Home Uncategorized Hospitality: What, Why, When and How

Hospitality: What, Why, When and How

by Kelly Crawford

Hospitality: kindness in welcoming strangers or guests; generous reception of guests; taking care of the needs of others

“Contribute to the needs of the saints and be given to hospitality.”  Romans 12:13

It’s a command and yet Christians often neglect true hospitality. We confuse it with entertainment and the thought of entertaining paralyzes us.  Practicing hospitality has nothing to do with entertaining.

But why is hospitality a command in the first place?  Understanding what it is helps us understand why it’s so important.

Hospitality seeks to:

  • Relieve
  • Encourage
  • Bond
  • Build relationships
  • Serve

Hospitality is not limited to having guests over for a meal.  Hospitality may also mean generously providing care and kindness to whomever is in need.  It may very well mean taking a meal, sharing financially with someone in need, giving one’s material possessions to meet another’s need or even sending a card or making a phone call.

And lest we think it optional, hospitality is really the core of the Christian life, and neglecting to care for others in this basic sense is regarded in Scripture as the very neglect of Christ Himself, and will result in eternal damnation!

“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels….I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ ” Matthew 25:41-45

AND WATCH THIS:  based on these definitions, hospitality is merely an extension of what we should already be doing within our families.  Perhaps hospitality is so neglected a practice because we are not learning to serve one another–to live out Christ’s example first among each other at home.

Because relationships are the key element in discipleship, and because discipleship is the Great Commission command, I submit that hospitality is the venue through which the gospel is best shared, through which Love is best shown, and through which discipleship and mentoring are best accomplished. Sharing our lives and our homes is one of the greatest opportunities available to us to further the Kingdom, both as we serve and minister to others and also as serving changes us.

The spiritual implications of hospitality should compel us to seek out the practical methods by which we can make it a regular part of our lives.

My first thought about hospitality is that some people just seem naturally more gifted in this area and yet we are all called to practice it.  Which means some of us will have to study and prepare a bit more than others.

I also think the most important consideration as you ponder hospitality, is your season of life.  It may be a busy season with lots of little ones.  It may be a financially difficult season.  It very well could be both.  Adjusting your own expectations to fit the needs of the season you’re in will make a tremendous difference in your ability to practice hospitality.

My season is a busy one with little extra income, so my approach may be different than yours.

The next post will suggest some practical ways to reduce the stress of practicing hospitality!

“The standard of the world, and the standard of the Lord Jesus, are indeed widely different. They are more than different. They are flatly contradictory one to the other. Among the children of this world, he is thought the greatest man who has most land, most money, most servants, most rank, and most earthly power. Among the children of God, he is reckoned the greatest who does most to promote the spiritual and temporal happiness of his fellow-creatures. True greatness consists not in receiving, but in giving – not in selfish absorption of good things, but in imparting good to others – not in being served, but in serving – not in sitting still and being ministered to, but in going about and ministering to others.”

~ J.C. Ryle

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23 comments

John @ apauper.com June 29, 2010 - 4:40 pm

What a great reminder. I am looking forward to your practical tips for application.

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Ann June 29, 2010 - 5:54 pm

You might enjoy the poem ( somewhat humorous but with the intention of encouraging Christians to ‘be given to hospitality’) I wrote and included in a post I wrote about ‘The Hospitable Family’. It echoes many of the sentiments you have expressed here. Type in ‘The Hospitable Family’ in my search box as I have a number of posts about hospitality and families. It is a subject I am passionate about and I look forward to your posts, especially as I am in a similar season of life but can still offer hospitality because every member of my family is involved in preparing for and welcoming guests – even the baby! (He always has a smile for visitors!)

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Linda June 29, 2010 - 5:58 pm

Our ladies retreat is going to be having a class on hospitality this fall. So many need the reminder that hospitality is not all about entertainment and it doesn’t necessarily have to be expensive. Thank you for addressing this issue.

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Ginger June 29, 2010 - 6:14 pm

I love to entertain, but the other areas of hospitality do not come as naturally. Very convicting.
“I submit that hospitality is the venue through which the gospel is best shared, through which Love is best shown, and through which discipleship and mentoring are best accomplished.”
Are you saying that hospitality is the best way to share the gospel? or that we have the greatest opportunities to share the gospel when we are hospitable. One favors “relationship evangelism”- a Christianese word meaning: I sure hope they can see Jesus in me because I don’t have the guts to tell them about Him.
We can and should show people the love of Christ in our actions, AND we are called to preach the gospel (with words).

