am able to see where God opened doors by using my own decisions to help me get back to where I was supposed to be. First by being dissatisfied in the workplace, then unable to continue college. But then using the pregnancy of my 1st child when I was 20 and still an alcoholic/drug addict and didn’t find out I was pregnant at 5 months and he could have had all kinds of health issues (both mentally & physically) that opened a door that led Christian women to reach out to me. Thankfully they weren’t judging me about my past, instead looking towards my future. They prayed for me and with me…even though I didn’t believe in God (and they knew that). They fought for & against me to get me back in God’s family. None of them acted like I didn’t have a chance in heck because of my past.
I never tried to make you feel that I was judging you. I simply pointed out what I had read in the Bible and what I discovered for myself in my walk – both with and without God in my life. What you have said hit VERY close to home, because in your statement I wasn’t worth it for Christian women to reach out to me because I would just turn around and go right back to how I use to be. And that makes me think of all the people Jesus helped/cured – how none of them claimed to be believers prior to His help and they had been shunned by their fellowmen. Sure many (if not most)did become believers/followers, but that doesn’t change the fact that they were not BEFORE Jesus came to them and healed them. “…faith of a child…” is where I am coming from – they are accepting of everybody, loving to everybody, and not judging motive behind why they do things. I feel like God had a hand in these women changing their minds from careers to SHAMs and that it is possible that these women taking the lead in doing this so publicly can be the catalyst for other women doing it. Opening up the door for those of us that are doing things in a Biblical sense can be instruments to leading these women to God. The fact that these women quite possibly will have a chance to locate blog’s like Kelly’s and others that can help, they will possibly take their children places that the rest of us frequent (especially with their mind totally focused on their home life)- and how it will give us a better opportunity to minister to them.
As in my original post – I
You judged my heart, on this or elsewhere, based on my words here. I judged those women’s attitudes based on their words, so we came close to doing the same thing. They speak as though they are superior, as though they NEED no help; this is what I rebuke. I would never think someone wasn’t worth helping, but this doesn’t stop me from being angered at hypocrites, fakers and prideful women claiming they know what’s best. I’m very sorry about your past.
Jennifer –
I judged NOTHING. I READ what you wrote and responded to that and ONLY that. Your WORDS sound bitter. I have to say that since I was one of *them* that I, too, once thought I was superior. That I didn’t need help. That I didn’t need God. I was doing it on my own, so to speak. Being angry at hypocrites is one thing…but to get so angry at God opening a door that we Christian SAHM’s CAN use to reach them just seems…wrong. Many, MANY people claim they know what’s best – far more than there are Christians living their lives for God. Heck, I know many Christians that do the “Sunday-Church-thing” only to live out the rest of their week as if it belonged to them & them alone. Thinking that dedicating ONE DAY A WEEK to God was all that was required of them. Are they not worth it? They are hypocrits. They are fakers. They are prideful.
These are the types of people God has called us to reach. We already know that reaching people for God is not an easy task. Nobody claimed it would be. But it is still something we are called to do.
Honestly, I didn’t tell you about my past for you to feel bad for me. I told you simply so that you can see that these women do have value to God and He still wants them in His fold – regardless of what they did or thought in the past. In fact it is these types of people that we are called upon to befriend and teach. That was all I was trying to say. “Iron sharping iron” as Kelly puts it.
“I READ what you wrote and responded to that and ONLY that”
Which is exactly what I did with those women.
Your comments, again, that I somehow think these women are not wanted by God or shouldn’t be reached miss the mark of what I’ve been saying.
Honestly, this does nothing but tick me off. These women push abortion, free sex, tax-paid birth control and nursery care on us for decades, wrecking lives in the process, then pretend THEY made the super discovery that women are happy at home. Self-congratulating, inward-bound idiots! Urghh. I’ve been feeling awful today, but this would have ticked me off in any case.
“…this new breed of women could be on to something. ‘Are there characteristics inherent in sex differences that make women more nurturing and men more assertive?’ she asks in Lean In. ‘Quite possibly.’”
Now that’s just cute. Women are plenty assertive, that has nothing remotely to do with having a job. Now they’re backpedaling THAT far, and pretending that severe level of comparison between male and female is also new? Now jobs are “crappy” and familial importance has just been discovered. I know I’m gobsmacked.
Sorry for the sharp frustration.
