My Natural Childbirth Experience

just wanted to let you know that my natural childbirth experience was very similar. I remember the shock and pain I felt with each push and then the trauma of trying to process after, thinking did i actually go through that? The shock wears off but you dont forget the pain – just being honest. In fact my first was natural and she is 19, my second is 8 and I had an epidural with him. I was really afraid to go through it again. Although hubby and I have been talking about maybe another. But who knows until the time comes. Anyway, just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Enjoy your new angel and congratulations.

What a story – I don’t know why but it just made me cry. That baby is beautiful.

Kelly–
I’ve had two epidurals and 1 natural birth. It isn’t a contest to see who can be the bravest or strongest. Every birth and every woman is different. I honestly loved my natural birth, but he was also born 50 minutes after I got to the hospital with no complications like yours. Good for you for trying, but don’t beat yourself up over it not being what you expected. Congratulations on a beautiful baby that would be the same baby no matter what birth experience you had! As far as brave, having 8 children is pretty far up there in my opinion! 🙂

Thanks for posting this Kelly. I really don’t feel so weird now for being so scared. I have done this 5 times. I cried a few times waiting on the last baby just thinking about doing it all again.

I am crying now as I read your post. I DO feel the elation afterward. Thankful for that. But I SOOOO remember all the burning of that last pushing session…(all my pushing sessions have been short BTW) and I am more terrified to do it every time.

What can I say?

I’m sure the cord had a lot to do with the length of your labor.

I am so impressed with you though. I can’t believe u stuck with it through all of that. By the time u get to the pushing it’s too late though. LOL I am always wishing I had gotten drugs when I could have. Then, I am always glad I didn’t. I guess that’s why I don’t.

I did mostly natural with my first (the first 12 hours and the pushing). I had a similar experience and it terrified me. I too was “looking forward to” the pushing and when it came I literally said “I quit!”. The nurse made the mistake of telling me to stop making noise, that I was wasting my energy… still makes me mad thinking about it :0) I had an epidural with my son when I got to about 6 cm and it was a great experience. Once I got the epidural my womanly area was able to relax and I went to a 10 in about an hour. Every labor is different, this I understand but I can tell you that the one with “intervention” made me feel much less dread for the next labor :0) Sometimes I wonder if people (not all, but some) don’t get drugs just for bragging rights. I will always be open to going natural as long as I feel I can “stay on top of the pain” but I am not going to exhaust myself like the first time just to say “I did it!”. So glad your new little love is here. That’s what matters :0)

Oh Kelly, please don’t feel bad about your experience at all!!!! God said he would greatly increase woman’s pain in child bearing and you have found it to be true. 🙂 No suprise there!
She is BEYOND GORGEOUS and just seeing that picture makes me want another one so badly. You did great. God brought you through.

Now….enjoy! And wait for the amnesia. 🙂

I’m a lurker coming forward to say CONGRATS! and to comment on the natural birth thing. I had my first with an epidural and hated it. I felt disconnected from the experience. I’ve had my last 6 babies unmedicated, the last 4 at home. And frankly, I’m done with the drug-free birth thing. The first “natural” birth was great, but all the rest have been more and more painful and difficult…especially my 11 lb posterior son…so if the Lord chooses to bless us again, it’s a hospital and epidural for me.
Your daughter is beautiful. Just darling. 🙂

Just wanted to let you know that I also screamed “get it out!!!” repeatedly with my first natural delivery and when my baby was placed on my chest I didn’t want to hold her because I was still in such shock with the whole event. I must have forgot because with the next birth I decided to have a homebirth and I tried to convince my midwife to pull the baby out so I didn’t have to push any more :)My mother also had to leave because she couldn’t watch me in such pain. Thank you for being honest with your story. Childbirth IS painful, but there’s nothing like feeling that new life come into the world.

I’ve had two natural births. I’ve never been in it for the spiritual side of it, or for the “gold star” or anything – I’ve only done it because I believe it’s the best thing for my babies.

My first – I pushed for 3 hours and 20 minutes after about 14 hours of labor. I slept between contractions toward the end, but I seriously think, more than a few times, I didn’t sleep but passed out instead. While in labor, the phone kept ringing in our room (it wasn’t for us), and I got really frustrated… at one point yelling, “Will someone please turn off the ringer on that d*** phone!” which shocked my (pastor) husband and Christian doctor (and me, after the fact). When he was born and cried, I seriously thought it was some other machine beeping and was about to lose my mind… until my doctor said that was my son – on my chest – crying… and it was okay to touch him.

My daughter’s birth was much faster – shorter labor and 3 pushes – but SO MUCH more painful! When my doctor went to break my water when I was complete, the nurse stopped her because my birth plan said not to. I said, “At this point, if it will speed things up, do it. GET IT OUT OF ME!!!!” I’m thankful that, with her birth, I did recover very quickly and experienced the euphoria – even asking to take a shower 30 minutes after she was born (they made me wait an hour).

So, I’m sorry that no one told you honest stories. But your story is actually pretty much on par with the natural birth stories that I’ve heard (and experienced personally). I’m thankful that you and your beautiful daughter came through it well.

(And, honestly, you do forget the pain after awhile. Otherwise, there would be a world full of only child families =) )

And a quick P.S. about the cord around the neck possibly slowing down your labor. I don’t have a clue if that could have caused it or not, but our 4 year old was my fastest,easiest delivery (6 hours from start to finish) and she had the cord wrapped pretty tightly around her neck three times. So just the opposite of what you experienced! Hard to know what causes what sometimes. 🙂

I’m sorry that you feel a little in shock and let down. You did a brave thing, and you have a beautiful, healthy baby, which is all that really matters.

The fact is that some women have easier, less painful births than others. It’s very hard – no, impossible – to judge what things will be like in your birth based on the experiences of others. I have a friend that says she had only about five minutes of what she would call pain during her three natural births, and that was during the pushing out part. That’s it! I have done it naturally with all four of mine, because where I live in Japan there just isn’t any other choice. To be honest, each one was painful and slightly shocking. Every time I had that unable to focus, out of control, can’t hear what anyone is saying feeling near the very end. My second was a lot worse than the first because he was posterior, and when I was pregnant with the next two I dealt a lot with fear of labor.

In spite of all that, I would love to have another! I lost our fifth baby last October 5th, and now I feel like the memories of the labors are nothing in comparison to the pain of losing that little one. I’d do it all over in a second! Just remember that you are not a failure in any way, and you still won’t be if you decide to do things differently with number nine ;o). Blessings to you and your precious baby!

Oh, I’m sorry it was hard! Don’t feel guilty at ALL, Kelly. You were SO brave and your experience with natural childbirth was one more than I’ll ever have!

You’re not alone; I may not know much about birthing, but one thing I DO know is that it’s different for everyone. My cousin opted for natural childbirth with her first baby and did fine. My good friend opted for natural birth too and tried it for almost an entire day before she was finally forced to give up, exhausted, and accept intervention. And Beth Moore did natural birthing with HER first baby, bravely carried it all the way through, and hated it so much that by the time her second pregnancy rolled around, she actually waltzed into the hospital with a T-shirt that said “Just say yes to drugs”! I hope these comments give you a smile 🙂

Blessings to you and your family.
Baby is beautiful.
You haven’t let anyone down.
You are alive and birthed a healthy baby.
Think on the good things.
Your hormones are still active and can cause tears.
Allow yourself time to rest.
God bless,
~D~

Your daughter is beautiful. Don’t feel badly.I was chuckling while reading your story, not at you but at the memory of my birthing experiences.My first happened so fast I had no time for the epidural I fully planned on having.I was totally not prepared and never knew I could know such pain. My second was with epidural and so seemed easy.Third had a c-section because she was breach.Our forth was natural and again I thought I was not going to survive the pain.It was excruciating.We have had 3 more babies naturally and even though they are not pain free they have all been very different and I find that reading a lot about natural birthing before the time seems to help me mentally somewhat.I take my worries about it the God often. I have learnt to work through the pain better I think and have found that satisfying and to see that sweet face at the end always brings me a big sigh of release saying “it is done”. I don’t think I will ever go back to using pain meds during labor and delivery, but I always feel a little anxious toward the end of my pregnancies remembering each delivery and wondering what the next one will be like.
You did well and now you can love and enjoy your new precious bundle.

Hi Kelly,
I just found your blog and it is a blessing to read about your birth. Last summer I had a natural childbirth and I will not choose to go through it again if the Lord blesses us with more children. The pushing and delivery were far worse than the contractions. After my baby was delivered the aftermath was even worse! I did have to have pain meds following delivery. My placenta was retained and I started bleeding excessively. The process of pulling the placenta out was excruciating beyond words!!!!! It would not have felt nearly this bad if I would have had an epidural. My midwife did say that women who have multiple natural births don’t have births as difficult as mine. I have a very high pain tolerance but the experience was far worse than anything I have ever experienced. God has always spoken to me in a symbolic/ prophetic way about each of my birth experiences. I pray He will continue to give You His revelation and Word about this birthing experience.

