Well said, Matt Walsh, well said.
“I shouldn’t need to explain why it’s insane for anyone — particularly other women — to have such contempt and hostility for “stay at home” mothers. Are we really so shallow? Are we really so confused? Are we really the first culture in the history of mankind to fail to grasp the glory and seriousness of motherhood? The pagans deified Maternity and turned it into a goddess. We’ve gone the other direction; we treat it like a disease or an obstacle.
The people who completely immerse themselves in the tiring, thankless, profoundly important job of raising children ought to be put on a pedestal. We ought to revere them and admire them like we admire rocket scientists and war heroes. These women are doing something beautiful and complicated and challenging and terrifying and painful and joyous and essential. Whatever they are doing, they ARE doing something, and our civilization DEPENDS on them doing it well. Who else can say such a thing? What other job carries with it such consequences?”
Read all of “You’re a Stay-at-Home Mom? What Do You DO All Day?”
12 comments
Thank you for the great link. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the article. But what about stay at home WIVES? That is one article I can never seem to find. What about those women who are younger, with no children (not for want of trying), and believe the Titus 2 mandate to be keepers at home? When people find out I am a homemaker with no children, it almost always leaves them speechless. Even in our church! When I add that I do the bookkeeping for our business, THEN they smile and nod in approval. As if being a “bookkeeper” somehow makes me more “productive”. Truth is, the bookkeeping only takes maybe an hour a day to do. Almost always though, I am made to feel like I need to give a laundry list of all I do daily to validate my job as a homemaker.
Lovey,
You make a very good point and I agree, there is far too little encouragement for wives. One thing that isn’t regarded or encouraged is how much ministry there is for a wife who is waiting on children. Not that she doesn’t have a lot to do at home, but she has a little more energy and time to put towards her neighbors, church members or other moms who need a hand. It’s an important part of how the Body would operate so much more smoothly if women were available to lend a hand to those around her in need. Can I just say, I’m proud of you for being devoted to your home and husband and the needs around you.
Dear Kelly,
I’ve never commented but have read your blog for a long time but I wanted to take the time to thank you for your bravery to write the truth. I’m not married but believe that it is Biblically wrong to be in control of how many children I may have one day (Lord willing) And for the fact I’m not going to college (only working to survive) I hear a lot of negative feedback. Reading your blog is an encouragement to me to keep obeying the Truth.
Thank you so much, Rebakah. Keep your eyes on the One by whom you are called.
Thanks for the link. He makes lots of good points. I’m just guessing here but it seems many of the women who wonder what stay at home moms do all day are in denial. I have met more moms that work and acknowledge they don’t want to stay home than those who think they would be bored. Some relatives have shared that they feel their babysitter does a better job all day than they would and others who have said it is just too hard. I really think most of them know it is hard.
Forgive this analogy as it is a bit stronger than I would like but I think it is appropriate. Women that choose to work remind me of the prisoner who would rather be in prison than be free or the mentally ill who would rather be in an institution than free. I met many in the second category and couldn’t fathom it at first. But I realized making daily good, healthy choices is just too hard for some people. Those people know that and choose to be imprisoned instead.
It is freeing being at home and I have a lot more choice and flexibility and I think many women realize this and can acknowledge it is harder to make the right daily choices than to be forced to. (not saying that from my own perfection of course as I still make poor choices all the time, like staying up too late last night!). There is a liberty in staying at home and not having a boss over my shoulder that in all actuality, I think many women are afraid of and recognize that with liberty comes opportunity to make choices. I have to choose how to respond to my children, how to prioritize my day, how to show love and mercy ALL day long. This IS hard. But, it seems easier to some women to go to work, be told what to do, when to clock in, etc… Sorry so long, I like your blog because it makes me think
I agree, Shannon, having been on both sides, I’m SO much freer here. I always felt enslaved by someone else’s schedule and requests before.
Amen to that!
Wow! I loved this! I so love when someone can put into words what my heart is bursting to say and doesn’t have the talent to express properly! I love the whole “just” idea he talked about. Very encouraging! I want to print off ALL of these profoundly good articles and carry them in a notebook that I can just whip out anytime, anywhere and say, “Here, read this and then we’ll talk.” Thanks for churning them out, Kelly. You are a light in the darkness more than you know.
It seems to me that when people criticize a decision you make, they’re not actually talking about your decision, they’re actually seeking to affirm their own decision. I believe this is called “confirmation bias.” People like information that affirms what they already believe. I wonder if the people who are most critical are actually not at all confident in their decision, but they made it and will defend it to the death.
He has a lot of good points. I could have done without the cuss word right from the first paragraph, though. He’s quite a capable writer, and able to drive home a message without resorting to language like that for emphasis, or whatever reason he uses it.
Anyway, this was good: “I shouldn’t need to explain why it’s insane for anyone — particularly other women — to have such contempt and hostility for “stay at home” mothers.
That “stay at home” part in quotations really stood out to me. I’ve said it before: I don’t particularly care for the words “stay at home” to describe women who don’t work for pay outside the home. “Stay” sounds so passive, like we’re not doing anything, whereas “working”, as in “working moms” implies activity meant to benefit others. I think all of us so-called SAHMs should start a revolution and refuse to call ourselves SAHMs, but replace it with “work-from-home moms”, including those who are not actually earning an income, because that is what we all do (or the vast majority of us normally-functioning moms at home do) — we work! I know semantics alone won’t change people’s attitudes, but it’s a start, I believe!
This was my favorite line, I think: “These women are doing something beautiful and complicated and challenging and terrifying and painful and joyous and essential.” Yes! That is so inspirational and motivating.
Thanks much for sharing this, Kelly. 🙂
One thing I should point out about my rant on his use of the “d” word: I hope it didn’t sound like I was chastising you, Kelly, for linking to an article containing profanity. My beef is with the use of what really is a theological term, and a serious one at that, used in such a flippant, non-theological way. But you can’t control what anyone else says or writes. I was merely taking a stand against its profane (and all too prevalent) use by people who otherwise seem to uphold Christian values. It was not a statement against you and your choice to link to the article, which was mostly quite good, and obviously relevant to many of your readers.
Thought I’d better clarify that.
I really agree with Annie D, sometimes people who has a ‘lot’ to point out about whatever it is that we strongly decided on are those who are defending the decisions they made to convince themselves that they made the right choice.