Ouch! I guess as a Feminist who is engaged, out of college, and still doesn’t have kids, my exploration of meaningful work in the world and my mutual openness to parenting at home in the future just makes me a self-congratulating, inward-bound idiot. Where is the grace for women who are just trying to figure these things out each step of the way? Your words are directed at real people, not just ideas. I’ve always thought it was more important to prove your were kind than that you were “right.” Dear Jennifer, you seem more interested in proving the latter.
Dear Colorado Girl, this is indeed about more than ideas, it’s about real children and real people influenced by foolishness. Don’t put words in my mouth; I said nothing about going to college, working or not having kids making one an inward-bound idiot. Perhaps you should read more closely.
Don’t misunderstand me, I’m happy that women are leaving careers for kids when they’re neglected; but women have been doing THAT for decades, and what angers me is how these women in the article act like it’s a big discovery and they’re the first to make it, the ones deserving some kind of credit for it. If they’re surprised that there are differences between men and women, they’ve shut themselves off from everyday relaity for so long I’m amazed they know the difference between their own male and female children. But in all likeliness, they did know the truth, lived in denial for their own agendas, then in typical fashion acted as though they never made a mistake and should be uplifted for their actions.
It won’t last. Those women (and generations of “feminists”) didn’t join the workforce merely to prove their equality with men. Self-righteousness simply isn’t enough motivation to maintain the effort required to deny emotional instincts pushing papers in a boring job for years on end. Women joined the workforce because pushing papers in a boring job was more interesting that sitting at home alone all day doing nothing. And it still is. The millenia before women joined the workforce, they were busy at home – growing and making food, making cloth and clothes, cleaning everything by hand, helping in the fields, you name it. Most things involved in a standard of living had to be created by hand. And of course the kids were around a LOT more too.
The instincts to nurture haven’t changed, but are the opportunities to nurture still there? There just isn’t a lot of nurturing activity in vacuuming the carpet, microwaving a frozen dinner and watching soap operas till the bus shows up. Consumerism (shopping, organizing constant streams of purchases) can compensate a bit but at the end of the day I think these women will walk away from their experiments saying “See? This stay-at-home mom business isn’t fulfilling. We were frustrated and unhappy. Told you.”
God created man to work. And a woman’s work might ought to be in the home, but in a lot of cases there isn’t any there.
The difference is with the women these feminists are looking toward, (whether they’ll admit it or not) I think is likely the homeschooling crowd, that finds real work at home in pouring themselves daily into the constant details of lives of their children. Of course not all homeschoolers are Christian, but when you add the higher calling to the work, it is indeed work to be envied.
The question is, can it be found?
NOBODY is immune to being self centered & self serving at times. NOBODY is perfect….except Jesus. We ALL screw up. We ALL make mistakes. It isn’t up to *us* to judge others in ANY sense. Praise God that these women are making the leap from careers to home. Then PRAY that God continues to use this change in their lives to make the ultimate change and become believers!
I’m talking about an entire way of life, Erica. These women have in all likeliness pushed abortion, convinced women to get them and possibly use their bodies loosely, and now they’re sitting happy at home pretending their paths were never even a little off? That they deserve exoneration? THAT is what angers me; saying nobody’s perfect defeats the point incredibly.
How are we to know what these women have done in the past? What issues they have supported? What they have encouraged in other women?
I didn’t read ANYTHING in the article to imply, or otherwise state, that these women have done any of those things in the past…nor that they feel they need to be exonerated for anything…
You, nor I for that matter, know what is in these women’s hearts or minds. In fact the ONLY comments that I found which totally were directed towards the Biblical aspect was IN THE COMMENTS, not the article itself. Feel free to point out any that you feel I may have missed.
Saying nobody is perfect does NOT defeat that point. It is clearly a statement that we are all sinners and maybe you have the benefit of being raised a Christian & you never strayed from it…but so many of us have.
“How are we to know what these women have done in the past? What issues they have supported? What they have encouraged in other women?”
By reading the beliefs of feminism. I’ve read them backwards, forwards, and inside out, beginning from the time I thought I was one to the time I turned my back on it in horror; the basics are ALWAYS the same, and if these women in their self-congratulatory fashion are calling themselves the carriers of this “new” breed of thinking, you can bet they’ve supported any number of the typical self-involved feminist politics.
Jennifer,
I just have to say, having known you for so long, as you’ve been a faithful reader/commenter of this blog, and having remembered you calling yourself a feminist, it is so encouraging to me to see you NOT want to be identified as one anymore!