I do wonder, Mrs Kelly, if it has to do with the environment. I might just be strange (lol) but I have never thought of a hospital birth as a “natural” birth with or without medication, which is why personally I’ve had home births. I don’t think it’s natural to be constantly bugged to take meds, to be told not to eat (I always eat in labour and it helps my strength to be renewed), to constantly be “checked” for dilation, to have an IV, etc. So I wonder if the environment in which you gave birth contributed to the negative experience.

I don’t tell women that it doesn’t hurt…because it does…particularly my last one which I still haven’t forgotten…he was posterior and that HURT!!! But I do think it was worth it. I’m sorry you didn’t have a good experience, but let me tell you, the pain, for me, IS definitely part of it. I know of some women who honestly say they felt no real pain, and I guess I believe them, but that’s not been my experience either.

The important thing is to not beat yourself up about the pain or anything else, as you now have a beautiful daughter. In my opinion, natural home birth is the only way to go unless there is an emergency, but, every woman has a choice and she has the right to make that choice how she sees fit. I actually feel sorry for the women whose husbands won’t let them have natural home births (like the husband is the one delivering the baby or something lol).

***

Wow. I can’t believe some of you ladies are saying that those of us who do natural births “aren’t honest” just because someone else could not handle it. We are being honest. My last one hurt like the dickens and was posterior and broke my tailbone and he was still worth it and I’m still glad I wasn’t at some hospital being put under pressure to do things we didn’t want. You other women can have medicated births if you want to, but do NOT accuse those of us who don’t as being “dishonest” just because YOU don’t want to do it.

Also, ladies, having a baby without an epidural does NOT make a woman “brave”! It is a natural and normal thing! God Himself said there would be pain in childbirth. I’ve had two unmedicated home births and planning another one, and I don’t think of myself as brave or special because of it.

Bless your heart; your birth story sounds terrifying!

I am so glad you made it through and have a BEAUTIFUL little healthy girl now. She is just perfect!

Kelly, I had the exact same experience just 4 weeks ago, giving birth naturally to #6 biologically, our 7th child. I sent you an email.

Laura

Mrs. W – it seems like you are always ready to give your opinion or prove your point – which is usually opposite to Kelly’s. That is fine, but there is a time and right now is NOT the time. I noticed you did not send a congratulations or anything to her, but were ready to “pounce” after you read her birth story and disagreed about natural childbirth. I beg you, for this short time, to leave her alone. Offer your congratulations and leave your opinion at the door. There is a time and a place to give your opinion, and after a woman has had a difficult experience that she is trying to work through, is definitely not the time. I ask you in love to please back off.

I appreciate your honesty and seriously someone needs to break the “pact”, if there is one. Women should be honest. I also think it is important to remember that just as every pregnancy is different, so is EVERY birth. Also, for some women it is more intense than for others. I have only had c-section deliveries, but we tried inducing with Pitocin with my first. I would have contractions that would peak off their little charts and last 6 minutes going non-stop and you could see my whole stomach contract and I never had pain. Six years later I went into labor with my 3rd child and the four hours of labor was enough to make me “get over” longing for a natural childbirth. I seriously think you could die from that pain! Really! I have a high pain tolerance, but OUCH! I believe God was serious in Genesis 3:16 when he said, “…I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thy shall bring forth children;…”. Sorrow is the term used!! Sorrow! Nowhere does it say “blissful joy” or “EMPOWERING”! Actually, if you read the rest of the verse it is the complete opposite of “empowering”. It says, “and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” Doesn’t that imply that it should in a sense makes us weaker and meeker rather than feel empowered? Hmmm… I am thinking about this as I share it with you. Some of these things I have never pondered. Thanks for sharing and making me think. I hope that verse of scripture can speak to you the way it did to me just now.

Kelly,
I just wanted to encourage you. Birth hurts, it just does. I am three weeks away from my fifth delivery, and my first birth (and first natural childbirth) was just horrific. I, like you, was fine until I started pushing, and then I went into total freak out mode. Two hours and several stitches later, I told my husband, “I don’t know how we are going to have a big family because I will NEVER do that again!!!!!” And I meant it! But, here I am expecting number five in three weeks. I didn’t completely forget that terrible experience, but I would say that the raw edges have been softened. It took me several months to get to the point where I was willing to even consider another baby. It’s okay to be unsure about natural childbirth, and it is okay to say you don’t ever want to do it again. You are in a very vulnerable post partum time right now. Extend some grace to yourself my dear. God still loves you dearly and deeply, and so do we! You have so many women who cherish you and are praying for you. Don’t feel the need to come to the right answer right now. Once those raw edges are softened a bit, you’ll be able to look back at this time differently. I’m still praying for you!
Ashley

Kelly:
I enjoy your writings so very much and just had to comment this time:)
When in certain groups to mention anything for being pro-pain relief or medicinal can be cause for discommunication.

My last lovely (number 5) came in 2 hours. 20 minutes after arriving in the hospital. My choice would have been pain free but…….
If someone really wants to know about what I experienced, I tell them honestly. I liken the end to a feeling (pressure and burnig) of an exsplosive device going off:) When I told one of my acquantances,she smiled and said “Yes, but you don’t want to scare anyone.”
I admire those who choose to do things in the most natural way and beleive home birht can be a wonderful experience. However, I am certianly glad to all options are available…unless there is a time frame:)

Just to chime in on “where you are”… do YOU think it is wrong to try to avoid pain that God intended us to have? I do not have an answer for that, but I know that God created herbs and medicines and gave man Dominion over the earth and I believe that God wants us to think and use our brains and make choices for our good. I think that with any gift God gives us there are “levels”. God may give you a gift for singing, but you are only going to get a blessing from it if you use it. If you use it once a year you will get a blessing from it once a year. If you use it weekly, you will get a weekly blessing. If you use it every five minutes, you will be getting constantly blessed. Bear with me here… I hope this makes sense.. My 4 births were all C-sections, so I have never experienced that possibly extreme deep connection of reaching a place that I can only breathe if I in perfect commune with God; however, I do believe I have had to rely on God fully to bring me through even birthing in a way that is so unnatural. I have received many blessings with each birth. Maybe I would receive more blessings if I went through labor. Maybe God would give me more blessings if I went through that labor med free… maybe…. maybe not. Would I reach a place that I could only rely fully on God and commune with Him only and He get me through? I may never know. You have been to this place, so the question for you is Did you commune more closely would God in this time? Did you receive an extra blessing from it? (Do not answer me. I am just trying to help you sort through it. It is certainly not my business.) I think God can bless you in all birthing situations…. maybe there are different levels of blessings you get and ways you rely on God. I think God is pleased with you (even if you do meds the next time). He knows your desires are to please Him. God gives us choices!!! Isn’t that beautiful?! Choices not condemnation!! Yippee!!

Kelly,
Congratulations on your beautiful daughter. I am so thrilled for you and your family. I just love her name. It is so pretty and feminine.
Thank you so much for being so honest about your experience. I have to admit, the idea of having children scares me, more because I just don’t believe everyone who says it’s no big deal, than because of the actual prospect of pain. Your honest story was enlightening. I’m still not sure if children are for me, but your honesty is certainly enlightening. Thanks so much for sharing. God Bless you and your family!

First, congratulations on a beautiful girl!! God sure is good 🙂 Sorry to hear your natural birth was not what you had hoped it would be like. I have had 3 natural births…I try to convince myself it is because I want to give the best to my children, but I think it is more from fear of the epidural needle!!!*smile* Natural birth is certainly not easy and there was a moment for each baby that I ‘lost’ it and started crying before refocusing. Now you can forget about the pain and enjoy your beautiful family. Congratulations to you all and praise the Lord!

Glad you told the truth Kelly. After my first I cried (hard) any time I thought about the process – for a year. With my second I did forget the pain fairly fast – at least I didn’t physically feel that pain when I thought about it – is that what people mean? No, I felt like I was living out a scene from a “Saw” type movie when I was pushing – and I had the blood bath to match both times. And forget euphoria. I’m so utterly winded and depleted from the pushing It’s all I can do to catch my breath – snuggling that baby is entirely too much to handle physically. How does that encourage bonding (another popular catch word)? Natural childbirth is entirely overrated. Not that I won’t do it again. Because I thing O.B.s are overrated too. Yeah, I’m conflicted. 🙂

Oh yeah, speaking of o.b.s: I’m just appalled that yours broke your water without asking or warning you! Shocking!

Mrs W. – “God designed us to give birth without medication”

Yeah, that was before the fall and the curse, remember?

God didn’t say we couldn’t try to stop the pain, any more than we aren’t to try to use special implements to ease our husband’s “sweat of (the) brow.” Be consistant. I believe in (progressive) dominion over all of life since Christ’s ascension, including pain and death (remember, having a baby isn’t nearly as lethal as it was a century ago).

“I certainly don’t go around thinking I am brave or telling people I am because I had natural home births”

No one said you did, Mrs. W. I was congratulating Kelly, the comment had no reference to you.

Mrs. W., I am begging you to just STOP! Just STOP!!!