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kris June 29, 2010 - 8:18 pm

I didn’t know there was a term for I don’t have the guts to tell them about Jesus.
I would rather you walk it than talk it.
I was saved because he loves me and died for me.ACTION WORDS.

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Ginger June 29, 2010 - 9:17 pm

I understand that it may be a preference, but God commands that we preach the gospel 24 times in scripture. We are all saved because Jesus loved and died for us, but how did you know that? Someone told you. Someone had to have shared the gospel with you (even if it was the Bible alone) since you didn’t actually see Jesus die on the cross for you. 🙂
I am one who used to say I evangelized through relationship. It was a lame excuse I gave for not sharing my faith. I was wrong.

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Word Warrior June 29, 2010 - 9:39 pm

Ginger,

Yes, I was implying that the venue of hospitality invites a relationship that is naturally more receptive to hearing the gospel, both in “the walk and the talk”.

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Sara June 30, 2010 - 2:13 pm

I guess I don’t know the exact definition of relationship evangelism, but I do know that the only people I’ve ever led to Christ were people that were/became my friends first.
I didn’t hang out with them solely to convert them (I think people suspect and resent an agenda), I would’ve been their friend regardless.
I did share the gospel with them, but naturally as it came up, not by inserting it in at every other word.
So if this is “relationship evangelism” then based on my experience, it definitely works!

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kris June 29, 2010 - 8:13 pm

opp

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wannabegodly June 29, 2010 - 9:05 pm

This time of year is actually our family’s best time for hospitality since we have a rather small home and most the people we know have large families. But we do have a large yard & love to have people over for informal picnics & volleyball. I have to admit that I’m not so good at inviting over unbelievers, often because I’m not sure how to handle their misbehaving, disrespectful children. Any ideas?

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Mrs. Lady Sofia June 29, 2010 - 9:07 pm

Kelly,

This is off-topic, but I wanted to inform you that I just sent you an email. I think and hope that you will be blessed by it. 🙂

~Mrs. Lady Sofia~

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kris June 29, 2010 - 10:47 pm

some one did tell me they preached and preached but I couldn’t see Jesus in them.Then my best friends mom took me in she is the most hospitable woman I know very shy and not out going but constantly doing for others.I wanted to be just like her.I new she read her bible nightly and would not let her daughters date unbaptized boys.I started reading my bible and chose to be baptized.After i was baptized I told her it was because of her example that I had learned to love God She told me, that is her prayer and hope that she would walk it so well that others would want it.

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liz June 29, 2010 - 10:55 pm

Glad to see other definitions of hospitality. I loathe to “have people over,” bc my house never feels clean enough or nice enough. But those other things, like helping people out, I am pretty good at.

I know some people who are very nice and loving people, but they don’t believe in God. It makes me very sad. They see it the same as how ancient Greeks believed in Zeus or whoever, they have told me. I have tried to witness to them but it is hard for me. I pray for them and also myself, that I can do a better job of evangelizing. They do so many good things; it makes me very sad that they don’t believe in God at all.

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Mrs. S June 30, 2010 - 5:50 pm

I used to feel like my house wasn’t clean enough ect to have people over but then my pastor told me that the gospel has set me free from having to worry about what other people think about me (pride). That really set me free in the area of hospitality and having an open home. Since things don’t have to be perfect (Jesus was for me!) then I have a lot more energy to cook (simple meals!) and happily welcome people in.

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Kelly L June 30, 2010 - 8:12 pm

I was the opposite, my house was always impeccable, meals like a restaurant, I was told. But one day, a lady visiting came across our homeschool room that was not perfect(because we had moved a bed downstairs so my dad could sleep when he and my mom stopped by after he had his hip replaced). She told me how happy she was to see I had a messy room because she always felt badly about herself when she visited. After that, I made sure it wasn’t perfect. I felt badly that my standards made others feel less about themselves. Our house is still in order, but not perfect, and people still love coming over. I guess the point is no one cares is your house isn’t the best ever, they care about hanging out with you. Just my 2cents, for whatever it is worth.