Yup, I shed that title more than a year ago, and more than ever don’t want to be compared with one. At worst, the label denotes hatred, male intolerance, or just general ignorance; at best it’s a royal headache, because you then have to offer an exhaustive explanation of how you’re not one of THOSE types of feminist. And thanks to these women, the term is more convoluted than ever.
Unfortunately I can’t bet on anything…and won’t. Many women are thinking they are feminists simply because they were raised in a house where it is encouraged that they be career driven – and have a family. And since the feminist movement was the beginning of encouraging women to enter the workforce they could quite possibly be self proclaimed feminists simply because they chose to have a career and raise a family at the same time. Not too many women I know that claim to be feminists even know what exactly the word stands for, or what all it entails. They just latch onto the title because that is what they *think* they are since they are working AND raising kids. It doesn’t mean that they go to the extremes you have read about. In fact none of us can make a clear opinion of what they have done in the past – the article never states any of their philosophies or beliefs, simply that they had career and have chosen to let go of those careers in order to be a SAHM. It isn’t “ALWAYS” the same…I know of lots of women claiming to be feminists that do NOT support abortion and do not put themselves first in what they do, but still put their families first and encourage other women to do what they feel is best for their situation.
Regardless of if the call this a new wave of thinking for feminists…I still see this as a huge opportunity for us SAHM Christian’s to use this as an opportunity to reach them for God. AND maybe other women will read this and realize that all these years they were trying to ‘have it all’ and feeling guilty about choices they have made, only to decide that they were wrong and since other women are heading that direction that it is ok for them to do the same. The first step isn’t always to become a Christian first and then have the rest of the pieces fall into place. Many times steps are taken that are in the right direction and yet we are still clueless about why. It isn’t until later and we are looking back that we realize that we were on a path that we weren’t even aware we were on…one that led us to finding Christ on the cross and opened our hearts to making a decision to let Him into our hearts. And it is only in looking back that we can see God at work in our lives all the time we were undergoing these changes.
These women’s attitudes, and the fact that they call themselves NEW feminists, shows the extremes they used to support-don’t you see this? Feminists claim that they believe in choice, so why is it that now that they’re making a choice OTHER than career, they’re “new” feminists? They knew darn well that feminism supports career as “choice”, and not homemaking. That’s why they have to describe this as a NEW breed of feminism: they never believed in the choice they’re making as legitimate before. Until it worked out as best for them.
Jennifer,
I have to say I have spent some time thinking about this discussion. Feminists began the woman’s ability to work outside of the home. Right? Coming from that stand then for them to be called “new” feminists means that they believe women still have a choice. BUT instead of demonizing the women that want to be home they are now beginning to embrace it. They are truly for the freedom of CHOICE.
Regardless of all the particulars of this situation I am still pleased that as mothers they have made the choice to stay home and raise their children. I still see this as an opportunity for a change in our society in a positive light. God will continue to use situations of people’s makings to glorify Him. These women may not be Christians right now…but who are we to question God’s ability? We don’t know what God has in store for these women – let alone for ourselves – and I, myself, believe this is a perfect opportunity for us SAHM that are Christians to evangelize to them through whatever door God opens.
I see what each one of you is saying. I understand Jennifer’s anger and I think it stems (and again this is obviously just my opinion) from that women who stay at home because of a conviction of the Lord and maybe sometimes want a little freedom but choose to be a living sacrifice instead are still being “poo-pooed” and the women who have chosen to be lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God are being praised. In a human sense that’s frustrating, but we are called to love even our enemies; while at the same time hating what He hates and loving what He loves. No Erica no one is perfect (except Jesus)as you pointed out but we are expected in some instances to judge holy judgement, how will we then judge the world, if we cannot judge smaller matters (sorry bad paraphrase…placenta brain ;-D.) We are to be iron-sharpening-iron in a loving our brother way (without hypocrisy) and this is a hard thing to do; especially over the internet. We make judgements all the time that we do not want to follow the foolish decisions of others. It’s just in helping each other we need to be delicate AND also not easily offended (I in particular find this incredibly difficult…just ask my husband…and I am by no means an expert, so I’m not judging you women on this matter as I’m in no place to do so {{{{HUGS}}}} (me attempting to be delicate even though I don’t mean to be judging and I hope you understand me.) My husband has occasionally decried that I’m too harsh about women in the work-force. I wish most women stayed home (especially mothers) and that the church would help them develop home based businesses if they don’t have husbands who are safe enough to live with but that’s how the church should be at least. Anyway sorry about the ramble and I guess I should actually read the original link (I’ve never commented without doing so before :-(.)