I had a similar experience with my homebirth, Kelly, where transition and pushing was the hardest and most painful part, and I was dazed and upset when the baby first came out. After the adrenaline calmed down and I was able to nurse her, however, I felt that extreme relief and soaring feeling. Yes, it hurt, and there were parts of both of my births that were traumatic (first was a hospital/epidural), but I would do it all again. 🙂

Mrs. W –
“Lori, so I guess women don’t have to be submissive to their husbands then, either”

This is terrible. If you’d paid attention I’ve been quite the advocate of biblical wifely submission.

Mrs. W “Coz the curse is where that started.”
Uhhh, no.

“thy desire *shall be subject* to thine husband, and he shall rule over thee.” Gen 3:16 Geneva

The way this was taught to me, and I agree, is that the curse was that the wife would long for her husband’s authority. She was already *created* subject to her husband (before the fall), but she was not coveteous of that authority; it did not chafe her. Just like men were always created for work, it only became labor after the fall.

http://www.americanvision.org/article/work-the-forgotten-sermon-topic/

Lori, I know you are an advocate of wifely submission, which is why it bothers me that you take that half of the verse, but not the half about pain in childbirth being a necessary part that we should not tamper with. Isn’t that inconsistent?

I just wanted to encourage you. It sounds like you had a very hard time, and I can relate. I have 6 children. My oldest is adopted and my 5 others I carried. I had all of them naturally with the last 3 at home. That being said. All my births were very different. I had that out of control feeling while pushing with my first one. It was very hard. But my third child was wonderful. I can honestly say that up to 9cm. it was pain free. my 4th one I was in labor for 2 1/2 days when normally I only labor 4-7 hours! Then my last one I was just mentally having the hardest time. But God was faithful. All births are different. You never know what the next one will hold. But whatever disicion you make, it will be okay!!

Much love,
Cathy

Congrats, Kelly! Darling baby…love Hebrew names–given my Jewish heritage, I am partial to them.

As I’ve written you, privately, I have had ten kids–nine of them natural. Of course, my oldest is 32 (my youngest is 13), and that was the era when “natural” childbirth was in vogue. My third baby delivered himself–in the car on the way to the hospital.

However, I don’t agree that you remember the pain. I remember that I had pain, but my senses don’t allow for actually “feeling” the pain once I had given birth. In other words, when I think of a sour apple, my mouth actually reacts. When I think of the pain of childbirth, I am aware that it was present, but I don’t “feel” it. BTW, the afterbirth pains are killers.

Giving birth probably involves one of the most painful experiences through which a body can go, yet women who have given birth, go again, to give birth time after time. I would think that if you could actually “feel” the pain again, then NO ONE would give birth ever again.

Kelly, as I wrote you, I hated being pregnant, but I loved giving birth. I didn’t like the pain, but the “high” afterward was very cool. HOWEVER, I wore a perpetual grimace during my pregnancy, and I only wish that I looked like your picture–the one that you posted when you were out to here (imagine my hand about eight inches in front of my stomach). You definitely had a glow about you, while I had a glower–words that are close in spelling, but two letters sure makes a big difference!

Cathy

Madge – “…birth injuries that result from long labors attended by lay midwives in the developing world.”

I believe the article specifically refered to “untrained birth attendents.” Which is a far cry from what we would call a midwife here in the States. Or anywhere in the West. Perhaps that wasn’t your point, but I thought the distinction is an important one for those who didn’t read the article. 🙂

Dearest Kelly,

((hug))
Bless your heart!
((hug)) You have been that vessel that the LORD desired to bring that little babe into the world. YOU are the mother that the LORD chose for Ellia. I guarantee you, LORD willing, when you are there with her while she is giving birth to your grandbaby, you will not consider her anything but TERRIFIC even if she has to use medication or scream. When you share this with Ellia one day, she will be grateful that you loved her so much, no matter the course of delivery.
Oh Kelly, do not judge yourself against other women and their experiences. You know, I can’t truly relate to the natural birth experience, but I know what it feels like to be disappointed. Both of my children were delivered by c-section. I felt as if I did something wrong or failed. I finally realized through the LORD’s tender mercies that this c-section was only one event of being a Mom in that child’s life. Just like when someone gets married with a HUGE wedding—-they still have to get down to living after the hoopla. Marriage is so much more and so is mothering. You have a lot to offer this wonderful little blessing…

((hug)) We will continue to pray.
Rest well, dear e-friend.

Dear, dear Kelly,

I am sending you the hugest hug! I just had my fourth baby, at home, no medications or interventions of any sort. And while I wouldn’t change anything, it was not AT ALL what I was expecting. (I blogged about it here if you’re interested.) I was utterly in shock. I felt like a failure. After my first three unmedicated homebirths, I did feel the euphoria. I was totally excited and thrilled. But this time… I cried all through my labor, and I just wanted to curl up in the fetal position around my little baby and cry some more and then just go to sleep after she was born. We didn’t even take our usual “victory” pictures until the next day. Every birth is different. Even two births for the same mother can be RADICALLY different. We can learn all we can and try to mentally prepare, but in the end we never know how our next birth will be, ever.

Don’t feel that you let the natural birth community “down,” or that you aren’t part of the “club.” It’s not about that. It’s about making the choices that we believe will be the best for our babies and ourselves. And it’s about clinging to the Lord in every difficult circumstance.

Also, I just wanted to add a little note about the story of the doctor that Madge linked to above. It really is wonderful what he’s doing, and so badly needed, but it’s important to note that the “midwives” the article talks about who are botching up the births are “untrained.” This is very different from “lay midwives.” Lay midwives are often highly trained, but they do their learning as apprentices, rather than through a formal nursing program. I wouldn’t want anyone to look at that link and think that the lay midwives in this country are in the same category.

Dear Kelly,
I just wanted to congratulate you and your family on the birth of Ellia. She is so beautiful!
I love telling each of my children their birth stories. Of course, each was completely different, but they love hearing their own special unique story… I would say that the Lord was completely beside me during each of them. Just as Aslan says to Lucy, “Things never happen the same way twice, dear one” I have to agree.
My first born came out of my trembling, sweaty body after riding the terrifying waves of labor all night, with my kind husband holding my hand and pushing his hand into my lower back. I kept my eyes shut the entire time, completely focused on praying and breathing. I was at a hospital, my doctor was not on call, and the nurse was exactly the one I needed, an expert in natural childbirth. The Lord brought me through it and I held my first child close and cried tears of joy, and then asked for a big glass of orange juice.
My second born son, I anticipated the “spiritual” experience of natural childbirth again, but aaahh…our plans are just not always His plans. I was already 3cm dilated (the hospitals were too full for someone in early labor), and at home when Hurricane Katrina hit the gulf coast. We live 3 hours from the gulf coast, but alas -no power, no water, no phones, almost all roads inaccesible, hospitals already full of other evacuees, everything a mess. Officials anticipated at least 3 weeks until we had water at home. I seriously thought- okay, this is going to be a home birth with no assistance and no water, but my husband and I prayed and (yes, this sounds crazy) decided to evacuate to a city 8 hours away, where my parents live. We emptied the freezer, the fridge, fixed fence around 45 acres to keep the animals safe, and then my dear man used a chainsaw to clear the rural roads to get me and our 14 month old out of there. I felt like Mary on her way to Bethlehem. Traveling and in labor. When we got there we immediately went to the hospital. Contractions every three minutes, but 3cm. They sent me home to my mom’s. I could not sleep the contractions were so frequent and so hard. This went on for several days. They kept sending me home. I was so sleep deprived, I felt like I was going to die. I knew I was in labor and I knew something was wrong. We insisted on admission. They monitored the baby’s heart and after about 7 hours..4cm..slow..natural childbirth. They broke my water and I immediatly said I need to push. Yep..10cm. But the baby’s heartrate was dropping so fast that the doctor said “one push to get this baby out or emergency C-section) She shoved a vaccuum in me, I about came off the bed backwards and one scary, painful push. THe Lord brought me through it, I cried tears of joy and exhaustion and thankfulness, and then asked for a big milkshake. The baby was fine, but I had nightmares about it.
Our third birth, I was scared that if my water broke, the baby was immediately going to come out–whether I was at home, at church, wherever..My friends prayed for me. I went to my last Dr’s appt at 2:30 in the afternoon and told him I felt like I was in labor all day.He checked me and said, well, you are already 5 cm. I was so scared because of my 2nd birth that I got the epidural. She was born a couple hours later. The Lord brought me through it, I held my first baby girl close,cried tears of joy and wonder, and asked for a pizza.

I hope you enjoy these very special days with your new little one!

