This is likely the most important post in our HOME series. As I listened to my husband read Charles Spurgeon’s devotion, these words flooded my heart and mind with the essence of what home is and why its neglect is so detrimental to all of us:
“Covetousness, discontent, and murmuring are as natural to man as thorns are to the soil. We need not sow thistles and brambles; they come up naturally enough, because they are indigenous to earth: and so, we need not teach men to complain; they complain fast enough without any education. But the precious things of the earth must be cultivated. If we would have wheat, we must plough and sow; if we want flowers, there must be the garden, and all the gardener’s care.”
We must be able to see past today, and see that the most important thing we do in the home is GROW people for tomorrow. But if it’s not deliberate and intentional and constant and continuous, then the people who grow there will default to their natural vices–weeds and sinfulness, and all that is inherent to man.
Cultivating people with the virtues we deem important and useful and good for society (and the Kingdom of God) requires that someone be devoted to the deliberate work.
We’ve been carefully brainwashed from years of feminist dogma, to believe that anyone can do the “menial” work of caring for little people, and in fact, should, so that we can do something more important. They made us focus on the diapers and potty training so we we wouldn’t see the soul-work, the intense, life-growing efforts that go alongside the physical tasks.
So we bought it, and we’ve let someone else do the physical work of raising our children, forgetting that those people aren’t willing or able to do the daily weeding out of vices, and nurturing, cultivating and growing the graces and virtues that make men and women noble, true and pure.
And that’s not all…marriages default to weeds, relationships default to weeds, our own spiritual natures will default if there isn’t a careful, constant effort…the deliberate growing at home of marriages, families, and people who reflect God’s grace, not the neglected garden of the sluggard.
Neglected homes yield brambles and thorns. We desperately need fruitfulness that comes from careful, faithful labor. God help us to see how menial all our other tasks are in comparison to growing home.
Part 1: Hope For Society Lies in Finding the Real Meaning of Home
Part 2: The True Meaning of Home Lies in Our True Identity
Part 3: The Center of Agriculture (Or Close)
Part 4: The Center of Economic Affairs
Part 5: The Center of Education
Part 6: Home, The Center of Making Disciples
27 comments
This series has been wonderful, Kelly! And this post tops them all. Thanks for standing strong and tall! May the Lord bless your efforts and give you wisdom as you continue to encourage Mommas!
Thank you so much, Kate!
Wow! All of the points are so true! Going to be even more deliberate sowing and cultivating.
Thank you so much for this awesome series, Kelly. I’ve just been soaking it all in…nourishing, soul food, which is rare to find.
Thank you again for this series. I was talking to a mom just today who had been a stay at home mom for a couple of years to her child but just began working recently thought she has said she doesn’t need to for financial reasons. We were talking today and I asked her if she liked working. She said she does because when she stayed at home she felt like she was in prison. Now she works 12 hour shifts and has “friends” which she says she’s always wanted though I don’t know when she even has time to see them. Home is the opposite of prison for me! I have so much liberty in my day, in raising our children, in homemaking, Godly work, etc…I was just sad when she said that and didn’t even know how to respond. Sorry for the lengthy comment, it’s just been on my mind since she said it.
Hi Shannon,
This is more than a day late and a dollar short, but I’ll chime in anyway. This woman’s viewpoints are unsettling to committed SAHM’s, but there may be another side to her story. Everyone I’ve known who has worked 12-hour shifts has done no more than 3 shifts in a row (36 hours, considered full-time employment), but the upside is that then there are four days in a row to be at home with the children. Dad may also be around in the evening to help cook dinner, give baths, etc., and the time with a sitter can be minimized considerably.
Not what most readers here would consider ideal, but not as bad as it may seem at first blush.
Hoping not to open a can of worms, to which I don’t have time to respond; nonetheless, I feel compelled to say it…
One of the very troubling developments that has come from women (and men) losing the vision for a woman’s high calling within the home has been the dawn of women being eligible to serve in combat.
In addition to this, now Rep. Charles Rangel of New York plans to introduce legislation reinstating the draft, and has said that since women can now serve in combat, they should also register for the Selective Service.
Rep. Charles Rangel (D-N.Y.) on Friday said he plans to introduce legislation that would bring back the military draft and extend it to women for the first time.
Rangel, who has pushed for years to bring back the draft, said the Pentagon’s decision to allow women to serve in combat means that they too should register for the Selective Service.
“Now that women can serve in combat they should register for the Selective Service alongside their male counterparts,” Rangel said in a statement. “Reinstating the draft and requiring women to register for the Selective Service would compel the American public to have a stake in the wars we fight as a nation…”
Rangel’s legislation would require those between the ages of 18 and 25 to perform two years of national service in either the armed services or in civilian life, while the All American Selective Service Act would force women to enroll in the Selective Service System.
http://thehill.com/video/house/283387-rangel-to-introduce-legislation-to-reinstating-the-draft-
A female acquaintance of mine stated recently that if the draft is reinstated, then everyone of eligible age (men and women) should sign up. “That’s equal treatment,” she said.