Hayley-
I am all for the “iron sharpening the iron” my worry is that as Christians we judge non-Christians by holding them up to the same standard that we are expected to live by. If you talk to a non-believer based on what is right (or wrong) in a Christian perspective then you instantly shut them down. They simply can’t be held accountable to the same standards that we should be holding each other accountable from. By loving our neighbor – we need to love enough to lead them to Christ and let Christ convict them of their sinful nature, not shut them down by first complaining about what they are doing wrong according to God’s Word. Then after accepting Christ and becoming a Christian we are then to lead by example and teach from the Bible on what is and isn’t expected from them. I guess that’s the point I have been trying to make. God opens doors – people walk through them – but if there isn’t a Christian that can lead them to the altar then it is for naught. Being angry about how they get there is counter productive. Accepting that there is a possibility (an even greater possibility with SAHMs) to reach them regardless of where they came from is accepting the door God opened without finding fault for how that door got opened.
As long as they’re operating by selfish motives and refusing to do anything but take credit for humility they don’t have, the door has NOT been opened.
I don’t have anything riveting to add to the conversation right now, but it sure has been fun and thought-provoking reading your comments. I haven’t been as available to respond lately, rebuilding a house and all :-), well, feeding the people who are rebuilding. But I’m here and I enjoy you being here too!
I imagine that’s a lot of work in itself! How is the rebuilding going? Hope all is going well for you all!
It’s going really well, Amy, thanks! Today we should get the roof on, thanks to a great group of volunteer friends who came down for 2 days (we begged to pay them and they wouldn’t hear of it!)
God has blessed us beyond belief, providing enough money through insurance to not only make the repairs but finish our downstairs (where all the kids’ bedrooms are), something we didn’t know when and how would come about. We are once again, overwhelmed and humbled at His working out of all the things we couldn’t see!
You’re not judgemental at all Hayley. In fact, your words are the hug I need 🙂 Thanks and back at you!
Thanks Jennifer I needed that too 🙂
As a young single woman I can wholeheartedly agree with this article. I’m not married and don’t have children, but I would choose marriage, motherhood and homemaking over a career any day! Thanks for sharing this article. It’s encouraging to see more women in their 20’s and 30’s doing things differently than what’s been taught them by feminism for the last 50 years or so.
AS my husband would say, “Thank you Captian Obvious!” I’m glad these faminist are coming around, but it is frustrating that they are essentially taking credit for some brilliant idea that was never their’s. In fact it was an idea they tried to disprove and discredit for years….oh well. God does work in mystrerious ways.
I have seen a few articles and news clips like this lately.
Have you read “Radical Homemakers” by Shannon Hayes? I think you would find it fascinating. It’s a case for the return of homemakers and home-centric/family-centered lives for both women and men. And written by a feminist.
Wow. Am I missing something here? I read an article about women choosing to mother their own children and care for their homes–something which I think we can all agree is a good thing–and the response is that they are terrible and rebellious because they aren’t doing it for the best reasons or the same reasons that we did? So what! How can it be bad for them to embrace their womanhood this way? How can it be bad for them to be exposed to women (due to a different, shared type of schedule) who choose to honor someone outside themselves who they might never have encountered otherwise and with whom, for the first time perhaps, they have something in common? Good grief, ladies! Cheer and welcome them and encourage them when things get harder for them (as they do sometimes for all of us)! Do we shun the not-yet-believing person who comes to church for their past sins for which they are seeking an alternative, prideful or not? So what if we aren’t getting the recognition that this has always been an honorable way of life. If we ever did it for any recognition other than God’s then it is for us to repent of that.
Thank you for this…it is the point I have been trying to make!
“So what! How can it be bad for them to embrace their womanhood this way?”
Their womanhood is the same as before: I’m doing what’s best for me, I did this awesome thing. There’s a woman called Darla Shine who chose to stay at home; she now enjoys insulting other women, shopping with her friends, calling herself cool and sexy, and putting down men for behaving unhappily when they’re ignored or not given what they needed. Still think her new lifestyle’s a good thing? Seems to me that raising her kids is not the core of her choice or attention; more time for herself instead of a crappy job is. These women are expecting praise for their self-named “new way of thinking”, and they’ll get none from me with that attitude.
So you know this woman who chose to quit work and is a jerk about it and that makes you mad. It makes me wonder what kind of person she was while she was working! Probably not so different than she is now.