Hey Kelly: I figured I would respond to your question “if I planned to go natural” here since everyone else shared on this comment section. As you know, this is our fifth phamily member. The first 2 were induced in the hospital. The 3rd one was born naturally in the hospital after I arrived 20 minutes later. It was great to have the “natural” experience, but the pain was JUST awful. The reason I chose to go natural the 3rd time was because with the 1st, I broke my tailbone during labor, pushed for an hour and a half and had 4th degreee tearing (that means ALL the way) and subsequently had many infections and could not sit for almost 9 months. The 2nd was much better, but I still had tailbone problems and pushed for what I considered to be way too long. And, she came out very blue and limp. So, I decided I would go natural with the 3rd. It was only because I am so dumb and didn’t really “believe” I had been in labor all day, that I made it to the hospital with no time to spare. He came out weighing 9.7 and boy did those shoulders hurt like crazy coming out. I too remember the incredible burning (the ring of fire) that I hadn’t experienced with my first two births. But, the kicker is that I didn’t have ANY tailbone problems or tearing and he was my biggest baby by over a pound. So, when I found out I was pregnant with number 4, I decided to go natural again simply because I felt the less intervention I had, the better off my pushing and tailbone would be. We didn’t have good insurance at the time and a hospital birth was going to cost like $3,000, but the insurance would cover a homebirth and it would cost me $400. So, I chose to have a homebirth, not because I wanted to be brave and fall into some superwoman category, but because it was economically MUCH cheaper and I had already had one natural delivery (that was SOOOO painful). So, baby #4 was born at home and I would be lying if I said it was nothing short of SPECTACULAR. Just being able to relax in my own home while my kids were sleeping, eating popsicles on the couch while the midwife joked around, the worship music, the candles, my OWN bed…it was just wonderful. I went into labor at 6:30 p.m., after I ran a 5k (yes, I am an avid runner), and had her a little after midnight. The midwife did break my water around 11:30ish when I was like 8 cm. or something. Anyway, it was just a perfect birth – definitely a gift from God. But God had told me in the beginning of the pregnancy to just trust Him because it would “be sweet.” I had no idea what “be sweet” would mean. The entire experience was NOTHING short of utterly sweet. So, you ask about this baby. I had planned to give birth naturally, here in Peru, in a local hospital. However, there c-section rate is over 70% there and the hospital is creepy. I had to go there when I was 19 weeks pregant and I decided because of 1., language barriers 2., being tied to a bed and being forced to do what THEY want and 3., not wanting a c-section, that I will have this baby at home, naturally, too! I am not sure if this experience can be as perfect as the last one, but hopefully so. But my first “natural” experience, like I said, was VERY painful and overwhelming. If I wasn’t about to push the baby out when I had arrived at the hospital, I probably would’ve definitely done something for the pain – it was THAT bad!!! For some reason, the 2nd natural was so much better.

I hope this encourages you. We all have different reasons for why we do things. I don’t judge ANYONE who doesn’t want to go natural, but I do believe it increases your risk of having a c-section or other problems when we start intervening. I an so glad to have you had 7 awesome experiences. It sounds like you might want to go back to “what worked best for you” for the next blessing.

Thanks for your sweet comments. I feel like a big ol’ fatty. I exercise ALL the time and am still gaining weight like crazy. Oh well. It’s worth it! I hope you sleep in peace and enjoy every minute of that precious baby girl.

It was fun to write my story out and I enjoyed reading EVERY single birthing experience from ALL of these sweet ladies. Fun times!!!

Jess in Peru

Thank you so much for sharing your story! You are amazing, even if you opt to not do it “naturally” again. I was greatly humbled by my first birth, I thought that because I had decided natural was best and had done some research, I would be able to do it. I have never failed to do something I set my mind to. I “failed.” And it took me a long time to get over it. My babies have both been posterior, terrible back labor, with long labors and contractions that never seemed to end.

With my first, the second I got to the hospital I asked for drugs (but no epi, I am scared to death of those! some drug through an Iv and a shot in my behind…) I ended up with pitocin to speed my labor up. When It came time to push I felt relieved and it felt good to push, but the babies head was so large I ended up with an episiotomy (4th degree laceration…*ouch*) And the baby was vacuumed out. After the birth I was so happy and bonded quickly with my son, I experianced the euphoria. It just took me a while to reconcile myself to the fact that It didn’t go the was I had planned or expected.

With my second, I knew what to expect and was better able to cope with the pain (I also had a great nurse), The baby was again posterior. I too thought pushing would be relieving, because it had been true with my first.

I was in so much pain, I screamed at the top of my lungs and arched my back. IT was TERRIBLE. I begged the doctor to use the vacuum, because I did not want to push anymore. I would have cried if I hadn’t been so exhausted. Every push I could feel the searing pain of my own flesh tearing. Finally after 20 minutes of the most agonizing pain I have ever experienced, he was born. It was done. I was shaking from the pain. I made it with only a second degree tear that time, and it hurt much worse than the fourth degree laceration.

I hadn’t used any drugs. I had done it. I felt happy that I knew I could do it. But when they placed the baby on my stomach, I felt detached. I didn’t feel the same rush I had felt with my first. I was in complete shock. I thought that there was no way i would ever do that again! I didn’t feel that instant after birth bond that I had with my first. But that didn’t make sense to me, because you were supposed to bond better after non-medicated births. I was so disillusioned.

The one thing I have taken away from both births, is humility. Neither were what they were “supposed” to be. They didn’t turn out how I expected, they turned out how God wanted them to. He used these births to help me understand that believing and trusting in myself and the promises of others, is pointless. I hopped onto the natural birth bandwagon, believing every word they claimed about natural birth. Now I know not every word is true, at least not for me.

I am pregnant again. I become nervous when I think about the pain of childbirth. My last birth was only a year ago. I Remember, but it has faded, as all memories do. I am going to try for another natural birth, because I do worry about unnecessary medications and painkillers. However, my first son is as perfect as any human conceived from man can be. I will not beat myself up if I, in the throws of my pain at the birth center, beg for drugs, or scream and cry; because yes, it does in fact hurt.

I am sorry this turned into a novel. your story just struck a chord with me. Birth is natural, but it is not how you do it, just so long as it ends in a healthy baby, and mother. I do advocate natural birth, but I am of the belief that it, like all things, can become an idol. It should not be our main focus or goal during labor. God should be. Worry about pleasing him first and let the baby and labor happen the way God planned it, not us.

Congratulations again!

You know, I don’t want to focus too much on the “curse” aspect of childbirth but in order to share my perspective, I’ll have to start there.

For Reference:
Gen 3:16 To the woman He said, I will greatly increase your sorrow and your conception. In pain you shall bear sons, and your desire shall be toward your husband, and he shall rule over you. MKJV

Gen 3:16 And he said to the woman, “I will increase your trouble in pregnancy and your pain in giving birth. In spite of this, you will still have desire for your husband, yet you will be subject to him.” (Good News Bible)

I think the second translation does a good job of relaying the idea concerning the pain of labor/delivery as it relates to the “desire” that the wife has for her husband.

The wife is subject to the husband not because she is “inferior” in worth but because the marriage/family unit is what God chose to use as a picture of Christ’s relationship with His bride. The wife is to willingly be under the man’s headship and the husband is told to selflessly love his wife as Christ loved HIS bride. Jesus was simultaneously our Creator, King, Savior and Servant–and much more. That is a tough act for even the most godly of men to follow. We need to be constantly lifting up our husbands in prayer.

Okay, labor and birth…Yes, it hurts and the pain is a result of the fall. There are many, many unpleasant things that are a result of the fall and I don’t have an opinion at the moment on whether it is sinful to try to alleviate the particular pain of childbirth. Will have to study that one out a bit before attacking that subject.

However, I do believe that a woman who has experienced the beginning to end pain of the childbirth process may have a unique insight into some areas of Scripture that those who medicate (or who have never experienced labor at all) do not have.

To illustrate, I’ll just link to something I posted several months ago. That way, I won’t be hogging any more space and only those who are interested need to subject themselves to it :o)

http://onmysoap-box.blogspot.com/search/label/birth

Mrs W, it was always God’s order in creation for women to be subject to their husbands. This was (and is) a beautiful thing. It is the curse that ruined it and caused women to want to rule their husbands, rebelling against God’s plan. Likewise, pain in childbirth was a result of the curse; obviously childbirth pre-fall would have been painless. Therefore, if we are to strive against the curse and be willingly subject to our husbands, I believe that it is consistently right that we can use ways to alleviate the pain in childbirth (if we so wish). Likewise, men are cursed to have toil in labour, but they too can use machinery etc to alleviate the burden. To be consistent in denying labouring women pain meds, we’d have to deny men their tractors, power tools etc – anything that makes their job easier.

Sarah F. – “Therefore, if we are to strive against the curse and be willingly subject to our husbands, I believe that it is consistently right that we can use ways to alleviate the pain in childbirth (if we so wish). ”

Right on, Sarah! Wish I had said it so succintly.

Heather, no offense, I’m not going to read the link. Not a big fan of birth stories in general (made an exception here since I am a big fan of Kelly). Not sure why you felt the need to compare women who medicate their births with women who don’t (sorry, the logic is lost on me). But for the record, I have had a fully unmedicated birth – for a 10 lb, 11 oz baby. The only reason my first birth was medicated was so I wouldn’t have to have a c-section. These experiences haven’t changed my opinion of the scripture.

My husband’s pretty good with Hebrew. He explained it much as I already posted. But you’re welcome to go with your Good News Bible. I’ll pass thank you anyway. 🙂

Oops, I made a typo (still in the spam folder) – that was supposed to read 10 lb, 13 oz. Yes, those 2 oz really made a big difference.