We’ve come a long way, baby. 🙁
And we’ve gotten so far from our natural, God-given roles. Women as loving keepers of our homes and nurturers of the next generation. Men as our protectors and defenders.
When men say, in effect, “You women should help protect and defend this country”, and when women affirm that notion in the name of “equal treatment”…well, all I can say is, we are really losing our vision for a woman’s role in the home and how her diligence on the home front benefits society.
I am thankful for the men and women who boldly proclaim this beautiful, God-given design for the home and the purposes and relationships therein, and especially so for those who LIVE it.
Excellent series, and I agree that this is a most important post. And now, back to my family 🙂
Agreed!
Wow! That is really sad. We have come a long way. Or slid, down that slippery slope of deceit. 🙁
6 arrows–yes the draft thing is what really got me about that whole women-in-combat mess. To think of watching my girls be drafted is a picture I see over my dead body.
Oh Kelly! This is something that is so hard to learn the “hard” way! And I think the thing that makes it hard is coming face to face with the reality that I own a lot of the sins/habits that my children show…and that I am not a good example for them! And due to the sinful nature of both mother and children, you can get nearly drowned under the combination of exhausting work and sinful children if you have no vision…I really think that is why the feminist movement took off so well many years ago is fact that our hearts ARE sinful, and we began to realize that our sinful hearts aligned with their faulty precepts, but had no understanding of God’s reality to back up the home position…And unfortunately, the way the homemaker does things today WILL have to alter a bit…because in past years, when many many women were farm wives, there was more freedom for her to truly be a helpmeet, in a way that used her gifts and talents!(like Almanzo Wilder’s mother) But it is true that the mother of a few children in a suburban environment will have to see things differently and deal with the home differently…I understand this…I am a human being and need to think, and engage…and in the years when the babies are small, it CAN get repetitive and monotonous…that’s why understanding things long term is SOOOO crucial…
“We’ve been carefully brainwashed from years of feminist dogma, to believe that anyone can do the “menial” work of caring for little people, and in fact, should, so that we can do something more important. They made us focus on the diapers and potty training so we we wouldn’t see the soul-work, the intense, life-growing efforts that go alongside the physical tasks.”
yes! that’s all people can think about when they see kids- diapers,messes,and noise. It’s always amusing to me when I hear that from single people with dogs. They treat their dogs like kids, and then they think kids are too much work. I’ve had dogs before, dogs are a LOT of work. I also want to say to them ” are you that weak of a person that a few dirty diapers scares you?” It’s silliness. Great post 🙂
Natasha–your comment reminds me of something that happened just a few months ago (I don’t *think*) I’ve told this story.
A lady came to interview our family for this local magazine article. She already knew we had a large family but she asked, “so how many children live here?” I answered. She said, “And how many are adopted?”
I told her none. She leaned forward, in front of my children, and dramatically asked, “What the h*ll is WRONG with you?!”
Later, after I found my composure, she was talking about her family and I asked her how many children she had. She said “none”.
I said, “Oh, I’m so sorry.”
And she said, “Oh, don’t be…it’s by choice. We have 7 dogs.”
It was difficult for me not to ask her what she had just asked me 😉
I’m with you…if I’m going to spend my life cleaning up after something, it’s not going to be creatures who never stop drooling and aren’t able to take care of me when I need it 😉
*chuckling*
Kelly, I chuckled also at the remarks about the dogs also and I commend you for not throwing her out of you’re house when she made that comment.
A couple of years ago..My father and youngest daughter(she was 19 at the time)..were having a discussion about the Lord and he got up in her face and with complete seething sarcasm in his voice said ..”You are so narrow minded”. I had this vision of grabbing him by the scruff of his shirt and throwing him out the door! It will be forever etched in my memory but amazingly she doesn’t remember it!
They may never remember it….
The Weeds comments..Oh-So Very True!! Last week was a tough week..
Found out that my former roomie before I got married..Her husband of 25 yrs..has been having an online affair.My heart just breaks for her!
We have just recently reconnected and although our lives have been different over the years, we have been talking and sharing stories and lives. She told me that she “NEVER” worried about her husband because she knew he really loved her!
I share all of this to say…These are some of the things she shared with me..
She’s been really busy with work.Working 40-50 hours per week.One of her kids has been going thru a crisis and she’s spend alot of time with her.A young teen daughter over a boyfriend issue!
He told her when she found out that He’s been lonely!
I’m pretty sure they don’t attend church on a regular basis.One of her favorite sources of comfort has been a comment from a rockstars wife.Yep.
She say’s it’s over.Completely. I’m thinking 25 yrs.of marraige down the tube.I’ve been praying not.Yes..I’m praying for her and her family.I’m trying to encourage her to not give up.How do you explain that to someone who has not been walking with the Lord?