But you’re applying your frustration with her far too broadly to women who you don’t yet know, whose motives are, speaking charitably at least, far more complex than they (and realistically we) may fully understand, and are at the base of the learning curve when it comes to this whole SAH parenting thing. It is so normal for these women both to speak positively of the change in their lives (have you ever listened to a new convert to anything?) and also to look for validation from others, especially since they are coming out of environments where performance feedback is nearly constant. How does it hurt us to offer reassurance that what they are choosing to do is indeed valuable and, if necessary, demonstrate a deeper immersion in that life? It hurts our pride and self-righteousness about our own choices maybe, but most of us could very well sacrifice some of that.
Baggage associated with the term feminism aside, it makes sense that they are appropriating the term and attempting to update it as well. They want to retain the sense of women’s value that the term feminism shows to the wider world but also apply that value to the traditional work of women. Maybe that is sort of grating to our ears, but let’s work with them where they are. It’s just realistic and kind to accept that there are women who need this kind of boost to think of their lives differently than everything that they have been taught. Think of it as a starting point for growth if nothing else. Of course, it is a new way of thinking for them! Why should we expect that it isn’t? It goes against the grain of everything that they were taught about how women are supposed to find identity and value. They weren’t fortunate enough to grow up in an culture where being home was something that anyone did and, in some cases, was a lifestyle that was actively ridiculed. How can we expect a new convert to anything to do it all the right way for the right reasons?
I don’t know what your local culture is like. I live in a very liberal city where childlessness is rampant and women who care for their own children rather than pursuing their own lives are rather looked down upon. I won’t weary you by repeating all the things that were said to me when I announced that I would not be returning to work after my first child was born. As I and my cohort are in our prime childbearing years, I am surrounded by women having babies and struggling with this decision. Almost all of them 1. don’t know how to find their own value at home rather than at work, 2. don’t know how to run a household and parent well (how could they? who trained them? these are second or third generation working women!), and 3. go through a very difficult and awkward transition to being at home, sometimes resulting in fairly severe depression or giving up and a return to work. And, by and large, these are professing CHRISTIAN women! If they have been affected by the prevailing culture to this extent, I would expect even less from those who haven’t heard that there is Someone to live for outside of themselves. Will some women not take advantage of the opportunities afforded them by staying home? Of course, but some will and since you don’t know who that is or might be someday, then it hurts nothing but our pride to give them the benefit of the doubt. Even your acquaintance who, by your analysis, is wasting her opportunities may come around some day.
I’ll repeat what I said before. Did you expect recognition and praise for what you do from the world? If we are peeved that these women are seeking or getting the recognition that we feel we deserve for having made this choice all along, then we need to re-examine our priorities. If not, then thank God that his commendation is enough for you and be gracious to those for whom that is not yet the case.
Thanks for understanding my point. I certainly do not know Darla Shine, she’s an author.
“If we are peeved that these women are seeking or getting the recognition that we feel we deserve for having made this choice all along, then we need to re-examine our priorities”
Mm no, that’s the thing, we DON’T expect the world to exonerate us; we’re doing what is NATURAL. These women expect praise no matter what they do, which is the feminist attitude: drop everything and seek a world-trip? Follow your dreams! Have a one-night stand? Go girl! Get an abortion? Yay choice! Of course it would tick me off to no end to see these foolish women get praise for something women do ALL the time, but there’s also the fact that they act like it’s NEW, and like they discovered it. Their attitude is as stupid as the pretense to have just discovered fire would be, for pete’s sake. This is NOT about a desire from me to get praise myself, or hold things against non-believers, or fuss about God’s methods, of all things, as different people here have accused me of. I have zero patience for four things: injustice, empty prideful boasting, downright stupidity and lack of humility/remorse/acknowledgement of the truth. At least three are shown here.
I am not saying I’ll be angry about this forever, or that I don’t wish these women well in the long run, or think them unworthy of reaching; I simply resent the blatant lack of humility and present foolishness I see here! So would the people on this board PLEASE just let me make my freaking point, vent my justified frustration and leave it at that.
LOL! I’m hearing you, Jennifer.
Thank you 🙂
Amen, Jennifer!
Thanks!
“…this new breed of women could be on to something. ‘Are there characteristics inherent in sex differences that make women more nurturing and men more assertive?’ she asks in Lean In. ‘Quite possibly.’”
Ha! As if they have just discovered the inherent sex differences and want to clue the rest of us in. A new breed of women? You mean more enlightened than the “old breed”? This is like feminism wrapped up in a different package. There is no humility in that comment.
Good to see women coming home to raise their children, but they still want the kudos for their “accomplishment”.
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