Wow, I have spent most of the morning looking over our post and the comments. I just love hearing and reading detailed birth stories. Especially ones that describe inner thoughs, feelings and perceptions instead of just a playbook. I am so happy for you and your sweet girl. Was this the first time you waited to be surprised by the gender as well?
You’ve had me pondering this morning about “I joked later that I couldn’t believe the population of the world didn’t die out before pain meds.” I can only guess, but I’m sure it was vastly different before hospital births were the norm. Most women had probably witnessed or assisted in one or more births before going through their own and were aware of the intensity of it all. And with no alternatives, the pain and uncontrolled nature of it all would have been common knowlege. I’m quite aghast to think of the high mortality rate of mothers and babies prior to modern medicine and feel sure this caused each child to be treasured and every mother to be revered to have made it through such harrowing experiences alive and well.
I have not had a natural birth yet, but I greatly desire one. My first as breech and deliverd via C/S, then I had my daughter VBAC and really tried for natural, but I weenied out right as the contractions started getting “over the top” as you put it. I spent alot of time feeling guilty, and percieved my daughter’s birth as a “failure.” In fact,I decided right away that I did want another baby so I could try natural again. However, when I was on the sonographer’s table and was informed that “there are two in there,” My first thought was a sinking one because I knew my doc would not allow me to VBAC with twins. She did understand my reluctance to have another surgical birth and did consider letting me try VBAC when we saw they were both head-down and I was dialating. But in the end she talkied me into a repeat CS because she scared me silly with stories of acute TTTS (my girls were MONO-DI). I was disappointed, again, and I felt my OB deliberately preyed on my fears when I was most vulnerable to convince me to have a CS, because, let’s face it, surgery is more convienient for docs. I’ve really had to get over this thinking, though. I am blessed to have my babies safe and healthy.

Congratulations to you and your family Kelly!
What a blessing! I’m due in 4 wks and have been watching your pregnancy progress and have appreciated all of the wonderful updates on the birth.
I can’t speak for all mothers, but I don’t think there is a conspiracy among natural child birth advocates to keep others in the dark on the pain. I’ve had two drug free births in hospitals and this one will hopefully be at home unassisted.
I think that once you’ve been through it (natural childbirth) and have networked with some others who have, you realize that everyone’s pain tolerance is different AND EVERY birth is different. I’ve seen several comments from others on this thread who have multiple children and have had multiple experiences- ALL of them different.
I know how scared I was with my first child before delivery. I knew it was going to be the worst pain I’d ever experienced, but I knew that the pain wouldn’t kill me. I guess that’s what I always tell newbies.
I think that it’s unfair to scare someone to death about pain, when their experience might be much less intense than what I’ve experienced. I, for one don’t mince words on what I went through, but I like to leave others with the possibility that their experience might be easier/less painful than mine was. There’s nothing worse than going into labor terrified!

I think every woman should go into labor with the confidence that YES this is going to be work, YES it IS going to hurt. But it is natural, normal, and it is what we as women were built for.

Kelly,
I have not said my congratulations yet, but have thanked the Lord for your sweet baby and that mommy and baby are well. I have been keeping up with your blog for a long time and followed your pregnancy and labor. You were in my prayers.

I thought I would add that I, too, can relate to your birth story. I have attempted three unmedicated births. The first one caught me off guard with the amount of pain, so I quickly chose the epidural at 5cm and hated it because I felt I had no control(shivers etc…)but the result was a beautiful baby boy and all was well.
With the second, I got to 9 cm and stalled for a very long time. I had a c-section and was completely in shock and mentally numb for that birth. I had planned on no medication, no matter what, and there I was with a c-section. My precious baby weighed in at 11 lb 13 oz. I was furious that I had undiagnosed gestational diabetes. So much for modern medicine! I went to every prenatal check up and every time I had sugar and protein in my urine but the diabetes test was fine so the Dr. just went along with that. Both of our lives were at stake and everyone was so flippant and humored by this big baby. I am just glad we did not have any severe complications. All is well now but it is still hard not to get upset when we watch the video and she had to be whisked away to the NICU for fears that her blood sugar would drop. 3 days she stayed in there and I was stuck trying to recover from the effects of anesthesia and a c-section.
So, my last birth I went for a vbac, new Dr., close supervision and blood sugars closely monitored. Everything went well up until the birth. I wanted unmedicated but the Dr. was concerned the baby would be too big to go into labor naturally, although every sono. said she was around 8 lbs. She wanted to induce. So, after waiting and feeling guilty that I could be doing harm to my baby, I conceded to induction. Of course, the contractions were horrible. I have had natural contractions and induced and induced are MUCH worse. I stood it for hours and hours but finely when I got to the point that I felt I was passing out from pain and getting very nauseated I had the epi. Which made me shiver and that makes me sick too.
The cord had stalled my labor this time. They thought it was her shoulders but the more I pushed the tighter it got. At one point, the monitor had slipped off and when they put it back on –no heartbeat. So for a few terrifying moments(seemed like hours) I pushed and the Dr. reached in and grabbed her by the arm(which nicked my cervix, not good, but could have broken her arm, much worse). My baby was not breathing when she was born and I have never seen a man(dh) pray so hard. She began crying and we began the recovery process of bodies and hearts.
Would I attempt another unmedicated birth? Maybe. I feel all the intervention and hurrying up of things only made things worse for me. I also feel she would have been fine on her own without induction, we just didn’t know. But, I guess birth and life itself are unknown. I feel when my water was broken that that could have been when the cord slipped around her neck or it could have been when she turned from breech at 36 weeks. Who knows. I just wanted to be left alone to labor.
I have 3 precious, healthy children and if God so blesses us again then I will pray earnestly about my labor decision and go from there.

I am so glad all is well with you and your baby. Have a peaceful, restful recovery and relish this new life in your arms.

So, Kelly, out of curiosity: did your dr. intentionally break your water or did it happen as he was checking you?

To echo many others: every labor is different (the pushing was worse with my fourth; I thought it was supposed to get easier with subsequent deliveries, so that discouraged me during the pushing stage). When it comes down to it, it was only the beginning of your little girl’s life. Once you’ve processed the experience, try to let it go.

When I had my first daughter I had to have a emergency c-section. I cried for days because I felt I wasn’t a good mom because I couldn’t do it the natural way. When I had my second daughter I prayed that I could have a normal child birth…and I did. I didn’t have any depression with her and I think it was because I didn’t have a c-section.

I will be praying for you….you are a Great mom no matter if you need medication or not. God’s gift is your new baby.

I can’t believe how huge Ellia was at birth. I had no trouble with natural delivery, but both my babies were half that size. I’m no bigger than you are and if I had to deliver a 10 lb. 13 oz. baby, I’m sure I would have had a harder time, especially if the cord was around their necks.

Years ago, many women died in childbirth and the infant mortality rate was high. I never thought about how possibly many of those women went into shock at the trauma. Never even thought about that, but can easily see how that could happen! Yikes!

Anyway, you did it and it is over now, and she certainly is a beautiful baby.

Madge said: I only add this to say that some of us choose to deliver in a hospital because it is scary to have an entirely subjectively evaluated midwife–who may be excellent, and may not be, but who almost certainly practices with little or no oversight and with only word of mouth to go by in terms of reference–be the only assistance one has.

********************

I can sympathize with you on the scariness of home birth (or any birth, for that matter).

Personally, I believe that hospitals are for sick and hurt people and that a normally progressing pregnancy/delivery should not be viewed in the same light as disease and injury. I do understand,though, that there can be complications which require medical intervention, and I would never suggest that it is inherently wrong to deliver a baby in hospital.

I think part of the concern many home-birth/midwife advocates have is not about whether a woman may choose to birth in a hospital but rather that there is strong opposition by ACOG to a woman having the option to birth at home if she wants to. My local midwives have been working for several years to keep non-hospital birth legal in our state, so they send e-mails out to help keep their clients updated.
For the past 30 years, they have provided a much appreciated service to our area because the hospital in our small town stopped offering obstetric care due to the cost of maintaining insurance. The nearest town is about 40 miles away. My last two births were so quick that by the time I knew for sure that I was in labor, it is not likely we would have had time to get checked into the hospital before the baby made an appearance. In fact, the babies basically delivered themselves (hubby had to catch) while the midwives were on their way. Sorry, Lori, I wont’ go into more detail :o)

I find it interesting that we hear much carrying on in our country about the importance of a woman’s right to “choose” how to manage her own reproductive system (ie birth control/abortion) but the flag of freedom often gets shot down when it comes to actually birthing a child. Not talking about you, Madge, just noting an interesting inconsistency in our society as a whole.

My point is that if someone wants/needs to use the hospital option, that should be available. If someone else is comfortable with a low-key out of hospital birth, that option should not be taken away either.

