What Mothers (Women) Really Want (Not Just on Mother’s Day)

If you’re a young mother just starting out, forgive me in advance.

When I was a young mother, and held those first few babies in my arms, I had no way of knowing (and thankful for that) that because of the depth of my love, my heart was now capable of feeling pain like I had never known before children. If you’ve been a mother for a while, you know what I mean.

I don’t think husbands can even identify to what a mother’s heart feels–both the joys and sorrows of living, in a sense, outside of herself now and in another person. You always love “that baby” just as much as when you first held her, but it’s more than that; every pain she experiences from now on, you will feel it with her, for her. To love much is to suffer much.

You will feel an emptiness no other human can feel when he moves out on his own. You will agonize all alone when that child makes decisions that you don’t believe are wise; and you will cry tears that are yours alone, that can be felt by no one else, even by the child for whom you cry, because it isn’t his to know or feel and honestly, he can’t.

The truth is, being a mother is so incredibly wonderful that I cannot find the words, just now, to describe it! I’d be a mother a thousand times again. Motherhood transforms us and we are better for it, it gives us new shades of color to see the world and awakens in us feelings of being alive that were not there before.

But the other truth is that the pain that comes with loving so deeply never ends in a lifetime; it waxes and wanes, but there are always times of grief or change or trials in the life of a mother.

So what does a mother really want and need?

Friends who can walk this road with her, help shoulder the cares of mother-life. Friends who get her.

A husband who understands the differences in the way they love their children (it’s true), the way they process differently, and simply communicates that understanding to her.

Grace. A mother needs a heaping dose of grace, given by others, but especially by herself, because she is her hardest critic.

Love. Garth Brooks wrote, “I could’ve missed the pain, but I’d of had to miss the dance.” We love hard because that’s how we’re made. And it’s very good. Let’s love others with all we have, regardless of the potential for pain.

Transparency to help. I’ve lived long enough now to realize there are so, so many hurting people. There are neighbors, or women who sit quietly beside you at church, who appear to have everything together, who are absolutely broken inside because of some secret they’re harboring, or pain in their lives they are afraid to share with anyone. Sometimes it’s our transparency that gives them the freedom to release that burden to be shared by someone else. And sometimes, all a person needs is one other human in her life to say, “I’m here. I’m with you. I’ve had pain too.”

Celebrate motherhood in its fullness. Embrace all the joy, and the pain, and the realities of life, and entrust yourself to an Almighty God who is the only One who really gets you and can see you through this beautiful roller coaster ride.