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Sara July 1, 2010 - 7:56 am

I’ve had the same experience! Our house was always perfect, four small kids and all. One day when I didn’t get around to laundry and had 8 loads piled up in the laundry room, a lady visiting was actually relieved to see the piled up laundry everywhere. Her comment was, “So you’re actually normal?”
We have people over constantly, and usually try to make it as informal as possible in order for everyone to feel comfortable (and also b/c when we have people over it usually means 8 or more kids total). Pizza, buffet style meals, everyone eating on the back porch, etc.
We really try to view our home as God’s, and not our own, along with all our possessions. I think God has really blessed us for this. There was a quote in Above Rubies once where Nancy Campbell says (paraphrase) “If you want a bigger home, open up the one you have currently.”
This has really been true for us. Sometimes it can be exhausting. We had three families over last week (dinner, dinner, play date) plus a Bible study that meets at our house every week but the sweet fellowship and friendships that develop are worth it.
It is a blessing to *us* to be able to minister and give in this area.

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Kelly L July 1, 2010 - 10:40 am

So true! We told God when He gave us this house that it was His and to use it how He wants. We currently have a missionary living with us for 2 months, have hosted many traveling people and have people for dinner all the time. You you realize you are being a hostess in God’s house it makes all the difference how you view things!

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LucyT June 29, 2010 - 11:55 pm

This is one of my greatest desires.I do tend to get intertaining and hospitality confused.Thank you for this post.

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Tawny June 30, 2010 - 12:08 am

Kelly,
This post came to me with near perfect timing! I was just thinking about and struggling with this subject!

I love to entertain and help. But I don’t do it well. Mostly because I was doing it with a me attitude instead of a servant’s heart!

This is a very practical and convicting topic!

Just a few years ago, most people took meals or offered help to the elderly, the widowed, the new mom, the sick, the grieving, whom ever needed help. Today its rare to see even church members visit those in need. One of the kindest and most thoughtful gestures is also one of the easiest and cheapest! A heart felt card or call and lots of prayers!

Hospitality is so easy! And caring comes naturally to women!

Thanks Kelly!

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Kelly L June 30, 2010 - 11:56 am

Great post! I learned to be more hospitable from my hubby. He never lets people’s glasses be empty, always filling them. Always serving more food, more something… It really does bless people more than “make yourself at home” because the truth is, they are usually not going to go through your stuff to get what they want. They are blessed to be served in love.

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Kelly June 30, 2010 - 4:51 pm

Kelly, Thank you for sharing your heart. This was a very nice read. I particularly like this line: “Perhaps hospitality is so neglected a practice because we are not learning to serve one another–to live out Christ’s example first among each other at home.” We have been teaching our four children this for several years. If we can’t love one another at home, how will we be able to love others outside of the home? If we can’t be kind and considerate at home, how will we be able to do so outside the home…without being phony? And so on. We have taught this to the point that I am so very proud of my 14yo daughter who wrote a piece on this very thing. It’s a small article, but she did a good job and it came from her heart…and she so desires this for all young people! Again, thank you for sharing your heart…and I completely concur. God bless you! Kelly Y.

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Kim M June 30, 2010 - 6:46 pm

One of my favorite subjects …. I am still clay and the Lord is still molding me in this area of my life. I have a lot of fears when it comes to actually inviting others over (will they see the imperfections? what will we talk about? what will I feed them?).

I asked the Lord to help me. After that, there was a period of several weeks where the visiting was constant. I didn’t even have time to be afraid. Praise the Lord when He actually MAKES us get over these things! The fellowship was sweet and others were blessed (especially that other mom who has been afraid to have someone over to her house. She saw that we were normal too. 🙂

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jill farris July 1, 2010 - 8:26 am

Hospitality, for our family, has to be a commitment.We have literally walked over to the calendar and marked on it that we would commit to having people over once a week (this has been the average but there have been seasons of once a month).

Hospitality can be as simple as popcorn and iced tea. It can be a huge meal….but the real point of is to have an open heart and to be willing to get outside of ourselves; our own schedule, our own family, our own interests, and be OTHER centered.

***Hospitality is a wonderful way to bind your family closer together and to keep your teens happy at home! Children love knowing that their home is a welcoming home! Even if we invite elderly people over (with no children) I teach my children how important they are in making the Gramma feel welcome and loved and blessed in our home. They need to know that a loving visit in our home can transform the lives of others and that they can have a part in that.

Jill F.

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