Mary,
I know seeing 10 lb plus numbers can seem intimidating (especially to a small woman) but I have probably heard more complication stories about less than 8 pounders. There is a LOT more involved in the ease of birth than simply the size of the baby. Strength and efficiency of contraction, whether the baby’s head is engaged, the size of the head, width of shoulders, shape of mom’s pelvic opening etc, all come into play.

Yes, a lot of women and babies used to die frequently. Poor sanitation and harsh living conditions often contributed to the mortality rate.

Congratulations, Kelly! I have to admit, I cried when I read your birth story. And she’s a big baby for a little gal like you. Mind you, I don’t think there’s any shame in using an epidural. I’m pretty sure that my mother had me in “twilight sleep” – and she didn’t nurse, as that was not what women did at the time – and we had a very strong bond. In other words, as Mary said, who cares how it happened? The result is the same (hopefully) – a healthy baby.

By the way, your baby was born on MY birthday! How about that? 😉

Kelly,
Congratulations! What a beautiful baby girl.
My experience was similar. I was determined to have a natural birth. My first was, but it was so horrible it kind of affected my ability to bond with my daughter. Last three have been medicated and I actually enjoyed birth.
You are a strong woman for enduring it! Again, congratulations!
Sara

Medicated births, sinful? Wow. Now there’s a topic useless to argue over. Pain in child-birth a result of the fall — curse to Eve. Check. Sickness also a result of the fall — our bodies dying. Check. Do you take Tylenol? How about Insulin if you are a dependant diabetic? Would you support a mother who withheld pain medication for a child who suffered a broken-bone, ear-infection, or other illness? (If you answer yes, you have other issues than this). So……all that said, pain and illness are a part of the curse of the fall (sin), BUT, God did give the healing and pain-easing herbs/plants of the earth to heal and ease pain/illness. And now, in our generation, there are phamr. meds availble as well. While the potential complications of pain medicine in child-birth is up to each woman to evaluate, to suggest that it is sinful to accept medicine to ease pain is simply ludicrous. Other than the Genesis account, PROVE your point with the Scriptures (becuase the Genesis account of where pain in child-birth comes from does not justify the end argument).

Kelly, praise God for your healthy, beautiful baby girl; a sound delivery; and a safe homecoming to be with your family. And don’t give a second thought to this rediculous thread regarding meds v sin. Enojoy the congratulations and birth stories and ignore the rest.

And for the record, I don’t “defend” the med approach becuase I took it. But, really, that doesn’t matter, now does it.

Lori,
Thank you for being willing to “work with me ” :o)
I don’t see a Biblical mandate for pain in childbirth, either. But since my reason for refusing medication has always been health-oriented (rather than for moral/spiritual reasons), I am not prepared at this time to discuss/defend my position. Therefor, I officially must state that I “have no opinion” until I have looked at it from that perspective. Make sense?

Interesting point about the spiritual experience. I also have noted that a lot of midwives tend to be “New Age” in their religious beliefs and the whole “goddess worship” aspect seems to be very prevalent in that profession. My midwives never pushed their beliefs on me, but I know they lean that direction and after my first birth with them (they are very professional and good at what they do), I started to question whether it was wise to have such a close relationship with them. I really didn’t feel like we had any other options, though, because we are so far from any other obstetric care–so we continued to ask God for guidance and the following two pregnancies ended with baby arriving (without a hitch) before the midwives. I’ll spare you the details and just give God the credit by saying that we asked for His help and those last two deliveries were the quickest and easiest of the five!
And now a Christian midwife has opened a practice in town, so I believe we have a definite answer as to what we should do if we end up pregnant again.

I’ve also wondered if the intense emotional/physical experience of childbirth is confused with a spiritual one. Also, I expect that if a person is not a Christian, she can be easily influenced demonically as she participates in Eastern religion-styled “relaxation and concentration” techniques. The focus could then be skewed from being one that is centered on God to being worship of “femininity” or nature.

Wait, someone please tell me: Not O.B., right? but Ob? And why do we say O.B. if it’s really Ob? Do any of y’all secretely feel the urge to say “O-B Wan?” 🙂

Mary, don’t feel bad. I doubt the average person knows much about the size issue etc. I’m kind of weird about researching pregnancy related stuff when I am pregnant.

Mary said:
Kelly’s baby sure is beautiful! She looks like a porcelain doll!

Now, THAT is something on which we can all agree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

You did wonderfully, Kelly. Thank you for your honesty in sharing.

No one said giving birth naturally means having the time of your life. Some of us happened to have easy natural births and pain-free pushing, but it doesn’t mean we are somehow “superior” to those who had it harder.

Hi Kelly,
I love your blog and appreciate all of your posts they are always such an encouragement to me. I’ve never left a comment, but now I wish I had when you were asking for advice on natural child birth.

I’m so sorry you didn’t have a good experience with natural child birth. How scary it must have been for you when you stared pushing and felt pain that you didn’t know a person could feel and actually survive. I can totally relate because that’s what happend to me with my first baby. I really thought I was going to die. If I had commented I would have told you that the pushing is the worst! That said, I’ve had all four of my babies naturally and have loved it despite the terrifying pain. 🙂 I, like you, am able to get through the contractions remaining completely focused on the Lord and with His help I’m able to maintain control. But when it comes time to push, the rememberance of the pain from previous births all comes flooding back and I tend to get scared. I still rely on the Lord, sometimes singing bible verses in my head in order not to loose it, but I scream my head off when pushing out my babies and when I have to stop after the head is delivered I say “TAKE IT OUT!” also. My last baby was delivered at home (for the first time) and it was my easiest labor and the pushing was not as bad (still very painful). I think in part because I was at home and in a much more relaxed atmosphere and I’ve come to the realization that it’s going to be pain to the extreme but God will get me through it. With our last, I even said to my dear husband as he gave me words of encouragement that it was “the best pain in the world because our baby was coming!”

I praise God that He helped you to stick with it through a very long and hard labor and don’t feel bad that it wasn’t what you hoped it would be. If I was laboring that long and at a hospital I might have opted for the epidural. All but one of my friends love to have their babies with an epidural and most of them think I’m crazy for doing it naturally. 🙂 I guess I love the sweet reliance I have on the Lord at those times, there is truly nothing else like it for me. Giving birth is an amazing gift whether done naturally or with drugs, either way we are given a precious gift from God. What an awesome privilege it is to be a wife and mother!

Ellia is beautiful and I’m so happy for you and your family! Reading your birth story and seeing the pictures of your sweet baby is getting me very excited for the birth of our next blessing (coming in March)!

God Bless and Congrats,
Allison

I have given birth 8 times, no epidurals, the last four with no meds whatsoever. I can tell you your experience is within the range of normal. I had one like that (my sixth). My next was almost painless and only 4 1/2 hours labor. each one is very different. I won’t have meds with any future births if i can help it (i am now gestational diabetic which adds different elements to inductions and such). I wholeheartedly believe it is better for the baby to be un-drugged. That would even be worth going through the worst one again. (Though I do have to admit every time I realize I am pregnant I have dreams of those epi births I have heard of. If it wasn’t for the potintial bad effects on baby….)

Hey Kelly,
I understand where you are coming from. I have a one year old that I delivered naturally last summer, and it was awful. I had no complications, but was too far progressed to make pain meds worth while, and I tore terribly. He was hardly crowning and she said push, so I pushed and he aaalll came out head to toe in about one minute! I didn’t experience the euphoria either. I laid back in a pain induced fog for an hour. The doc came(I had a midwife) and stitched me up, as she wasn’t certified to stitch the extensive tear I had, and when he got ready to do so, he handle my tear like it was a flank steak…let’s just say I wasn’t too pleased…I can say I am thankful for my baby, and if I had to do it again, I would, but I am not sure I want to. And the contractions were INSANE! And I have a generally high pain tolerance also. You are not alone, Kelly!! And this experience being different than what you hoped it would be is a let down, but no less YOUR experience, and no one will think you weak or somehow less of a mother, a woman, a Christian or anything else because childbirth is always hard, it’s always painful, and most ladies are not so puffed up as to think that it couldn’t happen to them that way!!
Keep you chin up.
Love
Laura

I just wanted to express my appreciation for your post. Though you may have felt failure…I was moved to tears by your post. What a beautiful way we bring our babies into the world. Who else would you suffer for? Jesus suffered for us……unimaginable suffering….and we suffer for our children. My mother birthed four large babies at home in her own bed with a midwife and her husband…..no pain killers or medication at all. I myself had an epidural with my first born, but long to experience a natural labor next time around. That’s just what it is….labor….we are laboring and suffering to give our children life. It is so precious…..at least from a philosophical view point. 🙂 Thank you for sharing….It is only a reminder of how much a mommy loves her God given baby and is committed to that child’s well being. Women have been doing this since the dawn of time. It makes me proud to be part of the ranks of women….we are so strong!

Certified Nurse midwives are a good thing. I’m an advocate. I would not birth a baby with a midwife who was not a certified nurse midwife….6 years of college education….plus years of experience…..

Thank you for being honest about your experience. I want to applaud you for doing this, and please don’t be down on yourself. I tried to go natural with my last baby 3 months ago and near the end I gave in and needed medication (like two hours before he was born); I just could not do it. I felt like a failure for a while, but then I realized that I have a happy healthy baby boy and that’s all that really matters.