My husband and I were just having this discussion a couple weeks ago about not drifting apart.We’ve been married 30 yrs!! He is a Strong Christian Man!!
None of us are immune! That’s why we need to stay close to the Lord and cultivate our families..Thanks for the series Kelly!!
Oh my…this is heart breaking and you’re right; none are immune. Deliberate, deliberate.
Have they seen Fireproof?
Kelly, I hadn’t even thought of it until you mentioned it.Thanks for that reminder. I brought it up to my husband and we have decided that we will suggest it to him but it will be my husband who suggests it.We have not met him personally.
So here is my prayer for we don’t know exactly where he stands..That he will watch the movie and the message will penetrate his heart and the Lord will truly give him the desire to reconcile with his wife.That he will be open to my husband talking to him. He knows his wife and I are former room-mates.That he will realize that he needs the Lord.(Don’t we all)!
Shortly after the movie came out on dvd..my Dad was down and my kids asked him to watch the movie with us all. I’m thinking..Oh no..this may be a little tough for him as he has been married three times and is presently not married and doesn’t think he was responsible for failed marraiges. So we all watched it..At the end of the movie..He looks at me and says..And the Moral of the Story is..”Listen to you’re Dad”. Remember..the end of the movie where the father and son were walking and talking and the son had done the Love Dare because the Dad gave it to him…THAT is what he honestly got out of it and that was it.
Also, if he feels comfortable enough to write or talk to my husband and that we can share the truth of the Gospel with him! Thanks!!
I will pray for just that. God is in the business of miraculous healing and reconciliation.
I’ll pray for the couple too, Keri.
That is so sad, Keri. And it happens with Christians, too (as you say, none are immune). A woman in our church — ACTIVE in our church, there every week and taking positions of leadership — divorced her first husband because she “found someone better”. That was it.
Your friend’s husband meeting someone else online is a warning to all of us about how careful we must be with associating with members of the opposite sex online. Social media and other forums where there are opportunities for mixed-gender interactions need to be conducted very carefully. It can be very easy, when we women learn bits and pieces about other men’s lives, to compare them to our husbands, thinking “I wish my husband would say or do that”, etc. Discontent can slowly seep into our real-life relationships when we see only a limited (and sometimes rosy) view of an online acquaintance and compare it with the full knowledge (warts and all) of those with whom we share life face to face.
It is very sobering how satan works to divert us from nurturing and investing much time with our husbands and children. He tries to make the grass look greener on the other side of the screen. 🙁
This is getting a little off the topic, but one other thing I thought of, Keri, when you mentioned your friend working 40-50 hours per week (I’m assuming outside the home) is that those of us who stay home and work from there need to guard against “leaving” the home, emotionally, via frequent online interactions and the like. (I’m not pointing any fingers at anyone here, but am speaking for myself, and it’s the reason I decided this month to back off from a lot of internet commenting.)
The online world can be sort of like a “workplace” we moms at home escape to, to get our “fix” for adult conversation, and pats on the back, and other positive strokes from people “out there”. Another deception of satan that we think we need and are entitled to all those things. And yes, our own husbands and children can also get lonely when we women are at home, but are absent at the same time.
Anyway, that has been on my mind a lot lately, and I’ll quit talking now and hopefully start practicing what I preach…
Thank you 6arrows for this wise advice of being aware about “leaving” our homes, although we are there in body. As a young wife and mother I find that it is very easy for me to compare myself to all these women writing blogs and posting yummy recipes and projects completed, lessons taught to their house full of homeschooled, perfectly dressed children, yadda, yadda, yadda….and I’m over here, 35+ weeks pregnant, unable to currently walk without terrible pain due to my bad back, trying to care for my four littles, wishing my husband didn’t have to work so much, and just kinda feeling like wow, I’m just awful at this!! When, in reality, I know blogs only how a iny not of these people’s life’s, and only what they want to be seen of it. Anyway, I’m rambling, but yes, I think it can be a deception of Satan…thinking the grass is greener, or everyone else is perfect, or on and on….
*show a tiny bit… That’s what I intended to type.
Thank you, Charity. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my 50 years, and still have a lot to learn. Any wisdom you see in my words is the wisdom that comes from God above, and nothing else.
LOVED this…especially this quote:
“We’ve been carefully brainwashed from years of feminist dogma, to believe that anyone can do the “menial” work of caring for little people, and in fact, should, so that we can do something more important. They made us focus on the diapers and potty training so we we wouldn’t see the soul-work, the intense, life-growing efforts that go alongside the physical tasks.”
Thank you for the reminder of the importance of being deliberate in motherhood and having a selfless and eternal view rather than a selfish and temporal one!
Very pleased with your skills you have the great ability to write about anything I’ve read many of your posts! Keep it up my friend.