While I admire and respect other mothers who advocate for natural childbirth, I think sometimes they make it seem better than it really is. Thank you thank you for your truth and awesome blog.

Take care,
~ Zipporah

Christine said: “We were constantly told that transition is the hardest phase and once you officially feel like you “cannot take it anymore”, you are almost done. Pushing was the most intense part of natural childbirth for me.”

With the exception of my first (he got stuck, prolonged the pushing phase, received suction and I got an episiotomy) transition has been the toughest. But I hate that there is a tendency to lump every experience together and then average it all out into distinct phases with descriptions that often mislead pregnant women about what to expect.

Another often overlooked difficulty is how agonizing it can be to begin breastfeeding. A lot of women I know of have been totally unprepared for cracking, bleeding, engorgement and the uterine cramping that can occur. And the cruel myth that “breastfeeding speeds weight loss (in some women but not others)” :oP

Madge,
I doubt anyone would argue with you about the need for midwives to be accountable. I think perhaps where a difference of opinion occurs is what qualifies a person to be able to safely deliver a baby.

True, if a medical emergency occurs, a doctor that is trained in surgical procedures may be the only option for safe delivery. However, the argument for the necessity of a college degree rings a little hollow. There are plenty of apathetic, pushy or unethical OB/GYNs who have “credentials” and have done nothing illegal to require their licenses to be revoked.

There is a very real tendency for some professionals who have received specialized training in an area to insist that there is no way a “lay person” could do an adequate job while armed with some basic, practical skills. Extreme instances are often thrown out as “the norm”–or at least the “worst case scenario” seed is planted in a way that prevents many from seeking options. We tend to believe them and not question those who we are told are the experts.

Does the Bible indicate such a thing? It is interesting to me that man’s wisdom often keeps us captive by preying on our fear. Does our reliance on the claims of trained professionals interfere with our ability to trust God’s wisdom?

I’m not accusing anyone here of not trusting God. It was just a thought that popped into my head. For the record, I believe the medical profession has an appropriate place. My mom was a registered nurse and one of our good family friends is a wonderful family practitioner (who had to downgrade from OB because of insurance costs).

Interestingly, our friend’s daughter is in the Philippines, training to become a midwife and has had plenty of academic training to go through. I have also heard that she has had already more hands-on labor-delivery experience in the last 18 or so months than her dad had during his entire school experience.

I’m not sure that lay-midwifery not being legally recognized is a good marker of whether it is an appropriate practice. It is a sad fact that the “legality” of something is becoming a less sure method of determining whether that thing is “right”.

Often, a midwife will be adequately experienced and certified, but unable to get the state to recognize it if she does not operate under a medical doctor’s direct supervision (thus subjecting her decisions to the doctor’s authority). In some smaller and rather remote towns,it is not possible for that to happen.

I’m not trying to prove a point. Just thinking that there are a lot of ways to view the subject. The issue is a complicated one and every person will have her own opinion based on experience and available information, I suppose.

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“When the plumbing breaks, no one thinks twice about calling a qualified mechanic if the skills to fix it are lacking. Why would we trust our “stuff” to the experts and think that we can deliver babies wherever and however we want?”
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You might be surprised at how many non-experts do a fine job at repairing their own plumbing ;o)
I’m not sure why OB/GYN’s must be considered “experts” while midwives cannot. And I’m not sure where you got the idea that midwives have *no* accountability. The ones in my area take very seriously the need to review each other, keep track of complications, insist that clients sign a release that allows the midwives to send them to the hospital if it looks like there might be problems, and they record statements from clients as to concerns and satisfaction with the care that is given. They fully understand how hostile ACOG can be toward “rogue” birthing attendants and they know that if they are sloppy or inept with handling births, they will eventually be run out of business.

I never once suggested that it is wrong to visit a medical practitioner if one so chooses. If that is what God leads you to do, then you had better obey.

My thought was simply that often we (as a group) tend to unquestioningly trust those who say they are “experts” and can forget to check other options and ask God before making a final decision. That is not the same as accusing people of sinning because they opt for a hospital birth.

You’re right, this discussion is off-subject. I’m not sure where it started and I was simply responding to the turn of the conversation with my own thoughts.

As I said before, a person’s opinion tends to be colored by her experience and the information available to her.

Madge,
I can totally understand how it may appear that some “natural-birth” advocates appear to be condescending toward those who cannot/choose not to go that route. While it is true in some cases, I hope my statements were not misunderstood to be so.

God has different lessons for each of His children and does not give each of us the exact same experiences. There is no commandment that specifically reads “Thou shalt not birth your child in hospital or accept pain medication during labor”. Since it is not specifically forbidden, I consider it to be a matter of conscience before the Lord.

One important thing I have learned from interacting in the blogosphere is that I cannot see into the lives of other posters and *know* where they are coming from. It is incredibly easy to make a seemingly innocuous statement and slash into the soul of another reader before I even know what I’ve done.

If I have hurt you during this discussion, I do want to ask for your forgiveness.

Oh heavens no, Heather–thanks for being so considerate but that ship has sailed for me 😉 I hope I caused you no offense as well and I apologize if I did so!

I do worry that women are not given the full story by homebirth advocates, and it becomes a sort of Gnostic thing, a means of salvation or a sign that one is right with God (to have a “good” homebirth or natural birth). I’ve heard it articulated in almost those terms, and I’ve probably been guilty of it myself in terms of pushing breastfeeding (I’m more of a grown-up about it now, I hope and pray).

Thanks to everyone for this conversation. . . .

I am sorry that your birth was not what you expected. Thank you for sharing it. Since every birth is unique, I think we almost set ourselves up for failure with an idealized idea of what natural childbirth should be.

Although my personal experience was still overwhelmingly positive, I was still shocked at the pain after reading so many stories of pain free or pleasurable childbirth.

I don’t think there is any veil of secrecy in the natural childbirth movement, I just think that the odds of a good experience are stacked in favor of a gentle, homebirth vs a full medical, interventiony hospital birth.

Thank you so much for posting this. I was prepared to birth my baby naturally in Feb. I had had one with an epidural and wanted to experience a natural birth like the ones I had read (and read and read) about. I prepared in all the ways I could and was so excited.

Then my due date (which I was sure of) came and went. The baby was measuring very large and i am very petite. I resisted the suggestion to induce b/c I had read that doctor use the “large baby” excuse often.

10 days past the due date, I had agreed to induce. However, I went into labor on my own.

Long story short, I endured 12 hours of painful contraction that didn’t have much of a rest period between them… and I didn’t dilate past the 2 cm I had already been. I agreed to a pitocin drip and lasted for 4 hours or so on that, reaching 5 cm. The pain got to be too much and I was exhausted, so I got an epidural.

Turns out the baby was 10 lbs and posterior. The epidural didn’t work right, so they upped the dose to the max and I had a very sacry panic attack.

After 22 hours of labor, I ended up with a c-section.

You have no idea how horrible I have felt. Like I failed. Like I wasn’t as strong as all the women who had raved about thier natural births.

It is comforting to read someone elses story of natural birth. Someone who is willing to admit that it isn’t always euphoria.

Oddly enough, I still wish I could have a natural birth, but I doubt that will happen. I won’t let anymore babies go past their due dates, and if I have to induce, I will take the epidural right away. My new goal, sadly, is to avoid c-section at all costs.

My epidural birth with my daughter was wonderful. I was sane and happy and pain-free. My sons birth will always be overshadowed by the horror and trauma that it became.

Anwway, thanks again for your honest post. God bless.

PS- The baby is beautiful!

I posted on your birth video post and asked questions that, if I had just read more of your posts, I would have gotten the answer. I am SO enjoying reading your blog, I feel like I have found a good book! Anyway, I totally can relate to this post, I really feel the same way. Although, they did give me pitocin,which I wish I would have objected too more strongly. I was already 6 cm with contractions every 2 min when they started it in my IV at 5:00pm I went from 7-10 cm within 15 min and delivered my baby on the bed at 6:11pm with no nurse or doctor present. The pit made things go too fast. I felt as if my bottom exploded! He was only 7lbs 5 oz, but the force of delivery was enough to bruise his entire face. I am still feeling sore and it has been almost 3 weeks!
Anyway, Thanks for your honesty!

Hello, I’m Angela from New Zealand where we are blessed to have access to midwife led maternity care and home births if we choose them. Kelly, I have been enjoying reading your blog over the past few weeks and have just come across this particular one on Ellia’s birth – a very belated congratulations to you. Hopefully now that it is a few months later you have been able to process the birth experience you had and heal, mentally, spiritually and physically from it.

I would like to comment here as I think I have something to add which may be helpful (if anyone ever reads all the way to comment 165!) I have 6 children; our first was born in hospital with nitrous oxide gas as pain relief, the others all home births.

Some thoughts that may be beneficial to focus and reflect on in the time leading up to the birth of a baby and during the labour and birth. If any of these resonate with you then I suggest you regularly think about them as part of preparing for a birth.

Children are a blessing from God.

God designed a woman’s body to give birth.
(I am aware that it is not always possible for a woman to birth naturally, but many can. Medical help is a blessing & has saved many lives, but I believe it should not become the normal ‘default’ option. I am speaking here more about medical interventions not necessarily pain relief.)

I have been through labour and given birth before, and with God’s help, I can do it again.

The pain of labour is ‘good’ pain – the muscles of my uterus are doing their job of contracting and taking my body through the process of giving birth to this baby.
(‘good’ pain being something along the lines of nothing is wrong or needs healing or ‘fixing’.)

Each contraction is one less that I have to go through, one closer to the baby’s birth.

This is only a short time (usually only 1 or 2 days) out of my whole life.

At the end of this labour, we will have a new baby in our family.

“Dear God, bring me closer to you through this birth.”

Look at photos of yourself and previous children just after their births – focus on the joy you felt at having a precious new baby in your family.

Even though home birth is my preferred choice, I am always open to changing the plan if the labour does not progress as expected. Be open to plans changing.

Things that may help during labour & birth: movement eg walking, rocking, being upright rather than on your back (my most 2 recent daughters were born with me kneeling on the floor and upper body leaning on bed or couch); water – shower, bath, birthing pool (have used water to greatly help in labour with 4 children, 2 of whom were born in the water); having a quiet, calm atmosphere – whatever helps you relax eg music, darkened room, candles etc (probably not so easy in a hospital setting but see what you can do); heat packs; massage… There are many options that can help you through the process of giving birth without artificial drugs. I guess what I’m trying to say is that natural birth doesn’t have to be, “Grit your teeth and endure it, if you’re not going to have medical pain relief, you can’t have anything.” When our bodies relax (as much as this is possible during labour) they produce hormones which help in reducing pain.

So, well done for giving natural birth a go. No condemnation if you choose not to if there is a next time. But remember that a next time may be totally different, and perhaps there are some options that you may not have considered before.

Blessings,
Angela

So if we were to do natural childbirth (the way God intended?) we’d all limit our family size.

I can relate to your experience. My first hospital birth was very difficult. Nothing like what I’d imagined. I’ve since realized that it’s not I who has failed. The hospital setting was just not the right place for me to have my baby. In my own home, with the love of my husband anchoring me to my task at hand, I’ve learned that I can work with my body to allow the birth of my baby to not overwhelm me.
There are so many, since coming home to birth, have a new appreciate of how birth can be satisfying. Yes, satisfying. Empowering. And naturally pain-controlled.

I thought I would go natural with my first child, after all, I’d seen my dogs and cats give birth and there wasn’t much to it. A little panting, sometimes a grunt when they pushed a baby out every 15 minutes or so, but overall (barring something getting stuck) no big deal.

Ha. About 3 hours in, I was crying from pain and my husband said “get the epideral” and I submitted gratefully ;-). And I became convinced (as if I hadn’t been already) that the story of Adam and Eve was absolutely positively true. The pain we experience in childbirth is absolutely gratuitous (ask my dog) and makes sense in the punishment for Eve’s sin department.

So does that mean we should “accept” the full meter of our punishment and eschew drugs or pain-reduction? NO. We must remember that Jesus suffered incredibly on the cross for our sins (even what we inherited from Eve) and I am pretty certain that continuing to say that we *must* pay for that sin is a slap in his face. Yes, we still suffer because we are human but we are not required to.

Wow-what a birth story! All births are definatly different and some of mine have been MUCH harder than others! I know this sounds crazy, but don’t let it keep you from trying it again one day. (please don’t computer slap me! haha!) I kind of wonder if you maybe didn’t go through enough of the transition phase (that is definatly the hardest for me!) You might not have been completly dialated or effaced which could have made the baby pull or tear that area on the inside. This would cause extreme pain. It is really hard to take those last unbelieve able contractions and that is when I start to say “I can’t do this!!!!) =) And I WANT to push, but my midwife makes sure that my body is completly ready to go.
If you try again one day, maybe wait to make sure the nurses/doctor checks you to see if anything is “in the way” down there! Although, that is a hard to wait IN THE MIDDLE of transition! =)
Thank your for sharing and I’m so glad she is healthy and everything is well! That’s the most important part, isn’t it!?! =)
PRAISE THE LORD!!!
Blessings,
Tarena

Kelly, I absolutely believe you when you say your probelem was that your body wasn’t ready to push, but for those others who might read this, it is entirely possible to have that explosive pain the entire pushing phase even when you are fully dialated and effaced. It is also possible to be complete and never have the urge to push, unfortunately.

We’re talking about having a watermelon sized human in your vagina. Ouch.

Oh Kelly,
Thank you for this. I have felt so guilty about my first and only birth thus far. Being one of nine children and watching my mother and sisters give birth almost effortlessly, I thought it would be a piece of cake. I still asked for an epidural but because they gave it so early on, it stalled my labor horribly and I ended up pushing for 4 hours with a worn off epidural and no pain meds. I have an 8 month old now, and I still can’t believe a woman can go through that kind of pain an survive. I was so traumatized that it took me over a week to really connect with the baby. I have always felt guilty about that, and been so sad that my dream of having a large family might not come to be because I am so afraid of going through that again. To make matters worse, I watched my sister give birth only a month later, and she smiled and laughed through the whole thing, and with three easy pushes her daughter was out. I felt like a failure. And still do. Thank you for writing this because it gives me hope, and helps me to understand that I am not alone. Your children are beautiful! XOXO

I am so glad the Lord led me to this site! Heather I just want to say I 100% agree with you that we have been redeemed from the curse by Jesus Christ. I feel it is sometimes a ”religious” attitude that causes some to feel that God would want us to endure labor pains unmedicated. I am currently 25 weeks and 4 days pregnant with my first child. I have been considering a natural childbirth but at this point I think I am more so leaning towards having an epidural. I can’t predict what will happen during my labor experience but I will pray for the best. All I know is I am so thankful that God blessed me with a child after years of trying. I had no infertility treatments. Just one day when I least expected it, God said it’s time now. I commend those women who are able to do it all natural, if that’s what you feel is best for you. As for the women who do opt for pain meds, there is nothing wrong with that whatsoever. A baby is a blessing no matter how it is delivered. Pray about everything, worry about nothing. I am going to do what’s best for me and if that means pain meds, I won’t feel bad about it at all!!! Blessings to everyone! 🙂

Hi!
I know this is now years and years later…and that you might not ever see this post, but… 🙂 Maybe somebody will read it and be blessed.
I have had 5 children. An induction, pain meds, and epesiotomy with #1, and natural the rest. #2, #3, and #4 were all at the hoapital, and #5 was at my midwife’s house. Labor # 1 felt like a nightmare, until pushing. Each natural labor, #2-#5, has had it’s own challenges. Labor #2 was only 2 hours and so intense I thought I would die…the pain eased off a bit while pushing and euphoria ensued after birth. #3 was back labor which slowed things down a bit, similar in pushing to #2. #4 was 3 and a half hours of labor, and the pushong stage was similar..except hurried. The doctor broke my water without asking, and the little one started going into distress with each contraction. I was told I had 1 more push before they did am emergency c-section. I birthed her on the next contraction. Same feelings as in previous births. Amazing! Now for birth #5. I went into active labor around 11:20. By 1, I was deep in transition. By 1:30 I was feeling pushy, and had gotten the ok to push. But I sure didn’t want to because the transition contractions weren’t stopping. Right on top of each other and sooo painful I could no longer stay with my planned Bradley method of relaxation. The pushing stage which usually took less than half an hour took over an hour. And the pain never stopped. When she came out the cord was looped 2 times around her neck and over her shoulder, they were able to slide it off without me even realizing what was happening. One last (still incredibly painful) contraction and she was born….and there was no euphoria. No high. I was soo thankful it was over and she was safe! And she was beautiful! But mostly it was exhaustion. With all of the others I couldn’t sleep for hours after they were born, with her I was ready to anuggle her and fall asleep immediately. (Well as soon as they would let me anyway! I still had the placenta to deal with!)

Anyway, as a mama who has experienced a few births now, I just wanted to say that…they will be different , they may or may not be painless,each subsequent birth will help you see birth as someone else experienced it…and might provide you qith more compassion if you’ll let it. Don’t give up on having a Natural Birth if that’s what you think is the right rhing for you to do. But be informed of defferent ways that labors progress. This last birth really had me shaken. It took a long time to recover (I’m usually in church by the next Sunday…It was closer to 3 weeks with this girlie). And lastly if aomething didn’t go as planned give yourself grace, the chance to mourn your dreams…and to face your fears…don’t lock them up.

:), I can see by your writing that you are already doing that. So maybe this comment was intended more for someone else.

Just as an aside. The midwide said my girlie’s cord was short, and that between that and it being around her neck, it was probably tugging on the placenta, which (she thinks) contributed to the pain. I don’t know for sure, but I am due with #6 in a few months, and I am sure hoping for a different (still natural with a midwife again) labor!
God Bless,
Kat

Many thanks. You’re so useful